please help

Ladies...OMG...THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I feel like you all DO understand everything I am feeling!!! Cathi...you and I are once again mirror images!! Your Amanda and my Alise...very simular. I have talked with Alise about counseling...I know it is what she needs...she knows too.

Well...one thing I have to clear up...my ex mil, was not a BAD person...just wasn't there for my girls after the divorce.  She was not the same kind of grandma my mom was, and that's ok.  But, if she wanted to be with the girls after the divorce...I would not have cared one bit. She just listened to every horrid lie that her son told her...and worse off, BELIEVED him.  So...she just wasnt there like she should have been.  For my oldest, Danni...she called her a liar..when Danni told her how bad her dad had been to them and me.  That is when Danni cut off all communication between her grandparents.  That was 6 years ago!!

Update.........Danni came in last night...went to the hospital to see her grandmother, but first went to meet with her dad (they along with Olivia went to the hospital together). I felt for her, because I know  it was very difficult. She had not seen her dad in 6 years either.  Last night, she said it all went very well.  Her dad was good, and very happy to see her.  She is realistic though, because she knows how he is, and that he won't be better without help (counseling, and poss meds).  Then she saw her grandmother.  It was very emotional. Everyone in the room was crying.  Her dads brothers' and their families were there...and they all know how important this moment was...they are great to my girls!  My ex mil held Danni's face...and told her how good it was to see her, and she loved her, and SHE WAS SORRY!! Danni, has been waiting for that for 6 yrs!! It was a very healing time for all...and I am very greatful it all went well.

Danni and I spoke about Alise.  And like most of my dear sisters said here...she is older, and wiser now.  She does have guilt for not spending time with my mom more (cause she was 16) and she has guilt for not seeing these grandparents more (cause she didn't want contact with her dad, and he lives with them)..so that is why she is always at her bedside.  I GET IT...and maybe I will be able to talk to Alise, but not for awhile.  She is still angry with me.  So, as my ex sil said....step back...let it all happen...and just don't say anything.

Olivia got mad at me, because I said, Alise shouldn't feel so guilty..that her grandmother could have made effort to see her.  Olivia said..mom...why bring her down..she is dying.  I didn't mean, to tear her apart...just wanted them to know not to feel so guilty. Anyhow....I need to just BE QUIET!!  I don't feel allot of sadness for my ex mil.....she was very mean to me for the last 6 years...so it's just not there.  My ex fil...I have compassion for...he is different.

Ok...so things are somewhat better today...and that is good!  Thanks to all my sisters..you have no idea how reading these posts this morning helped me!!

Danni decided to stay another day...her grandmother was holding her hand saying...your coming back tomorrow?? She said...how could I say no!  So, she is going back to Chicago tonight.  She is such a wonderful person.  So wise...and her physchology background sure is helpful!!! lol

back to work.

Love to you all!!! and again.....THANKS SO MUCH..NOT SURE WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT YOU ALL!!! I MEAN IT!!

XOXO

LISA

I don't feel as if I deserve any credit...but thanks!

Lisa- you deserve lots of credit..don't sell yourself short.

Barbe , What happened with Mic?! Are you OK? I haven't had time to read all the posts , so maybe I missed it. Hope all is well with you.xxxx

(((((((Lisa))))))) , So sorry you are going through this. Time can be the healer of all things. But sometimes , just the opposite. I think Alise may be feeling lots of emotions with the illness of her grandma. I think we all feel guilt for not spending enough time with a loved one when the fall ill. Especially when the relationship has been on and off , or not what it could have been. And she may realize now , being older , that she didn't spend as much time with your mom , that she could have , and now is making sure she does for this grandma. Which really is a good thing. It means she has learned an important life lesson! And although this is hard on you , I think her having all kinds of emotions due to the "family" circumstances , and doing what she is to make it right , is a definate positive for her in the healing process. I feel very strongly that Alise will come through all this , and hope she seeks conseling , to help guide her. She sounds very intelligent and I feel she just needs someone to help her to the right path of understanding why and what her emotions are. I know one thing for sure , She has one of the best moms in the whole world! I know it can be so hard to be "quiet" when we need to be around our children. I've had to "bite" my tongue a few times with Adam. But I knew I had to , and let him figure things out on his own.

"Mother" hugs to you , and all the ladies here. xxxx Mel

Hope all are having a good day. Put all your troubles behind youa nd enjoy the sun.

Good luck to all facing family problems. Believe me I understand. ((((HUGS)))) to all.

