please help

my3girls

Ladies...OMG...THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I feel like you all DO understand everything I am feeling!!! Cathi...you and I are once again mirror images!! Your Amanda and my Alise...very simular. I have talked with Alise about counseling...I know it is what she needs...she knows too.

Well...one thing I have to clear up...my ex mil, was not a BAD person...just wasn't there for my girls after the divorce.  She was not the same kind of grandma my mom was, and that's ok.  But, if she wanted to be with the girls after the divorce...I would not have cared one bit. She just listened to every horrid lie that her son told her...and worse off, BELIEVED him.  So...she just wasnt there like she should have been.  For my oldest, Danni...she called her a liar..when Danni told her how bad her dad had been to them and me.  That is when Danni cut off all communication between her grandparents.  That was 6 years ago!!

Update.........Danni came in last night...went to the hospital to see her grandmother, but first went to meet with her dad (they along with Olivia went to the hospital together). I felt for her, because I know  it was very difficult. She had not seen her dad in 6 years either.  Last night, she said it all went very well.  Her dad was good, and very happy to see her.  She is realistic though, because she knows how he is, and that he won't be better without help (counseling, and poss meds).  Then she saw her grandmother.  It was very emotional. Everyone in the room was crying.  Her dads brothers' and their families were there...and they all know how important this moment was...they are great to my girls!  My ex mil held Danni's face...and told her how good it was to see her, and she loved her, and SHE WAS SORRY!! Danni, has been waiting for that for 6 yrs!! It was a very healing time for all...and I am very greatful it all went well.

Danni and I spoke about Alise.  And like most of my dear sisters said here...she is older, and wiser now.  She does have guilt for not spending time with my mom more (cause she was 16) and she has guilt for not seeing these grandparents more (cause she didn't want contact with her dad, and he lives with them)..so that is why she is always at her bedside.  I GET IT...and maybe I will be able to talk to Alise, but not for awhile.  She is still angry with me.  So, as my ex sil said....step back...let it all happen...and just don't say anything.

Olivia got mad at me, because I said, Alise shouldn't feel so guilty..that her grandmother could have made effort to see her.  Olivia said..mom...why bring her down..she is dying.  I didn't mean, to tear her apart...just wanted them to know not to feel so guilty. Anyhow....I need to just BE QUIET!!  I don't feel allot of sadness for my ex mil.....she was very mean to me for the last 6 years...so it's just not there.  My ex fil...I have compassion for...he is different.

Ok...so things are somewhat better today...and that is good!  Thanks to all my sisters..you have no idea how reading these posts this morning helped me!!

Danni decided to stay another day...her grandmother was holding her hand saying...your coming back tomorrow?? She said...how could I say no!  So, she is going back to Chicago tonight.  She is such a wonderful person.  So wise...and her physchology background sure is helpful!!! lol

back to work.

Love to you all!!! and again.....THANKS SO MUCH..NOT SURE WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT YOU ALL!!! I MEAN IT!!

XOXO

LISA

EWB

hugs and love Lisa, everything will all work out ok. Have faith in your girls, they are smart young ladies and you've taught them well.

my3girls

I don't feel as if I deserve any credit...but thanks!

honeygirl

Dearest Fumi , I am so sad and sorry for the passing of your dad. You are in my heart , always. Thank you for posting a pic of your daddy. I could just picture him saying, "later gator"! Your heartfelt tribute to him told such a beautiful story of a daughter's love for her daddy. Heres' to the day when you both shall meet again , and feel the strong loving bond in each others spirits. God love you and keep you Fumi. Hugs and love , Mel

EWB

Lisa- you deserve lots of credit..don't sell yourself short.

lvtwoqlt

Lisa, I got this email this morning, I had received it before but I felt like I needed to post it today. It is long but meaningful.

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother.

As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass.

'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters.

Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.' 

'Remember that "Sisters" means ALL the women... 

your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too.

'You'll need other women. Women always do.' 

What a funny piece of advice, the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup!

Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!' 


But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her "Sisters" and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mum really knew what she was talking about.

As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, "Sisters" are the mainstays of her life. 

After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned: 



THIS SAYS IT ALL: 


Time passes. 
Life happens. 
Distance separates. 
Children grow up. 
Jobs come and go. 
Love waxes and wanes. 
Men don't do what they're supposed to do. 
Hearts break. 
Parents die. 
Colleagues forget favours. 
Careers end. 
BUT.......... 

