2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

maryannecb

Guys it seems we write more and more each month!

Have read thru the past weeks posts. A few new writers! Victoria have seen you post over on the stage three thread. Hope you had a good WE with your family.

Tadah-jeesh I think I would have peed my pants. I would rather pay full price than risk my life like that! Seriously be careful.

Rosemarie and Debbie your kids pics were beautiful. I especially loved thos portaits of the kids in casual clothing. The photograpeher relly caught their innocence. It must be hard for our children . They have had to face things and see us at our lowest points. I hope the experince has not been too traumatic for them.

Ravdeb and Mary, enjoy your one year markers. May we all have many more.

Looked on my calendar this am and behold, had a CT booked for 1 pm! A followup of my radiation pneumonitis. Didn't even have a chance to worry as had forgotten completely about it. Six pokes to get the IV,arrgghh. My veins super suck now and still have three morre months of Herceptin. The pneumonitis has improved and there is NED in my lungs or liver. Happy day for me.

Post getting dangerously long. Will post and continue

Fists up!

maryannecb

Laura I do love the Tshirt. My husband hates it though. He hates being reminded of this ordeal. He wants me to forget about it and move it. Oh if only it were that easy. I''ll wear it when he's not around I guess. It reminds me of the support I have had from you folks and that can only make me feel good.

Run for the Cure is in first week of Oct here. Last year I was four days post-op,with my dreaded drain pinned to my pants, looking at the crowd and thinking I wouldn't see another year. This year I will walk and have more positive thoughts about the future. Last year I felt like a cheater with a survivor shirt on, this year I have earned it.

Fists up!

TracySeattle

Ravdeb LOL no, his hair wasn't pink and he didn't have tights on..... heh heh heh, but the people at starbucks would have enjoyed it if he would have. He is quite the character! I was surprised that I recognized him since he was looking normal....

I have a meeting tonight with the Pastor of my church and Michelle (the other bc survivor) to plan our first cancer support group meeting which is a week from today!!!

Laura - I am volunteering for the American Cancer Society's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk on October 15! Seems like we are all feeling good and being involved this year--isn't it great????

I think we are the only ones who understand the significance of our cancer anniversaries. They will always be symbolic for us as they represent the hardest battle that we have fought and won in our lives!

Be well everyone! Love you all!
t

Anonymous

Laura, my daughter wore her shirt the other day when she had to come with me to work. It matched her Pink-Eye. Everyone absolutely loved the shirt. I will be wearing mine on the Komen walk!

ravdeb

Laura...just thought I'd mention that I wear mine to sleep at night. My dh loves it and thinks it's really neat that you made them for each of us. My kids thought so, too.

Well..I'm leaving for my smash-o-gram in a few minutes. I'm a bit nervous that they will have to take several special views to get what they need because of my scar upon scar (excisional and then lumpectomy on top of that).

Had a glass of wine last night. DH noticed the glass and I told him I deserve it because it was the anniversary of my diagnosis. Well... he said..."in September?" and I just looked at him weird since I had already reminded him of this. He then continued watching the news. He doesn't like to think about it anymore. I guess he wants to wish last year away.

So, Maryanne..I understand about your dh.

And I also wonder about all our kids who lived through this past year with us. My kids are older and they were great through the whole thing, supportive, etc (my kids are 22, 20 and 17) but I do wonder how much they worry and how much they really know and understand. I think my 17 year old matured an extra 10 years just like I aged 10 years last year.

sherryhaire

Today is my one year since mastectomy, some days seems like yesterday others so long ago. I have come down with a dreaded summer cold, If I didn't have to go to work I would make a hot toddy and crawl back into bed!!!

marymelodi

What is it about husbands? I think my husband wanted to be anywhere but here last year during the treatments (so he went out bowling 3 nights a week). He was only willing to talk about it if I had "vital" information to share -- no talk about feelings, fears, or emotions allowed. Now, when I asked him to acknowledge the anniversary his response was more or less "Why,it all turned out fine."

