please help

1Cathi

Sweet Dreams Sue- if you can't jump the wall in one bound, take it down just a brick at a time -either way the job gets done.



XOXOXOXOXOX

Anonymous

I've probably missed you, Sue, but in case you check in before sleepy time, one suggestion. I've found that if I take a few moments as I am relaxing into sleep to decide what I want to dream about and see it clearly in my mind, it usually happens. Even if the specifics don't play out, the mood of dreams that night follow my plan. It's amazing.

I'm sorry you're doing another roller coaster in space number. I know how deeply you are affected and how terrified and hopeless it feels. I just finished a couple of weeks where I had to claw through despair and temptation to give up just to make the decision to stick around. It always comes down to how much I am loved. How can you bail out on so much love?

You asked for a group hug...

How 'bout a group giggle?

From one who loves you very much and wills you to live, and live well...

Judie

NancyD

Sue, it's this scummy disease, this bootface, that has you in its grip — but only in your mind. I know you can and will shake it loose. It's not taking you any time soon.  You still have to come to NYC!

I'm almost halfway through my rads! I'm on Arimidex which will make me feel like an old, old lady (if I believe the stories told on the Hormone board). But I'm not thinking this bootface will take me away any time soon. I, too, have children to finish raising (22 year old males are still children in my family, LOL, although 17 year old girls are women already).

I "tolerate" work to pay my bills, but there's so much I'd rather be doing. It's sad that we can't just go off and do those things that have more meaning to us, but it's part of being in the normal world. Don't worry yourself into an abnormal world. Sleep well. I hope the bricks on you life are lifted and the morning finds you more light hearted.

Anonymous

Welcome Roderadio and 1Cathi! Your bring much to this discussion.

Well said, Nancy. I agree about "children." My 19-year-old baby boy still needs me.

It looks like we're morphing into a PTSD club. Val, grab UB by the whiskers (wherever you find them) and drag him to treatment! Hear that UB? You are loved here too, big guy.

Sheila, every time I see your avatar I get a big smile across my face. No wonder you and your mom were chosen for the calenday...you just radiate!

Lisa, such wisdom you have under that youthful exterior!

Karen, you to bring depth and insight to us all...even through your current sadness.

Kalone, what a beautiful picture...so appropriate.

Jane, Shirlann, AnneW, Mel, Karen, Ulla, Fumi, Wren, Jule, time to check in!

Judie

my3girls

Nancy....I agree...I wish we could just take off and live life having fun...without work..but..that would not be "normal" at least not for most of us. Ahhhhhh...we can dream though right? When I was feeling down the other night...that is what I kept saying to myself..God can't take me...my kids still need me!! Even though the two oldest are 24 and almost 21! They still need Mom!

Judie..thanks for saying I have wisdom...haha...sometimes I don't feel that way. But...I will take that compliment! Thank you for the giggles above...too cute...premium...first born! Isn't that about the truth anymore!

Well...where is our Fumi????? Pls stop in and post...we need to know you are ok..and having fun!

Love to all...Mel..(can't wait for Sunday), Ulla, Val, UB, Sue, Anne, Karen, Wren, Jule..and everyone else!

Going to get out of my work clothes...and relax with my Oliver!!

xoxo

Lisa

1Cathi

Thank you so much for the welcome Judie - I have been a member for awhile, just haven't posted alot until the past few weeks, but I have read and read and so much I have learned from all of you wonderful ladies. 

Lisa I love your quote - sounds like something my mom would have said.  And yes I have found my prince charming -took a good long time, but I can't even imagine going through this with out him,  sure sometimes he just does not get all the emotions, but he is here and always willing to try and get them - what more can I really ask for.  When I first started coming to the boards he had to wonder if it was agood thing -thought maybe it might be TO SAD or depressing, he has sence learned how great a place I have  when he just does not know what to do or say to make me feel better on those down times.

LADIES I WISH YOU ALL A WONDERFUL EVENING AND SWEET DREAMS!!! xoxoxoxoxo

geebung

Just wanted to send my love to all my beautiful sisters and UB - and welcome to Cathi & Roderadio - so glad you have joined us (but I wish you didn't have to be here! - if you know what I mean.)

It's a very busy week. My friend is staying and my little Blossom (kitty) is recuperating from her hysterectomy (she is doing really well). The neighbours are suspicious and I am extremely stressed!

Sue - I am sending you lots and lots of love and hugs. The other ladies have given such great advice that I can't add anything. It certainly does sound like PTSD - no wonder! After your horrific year and then a scare with your scar. I too feel that it will be fine. The green gunk is surely a great indication that it was just an infection. Not fair that you have had to return to the operating theatre and remain conscious and aware - no surprise that you are having these terrible nightmares. I hope you can reprogram your brain to dream about something peaceful or a deep and dreamless sleep.

