2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

Anonymous

mary -
You are such a dear friend. I will keep her in my prayers. Congrats on the 15th anniversary!

Rosemarie -
KIERSTEN ROCKS! And, she's adorable. Unfortunately, sometimes honesty isn't the best policy! I feel bad you had to go through that.

TaDah -
Yay you! I'm so happy your arm is on the mend!

Amy -
Hang in there! I hope you and your dh are feeling better. Hey, I sent a follow-up e-mail to my "inside contact" at the O Show. I really wish, wish, wish they would come through for us.

Laura

ake

laura....maybe if we stalk them and drive them nuts, they'll give in. does your friend who know the producer have any ideas?

Anonymous

Hey.

I'll ask her. Do you think a bribe would work?

Laura

Anonymous

Well, we could offer to show them our boobs? Nope that wouldn't work!!

Gosh, I would think if they read some of the recent comments about how supportive we have been to ourselves and to others, we'd get picked in a heartbeat. Too bad we didn't live close together oooooooo maybe if we took a picture in our shirts and had someone who is good with photoshop splice them all togeether so it looked like we were all together??????

Anonymous

• marymelodi's is 1/19
  
• sherryhaire's is 1/26
  
• debbie444 is 2/6
  
• paula is 2/11
  
• lauragto's is 3/5
  
• maryannecb's is 3/21
  
• tracyseattle's is 3/25
  
• kelly's is 4/3
  
• graycie's is 5/21
  
• cathy's is 5/22
  
• chumfry's is 6/15
  
• wildflower's is 6/29
  
• tadah's is 8/23
  
• adnerb is 10/18
  
• rosemarie's is 11/28
  
• ravdeb is 12/1
  
• amy's is 12/5

Missing any???

Graycie

Cathy, you and I are a day a part.....OMG, Kelly I just noticed you have them in order too. You are GOOD! You are truly a little secretary......lol....

Graycie

Amy, Sorry to hear you and your hubby aren't feeling well. Take care, I hope you feel better soon.

Graycie

I got this in an e-mail.Do you think this could be true? I eat a lot of microwave foods in plastic containers.

Cancer update -- Johns Hopkins -- Cancer News from JohnsHopkins:

1. No plastic containers in micro.

2. No water bottles in freezer.


3. No plastic wrap in microwave.


Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army MedicalCenter as well.

Dioxin chemicals causes cancer, especially breast cancer.

Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic.

Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital, was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us.

He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body.

Instead, he recommends using glass, such asCorning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc.

He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.
Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food.


Cover food with a paper towel instead.


This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your life!
------------=_

Graycie

Sorry, don't ask me how that showed up twice........

Graycie

Nevermind, I figured out how to delete it....

Anonymous

Graycie, I got that in an email, too. I went to snopes.com and researched it. It's a hoax. Not true. False. Been floating around for awhile now.

--------
Amy, I will be home today, too. My little one is sick. She keeps thinking she will be better by birthday party time but she is too sick. This means I have to cancel our hotel at Knotts Berry Resort for tomorrow night. We were going to the resort for brunch and poolside service and then stay in the hotel for the night, (it's $49 for us Cali girls on Sundays).

Work won't be happy for me to call in sick today

Graycie

Thanks Kelly, That makes me feel better. I just got back from the beauty supply house with my sister's friend who is a beautician and got myself some Nioxin pill's and hair treatment........so we will see....hair is still only one inch long in some places. I know you girls are probably sick of hearing about my hair. lol...believe me you would be complaining too if you had this hair..ha

TracySeattle

It would be sooooo cool if we could be on the O show! Next month is BC month, what a great show we could be. They should come out here and read our posts from beginning until now. It would give them a good example of where we have all been together!

Last night I read the previous page of posts and then posted - missed all of the posts on this page in my response. I hate it when I do that.

Debbie - I like your outlook on life, mine is kinda the same but I seem to fluctuate back and forth from being scared and a little taken back by the fight that we have all waged and the realization that it could come back at anytime to being very happy and upbeat that I have been given a 2nd chance to live life and give back. Kind of a roller coaster, isn't it?

Rosemarie - your ballerina is beautiful!

Kelly - keep those lists coming, it is a full time job keeping track of us!

Victoria & Cathy I am so glad you have joined us!

I am off to lunch and a movie (Invincible) with a friend today. Tomorrow I am gong to a picnic--hope the rain stops! We haven't had any for awhile so I can't really complain, but in Seattle when the rain starts this time of year, you have to wonder if you are going to see the sun again until next July!

I am listening to our CD right now - I need to add a few more songs, get the labels made and then burn them all - it takes awhile for each of them to burn so we are still a while out before you see them - sorry! But they are coming!

