Starting Chemo April 2009
Comments
-
Betsy..all of the "Bucks" were cheering for your "Ducks"..my son said that in a couple of years Auburn will have to forfeit the NC anyway because of Cam Newton and his Dad's antics..guess we will see..in a couple of years we will be congratulating you on the 2010 National Championship (not that OSU doesn't have it's issues also..with our own Tat 5)...anyway...
Judy and the rest of you..almost 2 years..I think I'm pretty much the baby here (as far as 2 years out)..so I want to hear how you all are doing...It's a little freaky isn't it????
Judy..I hate that you may be leaving the States..without ever meeting you in person...I'm not sure when I can get away......we have 3 weddings and a baby coming this year..the baby (my niece's) in April, another niece's wedding in July, my Own little girl's wedding in October and another niece at the end of October...it's going to be crazy (and fun).
Oh and Betsy..you will like this..my DD planned her wedding on an OSU HOME football game...you would think she committed a crime..according to my Buckeye family!
Oh..and my son is transfering to OSU this coming fall..He is going to be a Buckeye too.
-
I'm also doing a quick pass through today to check on all of you. Two years ago at this time, my doc found the lump under my arm but I didn't get the actual dx until early Feb and surgery at the end of the month.It still feels like yesterday and is a permanent part of my life.
Judy, if you do leave, where will you be going? Hopefully, you will continue our online friendship. What would we do without you?
Titan, sounds like wonderful, happy family times ahead for you
-
Helen..I feel your pain...this is why I don't like January...2 years ago today I found my lump..it just appeared over night...it just hit me this morning when I woke up...
-
Hi all, hope all is good.
Two years ago, I went for a check up to the BS after I had a mamogram and MRI and received a letter saying that it was BENIGN! I had a feeling something was up, even though the two lumps were so small, I couldn't even feel them. My appt (with biopsy) was the day after Inaugaration day and I received the results the following week. I had surgery early March and finished chemo 27th July. Makes me shiver just to think about it all.
Titan, it sounds like you have some wonderful times ahead of you with your family
.We will probably be returning to Israel which is where we came from two and a half years ago. You will always be my friends and thanks to the internet, we will be able to stay in touch just like we do here. But, I have not gone yet : ). I will keep you all posted on my plans.
I hope everyone is ok and enjoying the weekend. Amy, we look forward to hearing about your week away. Geri, hope to hear from you soon.
Hugs to ALL and take care, stay warm, Judy x
-
I know Judy...but I liked having you here..you are only a few hours away from me...not an ocean away...dang..my DH and I should have stopped in DC last October on our way to the ocean..we could have...
-
January was my waiting pattern month. I found the lump in December but because of a freak snow (yah...we aren't use to anything but rain here in the NW) I couldn't go into the dr. until January. She felt the lump and said you need a mammogram in the next month. There is still a part of me that wishes I would have pushed harder to get my mammo scheduled sooner but that's water under the bridge now. I went in for a mammo in early February, I could tell based on the mammo it was not good news, the radiologist was pretty frank. I went in for a needle biopsy at the end of Feb. Had surgery on Friday, March 13th...in retrospect maybe I should have been superstitious as nothing has gone the way it was suppose to go. But I'm alive and here and have made wonderful friends with all you cyber sisters. You have been my support system and I am very thankful. Judy...I'm with Titan...I'm sad I won't get to meet you before leaving the states. But then again, where ever in the the world you land can we come to visit....hum all of us? LOL...sorry to put you into heart palpitations.
I got an emergency evaluation with my PT LE specialist on Tuesday. TG. She will put me back together. I also found a great source of fun LE garments...not that I want any of you to have to deal with this SE but in case you do...check out LymphaDiva. They have some cute compression garments. This whole thing sucks royally but if I can style a bit...it makes it a little more tolerable. I'm also getting a hair cut on Tuesday. My hair is finally starting to grow again. Helen...any growth on your hair lately? I'm sending you mega growth hair thoughts!
Titan- A wedding on a OSU game day...it's almost sacrilegious. But I'm sure you and your family will enjoy the day.
