The Hermit Club
Comments
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No I dont love him anymore, I don´t respect him and a lot of the time I don´t even like him, but I´ve been with him for 18 years and all pension planning is tied up with his pension.........tonight I came in to a saucepan of vegetables cooking as he knows I am mega pd off with him....my brother thinks he is showing signs of early dementia that is in his family........but I cannot make a relationship on my own so now treat him the way he treats me and funnily enough he complains about my tone and bad temper!!!!!!! We had a very negative friend and i call him by his name if I want to really enrage him.......he has threatened to explode if I do that again......but at least it would be something proactive......mean am i or what!!!!!
He does not find me attractive, I dont find me attractrive....it feels like a dead end -
Lily th only thing I thought of was if u really don't love him he can't hurt u'r heart---He is pissing u off I know, but avoid any room he's in for as long as u can. Sometimes not talking to each other is best. I know that's not what u want but maybe it's a good thing for u. -
Lily55. i was thinking about you last night, and i do feel like i owe you an apology. like i was offering you unsolicited advice, when maybe you were just wanting to tell about what was happening to you. if so, i am sorry. it does sound like it matters very deeply to you. 18 years is a lot of time invested with being with someone, especially when they dont seem exactly appreciative. When that happened after diagnosis and some treatments with me, and the "HIM" in my life, at first i responded with some anger and fear, and loathing of him. But then i just made an effort to treat him as i wish to be treated, and verrrrry slowly, things got a little better & better, over time. This is all still very fresh for you. My heart is going out to you today, cuase i do understand how tough all of this is. Admiration for Jazzygirl , doing it all singlehandedly. Flowers for you
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Lilly best advice I can give.......don't fuel the fire......you could end up hurt......plus the stress is not good for you....breaks down your immune system, and you know what that can do to someone with cancer........
Don't take his shit, but don't look for trouble either.......been there......mine is dead now, but when he was alive he could be tough at times, and it did not take much to set him off.....miss him, but don't miss the bullshit when he was in a "mood". ....it can be hard, but think of you!!!!!!!!! -
Kathec - you are so sweet, no apology needed, I felt your care.......I did try your approach but he just got worse so now its the treat you as yolu treat me approach...
Sometimes i think anger is better out than in..........but I take your point, part of my issue with him is that he oozes negativity and that saps my energy -
Skittle- belated happy birthday. Wishing you a year ahead of pain free feet! -
Kath Tat is such a pretty picture---that's yours right. What a wonderful talent that u can immerge into for u'rself.
Lily I too offer advice all the time ---yrs ago I didn't. but now that I'm older I seem to yap more than I should---we all do care--but me of all people--I'm not married now--and doing this alone was no stress for me soI didn't have to answer or worry about anyone else--so I wouldn't know what to do really--I just know one of my GF (no BC) but when her husband gets goofy she just doesn't talk or stay in the same room and she does this for 2.3 weeks at a time--she likes the quiet. So that's what I was going with. Do whatever u'r heart says to do. -
Skittle - sorry I missed your birthday.....
I wonder if I am so irritated due to Aromasin, its been 4 months now.......and I notice I am very easily irritated, I was never the most patient person anyway it must be said, no tolerance for fools........or those who talk behind your back, very straight forward me.....if its going to be said I will say it to your face......
I have done the silent treatment but we only have one area of living accommodation so its hard to get away in the house...... -
Lily- the AIs definitely change us. I remember feeling highly emotional when I first started anastrazole, then have found I have a very short fuse and have to be careful at my client site with the things that go on and my reaction to them. We are all very different people after going through all we have. Bc has taught me not to waste my time with people who don't care, or talking about things that don't matter. I just cannot do it anymore. I have heard it said that estrogen is what makes women "nice" and when we don't have it anymore (or in our case, it is further surpressed), it makes us less tolerant. Life becomes much harder for us so we have to focus our energy on taking care of ourselves, getting to follow up visits, etc. It is very difficult for anyone to understand what we go through. The best of folks just listen and support us.
Kathy- thanks for your admiration of me doing this alone. Like Cami, we have other good support systems around us vs. a partner. I had lots of great help when I was going through the surgery and rad treatments. I even had a friend from grad school days fly out from TX and help me in AZ during my first rad treatment week out there. Taught me a lot about who really cares.
Cami- I hope you have all your dr apts where they need to be. I too need a good week to adjust to the time change. Been waking up at 4:30 p.m. every day. At least I have had a few days off from work so I can nap in the afternoon and going to bed early if I need to. I hope you and Joey are having a good week!
Lori- have you been able to get any more info on your blood work and when you can get your surgery rescheduled?
Teka- any snow up your way yet?
I am up in Taos now and at a fab B&B. A 170 year adobe that has been made into a lovely place to retreat. It was forecasted to snow up here, but have heard it raining all night. I am heading home today and have a 2 1/2 hour drive home at best. There is a weather advisory until noon so I may just hang here until then and wait until things clear a bit. If I wait until it warms up a bit, less concerns about ice on the road.
Here is a view out my bathroom window. Below this is a huge jetted tub and I am going to go into that this morning!