"Sisters" are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.

A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach. 


When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you 
have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life 
will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, 
praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on
your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the
valley's end. 


Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk 
beside you... or come in and carry you out. 


Girlfriends, daughters, grand daughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grand mothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life! 


The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. 


Every day, we need each other still. Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. 

I just did. Short and very sweet: 

There are more than twenty angels in this world. 

Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds.

Nine are playing.

And one is reading her email at this moment. 



Send this message to ten of your friends including me. 

 If you get 5 replies, someone you love will surprise you. 



Happy days! 



Don't break this; it's working

I'm privileged to call you all my 'sisters'

Sheila

honeygirl

Barbe , What happened with Mic?! Are you OK? I haven't had time to read all the posts , so maybe I missed it. Hope all is well with you.xxxx

(((((((Lisa))))))) , So sorry you are going through this. Time can be the healer of all things. But sometimes , just the opposite. I think Alise may be feeling lots of emotions with the illness of her grandma. I think we all feel guilt for not spending enough time with a loved one when the fall ill. Especially when the relationship has been on and off , or not what it could have been. And she may realize now , being older , that she didn't spend as much time with your mom , that she could have , and now is making sure she does for this grandma. Which really is a good thing. It means she has learned an important life lesson! And although this is hard on you , I think her having all kinds of emotions due to the "family" circumstances , and doing what she is to make it right , is a definate positive for her in the healing process. I feel very strongly that Alise will come through all this , and hope she seeks conseling , to help guide her. She sounds very intelligent and I feel she just needs someone to help her to the right path of understanding why and what her emotions are. I know one thing for sure , She has one of the best moms in the whole world! I know it can be so hard to be "quiet" when we need to be around our children. I've had to "bite" my tongue a few times with Adam. But I knew I had to , and let him figure things out on his own.

"Mother" hugs to you , and all the ladies here. xxxx Mel

EWB

So sweet Sheila and Mel...women and mother hugs, I expect these can make even the worst days better! Thanks for sharing.

Mary22

Hope all are having a good day. Put all your troubles behind youa nd enjoy the sun.

Good luck to all facing family problems. Believe me I understand. ((((HUGS)))) to all.

my3girls

Thank you Sheila...I have read that before....and it is very fitting right now...and so very TRUE!

Mel..thanks..you are so right. I see Alise a little differently now, reading your post. You are the best!!

I just got an email from Wayne, he has a little female Yorkie like Oliver. Her name is Sophia, and he has had her since his divorce 6 years ago.  He took her in for oral surgery and she then had a stroke and he had to put her down.  He is soooo sad!!! That was his companion, as I can relate.  If that happened to Oliver, I would be devistated!! Poor man...car wreck, and now this!!

thanks to my sisters here...for making my life even better, you are all here for one another daily...and such a blessing!!!

