please help

Makratz

Barb, That's great they you do not need additonal surgery!  I think the priests were a sign from up above!

Cathi, Have fun with the gang. 

Big Hugs to you all!

1Cathi

Thanks Linda,  just T/T DD they are leaving VA,  arrival times looks to be about 8ish in the AM,  I have so much to get done -UGH

barbe1958

This is my first  6 hours without pain so it looks like I can go home tomorrow. Thanks for all your well wishes and prayers. They worked!

Cathi, good luck tomorrow, get out to your coffee shop early for a quiet time before they come so you can have some alone time. Keep the coffee running at home! Make sure you keep us updated. I guess Jaclyn and Alexcis will be over too. So much excitement! Poor Margo...or is she a little social butterfly?

I look forward to pix. Many. 

honeygirl

Hi everyone. Well , first , thanks for all the prayers and positive energy. My ex started feeling better yesterday. They took him off the respirator. His bowels started "waking up". He ate a cookie and some mac and cheese today. Meg , I thought of what you wrote about the bp. Thats been the one thing that they can't seem to get under control. All his vitals were messed up. But when ever there is truama to the body , weather it be an accident or surgery , kinda messes all the vitals up. But He has taken longer than the norm to come back to normal. When I left him , they have him on an IV drip of a strong bp med. And they will try to take him off little by little. Once he has the bp in check , he will then go to a "normal" room. But the discharge nurse came in today and said , he will have to go to a rehab place from there to help him to walk again. He and I have talked about this , cause I thought it would happen , but when she said it to him , I thought he was gonna cry. And he kept saying it over and over , or telling the nurses when they would come in. We all told him it was a good thing. That they will work with him daily cause there goal will be to get him walking and out of there! I just felt so bad. I think it made him feel like he failed. But I requested the Austinburg rehab , which is very close to us. I think that made him feel a little better. The most bitter/sweet thing that has happened out of this , is even though he had to be put on the ventilator and sudated , he got through his withdrawal period while he was under.

Praise God. I was so worried about what withdrawal would do to his healing. For any of you that are new here , he is an alcoholic and smoker.They still have the patch on him. Thank you nurse Elaine!  And he said he hasn't even wanted a cig. But after he ate , he said he wanted one. I said , thats OK , it will pass. You have to think of something else. So I took him some playing cards. We played go fish and war. Those were easy games. But yet took his mind off of everything. And his blood pressure came down to 120/63 while we were playing! I know this could be "one step forward and 2 back" , but for right now , I will take the one step forward!

I am going to talk to nurse Vickie , the discharge nurse to see if anyone from AA comes to the hospital to talk to people who are alcoholics. I don't think he would go to an AA meeting , but if someone that is male and older could talk to him , and give him some hope , I'm all for it. Before when he has had surgery , he would be good for about 3 weeks after he was home. Then , he would go to his "club" and who hangs out there? Other alcoholics! So he would just get back into it.

OK , I know I am babling. Enough. But thank you all for prayers.

Barbe , so glad you are feeling better! Hope you get to go home real soon. Thats something about the two priests! But you know what my first thought was , "I wonder what it was that Barbe said that they needed to hear!" I bet there was something , or someway you helped one or both , cause that was one of those things that make me go humm.....Hugs to you sweet sister.

Cathi! Oh my , its almost time for the young-uns to arrive! Its gonna be fine. I think it is  a positive thing that is about to happen. Mom and daugther reunion , a grandma and grandchild reunion , a new job for SIL , sisters bonding as adults , and no EX in the picture to cause any heartache! I just have a good feeling about this. I will pray that things go well for them , and that they can get a place of their own , so you all can live happily "near" one another. Hugs.

Judie , so good to see you here! You must be very busy selling on e-bay. Be careful , and I hope it all goes well. Was your surgery for recon? I think I missed some of your posts. If so , that OK , its nothing that can't wait. How short is your hair!? I had mine cut short! Just cause I could , and not because I was having chemo. Made me feel good! Sorry the weather is sooooo hot and humid. Like Lisa said , we haven't had to hot of weather , but , I don't know about you Lisa , but maybe being close to the lake , it has been soooo humid here! And thats what gets me more misarable than the heat. But I think you are going to have a little break this weekend Judie. Hope so.  xxxxx

OK ladies , and UB , gonna go relax a spell. Love to you all. Mel

barbe1958

Mel, great to hear about your SO's bp going down with Go Fish! hehehehehe Mine went down with the morphine, but now I'm not in pain but still bed-ridden and its up to 186/82 and I'm on TONS of bp meds! Weird. I hope that doesn't stop me from going home. The only thing is that what is wrong with my kidney is usually found AFTER it is found in your  heart! sigh.....more test down the road for sure.

