Starting Chemo April 2009

JudyNaomi

Hi ladies,

Just passing through to wish you all a good weekend! We have a busy couple of days ahead. We are hosting some of my husband's students this evening for dinner again and are out for lunch with friends tomorrow. There is a big school BB game tomorrow night and on Sunday we hope to go out and have some family time together. So, should be fun, I just hope that I manage to get some sleep at some point.

Hugs to you all, stay warm! Judy x

Titan

I'm glad to know that cleaning products don't cause cancer because I use them all the time..I'm a cleaning product freak.

And since my hair grew back I'm a hair product freak..you should see my bathroom...I could open up a salon.

Geri..sorry I'm late to tell you this but whew...glad your liver is fine!  Now to get the stress level down....that's why I hate these tests (but that is another subject)

tulipbebe

 A BIG HELLO to my April Sisters!!

Just reporting in to say all is well with me!  My hair is growing back now and I now have a shoulder length bob  I'm planning on getting Biotin this weekend as well.  

 Happy Holidays to you all and stay warm!

Lena

Tulip -- Your hair is SHOULDER LENGTH -- *ALREADY* ?!?!?!?!? :-O

:-*( Mine isn't even ALL down my NECK yet......and the hair on top is still sticking up from waves/curls so I still look like I'm standing there holding a fork in an electric socket!

I wish I was YOU. 

inthemoment

Also a fast hello from me, just wanting to wish you all a nice weekend.  Lena, it is so good to be hearing from you regularly - you are always so truthfully funny! 

Titan, thank you for the shout out on my liver - yes, it apparently is doing just fine and I can breath again.

Tulipbebe, so nice to hear from you (I remember that you started this site).  Thank you so much for bringing this group together...they are my lifeline!

Stay warm everyone -

Geri

BetsyBuzz

Lena..welcome back. ToldUso! Sounds like the move was very positive. You are just getting use to your new digs...give yourself some, as Titan would say, freaking time! Good docs, loving Pack Rat, bigger place...just enjoy!  

Tulipbebe- I have hair envy. My bangs are just now getting long enough for me to like. Although, they get curly and shrink the moment they dry. My hair is more wavy these days than curly..so I see a slight improvement but certainly nothing to brag about.

Judy- I thought I heard about the Brazilian straightening had some really bad chemicals in it. So it sort of scares me. Maybe it was just one of the products used.

Geri- So happy for you re: your liver function. Whewww...major relief for you.

I'm doing ok. Started acupuncture, it gave me instant relief. It was the first time in 12 months that it didn't notice or feel my bc breast, 24 hours of relief!  After 24 hours the pain/ache returned. Even so I'm very encouraged. I am seeing a MD from China, he doesn't have his MD in the States so he doesn't call himself a doctor but he is very good. He thinks the damage is in my nerves not actually lymphedema. Although, he says I have lymphedema in my upper arm.

Work is crazy busy. One of my staff is in the hospital with a mass in her stomach. She was dx with colon cancer two months before I was dx with breast cancer. She is not healthy and has had a very rough time over the past two years. It freaked me out she came to work one day and she looked very much like my late hubby when his bowel ruptured. We forced her to call her doctor. Before she left on Friday I told her she should call 911 if she had any problems over the weekend, as her condition may be life threatening. She listened because on Sunday she ended up in the hosptial.  It has been an emotional week for me, a hellacious week for her. At least she is in the hospital where they are watching her closely.

I'm looking forward to the next two weekends...I get two three day weekends in a row. I need them.

Betsy

hrf

Hi everyone. Glad to know that things are going pretty well for all. Lena, good to have you back and to read your stories. Geri, good to hear liver is fine and tulipbebe, don't stay away so long. I'm so happy to have made it through to winter break. I'm exhausted and know that I have to slow down and start taking care of myself. I think I have some decisions to make. Mostly I'm just getting through day to day. While the Wellbutrin does help me cope, it doesn't make me happy. I don't know what bothers me more but I do think it's the hair. My hair is so thin and so damaged -- it's awful.....like a 90  year old man who has some fuzz on his head but it doesn't look like real hair any more. From what I've learned about extensions, they are not an option. The minoxidil doesn't help. My onc said it won't get better no matter what I do. Does anyone know if they do hair transplants for women?

