2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

TracyNY

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TaDah - How bad is your lymphadema? My hand swells just a little bit and aches just a little bit especially when I am out in the heat. Do you think they will wrap my arm all up too?? How long do you have to leave it that way? And going back every day??? That is like being in radiation treatment again, isn't it.... I guess I will be traveling this road with you as my first appointment for Therapy is next Tuesday.....

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My arm is probably 1 or 2 inches bigger than the other one. Therapist said it is not too bad and may get improvement from the wrapping. They measure 10cm above and below the elbow, at the elbow, around the hand and around a finger. These measurements are compared to the other hand and tracked to see if they are going up or down.

I have to keep this wrapping on for two days and report to her on how it looks. Eventually the wrapping is a nightly thing with the sleeve and glove during the day. I have therapy daily for next week, I never did rads so its not deja vu all over again!

I can't wait to unwrap this present and see if I have my old arm back!! I'll let you know tomorrow.

ravdeb

Mary..oh...maybe that is what is the problem. Could you see swelling? I can't tell if it's swollen or not. But I hadn't thought of it being from the rads. Good thinking, Mary. and I know..I must make that appointment and see the surgeon and figure it out. You are right on that, too. I so want to ignore it, though! ugh.
Thanks Mary!

I hope your doc gives you something so that you can sleep through the night. I am finally sleeping through the night, going to bed late and waking up early in the morning, which I'm happy about! Reminds me of my babies...I would put them to sleep late at night and they would wake up early in the morning!!! I called that sleeping through the night!

Washed the floor...time to tidy up my studio.

RoseMarie

Debbie - CUTE car!! I soooo love it!! Hope things get better at work!
Ravdeb - I read "tootles" as "toothless" in your post - I had to go back and reread as I was sure I had missed something! Glad to know you're NOT toothless and that your floors are clean!
Congratulations Victoria!!
Good luck TaDah!! Hope all is well when you unwrap your arm.
Mary, Graycie, Laura, Kelly and everyone else, Have a GREAT day!
I should be off to mop my floors...but I don't want to...:)

marymelodi

Mopping the floor . . . oh don't even go there. I have been avoiding that task for days. Maybe that's why I can't sleep throught the night?
Mary

maryannecb

Laura, now I feel bad about my saying my husband hates the shirt. Actually he thought it was very thoughtful , he just hates being reminded of my cancer. He is supportive and super optimistic whenever I have a low point and need encouragement. He just doesn't feel the need to dwell on it. I LOVE the shirt.

I think this one tear mark has us all thinking for sure. This time last year I ate and slept breast cancer. I knew I had to take whatever treatment was offered but I had a hard time being optimistic about my outcome. I fooloshly jumped to the conclusion I would be dead this year. I wish I had been able to believe in the treatments as I do today.

I do speak to other newbies and those in my community about hope and trust. At whatever stage of our disease we have to have hope and we have to trust that what we do in our treatments will help us. Living life in constant fear of recurrence is a form of living death I do not wish to experience again. So yeah, we need to be glad to be alive, glad we have treatments that work and people working on more effective ones.

So who has LE in our crowd? Kelly you are the record keeper.

Debbie-you must be disappointed about your balloon ride. I can relax now though, sounds a little too close to the edge for me.

Ravdeb, hope you didn't wear yourself out with the house cleaning. Make your appts, nothing better than the words"you look great, don't want to see you for six months".

Rosemarie,can you try to keep your daughter with the regular class in ballet? It is a nice way for her to stay involved with her peer group. Did she look frustrated last year? More likely it is the teacher not her with the frustration problem.

Got to go sir my ribs and put the rice on.

Fists up!

ravdeb

Absolutely! It's the cure-all...mop the floors!

Rosemarie..LOL!!!how funny. Silly!!!!Toothless? Well, with all the chocolate I eat....HAH!