As for his urges, here's what you do: It takes 21 times to break a habit. That's why rehab for alcoholics is 21 days. (By the way, God bless him to have his withdrawal sedated, what a small blessing, like you said!) So...when he gets an urge for a ciggie, he marks down I on a sheet of paper. That urge will last 45-90 seconds and then is gone if he doesn't feed it. When he has his next urge, he marks another I, etc, and he can count them off in groups of five, until he has 21 checks marked off. He will be surprised how far apart his urges will get when he denies his body the drug. Of course, being on the patch isn't helping rid the urge, just the habit. He may get bored doing the monitoring and not care, but that is a good sign too as it means he's not as focussed as he thought he was. Playing cards was a great distraction for him, good idea! 

I've had habits I've needed to break over the years, and this method seems to work. At first you fixate on checking yourself for urges, then that becomes anti-climatic and the novelty wears off.

Keep us posted sweetie. You done good!

Makratz

Mel, I too am glad he made it through the withdrawal period.  It is so hard to do.  Quitting smoking is too, been there done that the day they told me I had BC.  I hope the smoking urge goes away.

How are you doing Mel?  Are you geting rest and support that you need?  It must be so heart wrenching and draining for you to watch him go through all of this, for you to go through all of this with him.  He is so lucky to have you!  Please take care of yourself.  I will keep you both in my prayers.

Linda

honeygirl

Oh Barbe! Thank you so , sooooo much! That is an excellent idea. I will definitely have him do this. It makes so much sense to me! Forget about the light bulb! Its like a giant flood light going off. Because people who are "withdrawing" do , desperately need to "see" that they are getting better , or are able to quit. And that is such an awesome thing that you have suggested. When people are "withdrawing" they can't do anything to intricate , and this is just what he needs. Thank you , thank you , thank you! Your the best! I can't believe you are in the hospital , going through all this and helping me. This deserves an award...

Love ya Barbe!

Hi Linda! Thanks for your sweet post. I am fine. Just a little tired.I talked to my girlfriend last night on the phone , and I told her , as soon as he is home , Its gonna be all about me!lol I am going to tenn to see my family. And just get away from everything. How are you doing? Has the weather gotten any better? How are boys and their summer vacation going? Have you gotten to go on any harley rides lately? I wish I was there. Having a sreeb ,and talking and laughing with you. Take care sweetie.xxxx Mel

Makratz

Hey Mel,

Reebs are flowing or should I say initram???  Anyway, I am glad youhave plns to go to Tenn and see your family.  You need to take care of yourself.  You have been through so much!!  You do need some "Mel" time!  Please take care of yourself.

My boys are doing fine..  The weather....ehh??Not great.  Today rained all day, this is a summer to remember!  Yesterday I went to CapeCod to visit my family and the weather was beautiful!  I will go back there tomorrow to meet my friend (Who's in y avatar).  She keeps me sane.  Her sis is a BC survivor too!  DX ax 42, just like me!

I wish you were here too.  Some day, Mel, some day!!!

Love you,

Linda

1Cathi

Happy Saturday all, it is 8:15AM have been up and hour,  last minute chores,  expected arrival within the next 2 hours, still excited with that edge of nervous, it will be a busy weekend for sure.

Barbe sure hope you come home today,  so happy you are feeling better,  you don't have to worry about me and coffee-  that truly is my addiction, Mel prayers for you all that life brings you peace and complete happiness in everyday that follows.

Well better get busy,  off to shower, i'll keep yeah posted and I am sure with many pictures too.

LOVE TO ALL.  XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

barbe1958

Good luck Cathi! It never goes as expected remember......one way or the other.

Mary22

Have fun Cathi.

NancyD

Just checking in as the weekend begins.

Cathi, do you have jitters like a soldier before a battle?  That's about how I would feel...the invasion is ready to begin. When I have lots of family descending here (which is usually once a year), I get into my battle mode. I start by food shopping in bulk, then switch over to decorating (or undecorating if there's a really big crowd expected and we need the room). I'm usually wiped out by the time the guests arrive, but then adrenalin kicks in.

Mel, I feel for you, honeygirl. We went through a similar process with my dad this spring. He was in and out of the hospital and nursing/rehab homes from March until early July. I understand how disappointed he must be to have to go to rehab. They are not the most uplifting places.  I think just the prospect of getting out of there is what motivates many of the patients. But a good one will really work at getting him back on his feet.

