"Fortunately, Unfortunately"

Anonymous

Unfortunately, just as we were beginning to enjoy our fun and games with the pirates, two huge helicopters appeared overhead and began shooting at the ship!

ruthbru

Fortunately when we waved a white flag, they quit shoting, landed on our (large) deck and joined the game.

Shrek4

Unfortunately, they were a bunch of extremely good looking guys, and didn't know how to play poker very well, so after about an hour they were all stark naked and trying to flirt with the Deadliest Catch guys.

ruthbru

Fortunately the Deadliest Catch guys only had eyes for us.

Shrek4

Unfortunately another chopper "lands" and from it comes out the female Baywatch team.

Anonymous

Fortunately, the female Baywatch team has been sent by producer David Hasselhoff to rescue us damsels in distress and whisk us away to star in their latest reality TV show, "Cat-Fighting Women Lost at Sea Who Are Rescued." We bid a tearful farewell to the steamy, drunken card-playing pirates, fisherman, and shootout guys and climb on board the luxury NBC helicopter. Our previous fortunes at strip poker ensure that the viewing audience gets an eye-popping spectacle as one-by-one one we ascend the swaying chain ladder, our hair (and minimal remaining clothing) blown wildly by the wind and the surf churned up by the chopper blades. As the cameras roll, we enter the shag-carpeted, chandeliered cabin where we are greeted with histrionic squeals and air kisses by overly excited, aging Baywatch starlets. We can't help noticing that we are wearing more (and more tasteful) clothing than they are.

Shrek4

Unfortunately, as time passes we realize we've been kidnapped! By whom and to what infernal purpose?

(ok now I'll wait a little bit, I hate to get stuck with the "unfortunately" part)

Anonymous

Fortunately, our kidnapper appears to be an eccentric billionaire heiress, whose plan is to whisk us off to a glorious life of hedonistic pleasure in an exotic locale. She is a healthy, vibrant 20-year breast cancer survivor and an obsessed Baywatch fan who plans to treat us, along with Pamela Anderson, Yasmine Bleeth, and the NBC film crew, to a life of sun-drenched luxury. What good fortune!

Meece

(Looks like I am going to have to do some reading up)

Meece

Unfortunately, those actresses still look the same as they did when they were on television.

Anonymous

Fortunately, their makeup artists, stylists, designers, plastic surgeons, and lighting specialists are at our beck and call. We all get amazing makeovers!

ruthbru

Unfortunately the makeovers make us look more like Joan Rivers than Pamela Anderson!

Anonymous

Fortunately, the NBC guys are so impressed by our Joan Rivers impression they offer us our own Home Shopping Network cable show!

ruthbru

Unfortunately this made Joan Rivers very angry and she threatened to sue.

Anonymous

Fortunately, when we removed all the makeup we looked like ourselves again so the lawyers couldn't  figure out who to subpoena.

Anonymous

(Are we telling this story in the present or past tense?)

ruthbru

Whatever comes out!

Unfortunately, with the absence of the makeup our lucrative contract also disappeared.

Shrek4

I'm still passing, I got tired of being the "unfortunately".

ruthbru

But 'fortunately' is next right now....quick, grab it

Shrek4

oh oh oh!

Fortunately, some big Oil magnate who had just happened to be invited by the director to hang around when the test shots were done, realizes that our REAL faces are the best thing for the  reality show he had always dreamed of sponsoring. We are offered multi-million dollars contracts each, a villa in the Bahamas, a cute cabana boy at our service at all times and free air miles for life.

ruthbru

Unfortunately the contract had some strange clauses.

Shrek4

fortunately none of those strange clauses were concerning kissing ugly deformed dwarfs, or having to make the tour of the world jumping on one foot. So after carefully perusing the contract and the fine print, we decide that "during each Full Moon falling on a Monday after a cyclone hits the Micronesia islands, you are not allowed to wear pink striped flip-flops" is not that bad. So we start the shooting sessions for the first episode of the reality show. It's called "So many women, so little time".

Estel

Fortunately, for the time being, we just enjoyed the luxury of our surroundings, our new makeovers and a respite, even if for a little while, of all the drama.

Shrek4

Lol Dawne, I beat you! Now you need to do the "unfortunately" thing.

Estel

ha!  OK .... hmmmmm .....

Unfortunately, we turned out to be horrible actresses and we were fired!

Shrek4

Fortunately, the contract didn't say anything about our villas, cabana boys and free airmiles for life being lost if we get fired, so we all jump on an airplane and head to the Bahamas!

Shrek4

Ok now I pass to be "unfortunately" again.

Meece

Unfortunately the pilot got lost and landed the plane in New Mexico.

badger

Fortunately, from years of watching Bugs Bunny, we knew to take a left turn in Albuquerque.

Estel

badger - luv it!