Studio is partially organized. It will be a year's process as I change it from English studio to more of an art studio. It IS an art studio..divided in two parts where I have my drawing table and art supplies and where I taught English. Within a year I hope to have it be dedicated totally to art and crafts. Just have to get this one table cleared off so I can get down to some serious artwork this week. did clear off my computer table!

so..Tadah...how was the unveiling of your arm?

As I took papers off my computer table..they were copies of my updates I sent to friends and family about my chemo treatments and so on. Oh boy..made me cry! When I was in the hospital, my daughter was updating close friends and family. There was one e-mail between her and my close friend in the States who was trying to find out if my daughter was holding back on him and not being "frank" as he put it. He said that if I was in immediate danger, he would come in a heartbeat. And boy...the tears came. I remember this. She had told me this and then I went back and printed all of this up for my bc journal. But as I read it today...well...I just can't believe this happened to me. As I read through what I went through..and how my daughter told my close friend that she was on her way back to the hospital to bring me balloons and gifts because it was my birthday and I was in isolation...OMG! can't believe that was ME.

We've all been through so much. My amnesia is going away. I'm remembering and coming down to earth and realizing what I was battling and for the first time since my diagnosis, Ladies, I'm scared.

Graycie

Tadah, Good luck with the lymphedema massages. I am glad they think they can reverse it. I sure hope you get your old arm back. You too Jill. Tracy, I have the same thing with my hand it swell's with the heat. My BS told me it sounded like arthritis, no one is making a big deal of it so I guess I will just keep an eye on it.

Hi Michele, I remember seeing you on other posts. That is too bad that the Dec girls don't post much. I have to agree we have a great bunch of girls. You are always welcome to chime in.....as you can see we are a gabby bunch.

Rosemarie, I feel so bad for your daughter...That isn't fair......I guess the main thing is how she feels.....I think it should be her decision whether she continues with the ballet class or not. I don't think the teacher should make that decision for her.

Ravdeb, I'm scared too.....you seem to be feeling pretty much the same way I am lately.......Looking back and thinking about all we have been through.....I can't remember, are you also triple neg? I think I would feel better if I was on Tamoxifen or something. Chemo is over and I feel like there is nothing else we can do but wait and hope it got all the cancer.

Mary, I can't sleep at night either. No wonder I am so tired all the time. I tried a sleeping pill the other night and that didn't even work. I seem to wake up at 2:00 AM every night and then I can't go back to sleep....It seem's like I lay awake for hours and then when I do sleep I have all these stupid dreams.......

Debbie, I don't mean to sound stupid but I don't know too much about car's. What kind of car is it? Another BMW? I like the color.....I am kind of worried about you riding with the top down though. Be sure to wear your seatbelt.......HA.

Well, I guess I better go and spend some time with my dh. I am sure I will be checking in tomorrow....Or if I can't sleep in the middle of the night.......lol

Graycie

TracyNY

I couldn't stand another minute of that million miles of bandages!! When I got home from work I had to take it off, I thought I would faint it was aggravating me so badly.

Well, I got my arm back. I can't believe that the swelling is almost completely gone, thank God. I will go for the week of therapy and if the results are the same, I should be back to normal pretty soon.

Anonymous

I am here just not feeling too well today so I left work early. I have my MUGA tomorrow to see if I can stay on Herceptin and get my treatment on Monday.

I have put on a few pounds these past weeks since I cannot exercise at all. Think I will go back to the gym next week. This weight sucks!!

And I am having a terrible time with the hot flashes at work and home now that the ovaries are out. It's very bad at night, terrible drippy sweaty!!! If anyone ever has their ovaries out, make sure you do it in the middle of WINTER.

And, I have a Kindergartner who got pink-eye who cries when do the drops --- it takes 15 minutes to get 4 lousy drops in and she cries like a banshee! You'd think I was killing her over here. I have to shut the windows next time!

And, my sweet girl has homework every night. Can you believe it??? We have homework every single night. I don't get home til 6:45 and then we have to do dinner/homework/bath ..... all before 8:30. It's terrible.