JudyNaomi

Titan - so good to hear from you! I am also a cleaning product freak! My husband has to stop me buying products on informercials! (LOL).

Tulipbebe - so nice to hear from you! Wishing you and yours a Happy Holiday too!

Geri - pleased you are breathing again and hope you are enjoying your weekend.

Betsy - I am sorry to hear about your friend, I hope that she feels better soon. The stylist used Kerotin on my hair and said that it did not have any chemicals in it, and it was like a very deep conditioning treatment. I love it! It makes my hair look long. Maybe it wasn't Brazilian after all.

Helen - try and get some rest and look after yourself. I wish I could suggest something helpful for your hair growth. Have you researched transplants? I think of you often, I really do.

Lena - as always, I always smile when I read your postings! Truthfully funny is the perfect way to describe what you write.

Sending you all hugs and enjoy your Sunday!

I will come by again soon, Judy x

Titan

Hey tulip bebe!  Thanks for the shout out and glad you are doing well..that is just soooo good to hear from you!  I thank you for starting this thread.

Hey Betsy..good luck with your Ducks on New Years..I hope you win, win, win..I picked you in the pool I'm in so don't let me down OK??

Helen..good luck with your quest for hair transplants....I bet it could be done..and maybe you should check into your insurance policy to pay for it also..it was medically induced!

Geri..glad (again) that your liver is Ok..we need good livers this time of year...HA HA.

Lena

Hi everyone, how are you all?

I'm as OK as it's possible to be, that is, still out of calibration but no NEW pains to report (still got all the ones you know about though).

Today I switched out the stuff in two of the overhead kitchen cabinets. Now what did I go and do THAT for? I was almost sorta kinda even if not quite really beginning to get used to having the dishes in the cabinet over the 'big' counter but it didn't "feel right." I kept telling myself I'd get used to it with more time but I kind of lost patience with myself on it and I have no idea why, seeing how this kitchen is so totally screamingly different than the old one so there is no replicating the way I had things in the past. No matter where I put stuff, I'm going to HAVE TO adapt to the change. But I moved the dishes and drinking glasses to the cabinet over the smaller counter over where the dish drainer is anyway, and I'm not even sure it helped! (and to think the kitchen here is tied for #1 with "devoted computer room" on the "best things about this house" list, too!)

Geri -- so glad to hear your liver test came out good. My thyroid test was good too (my thyroid is perfectly OK), so now I really and truly CAN point the finger at the AIs as the reason why I feel so lousy.

Helen -- YES. I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say the Wellbutrin helps you cope but doesn't make you happy! That's what I feel too! And now that I know it's not from thyroid malfunction, I guess I really do have to actually consider what a miniscule dose of an SSRI in combination with the Wellbutrin would do, like would it really help me WITHOUT ruining my sexuality?

Betsy -- yup yup yup you told me so. LOL. Got a question for you regarding the acupuncture -- are you impervious to pain from needle sticks? Sorry about your work buddy's run of bad health too.

Judy -- hope you're surviving all that busy-busy-busy -- well that goes for all of you who work AND "do" holidays. I honestly don't know how any of you do it. I don't have the grind of a full time job and I don't have to deal with kids or holidays, and I'm STILL exhausted most of the time. :-( Oh and I finally found some hair salons in the area. Me and my Pack Rat were out on Saturday afternoon and I noticed two here in my town, and a couple more in the next town over. The kicker is this -- the ones here in my town are both within walking distance of my house, and, before it got too cold to go out for walks, I actually \ walked past BOTH of them and never noticed either one! Well maybe after (a) I no longer have to spend almost all my non-food, non-rent money on heating oil and (b) I get my car inspectable, I'll pop in and see about getting my hair straightened somehow. It'll be end of springtime but it'll also be when I go back to taking walks again too.

Titan -- hahaha, so you're a clean freak? LOL...maybe I'll regale you with some of my gross stories from my old apartment....or should I be thinking of hiring you to clean my new place for me? 

OK...guess I'll be off for now... catchya next time.

JudyNaomi

Titan, great to hear from you! How are those Holiday and Wedding preparations going? All good things! YAY! I will clink glasses with you all virtually this weekend!