I think these guys were probably scared. Men don't like to feel helpless. Not very manly. So, they did what is pretty normal, I guess, refuse to acknowledge and hide from it. Oh sure, if we needed help from a "hero" they were there. Anything that would get public notice and praise, they were there to do it.

I know not all husbands reacted this way. Some of you had really great support from your men. But some just had alot harder time dealing with this than others. The ones that do have a hard time make it more difficult for the wife, I think. I never felt so alone as when I came home from chemo treatments to an empty house and knew no one was going to be there for 5 to 6 hours. Oh sure, I was brave and told everyone it was "OK", but now I find I have alot of resentment about it. That does me no good, clearly, so I need to find a way to just let it go.

Thanks for letting me rant and vent. It's all part of the process. I'm home from work today. Headache, fatigue . . hope it's not some flu thing.

Hope all is well. Good luck Ravdeb with your smashing experience. My mammo in July was not so bad.

Mary

TracySeattle

Ravdeb - I am thinking about you today.... Please let us know that you are home and that it all was OK.

Laura - I love my shirt too! I show it to everyone!

Yesterday was my one year from diagnosis anniversary. I shared it with my Pastor and Michelle who is another survivor, we talked about the fact that it only really means something to those of us that have had the experience. It seems that anyone else just really doesn't understand the significance. To us it is a symbol of our courage and strength.....

Mary - you know that I totally understand what you went thru as my soon to be EX reacted in the same way that your husband did. I felt so alone but did not want anyone to know. When I look back, I resent it too. We are strong women (already proven that several times, haven't we?)so we can put it behind us and move on.... Just know that we are all here for you whenever you need us!

Nothing much going on with me today. Hope you all have a good one. Mary and Sherry - feel better soon!

ake

hi ladies

so nyc was rainy and a washout in terms of tennis. i'm going back this weekend with my family to see the finals at the us open, so hopefully it will be good weather.

yeah...husbands don't like to think about all this. i had a bit of a meltdown on saturday because i started thinking of where i was at that time last year, how it was the week before my surgery, how scared my parents were, etc. and i lost it. told my husband i was sad about last year and he said," well, it's over. no excuse to get upset. it's time to move on and forget it ever happened." i started laughing and said, "do you think that's your issue coming to the surface and maybe that's what you wish you could do?" sometimes he hates having a shrink for a wife, but he did admit it was true we have our ups and downs and so do the people close to us i guess.

i'm off to work and then to my support group. there are so many new women in my group...kinda scary when i meet more and more young women. why are we all getting breast cancer? half of the women in our group dont' even have a family history!

love,
amy

ravdeb

Ladies...

Well....I got to the mammogram place, sat down, and then got really nervous. The husband of the woman sitting across from me in the waiting room looked at me and I must have looked nervous because he told me not to worry..it goes quickly (as tho I didn't know that!). I felt like telling him to get his you-know-what smashed in that machine and THEN we'll talk!

So, when I got call in, I told the tech that I had had surgery. She said, fine..asked me when and then said okay. She took the regular views and told me I'd get results on MOnday afternoon. hmmmmmmmmm.... I have US on Tues afternoon in the same place so I'll get the results then.

But OMG it hurt. I don't remember it ever hurting me so much, on both sides. It brought tears to my eyes. Even the very first mammogram I ever had, where I had no idea what it would be like, didn't hurt me like this did.

Afterwards, I went out into the mall (remember I told you that this place is on the top floor of a local mall) and I had tears again...only different tears. I was sure I had separated this mammogram from my cancer experience but all the memories of this past year raced though my mind and I had these tears...mixed emotions of what I had been through and where I am today.

I called my dh. He met me and we shopped together for new blinds for our bedroom. Then we took his bike in to be fixed and we had lunch together. I bought a new seat for my daughter's bike and a new helmet and I plan to start riding a bit.

It was a good day in the end. My dh made sure of it. He said that this day was my celebration that we didn't celebrate yesterday and it didn't matter that it was a day after the anniversary of my diagnosis.