TracySeattle

Michelle! I remember you from other posts too! Welcome! Come in and hang out with us - we like adding new friends to our little corner of bc.org!

Ravdeb & Graycie - I am so sorry that you two are feeling scared. I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better. I guess we just have to live each day to its fullest and try not to focus on the future....

Kelly - I am so sorry about Teryn's eye. I know the drops have to hurt! Poor kid!

Debbie - Love your car!!!

TaDah - Glad your arm is better!

Maryanne - I have a mild case of LE - start therapy next week.

Everyone else, HI!!! I am headed off to bed, so glad tomorrow is Friday!

Anonymous

LE girls:

• MaryAnne
• TaDah
• TracySeattle

cathy987

I’m going to try to play catch up. I made it to Madison WI Monday night but just read posts then and was going to post in the morning but once again the fast connection failed me so I just pushed on home. I was so exhausted I didn’t even make it upstairs to bed but dropped off at the living room couch. There’s nothing like a 2400 mile trip to cure insomnia.

Tracy, way back several pages of posts ago you said,

“Cathy & Victoria - WELCOME to the Rock-tober girls!!! Post and tell us a bit about yourselves. You will be able to catch up with us in no time, but you do have to be a little bit crazy to hang out here with us! LOL!!!”

So here’s a bit about me:

I came to a North Dakota farm from a Minnesota city 46 years ago when my husband and I were married. We had four children. After the third child was born I went back to college, drove 50 miles one way for three years and got my BS degree in history and English education. I taught for one and a half years in our local high school and then when I was pregnant with our fourth child was forced to request a leave of absence and became a full time sahm, which I have never regretted.

Through the years I did many things, sold Tupperware, lectured for Weight Watchers, substitute taught, was an activity director at a nursing home (was fired), owned my own craft store (went broke). I was most successful at raising four great kids.

Over thirty years ago my dh and I (while still farming) started an antique business—mostly buying at local auctions and then selling at antique shows in our three state area (ND, MN SD) This small business evolved into what is now a collectible hobby business. We publish two magazines and attend many shows in the US and a couple in Europe every year.

Six years ago this summer my dh had a massive coronary and became my ddh (dearly departed husband) which left me with the total responsibility for our business. (We had quit farming in the 80s but had kept our business on our farm). I really love what I do but do get a little overwhelmed occasionally.

Without meaning any disrespect to those of you whose husbands are less than supportive. My husband was often as some of you describe yours—didn’t want to “discuss” problems much after they were passed. He just wouldn’t conform to the expectations I had of him. In 1992 we went through him wanting a divorce, counseling together, separation, me filing for divorce, him wanting to come back, more counseling and reconciliation. I have to say the last six years of our marriage were the best. I learned to expect less of him and gained more than I thought possible.

This past year has been an incredible journey. I’ve had highs and lows just as you all have but I have learned that there are incredible people bravely facing things I have yet to experience.

Had a low point yesterday. Went to Fargo for my Herceptin infusion. They couldn’t access my port. It’s always been fussy and they haven’t always been able to draw blood from it but they’ve always been able to use it for the infusion. After the third try they thought they had it but the saline went into my neck and puffed up. Had to have an IV. Then went to have die injected in the port and x-ray of what’s going on. The day before my next infusion they’re going to “play around with it” inject it with TPA? to see if they can knock the clog loose. If not my choice is another port (I don’t think so!!!) or have the rest of my Herceptin by IV. (until April) I cried twice yesterday and I’ve only cried two times before in this past whole crazy year. It was fear of the unknown and not being in control.

OMG this is more than a bit. Am I caught up now? I should think nearly. I’m still trying to keep everyone straight. I think the secret is to post more often and keep it short.

