please help

sueps

Hello Everyone xxx

I hope you are all OK as can be and having some peaceful relaxing moments xxx

Well sorry I haven't posted much for a while....this past week has been excruiating and gruelling. I can't fight the tiredness...I am dropping everywhere....and I have no skin in my mouth ...geez....this treatment will kill me ..lol....its supposed to make me better!!!

 Seriously though ..I miss you all when I am out of whack and think of you often... xxx

Well I am on my bed with Zippy...I just let him in...it is blowing a hurricane out there ...I opemed the back door and he blew in LOLOLOL...LOLOLOL....Zippy loves the wind...he has a mad one round the house... oh god I love my boy....he loves me up and I love him....xxx

Well I am worried bout Karyll....maybe she is still at her friends without an internet connection ?? hopefully it is something simple. We love you Karyll ...if there's anything we can do we will!!!

Lisa I am thinking of you ...and Monday approaching....this time next week you will feel better...how long will you be off line for..Will you be able to log on in the hospital xxx Everything will be fine...you're my inspiration and in a years time I will look up to you for recon xxx

Karen good luck tomorrow ...when will you get the results.... I will be thinking of you xxx

Hello every single one of you...I will go back and read in a min...my mind is so fragile...everything seeps out before it has sank in ...lol xxx

Well ...I got a text off Tom tonight...the sale probably wont go through as the landlords wont renew the lease...there is only 3 years left on it..... I am relieved but now I am stressed as come 3 years I will be out of a job lol...and in the meantime Tom plans to turn the screws as he suffers dire finances ... oh god... its a swings and roundabouts situation.....

 So I have to have a contingency plan... to get through treatment .... to have a hol...to stay healthy and to save like mad for 3 years ...lol....simple compared to this bootface fight I have happened upon !!!!

My dad phoned me today ,he has been partially in denial over me for four months...he has admitted to googling triple negative today... and accepting ...and worrying like mad.... bless him...we both had a good cry...what can you do but fight xxx

Much Love xxx   TO ALL OF YOU SISSYS XXX OOPPS THATS SISTERS... XXX

A IDOL IS ON DOWNSTAIRS...WAS IT GOOD...SHALL I GO OR SHALL I STAY LOL  xxx

sueps

Jane have a lovely day!!! I love you xxx I am just craving to go on a long train journey with no destination...to look out the window and clear my mind xxx I love trains xxx

Pearl .... hello  ...you have to join photobucket site ...upload your pics to there and then copy the link on to the tree icon thing on the posts here ...you cant really copy pics from your desktop....although I am sure I did it once...by clicking on properties...but photobucket is the way to go ...I hope youre Ok and having a nice day!! xxx

portiasproudmom

Hi Sue!  So good to hear from you.  I wish you were feeling better, sweetheart.  You are such a trooper.  It amazes me how you work through it all.  I'm praying that the results of your scan turn out to be nothing of concern.  Isn't it horrible to have these things to worry about--as if the damn bootface isn't enough!

Cheer up about the work thing.  It will all work out.  Just focus on your health and getting through your treatments.  Everything else will fall into place.

Bless your sweet father's heart!  It's so hard on them when their "babies" are ill.  My parents are definitely more upset about it all than I am.  Aren't we lucky to have such wonderful, caring parents?

Take care, sweetheart.  I love you!!

Hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

Hi Jane!  Thank you for always being so supportive.  You always make me feel so much better.

Love and hugs,

Karen

sueps

Hi Karen...xxx I am praying for you tomorrow too!!! Damn appointments...I will be thinking of you while I am at work xxx

We are so blessed with our parents...my dad has been my rock all my adult life...I think he feels he has to work even harder to support us emotionally to compensate losing our mum....he has given his all .... and I am so glad to have had someone as strong as him....however I have had to learn to back off these past few years as I would flounder without him...so teaching myself to be strong ...it has worked...I cant believe he is 69 this year he doesnt look like it...LIFE GOES TOO QUICK...!!! ....

