Starting Chemo in June 2005

I meant to write to Jen.....
Hooray about the house and having this all work out so well for you. Hooray, hooray, hooray...

I have my six months post-chemo exams on Tuesday. I'm starting to be a mess, too. Strange, I don't even worry about a recurrance in my breast, I had mammos and MRI's in December and wasn't worried. I'm worried about mets, just can't stop thinking about it. Tuesday I have a chest x-ray, blood tests, visit with med. onc and with rad onc. A full day. Last week my shin hurt and I was sure I had bone mets until after a couple of days I remember I had banged it on the trailer hitch of my car while loading groceries. My, oh my! I'm going to drive myself totally bonkers with irrationality!

Nancy let us know what you find out about the lump. It could be a cyst. I got one because the scar tissue had created a pocket of some kind. So anyway.....it was a lump but it was an O.K. lump. The ultra sound showed that it had clear fluid in it.
I am thinking that is what you have.
Awful news today about Dana Reeves. That has rocked me to the core.
She was such a lovely lady and boy, did cancer take her fast?
I got the all clear yesterday. I got the results of my six month mammogram and my pap test.
So I had wine for supper.
I think those of us who are still writing were all diagnosed with later stages than those that have gotten on with their lives.
Do you think that is true or am I over generalizing?
As the anniversay of the diagnosis approaches I find myself needed a "hazard suit". A friend suggested it is like mourning death. The first year after you loose a loved one the anniversary's are so hard.
I thought that was a good analogy.
Each all clear helps enormously but we all know year two is a "land mine".
Don't cha think?

Nancy...most likely it will be nothing, but of course you can't help but get scared. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

I think a lot of people just get too busy to post here any more, plus some people just want to put it all behind them. I like to check in now and then to see how everyone is doing. This was a place that was so helpful while dealing with treatment. I spend a bit of my free time on the internet so checking in here is just part of it.

I don't really think of my surgery day as the anniversary, but the day I was told I had cancer. Seems far away now and I am very glad to have the treatment phase over with. It was a rotten year...so it's time to start enjoying ourselves!

Liz

Hey, everybody! I had med appts and tests all morning yesterday, and all is clear! I do have to go to the gyno later in the month for a pap, but that's routine, so, even though I'm worried, I'm not, ya kknow? And onc told me to go to my primary doc and schedule a colonoscopy since I've never had one. But all the tests were good.

Jo, you're probably right about stages in re who's still here. I was 3A, though my surgeon said 2B - right on the line. It's scary, isn't it?

BTW, while I wandering around in the cancer center, the onc's nurse saw me and hugged me. While I was in chemo, she was about a year out of chemo for ovarian (I think). She basically had the same treatment protocol as us. She has just cut off the rest of her curly "post-chemo" hair and now has her straight hair back. She was getting bloodwork done for a followup. She looks good!

I was diagnosed as a 2a. Whatever. All I know is that I had to have a part of my body cut off and my system flushed with something akin to pesticides. I'm not really afraid of a recurrence, but the thought is always there.

Once we get moved and settled I am going to have a prophylactic right mastectomy and reconstruction. Partly so I don't have the worry of more breast cancer - though it won't stop mets. But also I want the plastic surgeon to earn his money. If all he has to do is match my one remaining small and droopy boob, then he'll be done in a matter of minutes! lol. I want it to be worth the hassel!

I saw my gyn a couple weeks ago and my pap came back clear. I also saw my endocrinologist (swollen right thyroid with nodules) and he said that everything looked great. That one was really a relief because there's the risk of the nodules becoming cancerous. I had half of my thyroid removed when I was 23 (DANG! That seems like such a long time ago!) because they thought I had a malignancy. Thankfully it wasn't.

I see my onc tomorrow. And how funny is this? I'm really looking forward to seeing my lab techs. I loved them! They were so much fun. I'm a little sad that it may be the last time I see them since we'll be moving in June.

I, too, am glad that we all seem to be getting on with life. But you ladies have become so precious to my heart and I always want to know what's going on with each of you!

Jen

Hey Scout!! I hope you are feeling better today, it's good to hear from you! I'll be praying for you that you never have to deal with the staph crap again.

Liz, Jen, and Brenda, I'm so glad that your appointments have all gone well!! YAY for normal results!!!!

I called my GYN yesterday to set up an appointment for my annual pap - she's taking a WAITING LIST for AUGUST and they won't even set the stupid appointment up! The receptionist said they will call me in July to make the actual appointment. I knew she gets booked up quickly, which is why I called in March for a June appointment. I usually see the nurse practitioner, but after bc I want to see the MD for everything. But August? Gee whiz. I think I'll see if I can find someone else.

I hope everyone is doing well. Have a great week!

