Stupid comments ....

lol I just was having visions of the pair of us being hauled off by security for drug dealing! I know she meant well, but all the same..!

When I told my mom my diagnosis she said "OH, I always figured you would die from a stroke". Gee, thanks Mom, that was quite reassuring.

VL22 - That reminds me of exactly the reason I didn't want to tell my mom about my breast cancer diagnosis! Several years ago when her next door neighbor was diagnosed with DCIS and was struggling with all the decisions about surgery and treatment options - my mom crudely told her, "just have them chopped off! You're gay, it's not like you need them anyway since you don't date men!!" I was absolutely appalled!

My brother decided to take it upon himself to tell her about me anyway against my wishes. But fortunately for me, her memory is really bad now so I have escaped her craziness for the most part. In fact, in the few months since, she has never once asked me how I was doing, if I had surgery, what treatments I am getting, etc. I think she completely forgot. So that's actually been a huge relief. Not sure I could have dealt with her stupid comments on top of everything else.

On a different note - my son is getting married soon and his future mother-in-law emailed me when he told her I was diagnosed. She said "I heard you have breast cancer. I assume you are having a lumpectomy since that's what all my friends are doing these days!" As if it is the latest hairstyle or something!! I wrote back and said actually, no, I was having a bilateral mastectomy. She wrote back and said "that's awfully drastic since I assume it's not that bad." What a ridiculous comment. I had only met her once before at a dinner several months earlier - which makes it crazy that she would comment at all. And to make it even WORSE, she is a nurse practitioner!

when I first told friends....you should just get them both taken off!

When I told family....it must not be that bad since you don't have to have chemo!

Lastly, a family member asked how RAD was going....said I am blistered and burnt. Family member replied....suck it up buttercup! Hmmmm

Ok. I found out two weeks ago and here are some of the dumb comments thus far. Several friends have very flippantly told me that I should get them both off and be done with it! One told me how fabulous her friends fake boobs are... she said that they felt like marshmallows...so incredible!

Another friend text me that her cousin had a bilateral mastectomy and her reconstructed boobs are WAY better than her real ones were.

Next friend says that I should just forget about reconstruction because it's SO fabulous to rock one of those low, open neck T-shirts with no bra...so 2017!

My husband hasn't made any dumb comments about the choices ahead...he's been concerned about my health and well being. It's like my female friends are so fixated on what I'll do about my boobs....more so than concerns about the future of my life! Most people would think it's the guys that put the attention on the boob issue...?

Seeing what my "friends" said in print makes it seem strange to consider them friends. I guess it goes back to remembering that we have all said dumb things to people in situations where we felt uncomfortable and were just trying to be nice, (without understanding how to do so in that given situation).

A well-meaning friend asks me - Twice - what stage I was dx'd with.

Each time - I said "Stage II" only because she kept saying how bad it would be to be "Stage III".

Why in the world would anybody ask that question - if there's a chance someone has more than Stage II?????

Glad I lied about it...would hate to have to reassure *her* that I'm Okay.

When - I already have a hard time reassuring myself that I'm Okay!!!!!

KB - that's hysterical! I can just imagine the look on the receptionist's face!

People keep telling me how great I look (thank you) - and comment on how I haven't lost my hair (I'm having radiation treatments, not chemo). I've decided the best thing is that all evidence of my unasked-for adventure is hidden by my shirt (unless I randomly whip it up one day!).

MJ

Worst comment I heard was just three days ago, "Why are you taking time off work, when your chemo does not start until Friday?"

Erm, cos I am feeling like an emotional wreck? Cos I am exhausted from the ovary suppression shot which also makes me feel like crying one moment and laughing the next? Cos I need time to just feel as centered, calm and rested as I can before I go get some liquid fire pumped into my veins to burn the bad bad cells away?

Although "If I am you, I would just cut everything off and not worry about it," and "You have such nice hair! What a pity!" are both close second place contenders

First time posting here.

My first Primary Care emailed me when I requested a breast MRI, "why bother since your are having them cut off anyway."

My Surgeon insisted. The MRI showed a 4cm lobular carcinoma in what was to be the prophylactic breast not shown on mammogram or found by physical exam.

Fired the Primary Care. Got a new one.

Another comment came from my Oncologist who said he was "uncomfortable prescribing Lattise" for my diminishing lashes. Uncomfortable? That was having my breasts amputated. He changed his mind about the Rx.

Coach Vick

HelloSweetie: I think she could be a freenamie. Who needs friends like that

Just found this thread and I must say, some of the things people say are just mind boggling! Wow!!!!

Here's mine.....I was diagnosed back in February. Had my surgeries and 4 weeks of radiation. Last day of radiation was April 21st, then my husband and I were getting on a plane to Vegas for a celebration of sorts. I had only told my closest family, friends and co-workers about my situation, but while sitting in the airport waiting for our plane, I decided I would go on Facebook and share my good news (radiation done; heading out for some fun after dealing with all of this....) with friends and family I hadn't already told. For the most part, every response was very uplifting and positive. Except for a message I received from a former co-worker. "Ruby, did you really have cancer, or were you just joking?"

WHAT???? Who would joke about that?? I like a good joke just as much as the next person, but seriously?? Needless to say, I haven't had much contact with her since.

Edited to add: MsPharoah, if you're still on this thread, I just want you to know that I will be keeping your "junk punch" phrase alive and well from here on out! :-)

You nailed it, Scared67! I absolutely hate that and I have had it happen too many times.

Another thing that bothers me is if I happen to mention some stressful situation I'm going through at the moment, such as with one or more of my adult children, someone will say, "You know, stress isn't good for your cancer." Well, duh! But is there anybody out there who can just turn off their stress levels at will?

A corollary to the “how are you?” question: if I happen to be going through a rough patch (like a pulled muscle, sprain, cold, anemia, etc.) that has nothing to do with cancer, and I answer truthfully, people are taken aback. Apparently they only want to hear about breast cancer; anything else is TMI.

Wow, KB, that's not only stupid, it's rude, disrespectful and evil !

KB - WOW. That would make me want to scream. Why don't these people realize - that cancer can happen to them???? No one is immune. 10 years ago - a friend of mine was diagnosed with an aggressive form lymphoma - at age 28. But, before that - he was the picture of health. Ate exceptionally well, worked-out all the time and even rock climbed. NO history of cancer in his family - whatsoever!

Me-Too - Yup...it sucks that we can never feel safe that it won't come back. I feel like I can never move on because the threat of mets will always be there...