LIsa, how's your ex-MIL doing?

Barbe, yikes, will it never stop? I'm very glad the pain is gone, but I hope the meds aren't going to cause other se's.

Hi, Judie, Meg, Linda, Mary, Sue, Shirl (where are you?), Val, Wren, Jule, Nettie, Jane (and anyone I missed...).  I hope your weekend is relaxing and blessedly uneventful.

Anonymous

Cathi, the troops should have arrived by now. I've sure been thinking of you. Nancy's image of the beginning of an invasion feels right on. Be well.

Mel, you are such a treasure. You are being a solid support and doing all the right things. There seems to be a glimmer of hope for turning some of that support in the direction of Mel. I'm rooting for that with all my power!!!

I was supposed to drive to Portland with my DIL today to take a few boxes of records to a dealer there who is amazing. He is manager of one of the last big record stores...people come from all over the world to buy and sell. He, of course, knew my son. Most of the collection will probably be consigned there. I really wanted to meet him and pick his brains. But I feel like crapola this morning. I think the heat too a chunk out of me. So I'm going to crawl back in bed and try to recover a bit. DIL will go without me.

Have a wonderful weekend, all!

my3girls

Mel...so glad to hear your ex is doing so much better. You truly are a saint!! He is so fortunate to have you! I am so happy that he went through his withdrawal while he was under. love to you dear Mel..you are the greatest!!

My ex mil is still in hopsice. Not sure of anything changing. The girls refuse to speak to me. I haven't really seen Olivia for several days. Either she is home when I am not, or visa versa. She sends me nasty text messages.  It's somewhat over the top. I have not spoken to anyone about anyone,(except for you ladies) and my very good g/f's. But, she say's I am gossiping?? Anyhow...thanks Cathi..about your sweet words of support. I know according to them, they would not agree. I am just staying out of it.  They can spend 24/7 there if that is what they want to do.  All I know, is that if I am ever in hospice..and I am not awake at all....I am going to let everyone know, to please...DONT STAY AROUND ME!! Why? I don't know you are there.  Go, live your daily lives.  Visit me once a day, if you want...but don't camp out at my bedside.  It's just not what I would want for anyone.  Off my soapbox.....maybe someday my girls will respect me and love me again.  And if not...I know I have tried to be a good mom.

Cathi....I wish you all the best while you tend to your FULL HOUSE.  I can just picture you in your kitchen cooking up a storm!  I hope that your daughters connect even more during this time.  It does make us feel so much better to see our children get along.

I am at work. Picked up extra hours...and I am here much later than scheduled...all because some IDIOT in NYC decided to go into LGA airport with a pretend BOMB!!! So, they shut down the airport this morning...and of course that caused delays!! People are so STUPID sometimes!!!

love and support to each and everyone of you!!

Val...did you go to Pinkstock??

xoxo

Lisa

hrf

Lisa, I understand exactly how you feel about your girls and the family situation.Many of us who have been divorced have found ourselves in this difficult situation. Just stay strong and keep doing what you are doing. The girls will come around.

barbe1958

Lisa, I agree about not wanting a "death watch" sitting around me while I'm dying. I did it for both of my parents and don't really like the last images I have of them....

As for your daughters, shame on them! The only logic I can come up with, is that to support HER, they feel like they have to emotionally disconnect from YOU. Totally understandable at their young ages. They may feel like they are "cheating" on you and can't handle the guilt. I hope that's all it is and the dust will settle when it's all over. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust...

barbe1958

Mel, thanks for the award! I am wearing it with pride, but I'll be happier to know he is progressing in HIS painful journey.

portiasproudmom

Hello, my dear friends!  As you've probably guessed, I still don't have a new laptop.  This past week was absolutely horrendous here (as Judie shared with you).  It was 108 degrees here on Wednesday afternoon.  Even with our portable air conditioner and tons of fans blowing, it was around 90 degrees in here by evening time.  All I had the energy to do was sit in front of the air conditioner or cool off in our little pool (15' x 9' x 3').  The past couple of days have been around 90, which I can tolerate.

I've only had time to skim the past week's posts.  Lisa, I'm sorry your girls are being so difficult.  They'll come around, but I know how it hurts.  Hang in there!

Mel, I'm so sorry for the stress you've had to face over your ex.  He's so lucky to have someone like you in his life.  You truly are a saint!!  ((((((((Mel))))))))

Barbe, are you still in the hospital?  You take care, dear girl, and get better!!!  Love ya!