It’s way past bedtime.

debbie444

Cathy - i am impressed that you managed to post so much without losing it!
Michelle - good of you to drop in - dont be a stranger now.
Graycie - Nothing as grand as that! Its a Peugeot, a 10year old one at that. Old enought o be not new but not old enough to be a classic. It is actually brighter than it looks in the photo , pure banana colour. Its great tho because its a true 4 seater with loads of room, and super for the school run. I have an apt picture to post when the commputer isnt on a go slow.
Kelly - sorry about Teryns eye - I have posted her parcel. HOPEFULLY knowing the royal mail it May arrive before Christmas!!
Tadah , was it like 'night of the mummy'??? Glad its getting better tho. Is there anything from the UK that you miss and want sending with the rock??
DEbbie

debbie444

Gosh you look so well ! Is that your husband with you?
I always wish i was artistic, my Dad and sister are fantastic - just missed me i guess!!!!!
DEbbie

ravdeb

Kelly..LOL
Had to laugh when I saw the list of LE girls! Always need a secy. in the bunch!!!!

ravdeb

Victoria...great pics.
Maryanne..loved your post.
Graycie..yes..I think we are thinking similar things these days. I get this strange feeling in the gut of my stomach when I recall what I went through last year. I really think that from the day I was diagnosed, I stopped being in touch with reality and just fought straight through. Everybody said I was so optimistic and well, I'm sure I was, and I still am really, but I was so positive through it all because I was in la-la land!

Tadah..glad you've been unveiled. Sorry it was so uncomfortable for you but hopefully it will be okay now.

I want to write more but I gotta cook dinner...

Hope you are all having a good day and have a good weekend, too!

cathy987

Debbie—I compose, cut, paste and post. Artistic and music ability missed me too. I’ll settle for appreciation.

Victoria—You and your art are both beautiful. Yes, we did score by being accepted into this group.

I’m off to mop my floors. Daughter Amy and grandson Bo arriving from NY this afternoon.

This is what we’re doing this weekend. http://www.dakotawomansong.org/

Later.

TracyNY

I called my therapist this morning and told her about the results I achieved from the first wrapping. She said if I keep it up for a year it should eventually regulate itself.

A year. I have to go to bed with my arm stuffed up like "Night of the Living Dead" for a year. There goes the rest of my sex life!

Jokes aside, its not that bad. I just have to learn how to get that 10 miles of bandage on in 5 minutes like the therapist does.

marymelodi

Good morning!

Well, congratulate me. . . I hung in there and celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary yesterday. Actually, there were no celebrations. I waited for him to say something in the morning. Nothing. Then I e-mailed him after getting to work with a "remember what today is . . ." type of message. He suggested dinner and a movie on Saturday. Last night was his first night of league bowling for the season, so that is where his mind was at. I didn't want to sit at home alone so I went to the bowling alley and watched. Well, I tried to watch. People kept standing right in front of me. There were alot of other people around and he will not come up on the carpet area in his bowling shoes. I was alone in a big crowd, if you know what that is like.

I did have a chance to talk to a woman who is the significant other of one the other bowlers. She was diagnosed with stomach cancer about 3 months before we all got our BC diagnoses last year. I've always thought it was ironic that I was visiting her in the hospital after her surgery to remove nearly all her stomach and intestines and thinking "Thank God it isn't me" and then about 3 weeks later I found THE lump. She was and is very sick. But, incredibly, while asking her oncologist for help with her ongoing issues after all the treatments, he got annoyed at her and leaned back, arms crossed, and coldly said, "Well, you know you are terminal and are going to be very, very sick." She said her girlfriend, who was at the appointment, almost leaped out of her chair and smacked this guy. (I won't even give his the status of calling him a doctor.)

In a way, we all are terminal, it's just that some people get more notice than others. So, she fired him from being her doctor and has found someone else who seems at least willing to try to treat her, help her live without pain, and if death is closer for her than others, at least to have her dignity. It was a difficult and inspirational conversation all at the same time. She and I were both walking the treatment road at the same time and traded chemo stories, etc. when we could get to see each other last winter.

I'm going to go to the bowling alley more often this winter, to see her, to help her, if I can, and to be present with her in whatever happens. She lives about 30 minutes away so I/we may go to their home, I guess, if it gets to where she cannot get out.