Mary..it's tough for a lot of people, particularly men, to discuss or hear us talk about our feelings about our bc. My dh won't talk about it much with me. He doesn't like to hear about it too much but he really tried, without talking about my tears, to allow me to celebrate.

My close girlfriend, though she will listen to me and allow me to tell her how I'm feeling, also wants to wish last year away. I mean..I wish that last year hadn't happened to me or to any of you, but it did, it can't be wished away, and we must move on. But, this last year, at least for me, will move on with me. Maybe it won't be such heavy baggage as the years go by, but it's a part of me for life.

TracyNY

I went to lymphedema therapy this morning, my first session. My arm is bandaged from my fingers to the shoulder and the therapist says I could get good results since my swelling is still at the reversible stage.

The sessions cost $115 per FIFTEEN MINUTES! She said she can accelerate the treatments and teach me how to do it to save money. I told her to give me the full works, I want my arm back.

Insurance pays 80% so it shouldn't damage my pocket too bad. I have to go every day next week for an hour a visit. This had better work!

RoseMarie

Hi everyone!
My surgery is still scheduled for Sept. 15-got a call from the doc.'s office yesterday - I'm not sure about Sept. 30th, Laura, but I will let you know!! My husband has been very supportive and involved - in fact, he knows more about my diagnoses than I do! HOWEVER, he really believed me when I said my recovery this time should be a piece of cake - he's scheduled to be out of town the entire following week!!! Alone, with 3 kids, and recovering - yeah, that should be fun....
My daughter's ballet teacher called today to inform me that she thought the class Kiersten is in is too difficult for her - is afraid she'll be very frustrated and won't be able to keep up. She offered me the option of putting Kiersten in a class with another special needs girl. It'll just be the two girls in this class - Isn't that against the Americans with Disablities Act??? If I really thought they were acting in the best interest of my child I wouldn't be so mad.

ravdeb

Tadah...Hope that therapy works for you! good luck!

Rosemarie..That doesn't seem right about your daughter's ballet class. What did you tell her when she suggested this to you? I'm really disappointed to hear this.

Good luck with your surgery next week. I hope you are able to manage with the kids while your dh is away. If I could bop on over and help you out, I would!

ravdeb

Sherry...
Hope you feel better soon. And congrats on passing a milestone in your bc journey!!!!

Amy..I wonder this myself...why are so many young women getting this horrible disease? It is so unfair! I often think it's because we humans have ruined the environment and this is the result of it.

AnnaM

TaDah, I check in here from time to time because this thread is actually where I started my journey back in October of last year and I like to keep up with how all of you are doing. (I moved to the November thread when it seemed to me that you were all going so much faster than I was; I didn't do dose dense; slow motion (3 wk intervals) for me and Herceptin still ongoing.)

Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you in the LE therapy department; I started therapy in February and now do not have to wear compression garments unless I am planning to fly or engage in some strenuous activity.

Your therapist sure does charge a lot, but still, it's worth it. I do the manual lymph drainage massage on myself and I enjoy the quiet time it forces me to plan into my day.

Check to make sure that your insurance will only cover 80% of the therapy. You may be close to the amount your insurance deems the limit for your 20% co-pays, after that amount is reached your insurance should cover everything. In my case that amount was $20,000. It's hard to believe I have gone beyond that amount, but if you add up the chemo cost, surgery and so on, I guess it's not so surprising.

Good luck, and feel free to PM me if you wish.

Hugs to all you October girls!

Anna

Anonymous

maryanne -
Congrats on the test results!
Laura

Graycie

I just read a post on another thread you all may be interested in.

Meredith Corp, who publishes magazines (biggest is Better Homes & Gardens) just printed a new magazine to be sold on the newsstands titled "Beyond...Live and Thrive after Breast Cancer".
Not sure if she works there or her friend does but she said she read a copy of it and I loved it. Very inspiring stories. It should be on newsstands soon if not already.