I have tomorrow off because of the holiday but I will work from home. It's still busy at work but getting better. I hope my arm follows suit.
PS I am a terrrible left hander....wish me more luck on this front.
-
Betsy..I had my surgery one week later on the 20th...I still wish we would have known each other then..and talked about it..it would have made things a little better.
My family was in a total UPROAR over a home OSU game and my DD's wedding..it was almost funny...She and her fiance don't care about football..(not sure if she is really my child ha ha)...so they just planned it...My mom keeps saying..family is more important, family is more important..over and over again...We are planning on renting a big screen TV for the reception if necessary..
Hey..how are the rest of you doing? haven't heard from some of you but it is always nice when we do...
-
You ladies are so sweet! It is a shame that we never met, but we will stay in touch and as I said, I am still here for a good few months. And wherever we land, you are all always welcome!
I am glad that things are moving forward with the PT LE specialist, Betsy, please keep us posted. LymphaDiva did make me smile. Hope you are enjoying your day off today.
Hope everyone is ok. Lena, Geri, Amy, come by when you can
. Helen, how are you doing?Must get back to work now. Hugs to you all and take care, Judy x
-
I am back! I had a FABULOUS week - got there on Sunday, the convention in Vegas was good, but then my husband came on Wed and we spent until yesterday (Sunday) exploring. We went to the Hoover Dam on Thurs, then on Fri drove out to Death Valley. It was absolutely spectacular. I will write much more (and hopefully post some pix) when I dig out of all the work that is waiting for me.
Suffice it to say it was great to get away and I didn't think about bc AT ALL!
PS - WHO rode a zipline right down Fremont Street in Vegas - 5 stories up above the crowd? That's right - I DID. The guys I was with (work friends) couldn't believe I did it. I told the kid who hooked me to the harness that I beat cancer last year and that I can do anything, and I wanted to fly. He high-fived me and off I went. I thought of you all as I flew above all the people. It was AWESOME. I will get a picture on here for you if it is the LAST THING I DO!!!!
Amy
-
Hi all,
Nope, I'm not dead yet. ::::sigh::::
Betsy and Titan -- I hope you don't take my failure to comment on or ask questions about your kids' weddings and sports stuff as snubbing -- I'm not -- I just don't know jack shit about any of that kind of thing and have no idea what to say, other than I'm happy you're happy. That said, I'm still glad to see you both posting. I suppose you're like me in the sense of coming on for several posts, then "disappearing" for awhile, then another spate of posts, back and forth...
Titan -- well as you know I'm not celebrating, but two years ago today I had recently been scheduled for and was waiting to have my surgical biopsy performed 1/31/09. But I "knew" it was cancer, so I didn't feel anxious/in a hurry to have it. In fact, back then I felt, the longer it took for me to have all the diagnostics necessary to get the actual objective medical confirmation of what I somehow "knew," the longer I could go without making decisions or "having to" do anything about it. Note: in November *2008*, at my Pack Rat's behest, I went to NJ's breast and cervical cancer screening program to get initial exam; day of exam I was immediately sent for mammo and ultrasound, but after that there was a lot of bureaucratic red tape in a switchover from the original facilities in Hoboken/Jersey City to Trinitas in Elizabeth, where I lived, not to mention getting on Medicaid) and I ended up having to have repeat mammo and ultrasound at Trinitas, then they couldn't do the original planned core needle biopsy because my tumor was so big and dense the doc couldn't get the local anesthetic injection inside the breast even and she was poking around inside my breast with the damn needle for ten minutes and I was crying the pain was so bad, so that's how come I had to have a surgical biopsy under a general anesthetic. All that between weeks of red tape crap and a few train trips to Hoboken/Jersey City (I wouldn't drive there, too afraid) because they couldn't use a frickin mailbox or let me use one when we had to exchange documentation and films. But I didn't mind or freak out through any of the WAITING through scheduling delays for tests, results and finally the surgical biopsy. But anyway, that's where I was two years ago today -- still waiting to be biopsied -- and feeling a hell of a lot better than I do today! (Not to mention looking better too, since my hair was long!)...
