I say yes, you say no, OR People are Strange

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2011

    Alpal, thank you for the clarification. You explained it better than I was able. 

    I think everyone knows this, but we do know who deletes, and we inform them if it has been done "wrongly". 

    Best, 

    Melissa 

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  • IronJawedBCAngel
    IronJawedBCAngel Member Posts: 470
    edited January 2011

    Chevy2levy,

    No I do not think a true Christian would come onto a thread where the person who started the thread has clearly stated the intent of the thread and the rules of engagement, and spend so much time agitating and taunting. 

    I did not move to the south until 1990, and it was a fairly big culture shock moving here from Calgary, Alberta, Canada.  One of my equitation mom's decided it was pretty imperative that I understand the meaning of certain phrases so that I could participate in "Southern' speak.  This woman is a devote Catholic, a leader in the community, a many decade member of the Junior League, but she certainly has a sense of humor and understands sarcasm when it is being directed at her.

    I was instructed that "Bless your little heart" was intended as a kind way of giving someone compassion while secretly thinking that poor childlike individual was too dumb to come out to the rain.

    I was also taught that there is a vast difference between "You will be in my thoughts and prayers" and the phrase "I will pray for you."  Said repeatedly in certain contexts, and especially when stated repeatedly, it can definitely be taken as a big old "F-U"!  As in speaking the words "I will pray for you" while thinking loudly " because I believe you are devil spawn and want you to  be consumed by the fires of hell".  Now this is just the tutorial I was given, but I have seen the same instruction in Southern speak in several books and will try to find the volumes so that I can do direct quotes with citations.

    We all have the right to our beliefs to practice a religion or not, and our relationship with God, or not, is our own private business.  Personally, I don't want prayers from anyone that are not sincere, and that are being used as a means to taunt and instigate, especially when there are several that participate in these boards that are atheists and agnostics.  Everyone has the right to their own beliefs, but I don't feel they have the right to use their belief in a particular faith to blatently disrespect those that don't believe.  That is not a very Chrisian way to behave.  

    If someone does not like the tone of this thread, ignore it.  Go to the threads that reflect your beliefs.  This thread has been therapy for those of us who do not want to live breast cancer 24 hours, 7 days a week.  Do not come here to try to control our thoughts and beliefs by using that report button. We have been promised that actions will be taken to protect us from these report police, and personally I really want to see the names of those that report a post and have it removed for any or no reason.

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  • IronJawedBCAngel
    IronJawedBCAngel Member Posts: 470
    edited January 2011

    Melissa,

    I do thank you for making an attempt to have the deletions appear equitable.  My problem with this site in the recent past has been that it has seemed to one sided, with primarily those to the left being deleted.  I appreciate that an instigator has also had posts removed. 

    Ladies, use the 'ignore" button so that things don't get so volatile!  It does make life so much calmer.

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  • covertanjou
    covertanjou Member Posts: 569
    edited January 2011

    IronJaw, thank you for your post.  

    Melissa,  I understand how difficult it is to moderate this board.  Having bc does not necessarily make us better people, and what we see on this thread and on this board, is humanity in all its beauty and ugliness.  Having said that, this thread has been relatively tame until until this week.  However, it is not just this thread that has become so heated.  Other threads have as well because of what certain posters have written.  Why can't the people who seem to come on the board to start trouble be told to "STOP!!"  There is no question that the person who should be penalized is the one who seems to be going out of the way to cause havoc.  Nipping the poison early is better than mass deletions or threads being removed IMHO.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2011

    Iron, that is certainly not my intention at all. Please show me posts that I may have overlooked. 

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  • IronJawedBCAngel
    IronJawedBCAngel Member Posts: 470
    edited January 2011

    I think you are misunderstanding me.  In this case, I genuinely appreciate your actions this morning.

    Thank you!

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited January 2011

    Ladies:  Does anyone on this thread know a poster by the name of "rightwinger"?  Just a message to her:  What you are doing is adding fuel to the fire and so wrong in my opinion.  The Mods or Mod cooperating with you and any one in your group is causing the havoc they say they are trying to end. I may not be allowed to stay on this thread much longer but it has nothing to do with any "breaking of the rules".  It has to do with a Mod allowing PMs from posters on another site to get us deleted. If Melissa is the Mod, she should pay attention to where these PMs are coming from. 