Lena - I love to read your posts, you really give us a detailed picture of what is going on with you. It may seem like a small thing, but considering the number of times we open kitchen cabinets during the course of any one day, it is very significant where we put things. Also pleased to hear that your thyroid test came out ok : ) I have acupuncture every couple of weeks and I love it! I find that it really helps to relax me and also helps my heartburn, which, yes, I still have sometimes. I don't really feel the needles at all.

This time of year is very exhausting, because even the shortest trip anywhere, takes twice as long! I am constantly exhausted, I never feel refreshed - I just assume that is the way it is going to be from now on. The worst symptom of being tired, (ever since the Taxol), is the leg pain which I get when I am very tired. I get very frustrated about it, but just don't seem to find the time to rest. Maybe over winter break, I will slow down a bit.

Betsy - how is your friend doing? Helen - how are you feeling? Have you had any luck looking into transplants? Alaina - it has been a long time, since we have heard from you - hope all is well.

Geri and Amy - how are you both?

I will come by again before the Holiday - sending you all hugs, Judy xxx

BetsyBuzz

Hi all,

Titan...whew who...Go Ducks! We are sort of a scrappy team...but they have heart. Hopefully, they will kick some as# in January and you win your pool!

Lena- hey..I think I moved my silverware at least four times, cups and glasses twice until I found the "right" spot in my new kitchen. It took a couple of months before I settled in. At least your post has made me feel better, I thought I was just being a little neurotic.

BTW- I don't even feel the needles. Only once did I even feel the poke. It's almost pain free and I am becoming a believer. My achy breast has begun to improve. I have had better results from this than the MLE (manual lymph drainage). The MLE works..but doesn't take the pain away. Since I started the acupuncture I have even begun to not wear compression garments at night and wow...what an improvement in the sex life. Nothing shouts...I'm not in the mood more than a waffle pad stuck on your breast. My poor dh...has been wonderful through this ordeal. I feel like I am finally beginning to turn a corner.

My friend is still in  ICU. She had surgery on Tuesday. No colon cancer TG, her bowel was twisted and she had four pockets of infection drained and biopsied. They think the infections are related to diabetes. She is still very sick. We were dx'd about the same time, her with colon cancer me with bc. I have faired much better and I'm thankful.

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I will check in next week. Take care.

Betsy

hrf

Hi everyone. I woke up in the middle of the night and just thought I'd check on all of you. Hope you are getting some down time this holiday season. I'm still working this week but the pace is much more bearable and I've been able to do some paperwork from home. I/ve had the time to go for a walk most days which is very good for me and which I don't do often enough. I'm really interested in the acupuncture. I do have a little swelling in my arm? Will the acupuncture help. Also I could use some help to relax and not be so stressed - wondering if it wold help as well. When you see the acupuncturist, what do you say that you need help with?

JudyNaomi

Hi all

Betsy, I am so pleased the acupuncture is helping you. Good to hear that your friend did not have a recurrance of colon cancer, I really hope that she begins to feel an improvement soon.

Helen - always good to hear from you too! I am a very stressed person by nature and I do find the acupuncture helps me. It doesn't necessarily take away all the stress, but it does relax me. Before my treament, we sit and talk and he asks me how I am feeling and are there any specific issues at the moment that are bothering me. Based on our chat, he decides where to treat me that day. This week has been paricularly stressful, and I am going to see him on Monday. I just find the whole experience very calming and also very refreshing, because it does not involve medication and we have all had our fill of that!

We have another busy weekend coming up. It is my daughter's birthday tomorrow, so I have been busy cooking and preparing. I am really hoping that winter break will be a chance for me to slow down a little.

I am sending you all hugs for a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a festive season filled with joy and laughter! I thank you all for your constant support, I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for all of you.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Judy x

inthemoment

For all my cherished friends who celebrate Christmas, may it be Merry and Bright.  I have done without a tree this yeear, and realize that I don't miss the tree at all, what I miss is the little kids so excited, my ex-husband playing Santa with a Jewish accent, and my family, warts and all.  To those whose holiday is at another time, the spirit of Christmas is yours also..peace on earth, good will to men, and kick-ass for all kinds of cancer. 