Well, I have some good news.  We have our building permit!!!!  The foundation for our house will probably be poured the week after next.  We have to put in temporary power and a driveway first.  It came at a good time as far as the weather is concerned, but a bad time as far as Rhuel's schedule.  He's been working out of town for the past couple of weeks.  I don't know how he's going to swing this, but I'm sure he'll manage.  I'd pour the driveway and clear the site for the foundation if I could!!

Take care everyone!  I love you all!

Hugs,

Karen

barbe1958

Oh Karen FINALLY!!! But...didn't we hear you singing this song a couple months ago...?

I am HOME. My pillow. My toilet. My teacup. My furbabies!. Happy-happy, joy-joy!

Makratz

Welcome home Barb!!!

dink

Hi everyone.  I haven't been here in a long time.  I have read a few things and would like to let Barb, Mel, Lisa, and Cathi know that I will keep you, your family members, and friends in my prayers.  Mel, please don't forget to rest and take care of yourself.  TRy not to get too run down.  Barb, sorry to hear you are/were in the hospital.  I hope things are going well for you.  Lisa and Cathi, I pray things will go better for each of you regarding your children.  Remember to be patient, love is hard. 

I am sorry I haven't written in a while things around here are very hectic.  I would like to ask for prayers for my little 4 year old grandaughter.  She turned four June 4, 2009.  She never complains, fusses, or cries with her stomach hurting.  She went in for her Pre-K visit at the doctors and by then end of last week was sent to Cooks Childrens Hospital in Fort Worth Texas.  She saw a surologist there and was diagnosed with muticystic dysplasty kidney.  Basically she has mutiple cysts at different sizes in the right kidney.  The largest cyst measure 10cm, the size of a baseball.  These cysts have covered most of the kidney throughout.  They are pushing the abdiminal organs over to the left.  They can't see the gallbladder either.  The right kidney is not functioning in any way.  They will remove the kidney September 30.  I'm not sure how to come up with the money for the gas and hotel in Fort Worth but I will by the  time it gets here.  My daughter is a single mom with no help from he baby's dad.  (She has five children in all.)  She does have Medicaid on this child but it doesn't cover the gas or the hotel so my husband and I will be responsible for that and anything else not covered.  She will be in the hospital at least 4 days and I'm no sure how many days she will be out of school. 

I will go in the hospital August 19, 2009 for, hopefully, my last surgery.  It will be the time for the implant process.  I go August 4, 2009 for a "fill up" and a History and physical for the surgery.  This is the most boreness trip as it is 3 hours one way and I travel by myself.  After a month or two, I will go in for the tattoos and I believe I am through at that time.

Hugs to all and please know you are all in my prayers.

Leesa

1Cathi

lEESA,  NICE TO HERE FROM YOU-  big prayers for gd -xoxoxooxoxoxo

Nancy you descrbed me to a tea in prep for the big arrival that happened at 7AM, day one all went well,  but I sure do have a house full,  of coarse Jaclyn and family were her all day too,  and back again for more fun and food later today,  we'll kick into some kind of normal routine this week,  MAYBE -LOL

Oh Lisa,  I am sorry for those nasy messages,  I don't know what to say,  except that I to was there once,  the words can cut like a knife for sure, I am sure the girls will come around,  I truly never expected Amanda to be here where she is, I am not expecting miracles with her yet,  taking it slow -  BUT THERES ALWAYS HOPE - Sening you good thoughts and LOVE my friend.

barbe1958

pix Cathi! Glad all went well...

Leese, your gd is certainly added to my prayer list.

hrf

Barbe, glad to hear you are home.

Cathi, I hope there's fun and a lot of joy in all that chaos with the family together.

Leesa, I do hope all goes well with your granddaughter.....our grandchildren are so precious and so vulnerable. Please let us know how she is doing.

my3girls

Oh Leesa...keeping your dear grandaughter in my prayers. Poor little thing.

Good luck on your upcoming surgeries as well.

How you doing today Barbe?

Cathi..things still going well? I sure hope so. Have fun!!

Thanks everyone for your support. I know I said one thing (I told you before, I believe) that Olivia did not like about her grandmother...but that is it.  She I think has made more out of this than was needed.  But..I know it's tough for them to lose someone.  Time will tell. But, the one thing I relayed to them, is this..........I will not be treated with disrespect!! It won't happen anymore. If that is how you are going to act towards me...stay away...I want nothing to do with you.  I have lived that for too long in the past, and I don't care to revisit it.