I just caught a little American Idol....when Ryan was judging lol xxx

sueps

here is my dad earlier last year... bless him...just before we both found out about our illnesses... xxx  oh and his faithful lab Sam ..lol...dont know who those two bairns are though...they must belong to someone !! lol

portiasproudmom

What a sweet picture!  I can't IMAGINE who those kids belong to, but they sure are adorable.  Their mum must be so proud .

I'm off to take a little nap with Chase.  He won't sleep unless I lie down with him.  Oh well, I'm sure it won't hurt me to lie down for a bit.  I don't imagine I'll sleep with all the steroids they pumped into me yesterday.  Maybe I'll read Nordies at Noon.  I love it so far!  My SIL started reading it while I was getting my chemo yesterday.  She's going to go buy a copy for herself.

Love and hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

Oh, and Sam is adorable too.  What a loyal, devoted friend.  Look at the way he's looking at your dad!  I want a black lab when we move into a bigger place.

Hugs,

Karen

Ulla

hi beauties....

home alone,,,

reading ur all posts,,

thinking about all of u...

i need to satrt with karyll..i was thinking loads about u honey,, hoping that u r having good time in ur friends house,,,waiting to hear from u ,,,

my preciouse sue,,is with her prince zippy on bed,,,wowwwww

wish i have my own,,,sweety i was thinking about ur melt down in that hospital,,,i wish i was there for u ,,to hold u tight ,,make u feel better ,,,i know how ugly to wait,,,hopping that ur scans will come clean,,,i can feel u wen u talk about the taste,,,everything tasts so so ugly since my last chemo...it is stronger than all ths time,,,i feel so youkkkkyyyyyyyyy...

lisa..honey dont feel bad about ur ex...he was guilty,,,police did thier job,,,why u should feel bad about that,,,

focouse on urself ...take good care ..and keep in touch if u can,,,i do love u and ur words always make me think posative,,,next mondy u will be better ...

dear karen,,,happy for u to finish ur chemo but wat a poor girl with ur lung..

i hope it will come with nothing ,,,it is good that ur onk..is so cautious,,but i agree with u ,,waiting sucks,,,

mommy mia..i am happy that u r coping well with ur last rx,,hope u the best,,,

ae.i love ur words..u really make me feel better..

mel..ur words r so inspiring and spiritual...thanks for being here

sweet gb,,,wat can i say about ur supporting words ,,,

i know i know,,,i kept our dear preciouse shirlann for the lsat,,,

dear shirlann,,,i am addicted to ur words..no kiddin,,

u know exactly wat to be said in which time...ur words feels like breez wen i read them i feel a strong posative energy fill me ...

u make me feel good even wen i am sick,,and as long as i feel so desperate and hopless wen think about mets,,and recurrence and those ugly things,,i used to recall ur lovely pic from ur avater..and tell myself ,,,stop it,,,dear shrlann said that i can make it,,,I WILL MAKE IT..

DEAR ALL SISTERS ...DO U HAVE ANY IDEA HOWMUCH I DO LOVE U ALLLLLLL?????????

sueps

Ulla  xxxx You think exactly the way I do about EVERYTHING...and even seeing Shirlanns' face in my head when I get really worried !!! How amazing is that!!

ULLA DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE ALL LOVE YOU XXX

Your words make me smile... you're so kind and funny and clever xxx and I love the way you call your onc ... ONK ....lol....

I hope you are feeling lil better.... I wish there was a cure for the LE !!