Hugs to all the rest out there. Skittle, CC, Ducky, Granny, FL Warrior, Bgirl, Markat, and more!
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Jazz....Hi and thanks for the hug.....back at cha....yes the AI's do change us.....for me it was aches and pains, ....and crying even at a Hallmark commercial......not angry ......just want my life back........went through this alone too....my husband died 22 years ago......."cancer too". Of course AI had my 6 kids, and 18 Grands, and they were wonderful, but no husband, but not sure how how would have handled this....he had a tendency to get more angry then sympathetic when I was under the weather, but handled his cancer very well...
Have 2 Dr appts today back to back.......BS first, then MO.......oh well......might adk about going off Letrozole.........nuts maybe, but QOL means something too....what good is living long, if you can't or don't have the strength or desire to do it..... -
i agree with that , ducky. the AI's and tamox are making it all that much more difficult to get through each day, and i am noticing it much more now that i am back from vacation. i guess looking at all the beautiful scenery distracted me so much from how and what i was feeling, now im feeling like i landed back in my gross body and cluttery house, and i feel my aches and pains more now. fatigue, too, which i thought all the walking had gotten rid of. maybe it is just the day to dayness, but i woke up all disgruntled because today i have to go do herceptin, and see my MO or his nurse, and do a dexa bone scan. altogether four hours. and while i am there, i have to find out which insurance plan my tx place will accept, and then later this week, try to find out if my pcp does the same one. i have been on the "every woman counts" insurance for woman with breast cancer, cause i was on unemployment when it was discovered. and i pay pcp out of pocket, so now i have all that to worry about, and straighten out. cause my pcp is the only one willing to give me pills for pain. and i deliberately put off thinking about this while i was away. its getting colder, and my trigger finger is def acting up, i almost dropped a skillet last night, then i skidded on a rug, thanks neuropathy! LE arm is unhappy, and of course just going to TX center somehow just makes me feel broken. also, i have been depressed about michelle luvRVing, cause even tho i did not know her, i saw her here there and everywhere, and it is our fate, mostly, robbed of time, and quality of life. what a doozy of an atitude to start the day with. Jazzygirl, can i come live with you!?! i will behave, i will mostly go walking all day, & i am apretty good cook, i have just enough to live on for a few years anyway..... Glad you are there, i will join you in the hot tub. writing about this to you all does make me feel better. Bout time i said hello and happy belated birthday to skittle, whom i dont really know yet! (original hermit?). ok, hope you all have a better day lined up! -
Good Morning Ladies.
Jazzy that pic is beautiful and so soothing. U know how to pick a place and I admire how u pick up and go, it's something I couldn't do, ever. It's so much fun to see where everyone does go and I love sharing u'r time.
Oh drugs another subject that robs us of being normal--well as normal as we've been--in my opinion they knock the hell out of us one way or another with SE's that no one else would understand--I know not everyone gets a bunch, but some of us do and it sucks and it's daily cuz u never know which one is going to take over u'r day and I also feel that all the chemo and rads ruined our bodies in other ways and yet we had to have all of this--so I don't think anyone else gets it but people who have lived it and have gone thru what our bodies have and yet some have been blessed to recover more comfortably--I s there an answer--No it's random. As u see I'm babbling which I do best, LOL
And Kath I never understood any of my Ins. chit----but that why I stayed at the state of my 20 yrs for my backup ins. But who knows what's going to happen with all this ins. stuff now, but it sucks big time to have to worry about all this. I'm sorry.
Ducky let us know about u'r app't 's today ad what's going on. OK? EVERYTHING Good Luck -
Hi hermits- it rained here in Taos last night, some mixed snow and rain this morning. I soaked in the garden tub early this morning and looked out that pretty window I shared and watched the last of the fall colors in the rain and big snowflakes. Now I am waiting a bit until the roads clear (storm moved quickly) before I begin my drive home.
Ducky-good luck with your doctors apts. As one of my friends says, we are always at the doctor anymore for something. Certainly more for us bc gals. I hope all your check in's and check ups go well.
Kathyec- of course you can come live with me! Or maybe we will meet up in Utah some day too! I have too much clutter too, and have been thinking about that while away. I am going to start putting more things together to either throw out, donate, recycle or otherwise move along to another location. Some areas of the house are good, others remain the final frontier.....
I often used to think about what I would do if I won the Powerball. I used to think I would set up foundation and take grant applications for projects around the world. Now I think I would set up a foundation focused specifically on helping women post treatment to have the best quality of life possible. Now I just have to start buying the tix! -
Jazzy have a safe trip home and u'r right about waiting for good roads. And what a sweet thing to do with u'r powerball money, but seriously u have to buy the ticket in order to win. -
Cami- just got home. Skies were clear when I left, a little rain on the way home, but no problems with travel. It is cold and windy back home and feels like it might snow here. I heard it rained down here too. The mountains were beautiful and covered with fresh snow. Winter definately coming.