    Sorry to have to post this ladies but enough is enough of the mockery of our thread!  Those of you who are posting here under all the "original 7" names one of our own may be giving you is wrong in every way and intention.  I will not post the name you have on your own site as to who is the person because in my opinion, it is an unforgivable act against this group.  Thank you for sharing your posts with me in the past.  I did enjoy my time here inspite of the problems.

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  • lewing
    lewing Member Posts: 1,288
    edited January 2011

    Medigal, I hate that you used the past tense in your last sentence.  You are always provocative (even when I disagree with you!) and funny and have a huge heart (not to mention coca colas to spare).

    Don't go!

    L

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited January 2011

    lewing:  I am not finished with what I have to do.  I am using the past tense because I don't think I will be allowed to stay much longer.  There is an old saying "Know Your Enemy".  Well I know my Enemy now and I won't stand for being mocked.  I have sent a PM to Melissa.  What happens is up to her.  Thank you for enjoying my part on this thread.  Things may come to a head now and I am not talking "chicken heads"!  Take care dear one and let's see what comes of my actions.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2011

    I'm truly confused by Medigal's post. Which other site are you referring to? PM's from another site? To whom? And any clarity about banned members coming back with new aliases would be helpful as well. 

    Need clarity. Feel free to PM me. 

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited January 2011

    As a Southern woman, born and raised, I fully understand Mediga's explaination of various Southern remarks and their true meanings.  It's sometimes called passive, agressive behavior, but in the South we are too polite to point that out in others, just ourselves.

    Oh, Melissa, if you don't know about people using various names, you Should.  It happens frequently enough, and with all the ways a computer can be changed around, surely the techs know how to discover what we can identify by reading.

    People just have a hard time letting others alone.  And they come from all directions. 

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  • rosemary-b
    rosemary-b Member Posts: 2,006
    edited January 2011

    Wow so much has happened since last night. I am glad Melissa stepped in and I appreciate all her effort.

    On another thread on breastcancer.org, a woman reported a post and then posted that she had done so and why. To me that shows true integrity.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2011

    Of course I know that people do it Iodine, I simply cannot always keep up. All I said is that I appreciate any assistance. It is not always top on my radar, as there is enough going on here.

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  • chevy2levy
    chevy2levy Member Posts: 25
    edited January 2011

    Hi there Melissa,

    Thank you for intervening this morning.

    Blue is still not able to post.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2011

    Geez. Chevy, Should now be repaired. 

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited January 2011

    Mods:  I Pm'd you as you requested and gave you the information I am concerned about.  When Blue returns maybe she can give you the 7 aliases.  I do not know them and I post by only one, Medigal.  I hope we can put an end to this once and for all.  Thank you for your help.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2011

    Medigal, I'm stepping here.  I think you are awfully confused.  Some of us do post on a different site, but also come here.  Is that okay?  Is that breaking any rules?

    Some of the women on the other site have seen some things that are disturbing to them and have reported it to Melissa. As for any of the other gals you're talking about....they are NOT deleting posts.  We have no earthly idea who she or they are.  I HAVE received some nice PMs...kuddos for speaking out like the one on the "deletee" thread where we post to the mods.  I think you guys are asking the impossible of her.  I don't care if Melissa leans left or right (which I have no idea).  This is a thankless job and all the whining going on is so immature.

    We were told by several women on this thread and who used to post on the politic thread to post our opinions elsewhere. These threads are deleted. 

    Medigal, IMO you have no right attacking the mods.  They provide us a free service and if we don't like it we can leave.  Many women do leave.  Some leave because they want to get away from BC and others leave because of the constanting *itching.  And bullying.  And, yes, I have strong opinions and they have been posted in the past.  We ALL have strong opinions and as you can see those opinions are posted.  I think it's horrible when anyone here tries to blackmail the mods by saying we'll take our money and leave.  That's not the exact words, but I've read posts on the "fellow deletee" thread that said they donate to BCO and perhaps they should think about putting their money elsewhere.  That's plum wrong.

    So, the site we have that you and others constantly visit is not secret.  If it offends you, don't read there.  Medigal, I have the greatest respect for you. However,....forget it.