xxx

my3girls

Hello dear sisters! I am finally back from running, well and out to lunch with a friend, all day.  I read all the posts, but I know I will forget something or someone, so I won't comment on all of them. I do want to say to Karen, if tomorrow is your day for your scan...I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers! Jane, Ulla, and all of you who commented on my feeling bad.  Thank you, I know I shouldn't, I just think its human nature.  At least with us women.  Mia, good to see you back, and glad to hear you are done with 5 tx's!! Yeah!! Sue, you run yourself ragged sweetie! Slow down, enjoy zippy and those 2 adorable boys of yours!  I know exactly how you feel about your Dad, my Dad is MY ROCK!! I don't know what I would do without him.  He is 81, doesn't look it either.  I think I posted a pic of us, form christmas.  Love him dearly.  Karen is right, we are all very fortunate to have such loving parents. Sheila..glad to see the insurance company finally wised up! OH...and 47..is not old!! Gotcha by a year! Val, love the happy dance! Well...I saw the PS today.  All went well!  The front of my body looks like a football game plan!! haha!! I don't know why he marked me so early?? I said, won't this come of by Monday?  He said, it may some, but I will remark it then.  I think, he wanted to see exactly what his game plan was.  Besides the markings..all went well.  When he lifted my boob to show me where it will be sitting when done...I said...wow..I don't think my girls were ever that perky!! YEAH!! New boobs..flat tummy!! WOOHOO! I will be in the hospital from Sunday night at Midnight until Wednesday.  He said, as long as I am doing well, I can go home on Wed.  And Sue...no...I won't be able to chat from the hospital.  I don't have a laptop.  I gave Mel, my cell #.  Hopefully I can chat with her, and she can update you all.  I also told Olivia, how to get to this site, and my password.  So I can maybe have her log on and let you guys know.  I hope that after 7 days, I can sit here and type a little bit!  I will have 4 drains! YUCK!! I hate those things.  I stopped at the 2nd hand store, dropped off some clothing, and bought 4 blouses, and a button down sweater.  I bought a larger size than what I wear, so they can hide the drains.  She had a check for me for $14.75, and my total was only 17. 16, so I only had to pay a little over 2.00 for all 5 items!! Love it!! I can take these back and consign them when I am done with them! Ok..well, I need to get some laundry done.  I will check back with all of you before I head off to bed.  I work at 4am tomorrow, so turning in early! Hey...was Idol on Tues?  I missed it! xoxo Lisa

sueps

Wow Lisa you have had a busy day!!! I bet you're so looking forward to your new girls!! You will feel much better when you have gotten over Monday and on the other side xxx We will all be thinking of you...and if you feel your ears burn its cos we're talkin bout you ...lol

Hey I would love to go to the  second hand shops with you!! I absolutely love having a good moochy mooch and buying good quality bargains...you got a great deal today!!! I used to go a lot when I was at home with the boys...it made for a different kind of shopping ...more interesting....thats one thing I miss!!! The boys used to love having a look through all the toy baskets...lol....oh god ...life goes by in a blink!!!

Say hi to Olivia....and Lisa...you will be able to have a nice rest in hospital ... !! and then for the 4 weeks off...you work too hard!!

xxxx

Ulla

SWEETY SUE

I REALLY FEEL SO CLOSE TO U AND TO ALL OUR SISTERS HERE

U R CLOSER THAN MY OWN RELATIVEWS TO ME,,,

MY ARM FEELS SO STRANGE..LESS PAIN WITH VAGUE UNCOMFORTNESS AND LESS SWELLING BUT MORE HEAVINEES,,,..I FEEL BETTER WEN SLEEP ON MY TUMMY WITH MY HANDS BESIDE ME ,,FEELS THAT THE LYMPH MOVES EASIER IN THIS WAY...I AM FED UP WITH SLEEPING ON MY SIDE..

THE MOST STRANGE THING AFTER I FINISHED CHEMO ..IS THE PORT,,I USED TO HAVE SEVER PAIN IN IT,,NOT BE ABLE TO GO BRALESS,, NOW ,,GUESS WAT,,IT NEVER HURTS,,NOW U F%%K A$$ ...GRRRRRRRRRRRR

I WILL START MY DIET TOMORROW IF I COULD...LOL

I AM LIL BIT CONFUSED,,WAT TYPE OF FOOD SHOULD I DEPEND ON,,I STILL CRAVE SWEETS,,KITKAT.BOUNTY.R MY FAVORATES...

BUT I AM GOING TO CUT IT AWAY FROM TOMORROW,,,

I REALLY FEL GOOD WEN IMAGINE MYSELF TALKING WITH SHIRLANN,,,SHE IS THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNELL FOR ME,,SHE IS THE HOPE ,,,I TRUST HER ...LOVE HER SMILE IN THE PIC...LOOK LIKE A QUEEN,,,,

LOVE TO HEAR THAT U LIKED IT WEN READ ME WRITE ONK..