OMG, just as I was typing this, a new co-worker, 28-years-old, came and told me she has found 2 lumps in her left breast. She just heard I had BC and wanted to talk to me. I urged her to go get checked and even offered to dial the number. She had to go lead a group, but I vowed to her that she would not leave work today without an appointment. I told her most lumps are benign and not to worry. Aargh!!!!! I hope I was right!

Mary

RoseMarie

Oh wow Mary, you are such an inspiration and you have such a heart - lots of love coming your way!!! What a blessing you'll be in the days ahead!!
Mary Anne - I haven't called the director of the ballet back because I didn't think I could do it without crying - (not usually a fighter but I AM usually a baby)But I am going to request that Kiersten be placed with another teacher. My mistake was telling them way too much about Kiersten thinking that it would help - I was soo wrong.
AND because I'm a sap here's an older picture of Kiersten

Cathy, thank you for sharing about yourself!! Sounds like you're going to have a busy and fun weekend!
Victoria, great pictures!
Graycie and Ravdeb ((((((((hugs)))))))))!!!
TaDah - so glad to hear about your arm!
Kelly - hope Teryn's pink eye goes away quickly!!! It's such a drag!! BTW my LE is so mild I'm not sure it merits being put on the list - I hope it stays that way!!!!!!

TracyNY

15 years, wow! You serve less time than that on a murder charge these days. I can't make it past 7. That's the magic number for me.

Congratulations and I hope you have many many more.

Anonymous

Victoria, thank you so much for your comments. We all need each other, don't we! Thanks for posting your pics!! That's your painting, right? Fantastic. You look gorgeous!

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We've all been through so much. My amnesia is going away. I'm remembering and coming down to earth and realizing what I was battling and for the first time since my diagnosis, Ladies, I'm scared.

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Ravdeb, I feel it's like God takes away our memory of the pain while we are going thru it. It's like he is shielding us from having to deal with too much. Now that we have gone thru the Valley of Darkness, we can see from the mountain just where our journey had taken us. Had we been able to see all the twists and turns, we would have had more panic attack, we might have given up, we might have tried to pretend we weren't sick.

I know for me, when I have been in car accidents, had blowouts on the freeway, had the hood of my car fly up and block my windshield while I was going 60 mph...... well, I was calm during all those things. I got myself over to the side of the freeway, even managed to turn blinkers on. Once I got over to the edge then the panic settled in after I was safe.

Much love to you ladies this morning.

Anonymous

LE girls:
• MaryAnne
  
• TaDah
  
• TracySeattle
  
• Rosemarie
  

debbie444

My onc says i have lymphodema but i dont think i do !!!!
Rosemarie, what a beautiful picture. What does Kiersten want to do ? I personally think that the teacher is just after an easy ride. It makes me so cross!!!! I have parcelled your 3 kids rock etc into 1 parcel, i would so hate it if one went missing but the other two arrived. It would be bedlam!!!
Mark goes to cub camp tonight, Robin Hood camp near Nottingham. Last year i was having kittens, this year i am so laid back its unimaginable.
I cant put itinto words really but i feel that i have been granted a reprieve, a second chance. I stress less, panic less, feel easier spending a little money and time on me, find fun in little things. The sun seems brighter, sunsets and views prettier, people friendlier etc. I am out to ring the most out of every oppertunity there is
Mary, i wish you had been there when i was diagnosed. Sorry your anniversary was a washout. Mine is on my birthday - Roger reckoned he only had one date to remember!!
Debbie

marymelodi

To be fair to my husband, it is hard to go out for something like a celebration on a week night with a day of work to follow. We will probably do something fun on the weekend. I should take a hint from Cathy and adjust my expectations. As long as I keep expecting him to be "Mr. Romance" I'll probably always be disappointed. on the positive side, before I got up this morning he had packed me a nice lunch of tuna sandwich, chips, grapes, cookie, and a piece of chocolate. That's how he is . . . doing nice things when I least expect it.

