Stupid comments ....

Spookiesmom

good reply!😍

sas-schatzi

Meadow hear anything yet?

Meadow

Sas, no not a word. I saw in her bio that she has extended family in Brazil...Maybe she went to visit? But she would have said she was taking a break, don't you think? I don't think anyone here who is active on a thread they started would just go silent for 5 months. We may never know! Thinking of you RaiderGirl, hope you are ok.

ShetlandPony

I think these "only bc no big deal" comments are a result of the stupid pink rah rah rah "awareness" campaigns. See the Pinktober thread. I don't want to offend anyone who finds comfort through pink, but how can the general public be so unaware after all this awareness?

solfeo

Agree with ShetlandPony. Something gets lost in all this "awareness" and hope and positive thinking, and that's the fact that so many -- way too many -- women are still dying from this disease. The BC walks/runs are like carnivals where everyone is having such a great time. I'm not against hope and fun obviously, and I know they are big morale builders, but I can see how the impression is that we don't really have much to worry about.

solfeo

Oh, and I had my BMX in October so I definitely was not feeling the Breast Cancer Awareness Month love. By the end of the month I was ready to ban pink from my life permanently. (Said with apologies for my cynicism to pink lovers everywhere LOL)

sas-schatzi

Meadow actually it has happened more often than you would think. The Mods said they'd try. Give it a week and send them another note. It's tough when someone goes MIA. We never quite get over it. Hang in there.

sas-schatzi

RAIDERGIRHOOTIHOOOWHEREAREYOUMEADOWANDIAREWORRIEDPOPINANDTELLUSYOUAREOKAY!!

Meadow

Thanks SAS, hoping we learn something

rc979

I've been disappointed at how everyone has minimized what I've been through. I KNOW how lucky I am that I "only" had to have a lumpectomy and radiation but it was still scary and painful. My skin fell apart and even three months post-radiation, my breast still hurts A LOT almost all of the time. I'm not having horrible tamoxifen side effects but I still don't feel good. I'm still an emotional wreak, I'm tired, I'm scared...but everyone acts like I should be totally fine now.

If you don't have chemo or a mastectomy, everyone thinks it was just a walk in the park for you. It's depressing. Even my family acts like it never even happened now.

Anniekay80

I tend to agree with a lot of you about the whole "pink" awareness stuff. I watched all those commercials and listened all month (year) long about breast cancer awareness. But while I also believe in positivity..... the message they are sending seems pretty black and white to me. The dark side .....we are told how many women have died from breast cancer; and the positive..... is how far they have come in treating it and if we fight we can survive.

But they leave out everything in the middle....all that time spent getting treatment, the pain, and what it does to us physically and emotionally. The attitude seems to be....if you survived, be grateful and you are done with the race. While I truly am grateful, I don't think we'll ever be DONE. We will always carry our scars both physical and emotional to remind us of what we've been through, and darn it....I refuse to accept just surviving. I want to LIVE life to the fullest without this cancerous baggage I was given to carry around.

I just don't understand how an international campaign of awareness can leave so much out of the picture. If we are all so "aware", then why are there so many questions from so many women right here on these boards? I myself was totally unprepared, and I was in the "really lucky" category.

Its kind of like dropping someone in the middle of a foreign country at war and telling them to survive....no map, you don't speak the language, your life is in danger, you have limited resources, you don't know your final destination and you don't know how to get there. We can sometimes be so busy trying to survive from one day to another, that we either don't have the time or the energy or we just forget about the "living our life" part of the picture.

If we are all so "aware".......then why is there so much about this journey that the world is left unaware of? Being positive is a necessity to a happy life.....but I believe that most stupid comments are born of ignorance and not necessarily negativity.

Don't mean to offend anyone (I actually love pink!)......I just think they could do a better job of making all of us truly, fully "aware".

Smurfette26

Great post Anniekay80.

Spookiesmom

why not repost this to Pinktober thread? They might want to put it on the site they are building. I'll bump it so it's easy to find.

kathindc

Anniekay, this should definitely go to the Pinktober thread. Check out Traveltext's site pinktobersucks.com. He is a male breast cancer survivor. I think you would find both very interesting. This past October saw a flurry of activity.

Anniekay80

Thank you all for the positive feedback. I only wrote down how I really have felt on the rollercoaster that became my life 3 months ago with the phone call...."you have cancer". I will check out the threads you all mentioned but I don't know how to move or repost a post.

If what I had to say brings some comfort to even one person, I'm truly happy I took the time to write it. For me writing about how I feels is usually very cathartic.....I feel like I set down a very heavy load.

Cyber hugs to you all.....

singlemom1

Hi everyone, just needed to post after a stupid comment said to me today. Friend: so how are you doing? Me: I have tough days and better days. Friend: We all have tough days. Me: somedays are really hard and I can go to some really dark places. Friend: yeah, we all have tough days, you got to stay positive that's what I try to do.

Excuse me? You have a amazingand supportive husband, 3 great and healthy children and oh yeah, you don't have stage 4 cancer!!!

Spookiesmom

Sure you want her as a "friend"?

sas-schatzi

Annie, if you would like your post cut and pasted to Pinktober, I will do it. May have been done already, JUst catching up on reading.

