STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

mara51506

I agree yndorian. He does not have any compassion or empathy, at least not for me. He and his wife think I am faking my illness. Not sure why a mastectomy, chemo, radiation, then brain surgery, more radiation has not convinced them. My MO laughed hard when I told her about. She offered to call him and tell him. I told her not to bother, he has no right to know. When I reach hospice, he will not be notified and I put legal provisions to prevent him from showing up. I already made my will to prevent him or his family from getting anything. They did not bother with me, why should I look after any of them.

Like I said above, he is no longer in my life and if he somehow did find out where I live, I will not welcome him. I will also call police if he or his wife showed up. I haven't got time for any shenanigans. My life is finally peaceful and quite happy most often. I do get sad sometimes but that is grief and you cannot get out of that. I just keep going forward with my life.

I am sure that when the younger brother was reading my post about being really sad, he was probably laughing at it

Lita57

What csn I say? Sadistic psychopath who needs to get a REAL life...

L

AliceBastable

Have you asked the mods if access to this site can be blocked, even for read-only non-members? I know there are some health site forums that do not allow people to see posts if they haven't joined. I have mixed feelings about that - I like to get a feel for a group before jumping in - but it also protects the members' privacy.

mara51506

Lita, I agree totally.

Alice, I can see your point but he would probably just join up. Hopefully he will move beyond this behavior and go back to his own life and leave me alone. Leave our group alone too.

Beesie

Alice, restricting access has been a request/discussion many times over the years. Not ever going to happen. The discussion board very intentionally is left open to the public, and the discussions threads often pop up first on search lists - also very intentional. Back when I joined even our profiles were public; at least this has been changed and now only members can see other member's profiles.

It's simple. Our posts/discussion board content drives hits ----> Hits drive usage ----> Usage is considered a measure of value ----> The greater the perceived value of BCO, the more money the big donors (corporations & foundations) are willing to give.

From the "About Us" page: "Since 2000, we have reached 134 million people worldwide. Breastcancer.org receives more than 20 million visits each year, and we host and manage the world's largest online breast cancer peer community, with over 219,000 registered members." How many of those 20 million visits each year are hits on the discussion board by non-members?

Mara, I'm only 2 hours down the 401 from you. If you'd like, I can gather a posse and head over and we can find your brother and 'clarify the situation'. Just kidding, of course. Well, maybe just kidding.

runor

Go Beesie!

Lita57

I'll probably be home with my Savior by the time any of these "double checks" happen, but I can certainly see the day where they might have to start VERIFYING that members who contribute to these forums are ACTUALLY cancer patients by contacting their MO's and PCP's and RO's.

It's getting ridiculous how one "anal orifice" can ruin it for everyone.

I've just received some disturbing news that I'm seriously reluctant to share here now.

So, I am cursing you in Sicilian slang, you POS - Ti maledico in gergo siciliano, tu shangadda, puzzo, scustumad scooch...ma aspetta, c'è di più (but wait, there's more...). Sei disgustoso e disgraziado, tu strunz (jerk).

And there's more where that came from.

(I'm trying to teach myself Italian so I can speak to my grandparents and great-grandparents when I see them in Heaven...of course, I won't be using any of the words above.)

L

Artista964

rule 1 on message boards. Never use you're real name. I'm far from a rosabella..

mara51506

Never did use my real name. He got hold of my tablet while visiting and decided to snoop unbeknownst to me. Nothing I could do to stop it.

Beesie, I love that idea

Lita, I am sorry he has made you feel uncomfortable sharing something. I hate that it makes us feel like we cannot share. I plan to keep sharing what's happening in my life and I encourage all of us to do so. None of us include any major information past a first name. I myself will keep posting how I am feeling and be more selective about stuff he may be aware of. In other words, sticking to my symptoms, how I'm feeling etc. His phishing expedition here was aimed at me and I refuse to let him take this place away.

In short, we should keep sharing our stories of our experiences with this beast and Lita, please don't stop posting. I enjoy your travels and advice and salty posts from time to time. I don't wish to lose that.

As long as we are not sharing our personal information, there is really nothing he could do. If he actually posted something really bad, mods could remove or block. I doubt he would go that far but if so, they could take care of it.

edj3

Your brother doesn't scare me. I'm an Army veteran. So I don't care if he figures out who I am in real life. But he sure annoys me.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mara: you do not have to apologize to us for your brother's actions. Keep accompanying us in this forum and let your brother read everything he wants until he gets bored. Just ignore it. But if he shows up at your house to bother you, you request a perimeter measure from a judge, that is a crime

mara51506

I will do that. He does not know where I am and I have controlled entry so obviously won't let him in. Thanks guys, I just did not want anyone feeling like they can't talk about what they need to here. As long as I do not hear from him here or anywhere else, I can go about my business. I can't apologize for him antway, don't understand him at all. I am going to stop mentioning him going forward, he has stolen enough time from me as it is. It really is not worth going over again and again.