Have a good day everyone!

ravdeb

We are patient, Tracy! You are doing something so special for us. And I agree...Oprah would love it if she really knew about us. I know that when I tell others about our group, they are amazed.

Well... Spent the morning in the ER and not because of ME! My dh was on his regular Sat. morning bike ride. At the very end, after the other guys were already sitting and having coffee, my dh went up the curb, flew off his bike and landed flat on his face. He opened up his upper lip and needed 6 stitches. He broke a tooth and another tooth appears to be loose. And he cut his finger.

UGH. He's okay. His ego is a bit bruised and I think that is more upsetting than all this. I'm just glad he's okay. Tomorrow he'll be at the dentist.

Tracy...I go back and forth about my feelings...exactly like you described it. A real roller coaster. Most of the time I'm okay. I feel like I was given a second chance. I feel refreshed in many ways and often look at others who just continue the same old thing and I think to myself how lucky I am to see life from a whole new perspective.

How are you feeling Amy?
Graycie...Nioxin might help you. I used to use that before bc because my hair was thinning. It helped keep it full. I think Paula used that and she has a lot of hair.

Oh..had company today and well..some of these cousins hadn't seen me for a very long time and were in shock to see me with a head full of white curls. One said I should have warned her (huh???) and her husband said that he doesn't like it and wanted to know why I hadn't dyed it black like I used to wear it. He only likes my hair black.

My dh just told me that after this guy said that, another cousin there had a fight with him and told him he should keep his mouth shut because I had just had cancer. so, the guy says he can say whatever he wants to me (he and I are buddies).

And I'm thinking..why the heck are they arguing about my hair???? And even if I hadn't had cancer...I don't HAVE to dye my hair. I could have done this hair do without chemo! GEEEEEEEEEEZ!

ravdeb

Debbie...just saw your kids' pictures on the thread for pictures, wearing Laura's shirts. They are soooooo cute! that is so neat that they are wearing the shirts. I love that!

Laura..you are terrific!

Anonymous

Ravdeb, I think your hair is beautiful just the way you have it (although you did promise to try to post a prechemo hair pic of yourself)!

I don't feel I have been given a second chance. I still feel cheated that this whole mortal life might end prematurely. Most of my life has been a cruel joke. The rug is always coming out from under me. This was just the major rug! I need to get past the 5 year mark so I can relax.

For my age it was a 1:68 to get cancer.
Of all cancers, only 20% are her2+ and mine and MaryAnne's was +++.
Of the her+, only 10% are er/pr+ ( so odds said I wouldn't have her2+)
Of the ones that get the herceptin treatment, only 5% will have heart problems, my MUGA went from 66% to 50% in just 12 treatments.
Regarding my expander.....he put a ribbed one in cuz it only shifts/moves in 1% --- my valve started at the top and is now on the side. My expander ended up sticking out my side. I had to lay on my side for several nights to push it back in.

I just feel I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

marymelodi

Kelly:
I didn't remember all those "facts" about you. I don't have anything wise to say. I can completely understand that you feel reluctant to put too much hope in the future. Somewhere I read the statement from someone with cancer who said "I still buy green bananas." I guess the only thing to do is to believe that tomorrow will come and you'll be there to greet it. If we don't believe, we'd just shut down and miss all the wonderful that could be experienced today. I imagine living in the moment is just what you hve to do. I guess that's why we all need each other . . . to keep hope alive.

Today I'll do my best to keep hope alive for all of us, especially for you.

Mary

ake

Kelly,

I feel like you sometimes. My statistics are ridiculous for my age, which scares me because then I feel like I can't trust anything since it was such a tiny chance that I would even get breast cancer. I had a meltdown today...completely out of the blue. I just started crying and went and sat in my husband's lap and just said, "Is it really not going to ever come back?" He asked why I was upset and it was kinda what you said...I'm so happy and enjoying my life now and I'm reluctant to get to used to it. It feels like it could be taken away any second, which I hate. I just take a deep breath and concentrate on how good I feel and remind myself that I can't control these things, so why stress. It's hard.

I'm feeling a bit better though I'm exhausted. My husband is sound asleep on the couch (after having over 12 hours of sleep last night) and we're both in our pajamas all day In between resting, I'm trying to pack my apartment....we move on the 1st and have about a 1/3 of the place packed. I hate moving.

Tracy....thanks for making the CDs....I'm so excited!!! Let me know when you can mail them so I know which address to give you....either this one or my new one

Victoria...I'm a late stager like you (Stage 3) but I don't feel like my prognosis is any more grim than anyone who hears the word "cancer". There are too many of us Stage 3 ladies well out and doing great. It's the crapshoot factor...we don't know what will happen and who it will happen too, so we do our best. But, don't put yourself in the grim category because you're not there yet.

ravdeb...glad to hear that your husband is okay!!!

seriously...what's it going to take for us to go on the O show? I'm dreading what kind of crap she's going to do for breast cancer next month.

