The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

justagirl

Just before I went in 4 months ago for my DM with reconstruction, my dear husband mentioned what I was about to go through to a friend who inquired as to 'how I was doing'.  Very nice of her.

Now, this woman had breast augmentation a few years ago and didn't hesitate to show her new boobies off....so then she says to my husband, "wow, she can get boobs as big as she wants" - oh lucky me.  

I'm sure this woman didn't mean to be unkind but my goal of having a DM sure wasn't to get bigger boobs than her.  Something I have never desired.  I just wanted to lessen my chances of a reoccurance of BC>

I am sure many of these people who make their remarks don't mean to be hurtful.  I just think if you don't have something appropriate to say, don't say anything at all..............

hotandcold

Veggy: I laughed my pants off with your gamma rays, alpha particles and isotopes.  Loved it ! ! ! When I was 12 and the boys were mean to my friend and I we called them an amoeba.  One boy actually went to the teacher and tattled that we were swearing. We had the last laugh when we got to tell on him for throwing rocks at us. 

This is great to laugh at some of the past responses.  I havent posted since about page 45 and here I am again.  My best friend just emailed me some amoeba called dan the man the lifegenerator, on u tube and his ramblings about eating a raw diet that included how to get better from cancer,. . . eat raw foods, walk in the sun, listen to the ocean, AND  "It doesn't make sense that there are incurable diseases." What an amoeba and then I cried that my best friend would send this to me. I really want to keep this relationship, but how could she send me the ramblings of some "dude"? What sould I email her back?  I look forward to all the smart replies that you suggest.    

Kimpossible69

I just spent the past few weeks reading every post on this thread and I feel like you are all good friends of mine.  I have to add a comment that really bothers me that I have heard from a couple of friends.  "I would just cut them both off and get two new perky ones."  Really?!  I don't think anyone could say exactly what they would do until they actually get the diagnosis and have to make that decision. 

Just_V

kimberly - you are so right.. so many factors are involved in our decisioning, those not undergoing it have no idea... even those closest to us cannot understand..

barbe1958

Hot and Cold, Are you SURE she didn't send that link to you as a JOKE??????? Why don't you treat it as a joke and give your reply as if you knew it was a joke and see what she says?

Near the beginning of my 'journey', I got an email from my STEPMOTHER (of 30 years!), a group email about the risk of drinking water from a plastic bottle that sat in a warm car or something stupid like that as it could give you breast cancer. I did the ultimate.....I hit "reply all" and said TOO LATE FOR ME!!!!  I didn't get another stupid email like that, believe me!!!

Just_V

Barbe - that is the PERFECT approach - let's her friend know in a non-threatening way that it is ridiculous, and also opens the door for the friend to ask clarifying questions... BC sucks bad enough, if we can avoid letting it make us lose friends, all the better. 

molly52

HotandCold,

I think some people are just gullable.  They believe these loads of cr@p because we (the royal we) have been conditioned to "learn" from commercials, advertizements, etc.

Once we have the ever "giving" BC, we quickly learn to hone our skills of discernment.  That just makes us light years away from everybody else.

Half of this is tongue in cheek and half is serious.

Sandeeonherown

Ah yes...a pal of mine wrote on her facebook page today that comments like "think positive" don't help....true enough....but my response to her was that while thinking negatively did not cause our cancer, lupus, arthritis etc....it likely made us tenser and in more pain etc so didn't help us in the end..so hard to be positiv esome days when everything just seems to suck! .I suspect when people say things like "think positive" they are trying to bestow a wish of only good things in the future coming at us...that line of thinking works for me

sas-schatzi

Sandee I agree with your end statement. The average person doesn't mean to hurt.

hotandcold

I think I'll email her back and ask her why she's watching Charles Manson on UTube? This guy is utterly ridiculous. She is all about eating a raw diet, so maybe she only listened to the first part and not the last.  He was full of dog poop. Now I'm laughing, will she know who Charles Manson is? 

My friend tells me to stay positive too. I'm sure she wishes good thing in the future for me. Keeping up my Positive Attitude.! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

enngeeemm69

I had a bi-lateral mastectomy on 6/23/11. I spent last night in the er because my surgeon thought I might have a blood clot. Anyway, I was prepped for a ct scan of my chest. The nice lady that was going to administer the scan had to ask me a bunch of questions before we started. Her:when was your last cycle? Me:started yesterday. Her: ok, so that means you're not pregnant. (smile) The fact that I'd had the bmx had come up early in my exchange with her. So she's asking me all the questions. She asks me if I'm breastfeeding. I paused for a second and decided to just say no. I am learning through this experience that I need to give the compassion that I hope others will give me. I haven't had anyone make rude or intentionally thoughtless comments to my face, yet. I hope I will be in a good place when it happens so I don't go off on them.

Just_V

Nancy - breast feeding... oh my - did make me smile... guess it was on her form... lol

PLJ

BMac

Wow PLG, unbelievable is right.  Why did your choices have to be mutually exclusive?  And, I find these days that I really bristle at being lectured like I'm some kind of naughty child!  Thank goodness there was a *nice* nurse to ask!