Betsy -- if you're a lousy left hander (me too only worse I bet since not only am I strongly right handed, but it's my left hand which is partially paralyzed from the stroke!) -- how do you even PUT a lymphedema compression sleeve ON your right arm? I hope the physical therapy works for you too...and yes, the damn AI slowed my metabolism to a slug's pace too -- remember, I started dieting to lose that 30 pounds the last week of APRIL 2010, and now here it is JANUARY 2011 and I STILL have 4-5 pounds more to lose? And oh I'm so with you on having a disgusting muffin belly. Yes, mine is now smaller for having lost most of my excess weight, but I do still have it. YUCK... Gotta admit it though; since I was about 10 or so, I was ALWAYS thick through the middle (even when I weighed 115-120 pounds from my mid-teens to early 20s). I have always been, and am to this day, in spite of accelerated old age through chemo and AIs, slim everywhere EXCEPT my waist and belly...only AIs made it much worse! In the past I attributed my yucky middle to being under-exercised. That is still part of it, I'm sure -- just walking, even a couple of miles every day, is neither enough, nor is it waist-and-abs specific, and now that it's too cold to go for walks, I'm not even doing that until spring -- I’ve been dieting but not exercising since mid-November when it got consistently too cold out for me. Was talking to my doctor today (more later) though, and I have a plan even though I can't afford the gym (I found out the local gym has a very descriptive website detailing all their exercise equipment, trainers, types of memberships and so on). Hmmm waitaminnit: does all the recent snow shoveling and sweeping snow off the deck count as exercise? :-P
Judy -- There's Internet in Israel, I know there is! Just because you move back there doesn't mean you have to leave us. How's your diet going? How about your moods and stress?
Amy -- That’s terrific you enjoyed your vacation so much. But you have to tell me: what was the weather like in Death Valley? HOW warm was it? Yes it's now frigid here in NH, that's why I wanna know how warm it was in Death Valley, since it's reputed to be the hottest part of the USA. Oh and one more thing, what is a zipline?
Helen -- How are you doing? Are you nurturing yourself better to help alleviate the stress and depression?
My Pack Rat brought the rest of my living room bookshelf over on his most recent visit, so in addition to our decadence (wine, food, Star Trek and total molestation) on Friday night through midday Saturday (food and more total molestation), he reassembled it. Being "too tired" when he left on Sat afternoon, I was lazy, but I spent all day Sunday unpacking the last of the unpacked boxes here and mostly filling/organizing the living room bookshelf. Now it looks like a living room, and there's room for me to unpack the rest of the boxes still in my Pack Rat's nest, when he brings them. I put some more of my decorations up; not done since the significant ones are mostly still in those boxes in my Pack Rat's nest (and I need to get those up and out before I let loose the Rats in Box 17), but some.
Dunno when to invite him next, what with MORE snow coming. NH is now full in the swing of the winter weather which had put me off to moving up here all those years. But the funny thing is this...somehow I feel more “in control” of it here than I did in NJ...maybe it’s because here, I have my own parking space? Or is it that the “little store” here is closer to my house than the “little store” I used to go to in NJ? Or both?
Boy is the doctor situation REALLY good now. I'd even say it was almost worth the earlier rebooting chaos. My appointment with Dr. Min and the Coumadin clinic was last week but on account of the major snowstorm for that day, I was EASILY able to reschedule -- so I went today, and oh, not only did Dr. Min answer all my Qs and we began to address AI SE-control issues, she told me she and her husband were Trekkies! Oh wow, COOL! Anyhoo, results of the medical visit:
1. In the search for OTHER (non-AI) possible medical causes or contributors to at least some of my pain and depression, seeing how my thyroid function was totally normal, I asked about bursitis and tendonitis, and she examined me for both.