OK ladies and UB , an update on my ex-SO. Its not good. As you know , he had his surgery last Thursday. Friday they took him off the ventilator. His bp was spiking , and he doesn't have a diabetes , but due to the surgery , it was high. But he was progressing in the right direction. Sat. he was good. Then Sunday , I arrived at the hospital to find he had done a 360 in his condition. He looked horrible. His breathing was fast and labored. His sugar was fine , but his bp was still spiking. His color was off. Well , being this was the third day in the hospital , he was now in withdrawal of the cigs and alcohol. So this was adding stress to his recovery. So they said they use to keep "beer" available for alcoholics , because it is really dangerous to all of a sudden stop after being on it for so long. But the stopped that and now give then ativan. So , most of the time he was "with it" , but sometimes he was talking out of his head. He then started complaining of heartburn. So they gave him milk of magnesia. Yuck! That stuff always makes me vomit. And then gave him some morphine. But just as I was going to leave he woke up and said he was gonna get sick. And he threw up. It was very dark , so they checked it for blood. They thought maybe he had a bleeding ulcer , and they were going to do a scope , but then the gastro doc said no , and did an x-ray. He has and ileum. Its when the bowels "go to sleep" due to the surgery and meds , sometimes it takes longer for them to "wake up". Well , Monday am , he threw up again , alot this time. So he was put back on the respirator and is being kept asleep. They said when he threw up the last time , he aspirated some of it into his lungs. So they are very concerned with ammonia. And then while I was there yesterday, a "infectious disease doc came in! I said Oh? He said that my ex's surgeon called him in after the surgery. Evidently , I say that cause his "surgeon" never said a word to me! , That when he went in to do the graft of the stints , he found a "clump of nodes" that didn't look good. So he wanted him to run a path on it. I asked if the biopsied for cancer , seeing as how he did have prostate ca before. He said he would check into it. But the surgeon , went ahead and put the stint in. And the path came back bacterial infection. So now they are all worried that this infection will get into the graft. I really don't like his surgeon. I asked him if he would prescribe the patch for him while he was there to help him through the effects of withdrawal. He said no , he can see his family doc for that when he gets out! Well , I talked to his nurse , and she said that would not be a problem , and she even suggested it before I said anything! Then yesterday morning , I was still sleeping and the surgeon called me. I woke up about 45 mins later. He said "if you're interested in talking to me , call be and left his number. "if i'm interested in talking to him"!!?! So I call ,just his voice mail. I let a message to call me. He doesn't call me. I call the hospital , checking on my ex , and asked if the surgeon was there , "oh , he just left " try his office. So I call the office , "Oh , he should be here any minute" gave my name and number , I still haven't heard from him. This is already the next day. I'll tell you what , if my ex makes it through all this , and ever has to have surgery again , he will definitely have a new surgeon!!! This is the forth surgery he has done on him. And he has an excellent rep as a surgeon , but then again , this is the forth one he has had. I never liked his bedside manners , and he totally sucks on follow up. But I think me ex felt comfortable with him cause he has done so much. Thanks for letting me vent ladies and UB.

I am not going in today to the hospital. He will still be sedated. And won't know I am there. So I am taking this opportunity to go do errands and wash my clothes. I'll talk to you all later.

AE , good to here about UB , and sorry about your brother. I hope all goes well for him. Keeping you all in my prayers. xxxxx Mel

Mel, so sorry things are not going well.  It sounds like you both have been through hell.  He is so lucky to have you!  I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Big Hugs to both of you.

Linda

((((Mel)))))) you are really being put through so much!  You are such a good person, and your ex is very lucky to still have you in his life.  That surgeon sounds like a real arrogant you know what!

Take some time for you right now...you need it.

xoxo

Lisa

Hi Sheila , loved the post. I sent that to all my girlfriends. So true and special.

Hi Meg , Thank you for all your support. You trully are a blessing. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. My prayers are with her. xxxx

Hi Elaine! So good to see you here. You are always a bright spot whenever you are here. I hope you are having a great day and that you are having good moments daily.xxxx

Thanks Mel & Meg.  It is so sad to lose a fur baby.  It was his little love..he is heart broken. I was looking forward to some day meeting, and our two little yorkies, playing together. I wish I was closer, so I could give him a big hug and some support. 

Meg, I am sure you never gave your mother heartache. We all have caused some problems with our parents from time to time. It just seems like sometimes there is one, who continues to put those little painful digs in to hurt us.  I know Cathi can very well relate. I just feel bad that your daughter did not consider what you were going through and change her date of her wedding.  And she thought you were being selfish??? Sometimes....I just don't get girls! lol

Hugs to all!!!

Lisa

Mel sending good VIBES your way.

Shelia I have also seen that e-mail before,  but nice to read it again.

Lisa glad you are feeling some better with the whole DD thing. I swear sometimes I think we are related with our way to similar life stories.  Mine actually did take some therapy a few years ago,  but when she got pregnant for Landen (who will be 1 on 8/11) something changed with her mental state I swear,  in over a year now she has been much better - maybe her hormones are realigned or something,  hope this pregnancy does not throw them back to MEAN again, 

Lisa- so sorry to hear about Wayne, I said a prayer for him. So much happening in such a short period of time.

Mel- good to see you. Boy are you going thru a lot (as is your ex!) Deep breath, one day at a time sweetie.  How are you doing?  Come and vent when ever you need!much better than keeping it all in and worrying.

Hugs

Judie,

Be sure to let us know how everything goes Friday.  I will keep you in my prayers.

Judie thinking of you always,  but special thoughts on Friday. 

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO -To All

Mary where do you live? Humid here in Ohio!!