And yes, I suppose I need to buy a powerball ticket once and awhile! LOL! -
thanks ladies for thoughts.....appts went well......love my BS.....sweetest man I ever met, end counting my deceased husband too.....lol.."..I have had a lump for a while now, same breast, they did a mam and an ultrasound In June, and nothing showed........I mentioned it again today...he checked it again...still thinks it's a benign fatty tumor, but will remove it if I want him to, just to be sure, and ease my mine......told me to think about it....
My MO pushed again for reclast, and again I pushed back and said no........mentioned going off AI....she was not real happy......said.."we can try another one"........I said....no thanks they all suck...."think she was sick of me, so that visit did not go well........oh well who gives a shit...not me... -
hi all. came home. was there all day. tired. must make dinner. gonna eat a brownie. -
wanted to show you all a pic
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was a painting i made of my friend sally when she did chemo from lung cancer, with her dog friend shi -
been thinkin of her alot. -
Ducky- I love your feisty attitude..... -
Beautiful Pic Kath...Is this the friend you took care of? -
Ducky- did your MO give you the % reoccurrence risk with or without the AIs? My MO says I have a 15% reoccurence risk based on my pathology, including my OncTypeDx score, and said it was reduced in half by the AIs. So I have around a 7.5% risk on AIs. He is very realistic about the SEs, and impact to the bones and said we have to weigh the risk vs. benefit as time goes on. I have read how so many women end up not completing the 5 years because of the highly reduction in quality of life. I have been fortunate in that I don't have the SE's super bad like some women, sore feet are my biggest complaint. I am concerned about bone loss though, and will have my next bone density test around March to April.
I am taking a month off from the anastrozole to see if it helps the foot problems (it is helping but they are not totally gone a week into the break). We are going to try it again and if the feet are still hurting, will try Aromosin. I wonder though what SE that new med could bring? No good answers to any of this.
Kathyec- lovely picture. You are a very gifted painter. I hope the brownie was good.
Good night hermits. Back into the work world tomorrow.... -
Jazz your right.....they all have SE.......she offered Tamoxifen.....I said....."your kidding right"...........I had a heart attack....read the chart......not to mention leg phlebitis 6 times...1 for every baby.....she said...."well if you decide to stop Femara, let me know"..........I said..."oh I will, I'll dance right into your office singing if my decision stops the SE's".......she left the room
She said taking it adds at least 6 years to no recurrence and sometimes not at all........well I guess so...I'm friggin 78.......time is not on my side.....lol -
FINALLY DUCKY...yay. Been tellin u for how long to go off that damn medicine.
We lived our lives and now it's time to enjoy what's left
I hope u stick to this and don't change ur mind..
Been lurkin...and busy..and had another birthday...
Hi everyone..Ill be back
Xo I am the FireKracker..ducky gave me that name... -
the MO swears by Femara....she said it is very successful in stopping recurrence which is fantastic, if it does not cause SE.....some women get none, zip, zero, nada....which is great........that was not me......my SIL's mother is on Arimidex, gets no SE at all......luck of the draw..they are all AI's........she was just lucky..... -
Grannydukes- happy birthday! You firecracker.
Ducky- it sounds like you have made a very wise informed choice for yourself. We know doctors will recommend things to because it is the standard of care, even if it is not what we want. You do what is right for you. You are the one living in that body, not the MO or anyone else.
Also, I wanted to also share a formal welcome to GrammaB who posted here recently! My nephew used to call my mother "gramma B" and so I have fondest for your name! Glad to hear you found this thread, and I am a night owl too more often than not. Please feel feel comfortable to join our thread. Nice group of ladies here and we talk about all kinds of things, share some laughs, try to help one another on the harder days. We are a judgement free zone. -
Can't believe how much i love reading all of us. -
Oh I'm so late coming in. But I'm here.
Jazzy I'm glad u'r home.but u have to work tomorrow--UGH I'd never do that hahaha I always took a vacation time and 1 day--it just seemed right.
Kath u'r painting is so feeling--looking at it I can see the feeling u had painting it. What a dear friend.
ducky do whatever u want. I'm struggling with Aromasin and I don't know why, it's done damage that can not be repaired and yet I'm stupid enough not to stop and yet some are on it and have minimal SE's go figure. What I really think tho is some are teaching the Drs, of all the SE's cuz they sometimes look at me like OH u actually have this? I mean when all my skin was peeling off constantly which was not a big deal to me, my feet were so smooth, the Dr. wanted to see them like she must have heard of this but she never saw it and she could see how the skin could peel right off and she felt myy feet and said They are so smooth OMG, so they don't really know all this or how we feel everyday. So we are not at the top of the food chain, we're kind of like mice being practiced on. Fire cracker will agree LOL BTW is it u;r birthday today? -
good morning
When I first went on the ALS way back in 2011 after I finished the rads I had such pains in my stomach I took myself off the.Then the onco tried to convince me to try another one...hell no...after I said no she started to treat me different...why? Because they get a kick back..sooo I fired her.no ALS for me..I refuse to give up quality of life for a 2% chance of it comin back in over 5yrs...hey it's 3/12 yrs and so far I'm ok..BEEN BEGGING DUCKY TO COME OFF THEM FOR A WHILE NOW.
My birthday was Sat...
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