A. Turns out I have both bursitis and tendonitis in my left shoulder and arm, and tendonitis in my right arm. She says alternate ice and heat on the left shoulder (so when my next disability check comes in a couple weeks, I'll buy a heating pad), and ice on the arm (since I don't use ice for anything as a rule, I have to make ice for this: doing ice cube trays tonight so I can start on the right arm tomorrow at least), plus a prescription for Tramadol to control pain from both that and pain we do know is from AIs (the knee joints) and cancer (my left hip, which some, but not all, of the overenthusiastic New Year's pain went away: she said yes, hip pain is possible on "overdoing" sex but also, even when mets are inactive, there's still damage from them, and given that my hip pain is ONLY on my left hip, where my met is, it's probably that too, and I should expect to occasionally have pain there even if the met continues to be inactive. But I can take the Tramadol for that too.
B. I'm also going to try a VERY SMALL (2.5 mg/day) dose of Lexapro on top of my Wellbutrin and see if that lifts the depression without causing the sexual SE's. My original dose when I first tried it was 10 mg/day (and I didn't have the Wellbutrin). So, she prescribed me the 5 mg pills (smallest they make) and said take half of those for 1-2 weeks; if I notice a difference to the better, stay with that dose; if not, try taking the whole pill each day and I can go off it if I have the sexual SEs, PLUS -- Dr. Min says it's good timing for me to try the low-dose Lexapro now since I'll be starting to see my new psychiatrist next month (Feb 15th), and SHE can pick up my depression treatment from there by monitoring/keeping me on Lexapro if it works with no SEs, or trying another drug if it doesn't. And Dr. Min speaks very highly of the psychiatrist I'll be going to (Dr. Finn).
2. I asked about exercise, as in what kinds in addition to walking were possible and safe given all my aches and pains, and not being in the best of health or fitness. Mainly I wanted to know if various kinds of leg lifts and crunches would be as effective done lying on my bed (which I can do) as they would be lying on the floor (which is REALLY difficult for me, it hurts too much both lying down and getting back up) -- she says yes and just start easy, only a few a day at first and work up to more. So I'm going to see if I can trim my Midsection from Hell, slowly but surely. Since I lost enough poundage so that now I get the muffin belly ONLY when I sit down (flabby gut spillover) and am still working on losing those few more pounds, maybe the exercising of that area will help me get rid of the rest of it...
3. It's settled -- I am automatically scheduled to get ALL blood draws and other intravenous stuff from my port now, so today I had blood taken for my INR and got the thing flushed.
4A. Shock of all shocks -- Dr. Min called the Tramadol and Lexapro prescriptions into my pharmacy (where I stopped on the way home), and when I got there, they were READY, and I only had to pay $8.50 for them!
B. When I got back home, there was a message on my answering machine from one of the nurses at the Coumadin clinic -- with my INR result for today (2.6, which is good), and also the important information that both Tramadol and Lexapro can potentiate warfarin, so effective immediately they were tweaking my Coumadin dosage lower to try to accomodate (ah well, gotta go for another PT/INR test on Friday to see how well this new dosage works). She left detailed information on the new dosage regimen too so I was able to "fix" my weekly pill container and I started the new dosage tonight.
Wow.
Also -- seems my seriously reduced ability to Sims-hack since chemo and AIs killed the best part of my brain has led to my being supplanted by a new up-and-comer. I should be happy, seeing how I had been the one who got her out of almost all of her beginner-hacker dilemmas by answering most of her techie questions at one of our forums, and I am sort of, but not entirely. Seems I'm still OK to give advice, but not so good at forging ahead with my own projects -- I now lack the focus and the sharpness and the “sparks”...one of which SHE finished, even though she had no idea I had started it. She just made something I had started to make just before chemo and had it ALMOST done, but I couldn't work on it during chemo and eventually I had actually forgotten about it (thanks chemo! thanks AIs! -- NOT!!) until a couple days ago when someone posted how she wanted one of these. I mentioned my WIP of this object and said I'd revisit it since "I'm pretty close to finished with it: got 28 of the 30 foods to work..." -- and a few hours later, "S" posted she had one all done!
:::::sigh:::::
Snow tomorrow......
-
Whoa! Today is a good day to STAY HOME!!!
...Except to occasionally sweep snow off the car and deck (so I don't end up with humungous impossible glaciers to deal with once the sleet/ice pellets hit), I'm DEFINITELY staying IN THE HOUSE! There is NO amount of money anybody could pay me to actually go out and especially drive during storms like this!
