Starting Chemo in June 2005

JoMac

Just a quick reminder to Jenster to wear the sleeve on the plane this weekend.

Jenster

Thanks, Jo!! I just ran to the room and took it out of the drawer. Now I won't forget for sure!!

Jen

JoMac

Great! Now find a wonderful house at a reasonable price.
I hope you find something quick and easy.
Scout.....I don't know how you do it....
all those drains. I still get the "willies" when I think about my one.
But now you have done all the reconstruction. Wow!
I did a great painting today. I hate cancer but it has made me a better artist.
All the pieces are coming together like never before.
It is very gratifying. Especially since my husband said today is the anniversary of our getting THE phone call.
I didn't realize it had come on ST. patricks day.
Now I will probably never forget.
It feels like someone died and it is the first anniversary of their death.
I am very lucky to have painting to distract me.
Tonmorrow I'll start a new picture and see where it sends me.
Tonight I want to watch What Not To Wear on TLC network. They are doing an underwear episode.
I know, I know.....You wish you had such an exciting life don't you.
( insert rolling eyes here).

rmmom

Scout I am in NE Ohio south of Cleveland and north of Akron. Xavier was one college my son didn't look at because he wants something in the science field. Although his uncle tried to get him interested because he lives near by. We just got home from DD's big night. She was Mary in Stations of the Cross- her eighth grade (about 20 of them) did this still life reactment of each station, I cried ,
it was so breath-taking especially when they carried "Jesus" off on their shoulders. It was beautiful. Then afterwards all but two of the kids went to Applebee's and were suddenly teenagers again! She is so different from her brothers, involved, beautiful(thank God she looks like Jeff's mom!) and mostly nice. Whole different experience from the boys- 2nd DS had a group that Mean Girls the movie must have been made from-MEAN MEAN MEAN-and Meg's group is so sweet and they try to be thoughtful even when they get that one person who makes it hard. I can't believe they will be going their different ways soon-it is just tears tears until June:( Then they make new friends and it is a new chapter. Now I get to start over with youngest. AND he is making it worth my while-I may grind my teeth away with him LOL
Happy St. Pattty's Day in honor of my red headed DD (Yes she was a red haired Mary-her hair glowing in the dark
Bev

JoMac

I watched What Not to Wear on Friday. They did an underwear edition.
The up shot is I bought a bra from victorias Secret on line.
Maybe this is pure optomism , maybe I am ready to feel like a woman, maybe I'm just looking for hope anywhere ......
I bought it and am hoping it will make me feel pretty and balanced and less scared.
That is a lot to ask of a piece of material with elastic in it.
Oh well.......
I never thought I would order something like that.
I hit the dumps last night. I had a scary dream and woke up crying. I took an ativan and that helped.
Not a good night.
I am glad it is morning and I have lots of jobs to do.
Talk to you later.

rmmom

Well I lost the vacation pick again LOL. DH wants to see Mount St Helens and Mt. Rainer. Which would be WONDERFUL with a normal person, but I plan on writing abook about our vacations titled "My Normally Sane Husband Goes Insane". Some charpters would include 'Ingoring the sign, "Last public bathroom for 160 miles with a bladder inflection. Or "2 miles as the crows flies, a two hour hike with three children under 8 to see a natural bridge." That time there was a young newly-wed shouting at her husband at the start -" I am getting annulment-Oh my God don't take those children on this hike." We"ve hiked up and down for miles and miles and miles over the sand dunes only to not feel our feet the the next day. My very favorite was the "hill" the went straight up and down, an old man with a Scottish accent told Jeff "I was your(yurr) age when I went down this hill." Jeff thought he was talking about when he came to visit years and years before. I knew better, on the way up when both our hearts was ready to leap out of our mouths, we told the the kids "Our life insurance policy is made out to all you kids. There is enough there to pay for a good education. Call Uncle Gary, he'll know what to do." ALL OUR VACTIONS ARE LIKE THIS..... I've been looking at the normal stuff we can do and already he is saying(with that crazy look) "Here is a hike, but it says no one under 14, Owen will be alright." And "I want to go see stars, I found a place but you have the drive twenty miles down a back dirt road in the dark." All I think is HELP. Maybe he will calm down and we can take a wonderful beautiful vatcation but all I can think about is him and my six year trying to get a closer look at the volcancos,"No one will know" I am hoping they have guns to guard him away. The man goes crazy!! Plus there is the eat four meals in seven days plan that he always takes (imagine me with pockets stuffed full of granola bars and apples-"Here don't tell Dad eat quick.") I mean they could do a movie-would it a comedy or horror? Maybe 2nd son (he is the one that get heat sick and hiking sick) will just get on the wrong plane and go to the beach instead. But who will save the six year old!!! LOL