Fumi - pleeeeease check in. I hope you are having a fantastic time but I wish we knew you were ok.

I wish I could write to each of you individually - please know that I am thinking of each of you every day. Judie, Shirlann, AE & UB, Sheila, AnnW, Ulla, Mel, Kaloni, Nancy, Karen, Lisa, Jule, Wren and anybody I missed - big hugs!

Lots of love to you all,

Jane xoxoxo 

Wren

Welcome Roderadio and 1Cathi!

((((((Sue)))))) There is a big hug from me to you... And you know, I think it's normal to have some post traumatic stress. The other night I couldn't sleep and suddenly 'remembered' the PAIN I felt when I first woke up from my bilateral mastectomy. I just started to cry and cry and wished that I could forget it. Once I was done crying I was able to sleep... I guess they didn't give me enough amnesia meds or something because I can remember waaaay to much... I think sometimes the emotions can sneak up on us and for me, I just have to go with them whatever they are (anger, grief, etc)...

 Roderadio, I chose a bilateral mastectomy with 'immediate' reconstruction (expander placement) a year ago. Four surgeries later (and lots of pain) I have nice soft squishy breast mounds and no cancer. I don't think I had to wait longer than four weeks from initial discovery of 'calcifications' to the lumpectomy. I did wait about another six weeks until the mastectomy in order to coordinate with my breast surgeon, plastic surgeon, and family members who would be taking care of me afterwards. Get as much medical information as you can and then trust your gut. I'm thining of you.

I started my temporary job Tuesday--and I love being out in the school again. I miss having my own class but I am working with disabled students as an assistant and I really like it. I only work this job until November when I have my surgery and then I can decide what to do after that.

I've had to deal with lots of strange things here like coming home from work to find my bathroom flooeded due to a broken faucet valve--and many other of life's annoyances... and yes, I cried over that flood.... BUT I thought, at least I am alive to take care of it...   **PS... that is a LOT easier to say now that the mess is cleaned up, LOL... but it's very much how I feel... I still get upset over life's troubles, but it just doesn't last as long or seem as bad as before...

 For me, THAT is one of the gifts I got from having cancer and losing my breasts. 

Hugs to you all.

Anonymous

Well, dear sisters, I don't want to make you all jealous, but am just bursting and have to share. I've been accepted into the November 7-9 retreat at Harmony Hill. It's not as good as a hot new lover, but you have to take what comes along, eh?

Check it out at http://www.harmonyhill.org/ Do watch the video if you have time...it will bring happy tears. It's slow to load, and about 8 minutes in length, but worth it.

I came across information about this place quite by accident. It's just what I need and what I can afford. There are truly wonderful people out there. I wish you would all be there with me...wouldn't we have a blast?

Hugs to all,

Judie

sueps

Goodmorning Sisters xxx

I want to thankyou for all your posts and for puttin up with me whingin... thankyou for the group hug Judie xxx

Well it is a quick post as have to go get ready for that stupid mgment meetin , I want to let you know that for the first time in a few weeks I never dreamed last night... and woke up refreshed....I am so so cross with bootface ..... so I am going to try and shove the scum to the back of my head...or better still out of my head!!!!

Thankyou ladies ....I will be back later .....I wish I had a whole day off today ...the weather is lovely here...for once!!!

Much Love xxx 

sueps

Judie I am going to watch that vid tonight ....I am so happy for you....I love you xxx

geebung

Hi Sue - I'm so glad you didn't have bad dreams last night and hope for the same for you tonight. Also great that you are having some good weather - may it last until well into late autumn!

Judie - that's so wonderful that you have been accepted into that retreat - you deserve it! I will look the video soon.

 xxx

lvtwoqlt

Sue, I too am glad you didn't have any bad dreams last night. sorry I wasn't in the group hug before you went to bed. Sometimes I have crazy dreams that I am being chased by some unknown thing and I can't get away. When I have those dreams, I don't sleep well and am very cross the next day.

Judi, a gas station in this area used that same sign last week when gas shot up over a dollar in a 24 hour period. He said at first he put up a crazy high amount even though that is not what he sold gas for, just to keep people from hording gas, but his regular customers knew that he was joking with the higher prices on his sign. some stations in our area are still without gas because of the frenzied gas purchases last weekend when IKE was hitting Tx. Last Thursday night my hubby came by for a night and made me fill up (9 gal) before the prices jumped $1 the next morning. I still have half a tank but prices are still not down to what they were when I filled up last week.