xoxo

Lisa

honeygirl

OK ladies and UB , an update on my ex-SO. Its not good. As you know , he had his surgery last Thursday. Friday they took him off the ventilator. His bp was spiking , and he doesn't have a diabetes , but due to the surgery , it was high. But he was progressing in the right direction. Sat. he was good. Then Sunday , I arrived at the hospital to find he had done a 360 in his condition. He looked horrible. His breathing was fast and labored. His sugar was fine , but his bp was still spiking. His color was off. Well , being this was the third day in the hospital , he was now in withdrawal of the cigs and alcohol. So this was adding stress to his recovery. So they said they use to keep "beer" available for alcoholics , because it is really dangerous to all of a sudden stop after being on it for so long. But the stopped that and now give then ativan. So , most of the time he was "with it" , but sometimes he was talking out of his head. He then started complaining of heartburn. So they gave him milk of magnesia. Yuck! That stuff always makes me vomit. And then gave him some morphine. But just as I was going to leave he woke up and said he was gonna get sick. And he threw up. It was very dark , so they checked it for blood. They thought maybe he had a bleeding ulcer , and they were going to do a scope , but then the gastro doc said no , and did an x-ray. He has and ileum. Its when the bowels "go to sleep" due to the surgery and meds , sometimes it takes longer for them to "wake up". Well , Monday am , he threw up again , alot this time. So he was put back on the respirator and is being kept asleep. They said when he threw up the last time , he aspirated some of it into his lungs. So they are very concerned with ammonia. And then while I was there yesterday, a "infectious disease doc came in! I said Oh? He said that my ex's surgeon called him in after the surgery. Evidently , I say that cause his "surgeon" never said a word to me! , That when he went in to do the graft of the stints , he found a "clump of nodes" that didn't look good. So he wanted him to run a path on it. I asked if the biopsied for cancer , seeing as how he did have prostate ca before. He said he would check into it. But the surgeon , went ahead and put the stint in. And the path came back bacterial infection. So now they are all worried that this infection will get into the graft. I really don't like his surgeon. I asked him if he would prescribe the patch for him while he was there to help him through the effects of withdrawal. He said no , he can see his family doc for that when he gets out! Well , I talked to his nurse , and she said that would not be a problem , and she even suggested it before I said anything! Then yesterday morning , I was still sleeping and the surgeon called me. I woke up about 45 mins later. He said "if you're interested in talking to me , call be and left his number. "if i'm interested in talking to him"!!?! So I call ,just his voice mail. I let a message to call me. He doesn't call me. I call the hospital , checking on my ex , and asked if the surgeon was there , "oh , he just left " try his office. So I call the office , "Oh , he should be here any minute" gave my name and number , I still haven't heard from him. This is already the next day. I'll tell you what , if my ex makes it through all this , and ever has to have surgery again , he will definitely have a new surgeon!!! This is the forth surgery he has done on him. And he has an excellent rep as a surgeon , but then again , this is the forth one he has had. I never liked his bedside manners , and he totally sucks on follow up. But I think me ex felt comfortable with him cause he has done so much. Thanks for letting me vent ladies and UB.

I am not going in today to the hospital. He will still be sedated. And won't know I am there. So I am taking this opportunity to go do errands and wash my clothes. I'll talk to you all later.

AE , good to here about UB , and sorry about your brother. I hope all goes well for him. Keeping you all in my prayers. xxxxx Mel

honeygirl

Aw Lisa , that just sucks! Poor Wayne. I'm sure he is heart-broken. Poor Sophia. At least she felt no pain. Our furbabies mean soooo much to us. And that would have been so cute , if you two got together with Oliver and Sophia. Hugs to you both.xxxx

Hi Mary , thanks for all your encouragment! You make me smile!

Makratz

Mel, so sorry things are not going well.  It sounds like you both have been through hell.  He is so lucky to have you!  I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Big Hugs to both of you.

Linda

honeygirl

Hi Linda! So good to see you here. Thanks for your kind words.  I felt that hug! Thanks.

OK sexy , which one is you in your avatar!? You both love marvelous!

my3girls

((((Mel)))))) you are really being put through so much!  You are such a good person, and your ex is very lucky to still have you in his life.  That surgeon sounds like a real arrogant you know what!

Take some time for you right now...you need it.

xoxo

Lisa

Makratz

HAHAHA  Sexy??? I'm the onw without the sunglasses on.  The other is my BFF.

Can they give you ex nicotine patches to help with withdrawals?  My heart is just breaking for you both.

honeygirl

Hi Sheila , loved the post. I sent that to all my girlfriends. So true and special.

Hi Meg , Thank you for all your support. You trully are a blessing. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. My prayers are with her. xxxx

Hi Elaine! So good to see you here. You are always a bright spot whenever you are here. I hope you are having a great day and that you are having good moments daily.xxxx

honeygirl

Thanks Lisa. Yes , he is an arrogant arse! Yes , I am about to leave to get stuff done. Is Olivia home now? If yes , when does she leave for Fla? Sounds like she has a great bff. Its really helps so you don't feel so worried about her while she is there. What am I saying , you'll still worry!lol

Linda , I thought that was you! Simply beautiful. Yes , the nurse was able to get him the patch.

my3girls

Thanks Mel & Meg.  It is so sad to lose a fur baby.  It was his little love..he is heart broken. I was looking forward to some day meeting, and our two little yorkies, playing together. I wish I was closer, so I could give him a big hug and some support. 

Meg, I am sure you never gave your mother heartache. We all have caused some problems with our parents from time to time. It just seems like sometimes there is one, who continues to put those little painful digs in to hurt us.  I know Cathi can very well relate. I just feel bad that your daughter did not consider what you were going through and change her date of her wedding.  And she thought you were being selfish??? Sometimes....I just don't get girls! lol

Hugs to all!!!