LizFL

Had to share the good news! Our third grandchild arrived at 1:19AM in Austin, TX. Jacob Ryan weighed in at 8lbs. 2oz and 19" long. Mom & baby are both doing well!!

Liz

JoMac

Congratulations. What a happy day for you.

kimBe

Congratulations Liz. Bev--you should write a book...and if you need some "fillers" I could help a little bit. Hope your bra is everything you dream of JoMac...I was feeling kind of down and on Saturday night Jim had a suprise 50th birthday party for me. 3 of my 4 brothers, my parents, all 4 of Jim's sisters and his dad as well as our son, d-i-l 2 grandkids and our daughter were there. It was absolutely the greatest party ever! And he planned and did every detail! Had a dandy spring snow storm, but everyone has made it home tonight. My 3 year old granddaughter drew a picture of Aunt Savanna, Baby Tannin, Jozlynn, Grandpa and Grandma---I'm the one with one straight white line out of my head--she gave me one hair so I wouldn't feel bad...
KimB

LizFL

Bev...I could give you some material for your book. The ONE vacation my husband planned included a drive across West Texas in July in a Jeep with no a/c. The temperature was about 104 degrees....and guess which side of the jeep the sun was hitting! I have a redhead too...my son!

Jo...enjoy your pretty bra! Anything that makes you feel prettier is a good thing! Night time is the time I get scared too...must be something left over from when we were kids. Last night I was so tired I went to bed at 8:30! Might have something to do with why I am up at 4:00AM!

Kim...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Glad you enjoyed the party! Very sweet granddaughter to give you some hair!

Liz

JoMac

I slept for 12 hrs. last night. Today I am trying the strategy of pretending cancer is at the door and I am not answering it.
It is not invited to my party.
My web site now has all my current work on it.
The peonies and marbles were done during chemo therpay. the portriats of my daughter and landscapes are what I am working on now.
Check out my husbands music. He was kind enough to do all the web work for me.

JoMac

I forgot to say our web address is www.acousticcolors.com

LizFL

Jo...beautiful...paintings and music! And tell your husband he did a great job on the website!

Liz

SuzCA

Barge - Please check in on Nosurrender on the moving on bb. She could probably use some cheering on right now.

Thanks,
Suz
June 2005 grad, silent member :-)

JoMac

Thank you for the heads up on our friend and mentor.
I have been in touch with her and will continue to be.
She is one of us.

Jenster

Hi ladies! I'm back from vacation and have much to tell. But first...

Jo - Thanks again for the compression sleeve reminder. I don't know if it helped or not, but I didn't get any lymphedema so I think it was worth wearing. And thank you so much for the beautiful notecards. They're great!

Bev - Sorry you lost the vacation pick. You absolutely should write a book. You had me laughing out loud! We've had a few screwy vacations too. The last one included a ride on the crazy train and a four-wheel-drive on the Road of Death. The locals only call it Lime Creek Pass, but it was scaaaaaary!!!

Liz - Congratulations on the new grandbaby!! Do you get to see him any time soon??

KimBe - Sounds like you had a great party! And I love your granddaughter's picture. How cute is that??

Here's the exciting news. We found a house!!! And one that all four of us fell in love with. Of course we can't afford it, but that's a minor thing. lol. Anyway, we close on it on May 19th and I'll be up there for that. We'll have the movers bring our furniture on May 22nd and then we'll both fly back to Arkansas. After a few school things and my scans and doctor's appointment, we'll leave for PA on June 2nd and drive straight to our new home. I am so happy that I'm an emotional wreck! lol.