As far as acupuncture, if they were treating me based on what kind of week I've had, I do believe they would either run out of a supply of needles, or run out of space on my ever expanding body to put them.  Oh well, liver enzymes are back to normal - the rest is just crap that has always been there- focusing on the important stuff, like all my cherished friends on bc.org.  As Judy says so eloquently, where would I be without you all.  For most of us, we are soon coming up on our second year from diagnosis, and I want to spend every Christmas adding another year of "we are all hanging in there".  There will be births, engagements, weddings, grandchildren, moves to far away places (Lena) and new jobs or retirement - all of the normal things!!!  Be well my friends - it is the greatest givt this season could give us!

Love

Geri

Titan

Great post Geri! 

Here's to the second year post diagnosis...we will all be celebrating our two years very soon! I think I'm the baby..(not age wise)..lets party this spring OK????

I have a hard time believing it has been almost two years since we all got together...

hrf

Titan, you are right. It was in January 2009 that I learned that something didn't feel right - by early Feb. I had dx and surgery by the end of Feb. I can't say time flies when you are having fun, but in some ways time does fly. Unfortunately, I can't say the bc is a distant memory as it is in my face every single day. After my first dx, I really did feel it was ancient history by 2  years .... everything is different now for me. I do hope for all of you that you can move forward in a positive way.

JudyNaomi

Geri - thanks for your beautiful post and you did make me laugh about the acupuncture!

Helen - we are looking forward to toasting many more years together and we are taking you with us and holding your hand every step of the way!

Titan - thanks for the smile as always.

Hug to all for a lovely Sunday! Hope the Holiday was great!

Judy x

Lena

Hi. I'm exhausted. Dunno if it's the snow or my Pack Rat...... ;-) 

AmyIsStrong

Ladies - sorry to have been absent for so long.  Christmas was a little crazy.  Did lots (too much) baking, but it was fun.  Having the kids here and TONS of presents (I went a little overboard) made it a lovely few days. My parents are here now which is going very well also. I love my new haircut (still working on the photo) and generally feel great.  Even the big snow doesn't bother me.

I go to Vegas for a convention in early jan and then my husband is flying out to join me and we are going to Death Valley for a few days.   Betsy - I will be out there for the big BCS championship - have to find a good place to watch the game and cheer on your DUCKS.

I work with a children's hospital and had to deliver some client gifts, one of which was to a staff person on the onc ward.  I went into the waiting room and saw the families/kids waiting for treatment and I started to lose it. I had no anticipation of it bothering me, but it DID. Luckily the client wasn't there so I just dropped her gift off and got out of there FAST (before I started to cry or something). Then later that day, I dropped a cookie platter off to my chemo room for the nurses.  It was late afternoon at that time, and the chairs were all empty but it still upset me.

I don't know if I mentioned here that for my last few Herceptins, I sat next to a woman who had a stage 4 recurrance. She had had surgery but no other treatment about 7 years ago - didn't want to take the tamox b/c she didn't want to deal w the hot flashes. Anyway, right at her 5 year anniv, she got a recurrance to brain, bones,eyes, lungs, etc. She was on herceptin and trying to stop the progression. She always told me how much she wished she had taken the tamoxifen and encouraged me to stay on it. So anyway, my favorite nurse started  crying when she saw me,  said she needed to see a 'success story' that day (that was me, I guess), because she'd lost 3 women to bc lately - one of which was the woman I had sat with.  It really shook me up. I realized once again how serious this disease is and how lucky we are to have had good treatment and be doing well.  Every single day is a gift - none of them are guaranteed to any of us - and I told myself to remember that, not take ANYTHING for granted and really live life to the fullest in honor of those brave women who fought but were not able to beat it.

It took a lot out of me (that whole experience) and I was awfully tired that night! 

But as we approach our 2 year anniversary, I am glad that we all are doing well -even with our aches/pains and annoyances.  I loved the smiley/wink on the end of Lena's last email. That little emoticon spoke volumes to me about how she is staying warm in the cold New England winter!

Wishing all of us a happy, healthy New Year!

Love - Amy

JudyNaomi

Hi Amy - thanks so much for your lovely post. I am so pleased that Christmas was fun and that you are feeling great.