We're supposed to get up to 6 inches of snow BEFORE the sleet/ice pellets hit (then up to 10 inches of "both" after). It was snowing at a moderate pace when I got up 7:40-something (from the window, looked like an inch had fallen). It's still snowing now, pretty heavy (heavier than when I was out there brushing, shoveling and sweeping snow -- went out around 9:45, had to have coffee and breakfast first). When I went out to get at the car and deck, I measured 2 inches of snow on the railing (will measure again when I go out again). It seemed to come down heavier while I was clearing it away, but, in NH, once it snows and sticks, you don't see the ground again until mid to late spring (I knew this for years, my Pack Rat told me, yeah, that's why I wouldn't move here for so long).
Well, when that sleet hits later, I want to have as little snow as possible to be entrenched in ice ("glaciers") on my car and deck because I totally lack the physical wherewithal to remove THAT stuff. See, in NJ, I used to get snow and ice storms which were just as bad and worse than NH storms, but most of the time, NJ would warm up enough BETWEEN storms (mid to upper 30s in the day for several consecutive days, which is cold enough to make me greatly prefer the Great Indoors, but obviously "warm" enough to melt snow and ice) that all of it would melt away -- so when the next storm came, it wasn't piling up on top of the last one and making it worse. Here in NH if you don't dig out from snow ASAP, you're asking for trouble.
I think my next spate of snow removal will be after lunch. Which might be after a nap, if a hot flash doesn't wake me up...I'm soooo tired....
-
Amy, welcome back! I am so pleased you had a good time away. Can't wait to see the photos of you on the zipline! Sounds like good fun!
Lena - thanks for all your news. I always like to know what is going on with you. I never have the patience to sit and write in such detail like you do. Try to take it easy clearing the snow and I hope you have a good rest this afternoon.
I am doing ok, still tired and stressed, but I am still on the diet and I don't know if I have lost anything yet, but I do feel better. That may just be me doing something proactive, so I will let you know next time I weigh myself.
Today is a snow day here, so everyone is home! Nothing like NH I am sure, but still no school. Everyone seems to be busy here doing their own thing, so I thought I may take myself out a little later. I just need to melt the ice on the car first!
Lena, of course I will stay on this board when I move. That is the great thing about the internet. We can be in touch from almost anywhere in the world.
Geri and Helen, hope you are both alright
.Hope everyone is doing ok and staying warm. Hugs to everyone and take good care, Judy x
-
Good afternoon everyone!
I have had a busy week this week, work, kids etc and am looking forward to a quiet weekend with the family. My husband and eldest daughter are busy with school exam preparation so me and the 2 younger ones will be taking it easy and staying warm and cosy indoors : )
So, this morning, I weighed myself after two weeks on my diet and I have lost 1.1lb! I was not very happy about it, although it is better than gaining. I am beginning to see that the weight is going to come off very slowly but I really want to try and stick with it. I do feel better and I actually thought I felt "lighter", could be wishful thinking of course : ) I am not as hungry as I was two weeks ago and I am in quite a good eating routine now. So I will see how I go.
I hope you are ALL ok and have a great weekend! Hugs to you all, stay warm, Judy xxx
-
Just checking in to say hello to everyone - I have been reading, but too exhausted after work to write. Looking forward to a nice weekend (although VERY COLD!). Wishing you all a good weekend as well - stay toasty warm.
Geri
-
I'm just popping in to see how everyone is. Like Geri, I read but don't always post. I got an iPad and while I can access this site, I can't figure out how to post from the iPad. Anyone know?
Judy -- 1.1 pounds is perfectly fine. If you keep this up, you will lose 11 pounds in only 20 weeks -- that's a good rate.....that has to be at least 1 dress size.
My renovation is coming along ... but slowly. It's been going on for such a long time .. I'l be glad when it's finished.
A friend of mine has to have surgery to remove a lump from her groin area. Biopsy was inconclusive which is stressful. She's going for all the tests before surgery. I certainly home it's B9. I've never heard of a lump in the groin area .... any ideas? Time to go to sleep for me.