But to put a little damper on that happiness, I started my period while I was gone last week. Both my oncologist and my gynecologist figured that since I was 39 when I started chemo and 40 when I finished, my chemopause most likely threw me into early menopause. WRONG! And not to give TMI, but it was the heaviest period I've ever had. I've been a bit anemic this week because of it.

Anyway, because I was ER/PR +++, I can't have my ovaries making estrogen. So my nurse told me Monday to come in for an "injection" and that I'd have one a month for six months. No biggy. I can handle a shot once a month.

What she didn't tell me is that it was an injection of a pill with the diameter of a toothpick and almost an inch long under the skin on my belly. John, the nurse that does the injections, was not happy with her for "withholding information".

He puts me in a recliner and sets me back. He says, "I know these are three stupid words, but I've got to say them anyway. 'Try to relax'." So I go to my happy place. I'm sitting on a chaise lounge by the beautiful Caribbean sea, listening to the soothing sound of the gentle waves rolling along the shore. But just as Juan, the gorgeous cabana boy is about to hand me my yummy, tropical drink with the little umbrella, I get stuck. And no matter how hard I tried to stay in the beautiful world - Juan was going to rub my back with lotion after he set down the drink - I just couldn't do it. It hurt!

You know, I've managed to remain upbeat and in good spirits for the most part through this whole, crappy ordeal. But yesterday after my injection I was nearly in tears. Not that it was THAT horrible or that it hurt THAT bad. But just because I started into dangerous territory. You know, if I'd never had cancer we would have moved to PA a year ago and I could go home to my husband... If I'd never had cancer I would have two whole (albeit small and saggy) breasts. If I'd never had cancer I wouldn't have to have this stupid injection. And the next thing you know, I'm driving home with two kids in the van, throwing myself a little pity party. But then my son said something so stupid and so funny (and I can't remember what it was) and it slammed the door on my pity party.

I do wonder, though, if when we get moved and I don't have selling a house, buying a house, packing, etc., on my mind if I'll let my mind wander back to those bad thoughts. I have no doubt that I will at times, but I really hope and pray it's an exception and a rule. I guess time will tell.

Analemma

I can't believe it's been so long since I've been on. It seems like I've had dr. appointments every day - all the maintenance I ignored last year, plus the ortho problems (knee surgery, now tennis <potter's> elbow). Last week I had physical therapy, eye doctor, gynocologist (pap and foll-up u.s. for fibroids), and dentist. Monday I had my first colonoscopy. All clear there! I wanted to get all this out of the way before starting to babysit Annabelle next week. I'm keeping her M,W, and F for the last two months of the school year, while trying to get my pottery inventory ready for the season.

I got a surprise yesterday - my son has started working on a website for the pottery. So far, it's just a placeholder, but images to come soon!

Jenster

My mom had her yearly mammogram on Tuesday. They found a lump. They're going to schedule another mammogram and an ultrasound tomorrow.

She's had several benign lumps before and I'm sure this is nothing different, but since my recent history we're all a bit more anxious than usual.

Blech!

Analemma

Oh, Jen, sometimes I think - "how could I deal with any more?" But it keeps coming. And I keep dealing.

I sure hope your mom is ok.

Today we worked in the yard, tilled the garden, planted some spring bulbs. I'm going to plant fruit trees. Three years until they produce. I plan on being here for it!

rmmom

Jen I am happy you found a house
Bummer about the shot though. I liked your happy place. I have been hoping all my married life to go to a real place like that but DH's mother burned him out on the beach when he was little.
Hope everything is OK with your mom.
It was spring break here for two of my children, nice and quiet. Felt good to be normal for a while.
Brenda have fun with your granddaughter.
Take Care
Bev

Jenster

Thanks, ladies. My mom had another mammogram and an ultrasound this morning and her lump is "highly suspicious". She sees the breast surgeon on the 11th. About 30 years ago they thought she had a malignancy. Didn't even bother doing a needle biopsy. Got her on the operating table and did a frozen section, found out it was benign. We're really hoping it's the same thing this time.

The kids and I are taking my folks to Garvin Woodland Gardens in Hot Springs tomorrow. Then maybe for some yummy Mexican. I don't know. Whatever mom wants.

