STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

marijen

Yikes! I always thought we had a choice not to die at home forcing relatives to take care of us for the most part. Just another reason to call Pietro and get it over quick!

Thanks for all your input Jo6359, very informative, but not pretty.

jo6359

Who is Pietro?

marijen

Jun 22, 2019 06:45PM runor wrote:

Marijen, I come from a long line of Italians who dealt in the trade of...you know...taking care of problems. So, if you have a problem, you make a call. Problem solved. I have a Luigi and Pietro on speed dial. Money in an envelope. Fuhgetaboutit!

Anonymous

Jaycee and Runor it’s good to see such frank honesty about death and dying. I share these feelings. Somehow I feel I am (we are) in a minority on these boards. I know I am no where near making that call yet but when it’s time I will make the call to hospice and take everything available to me to ease my passing. I never want to be and I fear to ever be in that place Runor described.

bcincolorado

I have seen someone die in an inpatient hospice, they have that here, because she did not want to have family to deal with the hospice meds and enjoy the time with them and someone who did home hospice and died right after I helped give her meds (my mother in law). I can say both were peaceful and pain-free at the end. The inpatient one though you did not have to wait for someone to come remove them from the home or see them in the bed when you went to clean things out afterwards in your head. There are benefits to both I think and a personal decision for everyone.

marijen

This is an interesting article on the prior discussion here

https://khn.org/news/rational-suicide-seniors-pree...

AliceBastable

My friend who died in April went into hospice on Friday and died the next morning, on her birthday. I wonder if it was more stressful for her to be physically moved, although it would have only made a few days' difference, at most. Mostly I wonder if the move and subsequent death made it harder for her wife than if the passing had been at home. But I don't know if my friend was still conscious, or in pain. She had still been making fun plans and I think working part-time just a few weeks prior. It's probably different for everybody, patient and family, and we just have to trust our guts and hearts to do what's right.

jo6359

alice- your friends family did what they thought was right. Each of us are so different. Some families do not want Hospice in the home because they're not comfortable dealing with death inside the home. For some, the actual dead body is very frightening. my former client went through a similar situation. I visited her in the hospital on May 19th and you could tell she was going to pass very quickly. She looked very peaceful that morning. Because of insurance issues they transferred her to another hospital at 4 that afternoon. I spoke to the nurses at length and they said there wasn't anything they could do because she met the 30-day insurance deadline and had to be transferred. They all agreed she was going to pass quickly. She died at 9:47 that evening. The transfer was difficult and you could tell she was experiencing a great deal of pain. Upon admission, hospice very quickly set her up with pain medications. Her transfer didn't change the outcome but to this day it does bother me that she suffered for a few hours which I still believe could have been avoided. I am very sorry for the loss of your friend.

ctmbsikia

jo, that is appalling. Sorry to hear that. It does suck that we are at the mercy of either private insurers and/or the government funded programs with their piles of paperwork and criteria's that must be met before any benefits are granted.

At the moment here's my plan should I incur a terminal illness. I would like to live my final days in a facility of some sort. I'm not going to be the hero and die at home. I hope to be accepted right away as well since I have no real estate (sold it) and I am blowing thru the nest egg because wtf am I saving it for? Rather help out the kids, enjoy myself, and should there be anything left they can use it to place me in a place until I qualify for Medicaid. I've told my children that under NO uncertain terms are they to give up living their lives to care for me. Ever. Husband knows this too. I have a couple of insurance policies that can bury or burn me- and they can keep whatever is left. I do not have any long term care insurance. It is super expensive and a pita from what I've heard to get it activated. I might change my mind someday, who knows, but as duly noted each individual is different and there should never be any judgement.

Artista964

I wonder if I'd even take tx if I progress especially if Medicare doesn't cover it.

AliceBastable

Jo6359, my friend's wife is a nurse, so squeamishness about death and dying was not a factor.

jo6359

alice-That's good. So many people are very squeamish about death and dying. I swear some of my friends act like my cancer is contagious. I remember after my double mastectomy, one of my closest friends inform me her husband wasn't comfortable being around me any longer. She said if I would wear my fake boobs then he would be more comfortable because things would look normal. WTF. I'm not in this world to make my friend's husband comfortable. It has been almost 18 months since my double mastectomy and her husband still avoids me. He and I actually had a very friendly relationship prior to my diagnosis. Now, he is always polite to me but leaves as soon as it is socially acceptable. His wife remains one of my closest friends. He is an ER nurse and she is an oncology nurse. She was diagnosed with dcis approximately 13 years ago and has not experienced any reoccurrence. I can empathize with him but I cannot take his fear away.

AliceBastable

He's a NURSE? Mr. No Empathy is a NURSE? What a complete and utter jerk.

jo6359

alice- he is an ER nurse at a major hospital. In his own personal life he practices avoidance techniques. My friend believes if she has a reoccurrence of her cancer, her husband will probably leave her. She believes he has never dealt with her cancer and he is scared one day he will have to take care of her. I personally think he is a selfish prick. I do miss the intellectual conversation yet I do realize on a deeper level he never shared anything.

Lita57

"In sickness and in health..."

I guess he didn't take the marriage vows seriously.

L

marijen

Maybe he has medical/patient burnout and it’s like taking his work home with him. A busman’s holiday. At least he is being honest even though it is offensive. Maybe he needs a break and some help dealing with his issues. How does your BF explain it?