I often think about the women that I used to sit with during chemo and wonder what happened to them. I still become upset when I see cancer patients or meet people going through it. It has left such a strong mark on all of us and I think that it will always be a part of us. My Onc has moved offices, so I have not been back to the office where I had chemo. Sometimes we do have to remind ourselves that every single day is a gift and that BC is a horrible disease and some are not lucky enough to survive it. I can imagine that whole day being very exhausting and draining for you Amy. I keep on thinking back to winter break 2 years ago and how I was blissfully unaware of what was around the corner. And then I can hardly believe how much time has passed and where we are now. Sorry if I am rambling.

Lena - hope you are doing ok in the snow!

We are having a nice winter break and going out and about, today we are going to the movies. It is just nice not to be working and to have some family time.

I hope you are all enjoying the Holidays and will come by again before the New Year.

Hugs to you all, Judy x

Lena

About the snow -- much to my shocked surprise...and I can't believe I'm saying this, but right now NJ snow is WAY worse than NH snow!! Looks like I got out in the nick of time...

Did any of you read or see in the news about the blizzard just past how Elizabeth, NJ, which got 31.8 inches of snow when all was said and done -- was the epicenter of the storm? Well, THAT'S WHERE I LIVED when I was in NJ!  :-O

And actually we (me and my Pack Rat) were running back UP the east coast north I-95 corridor to I-91 back to NH with that storm only an hour behind us at best. Now what in the hell was THIS all about? My Pack Rat's parents live in Brick NJ and he always allowed himself to be guilted into the Christmas crap -- which he actually hates almost as much as I do; the only difference between us is that I don't feel guilty about saying a loud F-U to Christmas and having blown it off, but he "can't" say no to it like I did). Well, I always let him drag me along because time with him is time with him, and I can never have enough of THAT. 

And because of the fact that out of our entire choice of vehicles we could take (currently his 1985 turbo diesel Jetta, his 1980-something Chevy S-10 pickup truck, his 1980-something Subaru Samurai, or Shuttlecraft T'Kiri [my 2006 Toyota Corolla]), mine is the most comfortable for a long ride, we go in my car. He does the driving but we make the trip in my car (well, since I got Shuttlecraft T'Kiri, anyway: T'Kiri's predecessors Shuttlecrafts Nevasa and Eridani were about the same ride quality-wise as anything he had, so back then we'd go in whichever of HIS vehicles he had come down in). Well, while I was still living in NJ, he'd arrive at my apt on Christmas Eve, then we'd go down to his folks on the holiday itself, then back to my place that evening and I'd have him anywhere from a couple more days to a week before he went back up north (Thanksgiving schedule similar except the family gathering for that is his aunt's house). Well with both of us up north, it mutated to this: drive down to NJ the day before the holiday, get a hotel room, spend the holiday with his family, go back to hotel that night, breakfast the morning after at the diner with his parents, then we get on the road back to NH after breakfast.

So that's what we did, and that's how we ended up driving from NJ to NH with that storm chasing our ass the whole way! It caught up to us somewhere in MA but we made it back before the worst of it.

When we got back to my house (Sunday night around 9-something PM), yeah, more "keeping warm" was in order (LOL Amy!) although we had "kept warm" in the hotel room too. Then yesterday when we got up it was to somewhere between a foot and a foot and a half of snow -- which as you can see was less than the 31.8 inches my former NJ city of residence got hammered with! The driveway had been plowed so "all" we had to do was dig out my car -- which we did -- then of course since it was cold outside, we had to warm each other up again....and then I drove him back to his house and came back here myself... my first serious drive on snowy roads in almost a decade! Um hmmm, yeah glad I got the studded snow tires, and like I told him, as long as no one driving behind me cares that my TOP speed in such conditions will only be somewhere between 30-35 mph then OK I can do it (when absolutely necessary), and if they don't like it tough shit!....... I mean yes the plows had been there so it was definitely passable, but there was still more snow than asphalt!

After I got back home, well I wasn't going to do this originally -- I mean I am NOT going to be hanging out on the deck in wintertime, y'know? --  but I ended up deciding to shovel and sweep all the snow off the deck (during which time the snowplow guy came up for two more passes of clearing the driveway/parking area) after all.