Jen

LizFL

Jen....praying for B9 results for your Mom. T too, enjoyed your imagery that was broken up by that nasty shot.



Congratulations on the new house...it sounds fabulous.



We are going to visit the grandkids at the end of May...can't wait!



Brenda...be sure to post the link to the website when it's up!



Bev...you should try to talk DH into a cruise...he can lounge in the shade!



We have a great cruise planned for November. Booked it when I first diagnosed as a way of reassuring ourselves that I had a future...now it is only 8 months away!





Liz

kimBe

Thinking of you Jen...
KimB

NancyM

Jen, I hope your mom is OK...I'm sure the waiting is the worst for you, knowing what you know about all of this. I'm thinking good thoughts for you both.

Liz, I'm happy you get to see the grands in May! I was going to see my grandson this month, but have to postpone until June. In the meantime I spoke with him on the phone yesterday for about 5 seconds before he said "I don't want to talk to you anymore." Oh yeah, 3 year olds are so blunt, but you have to admire their honesty. If there is something better going on in the room, they do not waste anytime being polite! LOL!

I had my first haircut Saturday! I went to a great stylist and my hair looks so much better (if I do say so myself!) and I'm tempted to keep it this way. Only 5 months ago I was bald...can you believe how fast time has gone?

I hope everyone else is doing well...it's great to hear about new houses, spring planting, etc.
Nancy

LizFL

Nancy...there is certainly something to be said for the ease and convenience of short, short hair. I can't wait until mine is ready to be styled a bit! Due to the shortness and change in color...I have actually had people walk past my office looking for me! They think I'm a "new" girl.

Liz

Analemma

The pottery website is www.browndogpottery.net . It's pretty basic so far, but at least it's a start! It really shows me that I have to get some better photos up! It was so great of Nathan to take the initiative and get it started. I just kept putting it off, and didn't know where to start.

Hair - mine is growing fast in the back but is still really short (and curly!) around my face. I guess I need to get it shaped up.

kimBe

Just a quick post...not that I have to go "do" my hair, but am close to going without the wig...Just like my onc predicted the top and front seem to be shorter than the sides and back. Just can't believe all we have been through in such a short time and what a support group and friends we have become.
KimB

rmmom

Brenda I love your site. Your pottery is beautiful. I would love to go to one of your shows-you'll be in my area in late summer so I need to write it in my calendar. I will tell my sister since I saw some things she'd love in her house ( I am waitng for Owen to get older as I have had so many of my special stuff go "opps" by my kids).
My hair has become curly-one day striaght-next curly. My ds took her hair cut last week and they cleaned my back and sides for me so it looks like I cut it like this on purpose.
Have a good day
Bev

LizFL

Brenda...really love your pottery. You are very talented!

Liz

Fi_in_oz

HI Ladies,





just a quick hello, on a sleepy sunday morning.



All is well here, am working 4 days a week, if I do five my dyslexia kicks in and i start making mistakes, that's a tad expensive in my industry so I have "rest days" on wednesdays. I think I'll gonna string this out for as long as I can.



My son is so glad to have his mum back to "normal", he commented to my ex the other day "Dad you never get sick like mum does", observant little things aren't they.



Has anyone else gone "wild"? I've been living every moment like it was my last or something, even took up smoking again for a month or so because my attitude was "what like i'm going to get cancer?". Its ok, I've ditched them again but it scared me... that I was being so reckless .... that's just one tiny example, of the mischief I've been up to.



I talked to my GP about it, and he basically said "get used to it, you are going to have a whole new perspective on your life"... he has known me for over 20 years .. and to "i want the emotional rollercoaster to stop... he replied "its never going to stop, get used to that too".



Oh some good news, I can now walk bare foot on the beach, and have even been jogging a bit, the feeling isn't quite there in my feet, so there's a bit of stumbling, but lordy I've become a tough task mistress to myself, and compare every challenge with chemo and push push push myself to exhaustion.



I had my first hairdresser moment yesterday... a style and a colour,..........wow, that was good for the soul, I'll try and post a pic



best wishes to you all.......



Fi