-
Quick note - LENA - if you have a microwave, I can send you something to use instead of a heating pad (and much nicer). It is a little cloth pouch filled with grains and you heat it in the microwave and it retains the heat. My daughter made some for Christmas gifts and she said she'd be glad to make one for you and I will send it. Let me know if you would like this (and if you have a microwave).
Re Death Valley - in the summer it is 120 degrees give or take, but the winter is the perfect time to go. It was supposed to be low 60's but it got up toward 70 in the afternoons. Nice warm breezes, totally pleasant and lovely. I felt like I thawed out for the first time in months!
And a zipline - it is a long cable strung, in the case, right over the middle of the busy street. It starts about 5 stories high and goes lower to be about 2-3 stories high by the end. At the beginning they strap you into a harness that rides down the cable. You are sort of sitting in the harness. Then you lift up your feet and gravity takes you flying down the cable (around 30mph) to the other side. If you go to http://fremontstreetflightline.com/ it should show you a video of how it works. It's not of me but it will give you the idea. There is a huge screen up above the street that has light shows every half hour or so, and it was awesome to be flying down the street as the light show was playing!
Not so fun to be back in the cold, I will admit. But I'm doing fine.
My mammogram and check up with the surgeon is mid Feb. I am trying not to think about it, but sometimes it does creep into the back of my mind and worry me a bit. -
Geri, good to hear from you. Take care of yourself and rest when you need to.
Helen, sorry to hear about your friend. Thank you too for your encouragement about my weight loss. I think it is going to be a really slow process and I am not the most patient person. I will keep at it and see how I go. Yesterday was so cold, I found it very hard not to dive into comfort foods, but I managed to control myself.
Your trip sounds wonderful Amy and I would love to thaw out at the moment, even for a few hours
.I have an Onc check up in Feb and I have started thinking about it too. I do worry about it, but I think that is normal considering what we have been through.
Hope everyone has a great Sunday! Hugs to you all, Judy xxx
-
I too have been lurking and not typing much. I'm suppose to rest my arm. Official dx, cording in my elbow and golfer's elbow (basically tendinitis of the inside of my elbow). Gheesh...all from scrubbing my freak-in shower. Before this set back I was actually working on arm exercises on the machines at the gym and beginning to build some strength in my arm and chest but that's all on hold until the pain settles down. I did get a gauntlet for my hand and wear my compression sleeve during the day and my swell spot at night.
Not sure if you all have heard of the new Portlandia show on IFC. Anyway it's a spoof on Portland, Oregon and hilarious. Anyway, last week while at work one of my co-workers noticed my gauntlet and said "wow Betsy...you look right out of the 80's, sort of the Madonna thing!" I turned to him and said ya...and "all the hot chicks in Portland wear glasses too!" Hopefully the gauntlet wearing is only a short term thing but based on Portlandia...I'm actually "in" wearing it. LOL.
Lena - I'm so happy to hear you like your new doctor. Wow...a trekkie fan to boot.
Diet update -I've been watching what I eat, especially the portion size and hope to get back into my exercise routine soon. Not gaining but not losing either. My goal is to lose 8-10 by the end of February. We are heading to Maui and I want to look fairly good in a swimming suit.
Amy- NWIH would I do a zip line but I'm glad you enjoyed your trip. Did you go to the Grand Canyon? Isn't it awesome.
-
Amy..I have one of those grain heated pad thingies too! I never use it though..Lena..I can send it to you if you want it..just pm me your address! I'm just not that organized to nuke it and then use it to keep food warm.
I see on the onc in February too! At least we are all together with this..I'll take you all with me and I will be with you too..ok?
Oh..and Helen..I love your posts on the TN thread...
-
Betsy - good to hear from you! I am sorry to hear that your arm is still playing up. How long do you think before the pain settles down and you will be able to excercise again? When you say 8-10 by the end of Feb, do you mean pounds??? Can you really lose that much in 5 or so weeks? Please let me know how you do it. I am very slowly trudging along on this diet. I do feel better, but I can see it is going to be a long road
.Titan - how are the wedding plans coming along? We would love to hear about it. Today, I have been thinking alot about my appt in Feb, I don't know why, but it is lurking in my head. It is reassuring to know that we support eachother through this stuff...