When I got up THIS morning, it was 10:30! I stayed in all day today and was a lazy ass bum! Don't wanna go out again yet but gotta tomorrow...but there hasn't been any more snow and by now all the main roads here are cleared off...was sunny today and is supposed to be sunny for the rest of the week (COLD, but at least no more snow for awhile). Got an appointment tomorrow morning to see if I qualify for heating assistance, and since it's right there, will stop at the supermarket for a couple things on the way home. Tomorrow is also 8 years since my first date with my Pack Rat too. Nice how it falls out on Hump Day this year too! LOL

Amy -- you're gonna have to tell us about the weather in Death Valley during winter! 

Geri -- that's great about your liver enzymes going back to normal.

Judy -- do you have a new oncologist? (did I miss something somewhere down the line?) Oh and wow, looks like your cancer center was different from the one I had chemo at. When I had chemo, all the patients had their own little "rooms" (separated by curtains). My Pack Rat came with me for my first treatment and sat in my little "room" with me but after that it was just me, my iBook and the nurses coming in to check/change the IV bags. Sometimes I saw or heard other patients had friends or family members in their little "rooms" with them, but I was never seated with other patients getting chemo -- so the only BC/chemo patient women I ever "met" were you girls here and ones I know on the Stage IV area.

Betsy AND Geri -- glad the acupuncture needles aren't hurting you -- maybe you have way higher thresholds of pain than I do! -- and that the treatments are making you feel better.

Betsy -- so far I've only switched out those two "reversed" kitchen cabinets. Even though I'm still not used to it, that reversal does somehow "feel better." Silverware is still where I originally put it.

Titan -- I still don't think having gotten cancer is something to "celebrate."

Helen -- did you ask about the hair transplants yet? And oh yeah you got THAT straight about BC not being a distant memory!  :-P

OK gotta go now.....catchya next time. 

hrf

Sounds like everyone has had a good holiday. It seems to me that time is flying by and next Monday - back to work- will come very soon and then it's back to 12 hour work days. I used to love it - not necessarily the hours - but the action and the challenges and the people. I've been in this job now for 11 years so it's not as exciting and I don't have the patience I used to have for demanding and unreasonable parents. What I enjoy the most is helping principals - especially the new ones - to become great principals. But I think I need to start thinking about what I want to do in my next career. It has to be something that doesn't require me to wake up early every morning and let me work only on days I choose.......does that exist????  I haven't checked into transplants - yet -- I'm wondering if Arimidex might be a problem. Anyway the holiday time has been great - lots of time with my grandkids (ages 3 & 5) and have managed to get out (even in the cold) for a long walk at least 5 times a week. And getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night.

Lena

hahaha Helen, I always used to think (except when I worked in microbiology) that the best job would have hours from noon to 1 PM with an hour for lunch. hehehehehehe....

Other than that, if you have adequate night vision/don't mind being out after dark, maybe a night shift job would be a good idea? I worked 2nd shift at one job for awhile (4:30 PM to 12:30 AM) and I LOVED it: it was PERFECT for my body clock, but dagnabbit after 6 months they changed my hours back to 8:30 AM-4:30 PM, and it was only a very few more years before my night vision -- which is now nonexistent so it's DANGEROUS for me to drive after dark -- began to decline...it started to "go" in mid-30s...was "iffy" when I hit 40, by my mid-40s had progressed to "scary" and now at 49, it's all gone (my maternal grandparents both had this problem...). However, I loved working the late shift while it lasted and I could do it.

Another option perhaps -- how about telecommuting/working from home at least part of the time? If only my brain would come back, this is something *I* would be seriously looking into!  Dunno if you can do it with your current position or not (maybe you could arrange for an occasional work-from-home week when the only stuff you have is administrative/not meeting with other education professionals or students' parents?), but if you do decide to change careers it could work, depending on what kind of work you pick and the company or other organization you work for. My Pack Rat totally loves it. His current schedule: he works from home for three weeks, then he works at his company's office for one week. He's doing R&D, mechanical design. During his work from home weeks, when consultation with his manager is necessary, they Skype and/or call each other whichever is applicable for the situation.

So maybe working from home would be good for you too? 

Well gotta go..... 

JudyNaomi

Hi all,

Lena - thanks as always for all your news! I did not change Oncologists, she just left her practice and moved to another one and I decided to go with her. It is a longer journey, but at it is only every 3 months, so it works for the moment. At first, I didn't like the "communal" chemo, but after a while I got used to it and although I wasn't very sociable, it was nice to have people to chat to and a distraction from the treatment.