IT IS IN SWEDISH(ONKOLOGIST)AND THE G IS PRONOUNCED LIKE THE G IN BAG..

LOVE U SUE...

I AM WORRIED ABOUT KARYLL.CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HER..

AM HOME ALONE TONGHIT,,HUBBY IS IN ANOTHER TOWN WITH HIS FRIEND ,,,I FELT LIKE I NEED TO BE WITH MYSELF FOR A WHILE,,,,

LOVE U HONEY..

sueps

Ulla ...lololol...when I read "onk" I have a picture of a pig in my head lol...must be something to do with oink oink ...the noise they make...

I am glad you are having some space...one of the reasons I spend so much time in my bedroom now...because all my thoughts cave in ...and if I am downstairs the tv ....my o/h ...the noises the fridge makes ALL Agitate me...can you believe that a fridge could agitate ...lol...I think I am a little reclusive at night...but only as I need more breathing space...the stress we live under having bootface is untold ...it is enough to drive anyone mad....xxx

Oh how I long for the pre bootface days...I feel like running up to everyone and shouting "make the most of your health purleassee ...don't take it for granted..things can change ...."

As for diet Ulla...maybe once you finish Chemo you will lose what you have gained...maybe its the steroids...I am hoping it is as I cannot stop binge eating.... mmmmmmmmm ...it has been crisps and sweets and chocs and oranges this time...why dont you eat fruit instead of choccy if you want to diet....You will lose it !!! You are slim anyway ...lol....sighs xxx 

sueps

AND ONE THING I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO ONCE CHEMO IS OVER.......

TO HAVE NO MORE WEIRD DREAMS ...I DREAM EVERY SINGLE NIGHT ...STRANGE STRANGE DREAMS ..GO ON FOREVER!!!

Does anyone else dream since .... with treatment....xxx

sueps

Ulla ...come move to England...its not far .... we could go to weight watchers together after we have been out for a big fat lunch ...lol....You are a great sister xxx

Ulla

SUE..

I TRIED THE FRUITS,,I COULDNT TASTE THEM,,I JUST NEED THE STRONG SWEETS,,,PURE SUGAR TO FEEL WAT I AM EATING..SPECIALLY IN THE FIRST 10 DAYS AFTER EACH CHEMO...

BUT SURE I WILL TURN TO FRUITS STARTING FROM TOMORROW..

DEAR SUE,,ME TOO FOUND MYSELF VERY SENSITIVE TO ANY LIL VOICE LATELY,,,EVRYTHING CAN BE A HUGE DISTURBANCE FOR ME,,

CAN U BELIEVE THAT I AM MAKING A HAPPY DANCE TO BE ALONE TONIGHT WITHOUT MY POOR HUBBY!!!!!!!

I CANT HEAR HIM,,EATING,,DRINKING,,I DONT WANT TO C ANYTHING MOVING INFRONT OF ME,,,

I DONT WANT TO HEAR HIM BREATHING ,,SNOORING BESIDE ME IN BED,,,EVRYTHING MAKES ME SO SO NERVOUSE,,,

WEN HE TURNS IN BED AND THE BED MOVES ,,I FEEL LIKE WANTINMG TO SCREAM...

I CANT STAND HIS LOUD VOICE IN MOBILE...

HE IS A VERY SPOILED MAN,,NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR HIMSELF AS I USED TO TAKE CARE OF HIM ALL THE TAIME,,,

NOW AS I FEEL THAT I NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF ME,,,HE FEELS SO SO SO HELPLESS....

ALL WAT I CAN SAY IS THAT I AM HAPPY TO BE ALONE TONIGHT,,,AND THAT I WILL TRY TO KEEP HIM AWAY FOR FEW DAYS IF IT IS POSSIBLE...