I have become traumatized by any kind of sickness. Today, I am all over the place because my eldest daughter has strep throat and has a bit of flu. I know that in a few days she should feel better, but anytime the house is not up and running with everyone doing what they are supposed to do, I fly into a panic. It is like I have this motto, that everything has to be ok all the time and we cannot go back to being a household where someone is not functioning due to health issues. Does anyone else experience trauma like that? I know that this is unreasonable, but I just cannot seem to get past it.
Back to work now. Hope you are ALL having a great day and staying warm.
Hugs to you all, Judy.
-
Ok, so I am having a bad day today. I think I must be going crazy. This week is the two year anniversary of the week between my biopsy and my diagnosis. So, a hard week for me. As you know, from my last posting, my daughter is home sick, but should perk up as soon as the antibiotics start to kick in. I am becoming more panicked by the minute and cannot get myself together. I am working today so I have a few hours away from the house. I don't want her to feel guilty about getting sick, it is perfectly normal, but I feel a bit like a mad woman.
There are so many really sick people around that I need to get things into perspective here. I feel like I am being neurotic, but cannot shake it. I just have this general feeling of misery surrounding me when I should be thankful that I am here two years after that horrible week.
Just when I think I am making headway, I feel like I take steps backwards. I know this is a really small thing which in the big scheme of things is not very significant, but I wanted to share it with you all in case any of you experience the same kinds of anxiety.
Hope all is well with everyone and that you are all having a good day. Hugs to you all, Judy x
-
Judy - I am sorry you are having such a hard time, but from what I recall, this is more an increase in anxiety than a new symptom. I really, really think you deserve to get more happiness and enjoyment from life after all you (we) have been through. I remember you saying you were seeing a therapist, but maybe it's time to change and see someone different...get another opinion on your emotional health, the same as any of us should for our physical health. You are always the cheerleader here for us, and you sound like you are experiencing a lot more than "normal" anxiety...take action, take charge, get help, live life the way you want!
Geri
-
Judy - I hate to see you struggling so much. I mean, I'm glad you can come here and be honest about it, but it makes me sad to know that you are having such a hard time.
I agree with Geri. If what you are doing isn't working, then it is good to try a different approach. Perhaps either a very frank talk with your counselor or find another one with the instructions that you want "concrete specific tools to use when I am feeling like....." so they know you don't want to just talk about how things are going, but you want actual strategies to implement when things get difficult. I know that when I saw the cancer psych back during chemo, I had a few very specific things that I wanted to be able to handle better. I didn't want to just spend the hour talking, and feel better briefly, but be unprepared for what might lie ahead. I was very specific and we worked in a targeted direction and she gave me specific tools to use in those situations. We worked on mindfulness, distraction, and relaxation. And we practiced them in session. While I wouldn't say it has been perfect, it has helped me to feel like I have some tools to access in the situations that are triggering to me, rather than feeling powerless and swept along by my emotions at that time. (Again, not perfect, but an improvement). So this might be something to consider.
I consider a counselor or therapist to be my employee - I pay them to help me. So I always took time to decide what would help me best and was very directive about what i wanted to spend the time on. It worked well for me (but then, I'm pretty bossy anyway, can you tell?
)I hope you are feeling a bit better today, although the snow sure complicates everything!
-
Geri and Amy, thank you both so much for your encouragement, I think you are both so right. I do need to take charge more, to help myself get out of this rut. I am seeing my therapist next Tuesday and I will talk to her about clear strategies. I have done this before, but we have never moved forward on it. I will talk frankly to her about my needs and if I feel that she cannot help me then I will look for a new therapist.
I do want to enjoy my life, but feel like I am on a hamster wheel sometimes. I really appreciate your help and advice and I am going to think it through and work on a plan to improve things. I am not miserable the whole time though. I think that for the most part, I try and ignore those feelings and carry on as normal, which is also not good. Coming here, just gives me the chance to air my feelings because I know that some of you may have had the same feelings.