Helen - have you thought about some sort of consulting work in your field? That way you could choose your hours, but still have flexibility. Working from home does have its advantages, but it can get lonely sometimes if you never have any face to face contact with other people. It is great that you have enjoyed your grandchildren over the Holidays and that you are getting out to walk. I feel like I have not slept in days, I am worn out. I get into bed and then my mind starts racing and I cannot relax and fall asleep.

Ok, must run, the family are waiting for me for lunch. Hugs to you all, Judy xxx

AmyIsStrong

Helen - I echo Judy's suggestion about consulting, as well as Lena's about the 1 hour workday with an hour for lunch! Lol.    I think the consulting is a bit more realistic though.  My idea would be to keep an eye out for people who come in and out of your life (consultants, people who work for educ software or textbook companies, training seminar people etc) and keep a mental (or written) list of positions that look like something you could do/would enjoy doing. Then start to investigate those options. There are SO MANY jobs in the education environment - I am sure with your experience and skills, you could find something that was a good fit and without those early mornings.

I have worked from home for  2 1/2 years now.  I ido get out to see clients, but mostly am here by myself. The daily gym trip is the most face to face contact I have.  I am used to it now, and love the daily commute down the hall into my office. And while I say I do not have fatigue problems, I do wonder if I had to get up early, shower, dress, put on makeup, drive somewhere, be there early and stay there all day,I wonder how tired I would be!

So keep an open mind, Helen. Something wonderful for you could be right around the corner!

hrf

Thanks for the encouragement, ladies. Unfortunately my job/position doesn't lend itself to working from home. A big part of my job is going into schools and classrooms and working collaboratively to improve instruction. The paperwork does pile up and I probably take a a few days a year to do paperwork from home. I actually am eligible to retire if I choose so I'm going to give it serious consideration as an option within the next year or  two at the most. And I will keep my eyes open for consulting or other part time opportunities - if I could land something, it would make it easier to make the decision. I just don't feel that I'm taking care of my health the way I need to with the demands of this job even though there are parts of it that I love. I'll let you know when I make a decision. Today I spent the day with my grandchildren. I had a great time - we played lots of games and they continue to beat me even though I try. A great day.

Titan

Oh..Lena...cancer certainly isn't something to celebrate..I hate it with every fiber of my being...hate, hate hate.

What I do "celebrate"..but that really isn't the right word..not sure what word to use....is...the fact that when I heard the words "you have cancer"....and I thought I would be dead very very soon..and the fact that I'm not yet dead..guess it is something to "celebrate"...again not the right word..

I dunno..here you are..living your life...you feel a lump..hear you have a cancer and suddenly everything in your world changes...your relationships, your feelings..everything...and all of a sudden you are supposed to feel more, cherish more, live more because you don't know how long  you have.....its just HARD to do...I want to live like I have years ahead of me..but I'm afraid too...but to tell you the truth sometimes it is hard..trying to live hard..do you guys understand where I'm coming from...I want to go back to living like I have 30 plus years left but I'm not sure I can do it...there is always that niggling doubt in the back of my mind...

And I'm not being a downer...it's just so hard sometimes to get back to "normal".

JudyNaomi

Titan, I completely understand where you are coming from. I would also like to think that I have many years ahead of me, but I have that niggling feeling all the time too. I so want to live life to the fullest, but I am not sure that I am doing that right. I find myself constantly exhausted, short tempered and never really catching up with myself. I think alot about what I would LIKE to do, but don't seem to be making headway. I think that my expectations are too high. Similar to having unrealistic expectations of myself and not realizing my limitations. Did any of that make any sense at all? Again, sorry for rambling. I just know that the way things are at the moment, does not make me very happy. I need to try and find out how to make things better. I didn't mean to sound low and miserable, I need to think more positively as we go into the new year. I just think that after a cancer diagnosis, nothing is ever the same again. But I do think that we should celebrate (if that is the right word), the fact that we have come out the other side and survived the ordeal.

Helen, I agree with Amy - there could be something great for you around the corner.

Hope everyone is having a good day, sending you all hugs, Judy xxx

Titan

I think you could be my twin Judy!  If we ever met someplace we would probably be running around  the hotel room cleaning it and fluffing pillows and calling our families to make sure they fed the cat..