Just_V

BMac - When they treat you like your questions or concerns are silly, makes you want to slap them.. I know exactly what you mean about being treated like a child....

Justina

When I told a friend I hadn't seen in a while that I had BC, she said, "Isn't that what Paul McCartney's wife died of?"  Some people need a filter from brain to mouth.

Anonymous

So I got dressed really nicely for church for the first time in a few months today and put on earrings, nice heels, a pretty hat, etc. After the service, a woman my age (early 40's) who was visiting our church introduced herself to my husband and me. She was very friendly and nice, and said she had heard of my cancer through a mutual friend and has been praying for us.

Then she hit me with the zinger. She smiled at my husband and me standing there next to each other and said, "So, are you two mother and son?" I kid you not. It was beyond awkward and humiliating and horrifying. I wanted to cry the whole way home in the car.

BMac

What????  How rude.  I'm sure you don't look like your husband's mother!  What was your response?  Did you set her straight or just run away (that's what I would have done).  Ouch.

I don't know what stage you're at in your treatments but I know there were days that I just didn't look good no matter what I did.  Even when I put make up on it would just disappear and I'd look like a ghost.  I'm sorry this happened to you.

jackifp

Sorry folks, but 3jays' bus just ain't gonna be enough for windlass's church chump...gonna need a ten-wheeler...

Anonymous

LOL! A ten-wheeler!

I'm in the throes of chemo with 1/2 long hair (fuzz) that I will lose again in September when I do a course of Taxotere. Then I get rads, then 9 more months of Herceptin (TDM1) so I won't be done til next Fall. This is going to be a long haul.

I'm already fantasizing about Botox and facelifts and boob jobs...

sas-schatzi

Ahhh cluck'em

Anonymous

BMac -

I said "This is my husband."
She looked at me shocked and said, "Your husband??"
Then I said "Um, yeah. Wow, I guess chemo must have really aged me."
And that's when it hit her what she had done. She immediately started in on how it wasn't me that looked old but my husband who looked so young, yada, yada. She was peddling furiously, but we both know the damage had been done.I don't think there was any intent to hurt, but hurt it has.

3jaysmom

hope

thism one's big enuff.. lol im still lurking.....3jays

jackifp

18-wheeler, that's better!

Silia

windlass - I'm glad you responded the way you did!  She meant no damage but ow that hurts.  Years ago, I was in a store with 2 dear friends (all the same age) and was asked if I was the mother.  I think it was that I was more dressed up and they were more casual...  (at least that's what I told myself -- though I'm not really over it yet!!!)  This thread is helpful for laughs and commiseration...

BMac

Remove foot, insert other foot.  Windlass, she looked shocked????  Oh yeah, that would make you feel much better.  OMG.  I bet she felt really bad, stupid, etc. as she should.  When we're going through chemo, try as we may, we can't always look our best, no matter what we do.  I'm sure this wouldn't have happened if you were at the top of your game.  This is her problem, not yours.  Please don't feel bad about yourself.

jteach

windlass,

I see you were diagnosed in January of this year.  I know how I looked and felt at that point  and If you were Miss America you could not look anything but tired from treatment and fear after only half a year.  I'm so glad that 18 wheeler got taken on the road for you.  It is a victory for all of us who have had to suffer the indignities of fools and this wretched disease.  

Peace and hugs,    Janice

jteach

3jaysmom

You're my hero!!!   Janice 

Anonymous

I cried much of yesterday, but today dawned a lot brighter. Your support was almost as good as a facelift. *grin*

Many, many thanks. We are so blessed to have this space!

HollyinMich

I've been off the boards for a bit enjoying my Summer, but I had this lovely zinger when I was finishing up my radiation.  It was beginning to get quite warm at this point, late Spring, and my hair had FINALLY filled in on the top of my head after finishing chemo in January.  So I no longer looked like I had male pattern baldness just really short hair.  So my usual cancer hat as I liked to call it took up residence in the back of my closet.

I had my radiation at a local cancer center.  The entire building is dedicated to cancer care.  So here I am sitting in the waiting room for rads, skin peeling and weeping at this point in pain and dressed in the usual hospital gown waiting to be called back by the techs.  This much older woman (I'm only 34) was sitting in the waiting room chatting it up with the people next to her and looks over at me and says, "Did you shave your head like that for Summer?  It must be so much cooler and easier to take care of."  The first thought in my head was really, lady are you that dumb?  I responded and said "No, this wasn't by choice.  Chemo has a way of drastically altering your hair length."  She kept right on as if I hadn't said a thing.  She continued to tell me how she had several friends who had shaved their heads just so they woud have an easier time dealing with their hair and she had to point out that one of the ladies was black.

I was just so dumbfounded over this exchange that I was at a loss for words.  Thankfully, it was my turn to go back for radiation.  Of course the only thing I could think of lying there on the table was how horribly deficient the woman was in realizing her surroundings and how to behave in them.  That was the nice way of putting it, lol.