Can't believe we almost started chemo a year ago...it's beyond surreal.

Have a good weekend!

LOve,
Amy

Anonymous

Hi guys,

Wow! I am finally not too busy to post! I have a hilarious group of little 7 year olds! The only time I thought about cancer was when one of the kids brought it up. I love being with the kids. This is truly a calling, not a job.

Kelly and Amy: I wish I could be right there with you listening to you and consoling you. As far as I'm concerned we all have the same odds! We're all in this together!

Tracy, thanks again for compiling the songs into a CD. Let me know when you need my address.

Ravdeb, glad to know your husband will be okay, but sorry he had to go through that...sounds painful.

Have a great weekend, ladies!

marymelodi

Amy:
I'm sympathetic to your meltdown and your feeling reluctant to trust in the future. You have been so strong and brave through all this. I think maybe not feeling well this weekend has made you more vulnerable. That happens when we get physically sick. Like Victoria, we all need to remember that we feel well now and that is really all we can expect. I've been touched by all the Sept 11 broadcasting that is on TV now. Anything can happen at any time, right? You are loving and give love, service, and warmth to everyone who knows you. I'm glad you've told us how you feel so we can let you know how you are appreciated and loved by your sisters here.

Mary

TracySeattle

You know, the last time I felt panic before I was diagnosed was on 9-11. It felt like the world as we know it fell apart that day. Then came cancer, same thing. I just put all of that together after thinking about Mary's post....

I think we should all send Oprah an email from her website telling her about our Rock-Tober Group! I would imagine they proably already have their shows planned for October, though.... It would be so cool if she would choose us and fly us all to Chicago for her show! I guess we can dream, right?

I saw the movie, "Invincible" It was about a guy who was a bartender in Philly, tried out for the Eagles and made the team. The setting was 1976. The music soundtrack was great, lots of good oldies. The movie was kind of predictable (Disney), but it was good.

Then I went shopping and spent ALOT of money. Bought two new pairs of pants (not jeans! I always wear only jeans!) and 4 shirts. I am really liking this liberation of having and spending my own money!

Hope you are all having a good day. I love you all!

TracySeattle

I did it!!! I emailed the Oprah Show!

Anonymous

You must have a guy in pink leotards to go to dinner with, huh, don't cha wish your boyfriend wore pink like mine?

(um, only those who know the "Don't cha" song will get my post to Tracy)

ravdeb

Mary...
As I read your posts, I think you said it so eloquently. It's the support that we have here that makes us feel the hope that there are lots of years ahead of us no matter what.

I totally agree with Amy that this is all a "crapshoot" and it makes no difference what stage you are at. You just never know.

I was impressed with my dh when I first met him because he told me that he lived for the present. I have since learned that most Israelis live for the present. The economic situation is bad here, there are wars all the time, one never knows what will be. But, as an American, I always looked towards the future and that cultural difference was always difficult.

Today I see things like an Israeli because of my cancer. I honestly feel in my mind, without convincing myself, that I need to live each day, appreciating what I see around me, giving more hugs to my family and just doing the things I want to do (after laundry and cooking of course!).

I really do see the change in me. Kelly... you are right. It feels to you like you have been given a raw deal. And you are young. And it's so true...you didn't deserve any of it. But...screw those statistics! They are only true for those who were part of the survey. You are okay now. You feel good. Just enjoy today each and every day you wake up. That goes for Victoria and Amy and anyone else!

Life is good. Take note of what you've got and be grateful that you have the chance to take delight in the flowers and the trees and the people around you.

ravdeb

Tracy..
I wrote to O long ago and got no response. Maybe I'll try again. What did you say? Maybe we should each say something similar???

maryannecb

I am having a busy weekend. Have had to work my first weekend in a year. So far I am not too exhausted.

A lot of posts in the last few days. Our personalities are starting to show as we share our hopes and fears.

for myself I was like you Tracy with feeling the most devastation in the beginning. I did feel something of the same way on Sept 11. I live far from NYC but walked around the rest of that day in a fog. I had the feeling that the my world had changed and how was I going to cope with it all. My youngest was born Sept11, 1993 so we had scheduled a birthday party for later that day. It was all I could do to go through the motions that day. For the first few months of BC i think I just went thru the motions of living. It was hard to feel pleasure , I couldn't sleep and worried constantly about the furure. I was not depressed, I was absent from my life...