.

runor

Jo6359, there is so much I want to say, but won't. But will. Really? He avoids you? The message this conveys to you is bad enough, but the message this conveys to his wife is devastating: don't lose your breasts or I will turn my back on you.

Go visit them. Take your fake boobs. In your purse. Address him, sincerely, lovingly, the way a concerned friend would, "Dick, I understand that you are uncomfortable with me since I am breastless and would prefer me to have boobs. OUt of sincere consideration for your sensitive nature I have brought them. Just for you." And drop your boobs in his lap. THen, while looking at him with an expression that says,' I have nothing to lose by choking the life out of you' say, "Some people need to be hit in the head with a brick to see what an asshole they are. I have no brick. These Doube Ds will have to do, Dick."

Honestly, the level of friendship shown to you by these two (based on what I have been able to gather from reading here) is little to none. He should pull his head out of his ass and if not, she should reach over and give it a good, hard yank for him. If I think my husband is behaving like a moron, I tell him. I also tell him what the consequence will be if he does not adjust himself. Did this woman give birth to this man that she needs to accept or apologize for his discomfort? NO! NO! She should say her husband is a pathetic asshat who should go shovel garbage and NOT be around people in medical need! Oh my god! I am all worked up. I need a drink. Or a brick to the head. I think I'm being an asshole. That was mean. I don't care. Those two are mean, dumping their hang ups on you. That's bullshit!

bella2013

Runor, rolling on the floor laughing!!! Oh my, how many of us would love to do just that to some asshat that can’t deal with real life situations

bennybear

ROFL! me too! Runor, I love how you just have the right words! Sometimes I am just speechless! The situation is beyond ridiculous!

kathindc

Runor, another great post.

Whew, glad he wasn’t my ER nurse. I live the flat life. Had to have an EKG done in triage. Had a male nurse who noticed my daughter had come with me. Not only did he show concern for me but showed concern for my daughter as well.

WC3

How is it that guy's business what you have under your shirt? You are not his patient or lover so he really ought not to be concerning himself with your body.

edj3

A non-breast cancer rant ahead, nevertheless a rant.

I live in the Kansas City area, on the Kansas side. I work in downtown Kansas City which means I pay Kansas City taxes which are *supposed* to go for road maintenance.

However.

KC MO has such gigantic potholes that they put road hazard cones IN them and you can barely see them, the potholes are so deep.

This morning I hit a pothole and blew out my front right tire. Like it's not patchable in any universe blow out. And my alignment is clearly shot.

I was able to get pulled off on a side street fast enough that I think/hope my rims are OK. But now I'm on the hook for two new tires plus an alignment. So that's on top of all the breast cancer expenses, which as you all know aren't small.

Kansas City is known for awful awful potholes, terrible roads, terrible road maintenance, horrible sewer maintenance (cannot tell you how many times I've seen a water main gone, which in turn fucks up the roads even more).

jo6359

runor- I couldn't stop laughing while reading your post.

Edj3- one would think your county would have used some of the taxpayers money to fix potholes. What a mess.

edj3

It's not the county I live in, it's the county I work in. And yes, they do take taxes for road maintenance, which is a complete and utter joke.

movingsoccermom

Runor. Thank you so very much for your forthright and eloquent posts. They are frequently the highlight of my day and have helped me to smile through this nightmare. I too was literally laughing out loud reading today.

jaycee49

Jo, isn't it hard to be friends with these people? I would find it difficult. The wife is one of your closest friends so there's that. I'm watching a show on Amazon right now called "Spiral." It's a French crime drama. (The subtitles are HUGE which is so great.) In the course of investigations and prosecutions, they do things called "confrontations" (imagine that pronounced in French). The victims and criminals sit down and "talk." It's probably rather contentious. That's what I think you need. This guy needs to get straightened out. Runor's way would be one choice. Funny but I'm not sure she even SHE would really do that. (She might.) But seriously, the longer you let this situation continue, the more he will think that it is OK, WHICH IT IS NOT. He is a moron and someone needs to tell him that. He needs to explain why he thinks this behavior is acceptable. (I'd love to hear that.)

jo6359

jaycee- I am friends with her not with him. Through my diagnosis and treatment for cancer, she has been with me every step of the way. I limits my contact with him. Which is easy because he wants nothing to do with me. I usually see him about once a month. There isn't any doubt in my mind her marriage is on the rocks. I don't pry into her business unless she wants to share.

Capecodgirl

Runor- thanks for for a great post. Also for a great laugh.

WC- to the point and well said

Micmel

Runor~ love you and your honesty always.

Bella~LOL at ass hat. And I agree.

I'm here to scream and yell about a wonderful close friend of mine who is entering hospice... LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. This is another beautiful good woman, wouldn't hurt a fly. But is strong as brick. Is beautiful like a butterfly, but will rip your head off and sting like a bee when she doesn't like something. I've grown to love her, I'm Damned mad. How on earth can we possibly continue to loose the ones we love. FUCK YOU CANCER!

(Edited to say I’m sorry mods, or to anyone else that may offend, I’m broken hearted gotta let it go or I’ll blow up)

Stllivin

I was hoping it wasn’t Gracie you were referring to. I’m so sorry. 🤬 cancer. Never is fair!