LAstar

singlemom, if you managed to hold your tongue, you are a better woman than I. I hope you have at least one amazing friend that makes up for the void left by conversations such as that. Big hug to you!

singlemom1

Spookies mom and LAstar -have been realizing over the last couple of months that she is not really a friend! Very strange as when first diagnosed she came in very strong for about 6 weeks, now she just seems "over it". I think this most recent conversation made me really see how insensitive and self absorbed she really is. I don't know about everyone else, but I tend to not be that bothered by stupid statements by people I am not close to, but if your a close friend of mine I get very hurt and upset!!!

LAstar

If she's a close friend, maybe she can handle a little dose of reality to help her remove her noggin from her tuchis. She might be in denial about your diagnosis because she loves you so much. It's really not your job to temper your friend's narcissism, but if it helps you cope better to tell her how you feel in person or in a letter, you should do it.

Spookiesmom

It's something you'll see all over this forum. You *think* they're your friend, but eventually they show their true colors. It's toxic, and you don't need it.

singlemom1

I agree. I think I am going to distance myself from her. This is not the first time I questioned our friendship. Thanks!

singlemom1

I am feeling pretty hurt about an insensitive comment made by a close friend. She is a very close friend.Today we were talking about problems she is having with hip. She recently found out she has moderate arthritis as well as a cyst on her hip. I have been supporting her over the last month going to doctors and having tests. She told me today about her appt with her recent doc. We talked for awhile and The plan is for her to have cortisone shots. The doc said if these didn't work she may need to eventually have hip replacement surgery. My friend told me she was very upset about this and pretty emotional. She said this is a significant thing going on with her body and it is hard. She went on to say that she is too young to have this problem( she is 50). I did not know what to say. I am very supportive to my friends when they have any medical issues, but She said all of this in a way that she was feeling very sorry for herself andthat is fine and understandable but to do a pity party to me about it felt insensitive. It was like she forgot I have stage 4 cancer and a 10 year old child. I find her to making insensitive comments from time to time like this.

tjh

singlemom....sometimes you have to cut the negative people from your life because the simply suck too much energy and life from you. Sounds selfish but you and your 10 year old need to be your focus.

singlemom1

I was wondering if I was being too sensitive about the whole thing. Wondering what you guys think. She can be very supportive and loving, it is just weird that she comes out with things that make me want to scream"did you forget I have stage 4 cancer"!!!!!!!

Jelson

singlemom1 - I agree it was insensitive of your friend - but in a way it also shows how close she feels to you - how comfortable she feels in sharing her fears about her health and future. She wasn't treating you like a friend with stage IV bc, just like a friend. I guess I am being sympathetic to her because I just got test results that threw me for a loop - a bone density scan 2 years after stopping 4.5 years of tamoxifen - I thought I would be in great shape, just checking to get a base line and found that I have osteopenia. a surprise - but also a glimpse into the great abyss. I exercise and eat right and essentially was told - if you didn't, it would probably worse like all you can do is delay the inevitable - mortality, shrinking, bending over, stuff breaking, pain - I have been semi-hysterical - TOTAL INSANE OVER- REACTION - I know and I am already gaining perspective and will move on and so will your friend. You are right, it was all about her and her hip - and I am sure she realizes that in the scheme of things - there is NO comparison. but my advice is cut her some slack.

MelissaDallas

Singlemom, IMHO, she legitimately has a very serious medical condition at a young age which potentially has life threatening consequences to correct. She could die from surgery or have lifelong consequences from having surgeey that could eventially lead to her death.Why is there a contest to see whose serious medical condition "trumps" whose? I am partially resisting AIs because I am more afraid of dying from a broken hip and the consequences and needing to have a caretaker over worrying over dying of cance.. Does it alleays have to be "eithor or".

ladsgma

Stupid comment made to me when we met with the Breast Specialist was "I have good news and better news" so I said I was told I have cancer what is good about that. She said you have IDC and it's very treatable and they shouldn't have to take the lymph nodes(which they did) so you shouldn't have to worry about lymphedema(which I do). All you need is surgery maybe chemo and radiation. So which part of all that is the good news and the better news? Then she gave me a huge book living with breast cancer and my husband a book caring for loved ones with cancer and sent us off. Still waiting for the better news.

singlemom1

Jelson- I think you hit it on the nose when you stated she spoke to me as a close friend, not a close friend who has stage 4 cancer. We are good friends and I wouldn't let this come between us, I just needed a safe place to vent as I find it very difficult for people to understand what having stage 4 cancer feels like and that leads me to feeling more isolated I appreciate your feedback.

Melissadallas - this has nothing to do with a contest on who trumps who. I will give you the benefit of the doubt that I was unable to adequately explainthe situation or the dynamics and that is why your response to me felt like a reprimand. You mentioned dying from a hip replacement and being more scared of this than dying from cancer. Well, I am unclear of your stage or extent of your cancer, but you do realize that stage 4 is terminal?? Statistics don't give much time and I have a 10 year old daughter with no father, no grandparents and no aunts or uncles. All she has is me. So you may not worry about dying from cancer but that is a reality I live with everyday.