Graycie

chumfry

Ravdeb and Amy:

You're right. This will never be behind me. I will carry it all my life. My mom, dad, sisters, inlaws and a lot of my coworkers all want it to be behind me, so that can be difficult. In fact, it's horribly frustrating. I'm glad you guys posted about this because it's sure been on my mind.

My anniversary of diagnosis was this past weekend so I was a little weepy. I'm lucky that my husband understands because he was born with some medical problems and they'll never be behind *him.*

Graycie

You girl's are not alone.....I also have felt weepy and very depressed lately. I am trying to hide it but it is hard sometimes. At work today I thought I was going to have to leave because all of a sudden all the scared feeling's started once again. I really was making myself literally sick thinking about it. I got over it thank goodness but I am so sick of this disease. Why can't they just find a cure. Every ache and pain get's you wondering if it is normal or not. I am a lot older than some of you so I am not sure if some of it just goes' with the territory or not. Never felt so tired before but I am also wondering if depression may have something to do with it....I hope I snap out of this soon...I think the one year mark is what set it off.

Graycie

Graycie

Congratulations Victoria on winning an award. You should feel very proud.

Laura is our little artist and T-shirt maker so you can check with her about the T-shirt. You probably have seen them in the picture's but they turned out
fabulous. Laura did a great job on them

BTW, Laura, My husband loves the T-shirt and thinks that is so sweet of you to design and make them for us.....My husband has some fault's (don't they all) but he has been very supportive through this whole year. He isn't one to show his feeling's, but he has always been there for me when I needed him the most. He works road construction so having the winter's off I was lucky, he was able to accompany me to most of my infusions. I sure wouldn't have wanted to do that alone.

Oh Ravdeb, before I forget my daughter is waiting for her results too.....They did a sonogram and mammogram. The girl doing the test's kind of gave her the impression they were OK. My daughter wouldn't wait for the doctor she told them she had to go. I could have crowned her for that one. So after the girl went and checked with the doctor she said they would mail her the results. I think if there was something wrong they would have made her wait there. So I think all is well........Thanks for thinking of her.

Graycie

TracySeattle

TaDah - How bad is your lymphadema? My hand swells just a little bit and aches just a little bit especially when I am out in the heat. Do you think they will wrap my arm all up too?? How long do you have to leave it that way? And going back every day??? That is like being in radiation treatment again, isn't it.... I guess I will be traveling this road with you as my first appointment for Therapy is next Tuesday.....

Ravdeb - I am so sorry that you had a tough time with your mammo. I just hate that this doesn't go away.

I wish we could all be there in person for each other, but I feel so lucky to have all of you....

I am really tired tonight. Off to bed with me.

ravdeb

So Graycie... we play the waiting game.

By the way, I can't remember exactly how old you are or if you even revealed your age, but I don't think we are all that much different in age. I KNOW I'm more achey and more tired than I was a year ago. I KNOW it is not my age but rather the treatments that I went through and the tension that it caused.

I am much more anxious than I used to be. I was more depressed before bc than I am now. But now I'm anxious about everything and wish that I didn't have to have these doctor appointments. I keep postponing my calls to make appointments to see the onc and the surgeon. I can't face it. I made a deadline for myself. After I get my results from the mammo and the US, I will make the calls. Trying to face one thing at a time.

So, today is Physical Labor day. I have to clean my house! This is not so terrible..just that I get such bad pains in my back and legs and my left arm and breast feel not so good. Am worried about that and that is the reason I really need to see my surgeon but....

Okay..time to get to work!
Have a good day everybody.

Oh..and Victoria... congrats on the award! that's very exciting!

debbie444

Wow - victoria! When you know whar has won an award you must post it so we can see!
Catherine is really enjoying school - it will soon wear off! Today she went skipping off to the bus stop( she went on her own and i got Mum - just DONT wait at the bus stop - PLEASE ) She was excited even though her day todayconsists of double German, double maths, double P.E , double woodwork and english!
I am finding it hard to concentrate now i am back at work, even tho i am not there long. We are in a huge class of 38 and it is hard going.
My balloon trip has been cancelled - till next year as the season is over. They may do some last minute ones during winter so i am on the stand by list.
This is my new car ( well new to me) . Roger reckons that people will see me coming and avoid me, a bit like being wrapped in bubble wrap. So far noone has hit me ( i have my first aid kit from Laura in the boot tho!)