Welcome to the newest members of our little help/support club. I can only look when I am at work and then I have to watch how often I check.

Sheila

1Cathi

Hi Sue and all,

Julie the video is awesome -your right happy tears.  What a wonderful thing.  My most wonderful and exciting news to share this week is "HOT FLASHES"  Oh my goodness I am truly beside myself and so happy to finally have them in some kind of control -  it sure is the small things in life that can make us happy -  I had been prescribed Efforex - but I was not comfortable with taking that long term,  I do exercise quite regular -but it just wasn't cutting it.  My hubby called our BR a hurricane tunnel (gosh he tolerates it all so well) even with the A/C, I had an overhead fan, a small fan at my head and a huge floor fan blowing directly on me - still a sweaty mutt,  and thank God I work from home, running around half naked was the norm, anyway to make a long story short (I am so happy and excited) I HATE MILK -Last glass I had was 26 years ago when pregnant - but read and read the benifits of Soy-  and started 2wks ago with 12 ounces daily  - AND YEAH!!! Oh they are not completely gone, but 85% better.

Sue I am so happy you slept dream free.  Thats one brick out of that wall.  I am posting this link for you (for anyone really) It is  one of my most favorite and inspiring songs,  the video is great too,  I hope you like it, just really reminds me  -I can do this and I don't have to do it alone.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvNSI4-PV8s

lvtwoqlt

Cathi glad you have found some relief from your hot flashes. After my 2nd biopsy for ADH in 18 months my dr put me on tamox and I was having the extreme hot flashes, unfortunately, I work at the front desk of the office and going to work half-naked was not an option. Fortunately my doctor took me off the tamox after my bilat mast because he said that there was minimal breast tissue left and the se's of the tamox outweighed the benefits of taking it. I still have some hot flashes but not as severe. I still have the personal fan on the shelf next to my desk to blow on my face if I get too warm. Our support group had a nutritionist at the meeting this week and she said that soy in food should not affect our pr+ but to avoid taking mega dose supplements. When my son was in the 5th grade he was dx with severe allergies to shrimp, peanuts, and soy so I actually had to rid my kitchen of soy products and I still find myself reading labels for no-soy, even though my son in 23 and not living at home. I may have to start eating a little bit more to try easing my 'vacations in Hawaii'

Sheila

Ka-Loni

Hi Sue Sweetie, Now you stop this. Let me tell you. I am a Triple Negative like you. In fact, We both have the same everything here, except, I am a stage 2, and had 0/5 nodes out. I am doing great! And, you will be too. You are not going to die. Never think this way. You gather yourself together and keep positive. You know, I think your going through Post-Traumatic. We all do this here and there. But, keep going. You know what? I learned alot of Patience, going through this Bootface Journey. The answer is," one day at a time," sweetie. I know it is hard, not to think about tomorrow, but, I am very right about this here. What means the most, is what happens now. What your going through right this moment. Today will be your tomorrow, sweetie. Bye.

God Bless,

Love,Kaloni  


Sue, I think you will feel better if you join a support group where you get treatment or go online. There is a online Support Group at www.Cancercare.org  Try it! Bye!

1Cathi

Hey Shelia,

I am not even on the Tamox anymore, it all began with that, but stopped taking it due to many other severe SE, but DR. said it just thew me into menopause, still have periods every now and then, he actually thought they would be regular again after the tamox was out of my system - but nope. The hotflashes were so bad over the past few months they seriously disrupted my life more than BC,  what to take what not to take is a hard decision sometimes, DR. S. Love highly recommends it,  I am careful with how much, just a 12oz glass a day, it took about 2 weeks to notice relief, but yeah.  The night sweats are still the worst - but they too have improved.  Of coarse living in Fla this time of year just ads fuel to the fire,  but oh well.

So keep your fan blowing Shelia, I know the feeling.  xoxoxoxoxoxo

Shirlann

Errr, iCathi, welcome honey, but I do need to tell you that some oncs do not recommend soy products of any kind, as they mimic estrogen.  Soooo, that is probably why you are better.  Go back to the Effexor, much safer, unless, of course, you are a triple negative.  

Sue, honey, I am so sorry you have to wait so long for answers, but I KNOW your "thingy" was just an infection, and YOU ARE TAKING YOUR VITAMINS, EVERY DAY????  heehee, mom's are like that! PS:  Bootface is GONE, he is, I swear to you.

I have news from Fumi.  Things did not work out right now with her dear man.  But they had a wonderful few days, and that part was wonderful.  She will be here with more info when she recovers from jet-lag.