I chose to surround myself with people that love me and respect me...as I hope they feel the same from me. I don't think that is asking too much.

They have an aunt on his side of the family, that I relayed a story to Danni about, only because she had heard something. So during this, I said that this aunt was a user and a gossipy, manipulative person.  She is not a nice person in anyway.  Olivia said, that bothered her that I said that. I told her, even her uncles feel this way. This is nothing new...that is who she is!  I am just a person who calls a SPADE a SPADE.  I will be glad when it's all over.  Or when the girls are gone!

Karen...glad it's finally happening!!! Your new house!!!  Here's to cooler weather for you and Judie...those are out of this world temps for you guys!!

back to work!

xoxo

Lisa

EWB

Hugs Lisa, I am sure it will all work its way out. Just have faith and patience (I know that is easy to say), do what you need to stay healthy and happy physically, mentally and emotionally.

Cathi- hope all is well with your company!

Leesa- my prayers are with you all...what a thing for your granddaughter to have to be dealing with at such a young age, I am so glad it has been discovered and the doctors have a plan for treating her!! Please keep us updated, and know our prayers are with you.

Barbe- hope all is healing and pain free today...good luck tomorrow.

barbe1958

Elaine, how is your mom doing? She has been in my thoughts and prayers, too.

dink

Thank you all for your prayers for my liittle GD.  She is a little quiet today.  Just wants to be held by Mamaw.  She does complain with her "stomach"  hurting.  Her little tummy is so tight and when you feel it, it is very hard.  She tries to keep playing and not complain.  I asked my daughter why they were waiting so long and all she said was that she didn't know and the doctor said she had lived with this problem for 4 years, what's two month?  Boy, when she told me that today, I was so mad.  I told my DD I would call the doctor's office myself on Monday and get things changed or at least talk with her local doctor to see if he would see her once a week or every two weeks unti her surgery just to help keep an eye on things.  My DD said she would think about it.  Boy, I could kick her in her little rear sometimes.

Lisa, I went back and read some posts to catch up on things today, I am sorry to hear about your girls and your X-MIL.  I am hoping and praying for things to go better and the girls are handling things better.  I know when my MIL died three years ago, my DD would stay at her SO's house so she would not see my MIL in so much pain or see her while she was so sick.  My daughter was extremely close to my MIL and couldn't handle it.  She was the most important person besides my husband in my MIL's life.  The sun rose and set in my DD according to my MIL.  I was angy at my DD for that but I had to understand that was her way of dealing with the situation.  What did make me angry was,  my MIL told my DD where all the important papers were, the clothes she would like to be buried in, and my DD knew her the best, her favorite this and that.  When it came time for the funeral, any suggestions she made or anything she would say my MIL wanted they would total ignore her and sent her out of the room.  My husband was in shock, he felt guilty for not being there more while his mother was dealing with cancer because they live 650 miles away from us.  I still have resentment towards my SIL about the way my daughter was treated but I guess she felt she was just in what went on because of my daughter's actions then at the time of her death my DD all of a sudden was right there.  Now my DD is so possessive of my FIL that she knows when is does or is going to do everything.  Sometimes you just have to only be supportive, give them their space to deal with the existing situation and be there with your arms held out and support them in any way you can..  They will always come back to momma no matter how mean or what they do.  That is our job as mothers, to love unconditionally, support no matter what, and to pick up the pieces when the SH_T hits the fan.  You are truly a great lady and I admire you for standing up and letting them make their decisions but reminding them that you are their mother and you are not to be disrepected.  You are awesome.

Leesa

Makratz

dink, I will keep your granddaughter in my prayers.  Best of luck with your surgery.  (((HUGS)))

Anonymous

Leesa, I'll be thinking of your little granddaughter. It's so hard to have such a little one have to face something like this. At her age it's supposed to be kisses for skinned knees! ((((((((((((Leesa)))))))))))

Lisa, I have joined your club and I hate it. My youngest daughter has removed herself from all contact with the family, including me. She is angry. I can understand, but her criticism and withdrawal are painful anyway. If you happen upon a ray of sunshine that's not hot and humid, give me a call and we'll share it...lol.

Just got back from watching the Blue Angels perform over Lake Washington. We had a family/friends party at my son's dream home. He had been excited to host the party. The house has a wonderful view of the event. I kept seeing him in every shadow. His absence, and that of my daughter, made it a bittersweet event. Those who came were warm, witty, and good fun. We had fabulous food, too. No alcohol, though. It would have been easier with a beer or two, but DIL doesn't drink and some of the family members are uncomfortable with it...sigh.