Roger wont drive it - says it makes him look like a hairdresser! I hasten to add that all of the other arent mine - just Rogers ( plus the one in the garage and the one on the road , he finds it hard to let go!

Debbie

debbie444

When i look whos online, there is always someone looking at this forum - please feel free to pop in and say hello!
Debbie

Graycie

I was just checking in before I go to work. Debbie your car is a beauty.....

I will write more later, Everyone have a nice day!
Graycie

Anonymous

Debbie444 -
Your car is gorgeous! I bet you look adorable in it - running around town! Stay off the Autobahn (not that it's near you though)!

Victoria -
PM me your address - I will send you a Rocktober t-shirt.
Congrats on the reward! Post a photo - I would love to see your masterpiece!

Graycie, Chumfry -
The anniversaries are so hard. Hang in there.

Laura

Curlylocks

Hi Debbie44,

I am from the December 05 chemo thread and love reading your Rockoctober girls thread. You ladies make me laugh and Debbie OMG you should have been evil kenvil's sidekick.LOL.

Our thread was not as active and alot of the ladies dont post much anymore, kinda sad.

Just thought I would say hello as Debbie invited me in.....

Michele Wenz

scottishlass

Tadah,
Lymphodoema - I have had about 5 sessions of "therapy" I love them because it is like having a massage. They do work. I try try to do it myself - from what she has taught me and it does keep it at bay for quite a while. She also uses some special tape which my kids think looks like an octopus or spider. That really does work - although it is a bit of a leap of faith to understand why. However I am now a firm believer in any type of cure as long as it does not hurt!!!!! The other thing she suggested is swimming. That also works if you can fit it into your schedule.
Hope these tips are of some help. What I do not understand is why sometimes it is manageable and sometimes it is not
Jill

ravdeb

Debbie..What a GREAT car! How fun! I think I'll send the pic to my dh and give him a few hints. I'm in need of a new car. He knows it. We are working on it. Enjoy it!!! I'm sure you will. But..geeeez...wear a helmet!
Sorry your balloon ride was canceled again. Bummers!

Jill and Tadah..hope you both manage that lymphadema.boy that sucks. I like the octopus tapes. Just can't picture that!

Michele..hi! Come on in and join the fun! These ladies are wonderful!

maryanne...where are you? How are you?

And kelly? Are you there, here??? Anywhere? Brenda??? all the rest???
When does Paula return???

gotta go wash the floor...
tootles...

marymelodi

Hey, Good morning everyone!

Ravedeb: maybe your aches in the breast and arm are not signs of something terrible. Maybe like me you'll find that the aching is from swelling after the radiation. It was my impression that this is more of an acute reaction, rather than a chronic, long-term condition. I hope this is the case for you. Go get it checked out so you don't have to imagine the worst.

Debbie: Great looking car! May it stay just like this as long as you own it. Sorry about your balloon trip. Sounds like me and the sailboat. When I cannot do all the things I want to do on vacation or try all the food at a great restaurant I always say, "It's a good reason to come back." So, for you and I - - we both have reasons to look forward to the return of nice weather and the activities we missed this summer.

It's a bummer that many of us are dealing with long delayed reactions to the horrendous year we passed through. I think my anxiety and weeping over my little cat being "missing" for a couple of days was partly fueled by the generally higher level of tension and anxiety I've been living with for the last 12 months. I am finding it hard to sleep through the night and when I see my family doctor next week I'll be discussing this with her. She has been really helpful and supportive through this and she may be able to help me sleep better. I know that would be of benefit.

Hope everyone is doing well today. Best wishes to those that are waiting on test results. We all pray things will come out benign, stable, and of no consequence.

Mary