Hugs to all of you, I have been fighting with me server, I got an e-mail from Nigeria telling me I had a big prize coming to me if I gave them my SS#, my mother's maiden name and my date of birth.  It took all day to get my server to change my e-mail address, so that is where I have been.

Gentle hugs, and tons of kisses. Shirlann

NancyD

What Shirlann, you change your email address every time you get some spam? That old Nigerian lottery scam has been around for years. I can't tell you the number of iterations I've gotten but it all comes down to one thing: they want your bank info but as long as you don't answer it, you're OK.  (You'd think they'd get smart and proofread or spell check their come-on letter. That's one way to tell they're not for real...there's always some error in spelling or syntax.)

Oh, how bad for Fumi that it didn't work out. I've had a few past relationships that ended on a trip. It's pretty hard when you have to hang around together for a few days after it's over between you and your ex. Ugh! I always just wanted to get as far away as possible, no matter who initiated the split. Fumi, if you're reading, don't stay away too long. Rest up and come on back!

Cathi, I too have heard that soy should be avoided if you are ER+. It's hard to do with all the commercial foods we eat these days. Soy is in just about everything. But I would check with your onc or a nutritionist that deals with bc patients about the soy milk. 

sueps

Hello Sisters xxx

Nancy lololol you made me laugh about the lottery scam and spelling mistakes HAHAHA...I have had loads of them...you are too right!! You would think they were pro s and get their spelling right ...hehehe  ....

Well Judie ...Harmony Hill is beautiful....you will have a wonderful retreat...I wish I was coming with you...xxx

Shirlann I am still taking your vitamins...every morning....with my coffee whilst Zippy has his special chocolate sauce which he screams for...its like a furball remedy...only you would think it was scrummy the way he eats it...xxx

Fumi please post when you are up to it...we all love you ...we all care and worry about you sister  xxxx  Sending you warm hugs xxx

 I love all of you xxx 

Shirlann

Hi Nancy, and sweet Sue, no, not every time, but I was getting TONS of crap. Yesterday morning I got 33 e-mails.  ARGHH, and not one was personal.  And yes, the Nigerian one was so bad, it said sort've, "We have great gift from you".  It was sooo bad.  I can't believe anyone would fall for such balogna, but I guess they still do.

So I had other reasons too.  I just couldn't understand why my server was so snotty?  What do they care?

Oh well, hugs to all you dear sisters, and keep thinking about our meeting, somewhere.

Shirlann

sueps

I do Shirlann ....its the meeting that keeps me going..the thought makes me warm and smiley....I want to exude my loving hugs and bound into your lives with laughter...I want you to know me in person HAHAHAHAH ..... YOU WILL NEVER FORGET ME ....you will be worn out by day 2...and then it will be Sue you have been evicted ...get back to the UK you nutter!!! lol...

Those nigerians obvioulsy dont have a spell checker LOLOLOL

the world is crazy!! 

sueps

Sweet Dreams Sisters .... you are all in my heart xxx

livesstrong

As usual you all are a chatty bunch. lol  Welcome 1Cathi!!  I love your insight.

Lisa, Nancy and anyone else who wants to meet in October - how does the 19th sound? What are we going to do???  i vote for sitting in a bar all day and getting smashed!!! hahahaha.  Seriously, let me know.

Fumi - come back!!!  We miss you!! I need help posting the picture you resized for me!!  What did that fellow do to you???  Come around so we can give you a group hug.

 Hope you are all having a nice evening and Suzy Q I hope you have more sweet dreams.

Hugs,

AE

NancyD

Oooo-oooo love your thinking, Val. Here's an idea: how does seafood sound (Val, Lisa, please don't say you are allergic). There's a great restaurant/bar in the W hotel in Times Square called Blue Fin. You can sit in the bar and watch all the comings and goings in TS. They also serve some of their great appetizers in the bar. I've made a meal of the seafood tower.

Other suggestions are the restaurants in Rockefeller Center, The Sea Grill or The Rock Center Cafe. They're down below street level with a view out onto the ice skating rink (which opens October 11th). I don't know if they have a real bar or just a service bar, but they are great locations for an afternoon–watch the skaters and stay warm!

Or we can walk around and find a nice cozy Irish pub (there is at least one every couple of blocks, it seems). 

The 19th is open for me. 

1Cathi

Hey Nancy & Shirlann funny thing about the Soy as with everything else I have come to realize DR.s don't agree, my surgeon said no, oncologist said yes????? Whats a girl to do.