I'm just checking in. I went to a party for two friends who turned fifty last night. Lots of jokes aobut growing old. Needless to say they weren't really jokes to me.
I thought "I wonder if I am the only cancer survivor in this room". Kind of a lonely place to be. Then a friend came over and rubbed my back and I could tell "he got it" I don't think my face gave me away . I think he was just knew......
I continue to paint everyday and am loving the results. I've gotten so much better.
I can't wait to see what I do tomorrow.
At some point I have to photograph this stuff and put it on the web site. For now I am doing it just for me.
I took off my rubberband. I realized I wan't snapping it anymore. I don't know if it worked or not.
I'd say it helped.
That is something.
I don't think I ever said that I am stage 3a. That scares the heck out of me.
I know if my stage was lower I would be less anxious.
For now I am using drugs and wine at night. Otherwise I get really morbid.

HI everyone!

I realized when I started reading that it's been a month since I've been here. Life is really taking over again...but in a good way. At least it's not cancer taking over my life.

Things seem to be really moving along for folks. Folks are painting, houses are selling, folks are moving.

Nancy...are you ready for spring with all the snow SLC has had in March? I'm ready for a change of season....I guess it's so I can see the rebirth of nature. Just a self healing process.

I don't remember if I posted or not, but went to my PCM at the military hospital for yucky eyelids, he put me on Elidel (used for eczema) and proceeds to tell me that studies have shown that if it's ingested it could cause leukemia, so don't ingest it. I came home and immediately called my onc. He thought it would be ok. I didn't think it would work to begin with, but used if for 2 weeks just in case. It didn't work. Decided to use a steroid cream which the PCM told me was the next step, and it cleared it up.

I've been trying to get back into the routine of exercising. At least it's on my mind. I pulled a muscle in my back that set me back for about three weeks. I'm having a massage tomorrow to see if I get rid of the pain. I haven't been to the doctor because I know he'll put on muscle relaxers, and I figure I've spent enough time knocked out, that I'd rather try massage first. Hopefully it'll help. If not, I'll probably go into freak overload.

My hair is continuing to grow. My neighbor told me how thick it was starting to look. It's as straight as ever...and can't make up it's mind about being dark or gray. I LOVE the t-shirt that says I paid my oncologist a lot of money for this hair cut. I thought a better one was "My insurance didn't pay my oncologist enough money for this haircut!"

Oh, my big crisis is my 17 yo daughter has been having best friend and boy issues. I just wish I could understand why girls at that age feel like they are incomplete if they don't have a boyfriend. She spent the month of February grounded--no car, no cell phone. My husband spent his first month of terminal leave (he's retiring from the Air Force) having to haul her to and from school and work.

I don't think I posted, but he was hired by the company that gave him his first interview. We are in Utah to stay...at least for the next several years. What a joy to have good news in our lives.

Enough of this post. Keep your spirits up!

I started walking on the treadmill today. It's been 12 days since the surgery and I'm still "staph free"..yea! I was stupid enough to ask the PA (dr had emerg. surgery) if he has seen staph come back twice. His answer? "Oh yea".....shoot! I asked him if they go ahead and have reconstuction AGAIN, and he said yes. Why did I ask him this???
Anywho....no infection as of now. I'm still on 3 antibiotics because I found out I was a staph carrier (wish I had known) so I'm taking heavy duty antibiotics. Now I'm scared to go off of them!
I had some plastic "bandaids" sort of thingies...don't know what you call them, but they covered some stiches I had. I must be allergic to the tape because now I have what looks like poison ivy all around the stiches...ouch! I haven't called the office yet but I can't wear the "bra" they give you because it rubs too much on the rash. I did wear it while I was walking on the treadmill, but took it off after that. I'm just sitting around the house, so I don't think it should matter too much. I see the PS tomorrow and hopefully can get my drain out...it's such a pain! Last Friday the drain on my right side just fell out, so I only have one now. It's still draining 50mm so I'm going to pray that it slows down by tomorrow. It has to be 30 to 25 before they take it out. Bummer.
I went to an estate sale this weekend with my SIL and bought a really, really, cool potting hutch for $60! I am sooo excited! DH is going to put wheels on it so that I can just wheel it out of the garage and pot away!
I have some plants growing using the "winter sow" method, but wasn't able to keep up with all the warm weather we have been having, so it seems some died, I want to plant up the annuals next week which should give them plenty of time to grow.
It's good to hear that everyone is moving on. BC is such a beast that took over my life for way too long, and I'm still fighting to take it back..some days are better than others.

Thanks Liz. I would like to feel like I am making some progress.
Scout......You are one tough cookie.
Treadmilling with the drain in....wow!
I hope this infection stays dormant and you can get on with the healing.
You have had enough complications.
I too am looking forward to gardening season.
I am going to find someone to do the heavy lifting so I can enjoy the easy parts.
It is snowing tonight so I don't think I have to get anything organized in the next few weeks.
In the meantime I have my indoor tulips and paperwhites blooming.
They make the house smell like the florists.
I like that.