AND YES ,,NOT ONLY THE FRIDGE ...IT IS EVEN MY HAND WATCH TICKING,,,STARTED TO MAKE ME CRAZY,,,THE VOICE OF MY HUBBY SIPPING TEA,,MAKES ME CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYY

MAY BE AM CRAZY ALREADY

Ulla

SWEET SUE...

I HAD THE CHANCE TO BE IN UK ,,I CHOOSED SWEDEN ,,I LOVE IT BECOZ OF IT IS SMALL POPULATION AND WIDE AREAS..I FEEL IT IS CROWDED IN UK...WHILE SWEDISH ONLY 9 MILIONS..

REGARDING TO THE DREAMS,,I STILL AS I USED TO HAVE DREAMLESS SLEEPING...NOT A SINGLE DREAM ,,,SIGH..

GOD THIS EXTRA SALIVATION IS KILLING MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

livesstrong

Evenin' Ladies -

Just got finished reading all your posts and am sure I'll forget much of them.

Karen- sending positive energy your way for tomorrow.  I have a feeling it will be fine.

Ulla - look at you - without your man and you don't care!!!! lol.  Don't you know your not suppose to start feeling that way until you have been together about 20 years!!

Lisa - its not going to be the same without you here next week.   I miss you all ready!!!

My Dh is working tonight, so I'm flying solo as well!!!  YIPPEE!!

AE 

sueps

yes I cant stand it if my hubby breathes in bed...to me it is as bad as snoring lol....and I say stop snoring lol....or if he eats his tea...why are you eating so fast lol....I think our mind and body is oversensitive to noises...I was up here the other night and he was coughing downstairs ...I went down and asked him why he had to cough so loudly....awwww lol xxx  He understands its chemo agitation and illness xxx

sueps

AE ....Aint nights on our own with out our hubbys just amazing...ahhhh .... I have 4 nights on my own next week ...bliss xxx

livesstrong

I'm thinking back to when I was in treatment and I do remember going crazy over certain noises.  I remember feeling like I could just jump out of my skin at any moment - had to be the steriods.

 I love it when DH is working - I have that much more computer time.  But I do have to walk the dogs by myself.

AE 

Ulla

HA HA HA

AE,,20 YEARS IS VERY LONG TIME TO PUSH THEM AWAY FROM US ...

COM ON GIRLS WE NEED OUR OWN TIME,,,

I REALLY LOVED TO BE ALONE ,,EVEN BE4 MARRIGE,,,

AND WHY THE HELL,,HE DRINKS THE TEA WITH SUCH NOISE...??

sueps

Ulla buy him a straw darling xxx

lololololololol

livesstrong

lol    -   OMG  - my DH stirs his cuppa FOREVER!!!!  DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!!

AE 

livesstrong

Ulla

I THOUGHT IT WAS ONLY ME WHO COMPLIANS OF HUSBANDS NOISE,,,

NOW I FEEL BETTER ,,IT IS NOT SOMETHING WROUNG WITH ME..IT IS ABOUT THEMMMMMMMM...LOL

SUE I WILLL..

BUT NOT SURE HE WILL USE IT,,HE ENJOY S BOTHERING ME,,

SOMETIMES I REALLY FEEL THAT HE MEAN IT TO DO THE BONLY THINGS THAT HE IS SURE IT BOTHERS ME,,,,,

I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHY?????

WEN I ASK HIM,,,HE SMILES AND SAY THAT IT IS A WAY TO MAKE SURE THAT INSPITE OF HIS BOTHERING ME ,,I LOVE HIM...

MEN R NUTS

Ulla

LOL

AE WHERE DO U FIND THOSE AMAZING THINGS,,,

IT IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE

livesstrong

You are right Ulla - Men R Nuts!!! lol.

Off to walk the dogs,

bbl,

AE 

sueps

OMG AE.... Mine stirs his cup like crazy and then he goes on to stir my cup the same way ARRRRGGGH ...I am like "What ya doin Why ya doin that....god ...you only need to stir it once ...you're so noisy " lol

OMG this is sooooooooo funny lol

I AM LAUGHING MY HEAD OFF HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOLOLOLOLOL

MEN... they were sent to try us....

THEY DO DO IT ON PURPOSE !!!!