Lisa

Makratz

Thanks Mel, glad to hear he has the patch.  It definitely should help take the edge off!

1Cathi

Mel sending good VIBES your way.

Shelia I have also seen that e-mail before,  but nice to read it again.

Lisa glad you are feeling some better with the whole DD thing. I swear sometimes I think we are related with our way to similar life stories.  Mine actually did take some therapy a few years ago,  but when she got pregnant for Landen (who will be 1 on 8/11) something changed with her mental state I swear,  in over a year now she has been much better - maybe her hormones are realigned or something,  hope this pregnancy does not throw them back to MEAN again, 

my3girls

Thanks Cathi...I too feel like we are "sisters" in many ways. Hormones do alot of crazy things to us. I pray your DD will not go back to her mean ways.

Glad your ex has the patch Mel..that has to help him cope.

Yes, Olivia flew home with me on Saturday night. Her plans right now are to fly back tomorrow.

xoxo

Lisa

EWB

Lisa- so sorry to hear about Wayne, I said a prayer for him. So much happening in such a short period of time.

Mel- good to see you. Boy are you going thru a lot (as is your ex!) Deep breath, one day at a time sweetie.  How are you doing?  Come and vent when ever you need!much better than keeping it all in and worrying.

Hugs

Anonymous

WOW! Leave you guys for a moment and everything falls apart!

Lisa, it was incredibly hard to do at the time, but my children have thanked me over and over for never saying anything negative about their father or his family over the years and encouraging them to have a relationship with them. Loving and supporting him has absolutely nothing to do with me. It's not a competition. People need to have some kind of positive spin on their biological creators in order to have a positive feeling about who they are. That's just my take on it, of course. They have never achieved a close relationship with their dad, but still include him whenever he is willing. My role was to step aside. A very, very challenging role at times. Yes, I was internally upset when they gave him credit he wasn't due or he tried to put me down and weaken my relationship with them. But the goal is to have healthy children who can observe the truth. Force-fed, even the truth is hard to swallow and lies become a more attractive meal. Let it bloom on its own, in its own time. All this meandering thinking I'm doing here can be distilled very simply...let go, love, trust, accept.

Oh, Mel!!! It sounds like a nightmare. I wish I could sit with you. Sometimes that's all one can do. My heart is doing that across the miles. You are so special. What a wonderful gift your son is. You deserve to have that. Bless you!

Sheila, Elaine, Linda, Cathi, Meg, Mary,  and all who hang out here...so good is your presence. Your hearts shine through your words.

It's 97 degrees in Seattle. That's SEATTLE for cryin' out loud. I'm being steamed alive just like a mussel!!!

Surgery Friday. Lots to do. Got a super short haircut. 

Love you all....Judie

Makratz

Judie,

Be sure to let us know how everything goes Friday.  I will keep you in my prayers.

my3girls

Judie...you are such an inspiration!! Your words wrang so true in my heart. I have never discouraged a relationship with their father or his family....it was the girls decision when the decided they could not do it.  Now that some have one...mostly because of this situation with their grandmother, I can see that this is what it took for them to move into that direction. I do have to just sit back and let them do and feel what they NEED at this time.  Sometimes it hurts me...the words that are said...but I do know in their hearts they love me.

97 in Seattle...is that normal for your area?  We have finally had summer weather lately..80's. It's very ugly today, rainy and humid!  I forget..what is your surgery Friday?  I will be thinking and praying for you as well. Love ya Judie!!!

Wonderful postitive thoughts for all of my dear sisters here!!

Sue...how is your father doing?  We would love to hear from you sweet sister.

back to work...

xoxo

Lisa

1Cathi

Judie thinking of you always,  but special thoughts on Friday. 

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO -To All

Mary22

Wow, miss a day and so much to catch up on.

Honeygirl, blessings and prayers for you and your ex-SO.

Judie, prayers for you upcomiing surgery.

((((((HUGS)))))))) to all.

Cloudy and humid today, almost as humid as a summer day in FL, almost.

my3girls

Mary where do you live? Humid here in Ohio!!

hrf

It's raining and humid here in Toronto as well. Summer has overall been cooler than normal but considering I'm still in tx, it's more comfortable than the normal heat.