Snow sure does complicate things - I was planning a nice day to myself today, but instead, I have a house full as there is no school.
Thank you again for all your support. Hugs to you all, stay warm, Judy x
-
Hello ladies! So, we got our power back at around 1.30am this morning. It went out on Wednesday evening. It was a very cold day or so. We spent our time wrapped in blankets, huddled around candles and I went and bought a camping stove so that we could boil water for tea. The novelty wore off very quickly and the only place we were warm was in the car : )
Now it is back and we are having friends to stay from tonight until their power is restored. So, I am very busy preparing food, but at least we are warm again and I can catch up on laundry.
I am feeling a little better than I have been and feel ready to start planning how I am going to move forward.
I thank you all again for your support and I know that I could not have come this far without you all by my side.
Have a great weekend everyone and stay warm. Sending you all hugs, Judy x
-
Judy - the snow sure has disrupted everything, hasn't it? Glad you have power again.
I'm glad you are feeling better. BUT don't lose your focus. Make your plan and then work your plan - so that the next time things start to pile up on your head, you have some strategies in place to manage it.
I will say this - I sure get hungrier when it is cold. I am pretty disciplined usually, but this has been BAD! I wonder if it is some sort of physiological reaction. Anyone else get like this?
-
Judy - ditto what Amy said - your house has power again...now you need Judy power!
-
Judy, so sorry to hear you are struggling. But remember this is normal. I'm still taking Wellbutrin and seeing a counsellor every couple of weeks. Judy, you are such an ecouraging woman - you've been someone who keeps all of us on this thread connected at times.
I've got a terrible cold and cough. Can't seem to shake it and I'm sleeping a lot. I don't have the energy to go out and do my errands. I think it's time for my afternoon nap. I'll pop in later
-
Judy, I'm am so sorry you feel like things are out of control again. Ditto on Geri and Amy's comments...ditch your current counselor and seek out someone who can help you feel your "own power" again. You have been such a help to all of us when we are down. You deserve happiness and joy in your life.
Today I went to a new shop to look for a second sleeve...One sleeve is not enough. as I need to wear it all day seven days a week. Thankfully my dh came with me and I let him pick out which one he liked. He picked "Versace"...yeah I snagged a man with very good taste. Anyway, I ordered another sleeve and gauntlet. My arm is not much better as I pushed it too hard last weekend moving a large rug. I was just trying to help my dh...he carried 95% of the weight and I was lifting with my left arm but I'm so damn uncoordinated it started to slip...when I grabbed with my right arm..BAAM... pain went radiating from my elbow to my shoulder. So basically I had to start over with therapy. I'm still seeing my PT and acupuncturist once weekly. I'm still hopeful this is a short term thing...I just need to stop trying to do too much.
My only problem is my dh is starting to think he can't touch me...his little china doll...and I'm not even Asian. He thinks no matter what he does he is hurting me. It sort of sucks...I keep telling him I'm ok but he is still hesitant. I just have to be patient...my body is sort of a basket case at this time. When is this going to end????
I hate to tell you all this but we've been really mild here in the NW, average temp in the mid 50's all week. I started walking again and feel better. Sorry to hear you are having such a cold time on the east coast. Sending you all warm a big warm {{HUG}}.
Betsy
-
Good afternoon everyone, hope you are all doing ok and staying warm after the snowy weather!
Our weekend was fun with friends staying over, it gave us a chance to catch up properely. I am determined not to lose my focus and to have a good talk with my counsellor on Tuesday this week. The good news is that I have lost 2.5lbs in 3 weeks and I am feeling encouraged about that. Having no power did make me very hungry but there was not too much to eat so I sort of managed.
Helen - I hope your cold and cough get better soon. Two of my kids have it and it just does not go away. Get plenty of rest and warm drinks. Have you seen the doc to make sure it is not a chest infection?
Betsy - Versace! Very nice (LOL!). I am sorry that your arm has been bothering you again and I also know how hard it is not to do things when you just want to get on with being normal again. I hope that the therapy helps ease the pain. Enjoy your mild weather too!
I will come by again soon, hugs to you all and have a great Sunday! Judy x
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team