Kelly ,like you I rave occasionally about my raw deal. I work in the medical field, practised self exam, went for regular BSE and mammo. I felt very cheated to discover a lump just 5 months after screening, further cheated to be falsely reassured all was OK. When I learned I had every bad feature of BC despite my vigilence I thought why me? Then I heard another cancer survivor saying why not me? And he was right. Why not me? Bad thins happen to everyone sooner or later. It is in the end how we cope and accept that defines how they affect our lives.

After hearing the why not me statement I examined my life for all the good things, and there are plenty. I have never once questined why me for any of these. So the way I feel at the moment is that I have a disease with a poor prognosis but...some survive quite nicely. Since I cannot predict the future si I have no way of knowing whether it will be me or someone else, I ahve chosen to believe I will survive. This way of thinking has helped me relax again . 95% of the time I happily carry on in this ? LA LA? land. The other 5%, well I do know how you feel.

Ravdeb , I am living each day more fully too. I am trying hard to please myself and those I touch. Living totally in the present is not possible though. We all need hope that tomorrow will come and we will be here. And that is the problem I think. At this point a certain element of doubt has been added to our lives. How do we keep that doubt and uncertainty from violating our enjoyment of now and destroying our hope for the future? I don't have the answer...

Rosemarie, your daughter looks as proud as a peacock. You have done well to make her feel so good about herself--doesn't look frustrated at all!

Mary " I still buy green bananas", I lke that! You write very well. I am enjoying your advice. Thank you.

Brenad, glad to hear you are teaching again. OMG 30 seven year olds. How do you manage?

Tadah, sounds like your LE therapy is working. Kelly , small revision needed. I luckily do not have LE yet. I did almost let them use my Mastectomy arm the other day though. I needed an IV for my CT. It took an hour and six pokes to get a vein...they did get it in the end.

I hope your disappointment has passed Amy. I am picturing you in your flannel PJ's snuggled up for the weekend with DH. That sounds better than NYC anyway.

Laura, Paula, Cathy and anyone else I missed hi and I hope this post makes it as I have not copied it..

Fists up!

TracySeattle

Ravdeb - I wrote about the wondeful ladies that have become some of my best friends..... I went on to say that one year ago we were all diagnosed and that we traveled thru our surgery, chemo and radiation together. Crying together, being afriad together and rejoicing together. I talked about how we have ladies from all over the world and that even tho most of us have never met, we have a friendship and a bond that will never be broken. I went on to say that we are now sharing our one year anniversaries and that even tho our lives will never be the same, we are moving on in life and that we are doing it together. Sharing our lives with each other and not just the cancer experience.

I talked about the fact that our group is composed of women from all ages groups and that we have experienced first hand the types of bc, the different surgeries, the treatments, reconstruction, and the leading research, as well as the fertility concerns that are being experienced by our younger ladies. I indicated that we can intelligently discuss all of this as well as the importance of early detection, a positive attitude and support from family and friends.

I also mentioned bc.org and indicated that Marissa and Melissa would probably love to be included in our story....

It probably won't get noticed, but it was worth a try

ravdeb

Well, Maryanne... you wrote some beautiful things here that really touched my heart. I still buy green bananas but I am living in the present I suppose so that I won't worry about the future. I buy the green bananas assuming that I will get to eat them since I assume I'll be around. But, I just don't want to worry about the future anymore. My whole life I worried about the future..what I would do with my life, where I would live, would I have enough money, etc..etc...

Today I'm worrying about today and only the very immediate future, like tomorrow! What will be will be. I'm optimistic, positive and just don't want to dwell too much on the future, certainly don't want to dwell on the past, and so here I am, today..enjoying life for what it has to offer me and what I can give it back in return.

maryanne..you have a great attitude and I love the "why NOT me". Have you read the book by Harold Kushner called..Why bad things happen to good people? It's a great book all about this issue of why NOT me. Helps explain a lot.

Brenda... good luck with your class. So glad you are enjoying it this year! I think I missed telling you that in my posts...sorry!!

don't mean to leave anybody out..I read everything and think about each and every one of you!!!

Amy..how are you feeling today?? Better, I hope!

sherryhaire

Wow I have been gone since Thurs evening and now when I just logged on there were 87 posts, Love it, I will sit back and see how everyone is doing for awhile hope everyone had a great weekend, My thoughts are with you all

ake

tracy...i love what you wrote. i just read it aloud to my husband. i think our friendships in this october group is spectacular and something to be very proud of )

i'm doing well today. feeling a lot better although i'm still tired. my husband and i went on a walk to this little art festival down the street. it was cute and now we're watching tennis....i'm a huge obsessive tennis fan. so, this post is short because off i go to engage myself for the next 3 hours in tennis

i hope everyone is having a good weekend

love,
amy