    You are "concerned" Medigal.  So am I.  Please feel free to delete my post.  I just felt the need to explain that we have been told by posters to post elsewhere.  Medigal, you obviously are too new here to know the past.

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  • covertanjou
    covertanjou Member Posts: 569
    edited January 2011

    Shirley, the fact that you have another website where you can post your ideas is not the issue.  The issue about breastcanswers.com is that posters there have written that they are upset about this thread and contacted Melissa about it.  You write that if we don't like what you write on the other website or if it upsets us, not to read it.  Then I ask that if you or anyone else on breastcanswers.com do not like what you read here, then DON"T READ HERE!!!

    And no, we will not "report" your post.  We don't do that. 

    Edited: corrected for clarity

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited January 2011

    Shirley:  I was wondering when you would appear.  Covertanjou said it much better than I could but you know I agree with her.  Maybe I am too new here to know what when on in the past but that does not give anyone the right to continue it.  You are a stong-willed woman but so am I.  I was reading the other site because I enjoy politics and wanted to read other opinions besides my own on what is happening.  However on page 20, it changed to more than politics!  It was posting about bco and the so called 7 names you all were given by one of our posters so you could evidentally post on here and deceive us.  If the intentions are honorable, why do you have to have all those different names?  Who is the one called "rightwinger" and why is she looking for her new "list"?  None of my business??  I think it is when the post concerns bco.

    As for telling you to go elsewheres, I have no idea where that comes from.  I don't care what your political opinions are, I am just glad you "have" them!

      I just didn't expect you to be a part of the way we are spoken about on your "other" site.   I care for these ladies and do not appreciate any of them being mocked by your people.  If I don't like it, don't read it???  Shirley, you need to train your ladies to post in a way it isn't so obvious as to what is going on.  You can try to make it sound like I am talking gibberish but these ladies know when I am joking and also know when I am darn serious! 

    "CHOSE TODAY WHOM YOU WILL SERVE!"   Guess where I stand??  But what can I say.  Maybe I am a what is it called "LIBTARD"?   Your gals have some great names to insult people with but frankly, I don't think I need to resort to name calling to get my point across.  If your people don't like what we post then they need to stay in their own yard and not be tattletails to Melissa.    I have never read (since I joined) on here about people bad-mouthing your group.  This happened today because "I" found your posts and decided it was time to call an end to this.  You keep your clothes on your clothesline and we'll make sure we have ours on our line. Do you understand what I am saying Shirley with great kindness and concern that you would be a part of what I found?  Thank you for your understanding.  Thank you ladies for letting me continue to post here.  We have a very nice, loving group!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2011

    It is sooooo much worse to report a post or to PM a moderator to let her know that someone is being attacked here than to attack other members of this site???????

    This is a public support site.  We can discuss a wide range of topics, sometimes heatedly, but the moment we stop supporting each other and start attacking each other we lose the reason for being here in the first place.

    One really good thing about all the deletions this morning is that they inspired me to go back a couple of pages and I found the recipie for pecan waffles that Otter posted that I had missed along the way.   

    Lets all take deep breaths, move forward and try to remember that there is a living breathing human being behind each of those screen names.

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited January 2011

    Hi Everybody!

    Been in the ER all day with Mr. Tim, so I'm just now caught up.

    Thanks Melissa for hanging with us on your day off! 

    I sure hope that all will feel welcome to post here.  This is just a silly little pseudo political thread for us gals to get some relief from the day to day pressures in our lives.  At least it is for me.  I love to come here and chat with friends, throw out some topics and have a great discussion.

    I consider this to be my "home" thread on BCO.  So I want to thank Melissa for being here today and letting our thread continue on.

    Hugs to all,

    Bren

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  • YramAL
    YramAL Member Posts: 1,651
    edited January 2011

    Wow. I went to that other site(sort of like looking at a car crash when you really know you shouldn't), and all I can say is I'm glad I'm here and not there. As heated as the discussions get here, I've never seen them go down to the level I saw there. And whoever said that they are targeting individual posters here, you are absolutely right. 

    Mary 

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited January 2011

    Hi Guys .. just wanted to let you know that I got a note from River Rat, our newest member to the thread.   She's on a 5 post a day limit and said she would be back to post as soon as the 24-hours is up!