I received my path reports today from 9/11,  and feeling just a bit frustrated today,  but it will pass.  I guess I was really not  told anything as it states for both lesions "furthur diagnostic studies indicated" UGH!!!!!!  Lateral lesion ADH and low grade DCIS,  Medial lesion a whole bunch of weird terms I have never heard (hypocellular and more???)  See the surgeon Tuesday, but no more studies for me,  I am finally ready to do bilat, I am done with sitting on the fence,  yes I have had 4 previous B9 results on the R breast, and likely this could be the same, but even with the B9's there is still so much question - is this stuff ADH, LCIS, DCIS, ALH,  precusors or not - guess it all depends on which web-site you are on.  I am an adult woman in charge of my life and it is time that I MAKE THE DECISIONS -I am no longer happy with "wait and see"

I always tell my hubby that I feel like there is a mad scientist in my boobs mixing up all these weird potions and waiting for them to blow up -  YUCK -  He's out a there  ASAP.

I wish you all a wonderful evening a great pleasure to call you friend. XOXOXOXOXO

honeygirl

Hi everyone. Just stopping in to let you know , I have been working overtime again. Which means getting up at 3:30am. So I am beat. I will come back tomorrow and post. Love to you all. Mel

roderadio

hello towhee, geebung, and wren...thanks for the welcome...i appreciate the perspective, wren...it will be top of mind as i undergo tomorrow's (rather later this morning) mri and then meet with the good doctors monday...i'm also now scheduled to meet 2 additional breast surgeons (women) for that 2nd opinion (so more like 2nd and 3rd)...i was leaning to a mast. til i read of a few other women's stories that involved recurrences after a mast...how terrifying...so, we'll see...i hope to make a decision by this time next week...will keep you ladies posted...may need your optimism and strength to stay convicted of whichever decision i make...arrrrrgh...regarding the soy debate...i used to LOVE extra tofu in my miso soup...but after my diagnosis, i would pore over organic/natural food and beauty product recommendations, research, blah, blah, blah...seeing enough articles from across the world convinced me to stay away from soy as much as i can help it because of it's estrogenic effects and it's "toxic" chemical components due to production...i know it seems to be in everything these days and not to scare anyone here...but, i'm a firm believer that it may not be just our own hormones causing cancer...environmental and food content factors play a role...so, we should all research what we eat, what we slather onto our skin, and what we wear (i'm trying to find attractive clothes in bamboo or organic cotton)...sounds like i've gone overboard?  i'm sure i have...just want to make whatever changes that will give me an edge...and, most importantly, decrease the chances of my 7 year old daughter from ever getting this sh**....on that note, i gotta turn in and get at least 3 hours of sleep before getting her off to school and me off to the mri (i HATE needles)...talk to ya'll later...

sueps

Morning Sisters xxx

Just wanted to pop in and wish you a wonderful day...I am going to work shortly ...WAAA !!

Nancy Val Lisa .... I WANT TO COME TO NEW YORK AND DO ALL THOSE THINGS...I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JEALOUS .... OMG I AM SO TEMPTED TO GET A PLANE TICKET .... ARGHHHHH TEMPTATION....Nancy all those ideas... heaven to me !!!

I wonder if I could... I am going to look into all this!!!#

It is so nice to see Cath and Roderadio here.... 2 more sisters for life!!! x x x

Well I must drag myself to get ready ....BBL

X X X X 

my3girls

Good morning sisters!

I am so sorry about our dear Fumi! Honey...we are here for you when you feel able to return to posting! We love you honey!

Val...I am open on the 19th. I can take the early morning flt. in, as long as it's open..which I am sure it will be. I will give details later. I love the idea of bar hoping or sitting in one all day! Nancy...sorry, I am not a seafood fan..but..I like the sounds of that place. I do eat shrimp..so I can munch on shrimp and beer, beer and shrimp...lol. Sounds like this is a plan!! Sue...come..check into it. I am sure you can stay with AE & UB...oh that would be wonderful!!

Cathi...sorry to hear about the further "studies". That is so aggrivating. It sounds like you have a plan, and are ready to take action. Good for you.

Shirlann...sorry about your virus's...my g/f is having the same problem with her pc.

Feeling a little under the weather the past 2 days. It seems to be going around here. Headache, upset tummy, neck ache...tired. I was off work yesterday...was supposed to get my tattoo..but the machine is down...I have to wait till November..:(..oh well..no biggie...anyhow came home tired, and slept for 3 hours!!! Still feel off. I am sure it will pass soon.

Going to get ready for work.  Miss Mel....I sent you a pm about Sunday....I hope we are still on...let me know.  You are working like a dog, you poor thing!! TTYS!

Have a wonderful day ladies...love to you all!

xoxo

Lisa

PS...Val...I am planning on going to NYC this Monday the 22nd...with some co-workers..hitting China town..for knock offs...and a little early x-mass shopping.  I hope I feel better by then.