Dana - my daughter (11) and I are planning on starting scrapbooking once we get moved and settled. I've done a couple scrapbooks and it was fun. But I'm really excited to get to share this with Katie.

KimB - I'm very excited for you to have your grandkids nearby. What a blessing!!

Rebecca - Great news that you get to stay in Utah!

Jo - Can you give us your website addy again, please? I'd love to see photos of your paintings. I'm just so in awe of people who can make beautiful things like that.

Scout - Very glad to hear there's no infection. I'll keep up prayers for you. And I'm powerfully jealous about you going to an estate sale. I LOVE antique shopping and estate sales, but I haven't been to one in forever. I'm afraid I'll find something great that I'd love to have, but with our move just around the corner I think it might be silly to purchase something else. So I guess I'll wait until I get up to PA.

Things are still moving forward with the house. Yesterday we thought we were going to have to pay $800.00 to have some dormant fungus under the house sprayed and killed. My husband asked if I wanted to shell out the money or if we wanted to take our chances and have the buyer back out. It made me cry - and I'm not a cryer. I told him that $800.00 is nothing compared to the anxiety of trying to sell this house again. I honestly don't think I could take the stress. Which is really odd when you consider I handled the stress of dx and tx quite well. But I think it's more because I'm just about at the end of the rope I've been on for the last year and to have this sale fall through would pull it completely from my grasp.

We were to meet our parents for dinner last night and I told Todd to please, forget about the house for a little while so we could enjoy our dinner. He asked how I could forget about something like the fact we may have to pay a lot of money and I told him (with no small amount of righteous indignation) that I went through cancer and treatment and everything that goes with it. THIS IS FREAKIN' NOTHING! He just looked at me like everything all of a sudden made sense. He was such a pleasure at dinner. lol.

After the dinner we went to our daughter's talent show and she sang "The Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns. I was in tears by the time she finished. It was beautiful. I don't know where she gets the talent or the gumption to be so calm in front of 200 people. But she was phenomenal. And yes, I do realize I may be a tad bit biased.

When we got home from the show the realtor called and said the buyer decided not to go through with the treatment. WHEW! So now it looks like there's nothing else to stand in the way of the sale. Of course, I won't breathe completely easy until the closing at the end of the month.

The kids' spring break is next week and on Saturday we're flying up to PA to spend the week with Todd. We're going house shopping, too!!! I haven't had any problems with lymphedema, but my onc prescribed me a compression sleeve for air travel. I really, really, REALLY hope I remember to take it out of the drawer and put it on before we leave Saturday. Oh. And I've been doing well on Weight Watchers - counting points and getting at least some exercise. But I'm not counting points when we're in PA. I mean, we're going to tour the Hershey factory, for cryin' out loud! Like I'm going to worry about points??? I don't think so. I'm just hoping that all the walking we'll do will counteract the overload in calories and that I'll break even by the time we get back.

As usual, my post is long-winded. Sorry. Here's to a great rest of the week for all of you!!

Jen

Thanks for the doughnut idea JoMac---will have to try it. I think maybe I was just lurking on the bottom of the sea for awhile because I so enjoy the posts this week!!! Such a transformation for all of us. Think most of you were like me...don't rock the boat and try to make everyone else's life as easy as possible, and now I don't have a problem telling anyone I think they are sweating the small stuff and need to realize that chemo and cancer are doable so don't bother me with things that are easy to deal with. I am probably walking a thin line a work (the hospital) but I really don't care--I know how to do my job, I know what's right and that is what I do. If you don't like it tell me straight up--and so far no one has. My son and daughter in law that are moving back are sure I am going to back down---I'm excited about having them back but don't think it is a good move (her father had a melanoma removed in August and they are coming back to run his business-BS but I told them that I am not going to contribute car insurance, rent, cash anything other than being there for them and the kids (okay I will babysit...)I will be 50 on Monday and a year ago was looking forward to being out of town but nobody has said anything except my brother and his wife were here from AZ 2 weeks ago and we went out to dinner but the kids will be here for the weekend and I just feel blessed!
KimB

Bev, where are you in Ohio? My DS is at Xavier and this is his second year. He didn't come home for spring break. He wants to go to med school so he went to Seattle for a week. My sister is a doctor and he wanted to follow her around for a week. He got to observe in several op rooms (yuck!) and he thought that was cool.
DD came home for spring break but only for the weekend. She left for Chicago (to visit a friend) and will be back this weekend.....I guess I should be happy that she is here for 2 weekends. It's hard when the kids are away!
I got my drain out...yea! The dr wasn't going to take it out since it was still draining quite a bit, but since I didn't have any swelling, she took it out...what a relief! I've had sooo many drains since this is my 4th breast surgery! I feel so much better without it!