    Thanks,

    Bren

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited January 2011

    Hi Bren.  Saw you on your pseudo thread and glad you consider us "home".  You can hang your undies on "our" line.  I left a special place for you.Smile

    Patmom:  Glad you found your pecan recipe.  See!  Something good comes out of most things if we just give it time.  However, what is going on with this "attacking" thing.  I find very rarely that anyone is personally attacked by the ladies on this thread unless the party causes a problem.  I really don't think we will have much of this any more.  I personally would rather compliment people than hurt them with nasty personal attacks.  We just had some unfinished work to be done today so sorry about any problems.  Thank you for your understanding.

    Now.....to happier thoughts and more positive thinking.

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  • rosemary-b
    rosemary-b Member Posts: 2,006
    edited January 2011

    Last night's dinner at a fundraiser for the local Music Center. The menu was :

    Deviled eggs(with blue cheese)

    Cauliflower fennel soup

    Brocolli slaw

    Venison burgers with carmdelized onions pickled beets lettuce and tomato

    Sweet potato fries

    Chocolate cherry torte

    Yummy! It was "sustainable food" so all local but the chocolate.

    And we had Eggs Benedict for brunch today. I don't want to know what I weigh today. 

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  • revkat
    revkat Member Posts: 763
    edited January 2011

    I've never heard "you hang your clothes on your line and I'll hang mine on mine" before, but I really like it as a saying. Thanks, Medigal. Almost as good as "call me a biscuit and butter my buns."

    I love learning new things on BCO! 

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  • 208sandy
    208sandy Member Posts: 2,610
    edited January 2011

    IronJaw:

    I too spent many years in Calgary and then moved South (to South Carolina) - now I'm back home in Canada but you are so right - when the God Blesses start it does really mean FU.

    Medigal:

    Hate that you've been having such a painful time on this site lately - it is always the weekends and I can always predict on Saturday a.m. who the troublemaker(s) will be.  Hope things settle down I love coming here to relax and have a laugh or two and pick up a recipe.

    Sandy

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited January 2011

    rosemary-b:   Who cares what you weigh today??  That was a dinner to get fat for!! That chocolate cherry torte would have been my downfall.  I hope you snuck some more of DH's.  I know they had Eggs Benedict in the French Quarter restaurants a lot for brunch but I never got to eat them.  Bet they were yummy!  I only had venison once in New York but loved it.  Wow!  Now all I have for supper is frozen chicken patties!  I think I will just sit here and drool over your menu instead of eating those yucky patties!  Thanks for sharing.  Came right at supper time too!

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  • rosemary-b
    rosemary-b Member Posts: 2,006
    edited January 2011

    Oh Medigal

    I did not want to cause you pain at dinner time.

    Years ago when we had a bunch of little kids we had a couple of friends who liked to hunt and would give us venison when they had shot more deer than they needed for their families. It is good especially here where the deer mostly eat corn from the farmers' fields. But I didn't realy care what it tasted like. It was free meat. That and the garden fed my kids with hollow legs. Now that the kids are gone it isn't hard to feed the 2 of us except I always make too much food.

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  • kadeeb
    kadeeb Member Posts: 305
    edited January 2011

    Well ladies,

    If Medigal hasn't been here long enough to chime in, I guess I'd be better off keeping my thoughts to myself. Didn't even know there was another site but I don't think I'll go there. There's enough drama here for me. You know what my mom always says, "If they're talking about me, at least they're giving someone else a rest".  I too consider this my "home site". When we got deleted before, my number of posts dropped below the 50 and I was back to 8 a day. Probably would do the same if we got deleted again.

    For anyone who thinks we should not confront some of the subjects we do; This thread may not be about BC but it is what brings us together. One of the best things we can do is to have a few minutes that are not about BC. The time away is as important as many of the drugs and treatments we endure. In that respect it is more important than some of the other threads. It is an inspiration and a source of hope to me to see all you gals, years out of treatment, going on with your lives after having to endure so much. Blue is an icon that we're all proud of. She has been there and done so much more than most and is still on top of things. 

    Love you all. This is a great and diverse group of winners. 

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