Mary

marymelodi

You know, I haven't seen a message from Amy for a few days? Was she going traveling or something? Hope she comes back to us soon.

Mary

ravdeb

Mary..that is really sweet of your husband to pack your lunch for you. I cannot imagine mine doing something like that. he doesn't know where anything is in the kitchen!

As for your anniversary...we just celebrated our 24th. I usually need to remind my husband about it. We generally don't celebrate it on the day of our anniversary. we did this year. I wanted to. But we often wait months and then we get these deals for weekends in hotels in Tel Aviv and we go there and celebrate, tell them it's our anniversary and then we get chocolate, or wine or a fruit bowl or something from the hotel management!

You are such a warm person. Those around you are very lucky to have you for a friend.

Kelly...I think there is some truth is what you said. There is some kind of shield..it's a tool we are given, granted or whatever, so that we can deal with tough situations and allows us to get through them before breaking down.

Rosemarie..what a sweet picture of your ballerina! How cute!

Tadah...sorry you have to wear that 10-mile long wrap on your arm. boy won't you be a pro with that thing!

Rosemarie...you count for the LE list if you have it!

Kelly... keep up the good work of keeping track of us!

Cathy..hope you got your floors mopped and you have a good weekend!

Graycie

Rosemarie, Your daughter looks beautiful......

Victoria, Please tell me your hair didn't grow back that fast. If that is a wig it looks great! I didn't realize that was your painting behind you, NICE WORK....You are very talented.....

Tadah, I can't even picture you wrapping yourself up every night. I know it's not funny but you sure make me laugh........"Night of the living dead" HAAAAAAA

Congratulation Mary on your 15th anniversary. My husband is like your's he would rather celebrate on the weekend instead of a work night. Very sweet of him to make your lunch. I know mine would probably do it for me if I asked but would never take the initiative to think of it on his own. Also, what a sweet and caring person you are. I bet your friend from the bowling alley really appreciates you being there for her and will be looking forward to seeing you on bowling nights..

Cathy, It was great hearing about you. You sound like you have really accomplished a lot in your life. You should feel proud.

Ravdeb, Hang in there. We both have to think positive thoughts......

Amy must be busy, I know she said she is headed back to NYC for the weekend. Amy, I hope you are having fun wherever you are.........same goes' for Laura, Maryanne, Brenda, Rosemarie, Sherryhaire, chumfry,Jill and Paula.

BTW Ravdeb, Thanks for telling me to copy and paste my post (remember? It was a while back) or I would have lost another one......

Graycie

ake

hi ladies,

i was supposed to go to NYC this weekend for the mens' finals in the US Open, but my husband is sick and I feel like crap, so we cancelled. I've been crying all day about it. It was supposed to be me, my husband, my parents, and my brother in the city for the weekend (my brother lives there) and I'm just sad that we cancelled...my parents are exhausted and my husband and I have a bad cold/fever. But, I'm sad...I'm really, really clingy to my parents these days. I don't know if it's because I'm thinking about this time last year, about how much I needed them then or what, but sometimes...I'm tired of being an adult and just want to be a little girl. It's hard.

So, we're staying in our pajamas all weekend and I'm trying to get my spirits back up and just relax, but I'm disappointed the weekend was a bust and that I didn't get to se my family.

So, that's me. Drives me nuts when I feel like this, but oh well.

TracySeattle

Kelly - you crack me up. You are such a little record-keeper!!!

Cathy - nice to hear about you! I am so glad you have joined us here. I would love to live on a farm! I am so sorry to hear that you lost your husband. I sure hope they get your port whipped into shape at your next appt.

Victoria - Great Pics! I love your art, what a wonderful talent you have.

I sure wish we could plan a get together somewhere.... Wouldn't be fun to be able to meet and spend some time together?

Hope you all had a good day today. Any fun plans for the weekend? I am going to lunch and a movie tomorrow and a picnic on Sunday.

Love you all!