Lita57

I will have news after PET SCAN on Monday nd will post results on new disturbing finding then,

AliceBastable

Oh, Lita, I am sending you a hug and my warmest thoughts for you to hang onto.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lita: I wish you to have good news to share next monday. HUGS

bcincolorado

Lita best wishes for Monday.

Rosie24

Lita, Sorry you had disturbing findings to investigate. Hoping for the best for you anyway.

mara51506

Lita, I too am hoping the best for you as well. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Simone80

Lita,

Sending you hugs. I hope all turns out ok on your PET.

jo6359

lita- sending warm thoughts in your direction. Please keep us posted as soon as you know something on Monday.

I use my real name on the message boards.

runor

Lita, hope for news that isn't too depressing and between my rudimentary graps of Spanish and Portuguese, I think I got the gyst of what you were saying. And no, you will not be using that language in Heaven, unless you're sitting with the bad kids.

Beaverntx

Lita, joining in on the wishes/ hopes that your PET results are better than any of us hope for!

Anonymous

As I write this my sister is at the hospital prepping to have a Double mastectomy and Salpingo-Oophorectomy at 8:15 am Pacific time. I'm not afraid of the actual surgery she must endure, I'm concerned about her emotional well-being after the surgery and the first time she looks in the mirror after the bandages are off. I've relived that scene in my mind so many times in my head and can't get a grip on it. I've also looked a photos on the net.

I'm so mad that she has to go through this and mad that I can't be with her today (a friend is staying with her for two weeks until I arrive on the 19th and stay for three weeks!) I'm also mad that I live 3000 miles away from her!!

I think of all the breast cancer patients who have gone through similar surgeries. You're so courageous. Countless breast cancer patients have emotionally survived and those who have shared their stories in this forum are an inspiration to me.

Still, I'm mad and need to get a handle on my anger.

I shared this with my sister last night:

"You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give." Eleanor Roosevelt

"Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway." John Wayne

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Viewfinder: I'm so sorry that your sister has to go through all that! So hard to you that cannot be with her right now! Fucking cancer! Your anger is justifyed. I send you hugs and my better wishes to your sister. I can absolute related myself with that John Wayne phrase

jo6359

viewfinder- I'm so sorry your sister has to go through all that. With you being a loving sister I can appreciate your anger and frustration at not being able to be by her side. I'm sure she knows you're with her emotionally. Both of you will find the strength you need. We say it all the time. Cancer Sucks. May your sister find the emotional strength to deal with the journey ahead.

Simone80

Viewfinder,

I'm sorry to hear your sister has to go through that. I pray God gives you and your sister the strength you need to make it through this. It's ok to feel angry, my sisters are miles away also. I still find comfort knowing they are always here for me.

mara51506

Viewfinder, I am also sorry you are not able to be with your sister right away. I am thinking of you both.

Beesie

Viewfinder, thinking about your sister and wishing her all the best. Yup, breast cancer stinks, doesn't it?

Lita, I hope that your PET Scan provides only reassuring good news!

JCSLibrarian

A week or so ago I ranted about the abundance of adult volunteers and groups of child volunteers at my infusion center. Today I called the volunteer coordinator to ask questions and let her know my concerns. Mainly she said it was my responsibility to alert the volunteers that I did not want a “visit” from them. I do not understand why it is the patient’s responsibility to direct the volunteer. Wouldn’t it make more sense to match a volunteer with a person that has requested a “visit” while at the infusion center These volunteers wander around the infusion room until they find someone that makes eye contact, then the questions start. When I asked the volunteer coordinator if it was ok for someone to ask patients when their treatments would end, she said sure. It was a conversation starter. A way to show empathy with the patient. I asked her why children were allowed in a medical setting as they could have numerous unknown germs. Her response was that children have no more germs than adults. Really?! This woman talked about how the children needed to learn empathy, but she showed me none during our conversation. Bottom line is that I need to overcome my Southern instinct of being polite and tell people over and over to F___ off.

I worked as the manager of a branch of our local public library and had to receive calls like this often. People would let me know how they felt marginalized, abused, talked down to, etc. I would like to believe I listened, cared and worked with them to find a solution. I hope I never made it the customers’s responsibility to work through a system they did not understand.

Cancer is a bitch and being treated like you do not matter doesn’t help. Good news is I am getting a break from chemo and will not be going back there for a month!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

JCSLibrarian, they do use sick people to teach the children to be supportive. It's so annoying! so the patient must take care not to make eye contact ... It seems a kind of sect!

I hope that woman has been clear that you do not need that kind of "empathy" and leave you alone during your next infusions. Hugs