Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

IllinoisLady

Ocogirl --- here is many wishes or a really great outcome and perhaps even a bit more freedom for clothing and other things.  I'll do the Wikipedia search because I have lots of reason for it to be interesting.  My former brother-in-law still lives in the modular that is right next door to where my Mom and Dad were living -- long story but I think I mentioned Dad passed in 96' and my Mom brought him home here to bur him and decided she would come back and stay.  We still had lots of family here --- and she did and Dh and I followed very soon after.  BIL and sister stayed where they were in Borough Valley on Tollhouse Rd.

Mom was only here for almost two yrs. to the day --- so the last yr. and a half of her life I had the greatly satisfying and deeply wonderful duty which was not a duty at all to me of being with her through Dr.'s appts., hospital stays, helping at her home, and spending lots of great time with her.  Eleven days after Mom passed away and a day and a half after my sister's return to California  --- coming back from having been all night on Table Mountain at the casino there ( this was almost a daily or guess I should say nightly activity of my sisters life ) she either had a heart attack, or a diabetic coma.  The car left the road, no skid marks, and ended up edged between two rocks and some trees.  Took three hours to cut her out of the car but they feel she was "gone" before the car left the road-way.

Though it would sound un-Christian to a degree ---- I didn't shed a tear though her husband did.  I was still reeling from losing my Mom -- and the sad truth is my sister had no real conscience.  She didn't like me and what little and it was little, that she ever did for me was I think because she knew how bad she would look if she didn't. 

A lot to say here but just for back-ground about familiar areas in common to a degree Octogirl.  I likely should really say too that while we talk about anything an everything here -- other than an occasional reference and statement, we for the most part don't get into politics and pushing our individual religions to each other.  A few comments are fine but these things do seem to spark a lot of miss-understandings.  I say this as I did say abit to Anne and got into a bit but I was concerned.  Should have done a pm for her but I wasn't thinking --- had totally forgotten until after I was done.  

My personal view is that just like here --- some people seem so much better for themselves and others, for having the experience of sharing a religion together. I'm not at all against that.  For myself I see myself as more spiritual then actually religious since my Church is the great outdoors and all of its marvels and  wonders and beautiful surprises -- and I have done it both ways -- being heavily aligned with a Church and Church family --- but in my later years have discovered that while the other was wonderful, I feel and seem to do as well if not better in my more solitary habitat of worship and continue on with spiritual studies that remain exciting and worthwhile to me.  Not for everyone -- but it is our differences that often delight and bring some flexibility rather then the sameness. 

Anyway -- off to get some things done.  Next beak time I may be right back.

Jackie 

carolehalston

Anne, that would drive me crazy to have a daughter who believed she should be submissive to any man, husband or not. He sounds like a controlling "nut case." Religion can be exploited in so many evil ways. I feel sorry for those children. Goodness knows what their state of mind will be once they become adults.

Octogirl, hope all goes well with your appointment. I'll be interested in what the dr. says.

GG, I found your explanation of the fertilizer made from human waste very interesting. We put landscaping cloth on two big flower beds in the front of our house some years ago, maybe 5 or 6 years. It still seems to be doing the job of keeping down weeds. We keep a covering of pine straw mulch over the beds.

We bought two geranium plants at a nursery. They are really spectacular. DH loves geraniums and this is a good climate for them. They don't like our hot summers.

This morning we worked out at the gym in town, had breakfast at a café, stopped by the Wed. farmers' mkt., and ran a couple of errands. This afternoon we're going to Bemidji with another couple with a trailer here at Pine Hollow. They're "foodies" and like a pizza restaurant in Bemidji. We'll eat there and then go bowling. DH and I aren't bowlers but we'll give it a try.

Happy Wed. to all.

Joan811

Hello ladies,
It has been ten days since I was here, and I have four pages to read.
I did read the last, and am concerned for you, Anne. I will read back later.
Anne, you are your family's rock - traveling rock - and it seems at times you are being pulverized to gravel. I guess we cannot be the solution to our children's problems. We can be a support, but eventually, they have to figure it out. Thinking of you.

50s girls: Welcome to Long Island (my home) -- but I am not there right now.
Octo and Jan: I am in the Bay Area and Monterey; but tomorrow I am traveling to Mammoth - where I've never been. As a geologist, I can't wait to see the volcanic features and geothermal areas. I am visiting my son, and it is his favorite destination from Berkeley.
We have spent time in Yosemite in the past few years and stayed in Mariposa. Yosemite is definitely a must-see for anyone who can get there.
It must be wonderful to live in the area.
I am concerned about the rain and floods. I will keep an eye on the forecast.

Carole, I am so glad you are enjoying your time away. Deck? Awning? This sounds more and more like home!

Jackie, thanks for being there every day no matter when I check in. It means a lot to me and I think to many others.

I am off to the Monterey Aquarium!

XOXO
Joan

shuf

mommarch, you are in our prayers! Love all of you as I feel blessed to have everyone of you in my life. Thanks. Shuf

Anneb1149

Hi everyone

I guess now you can understand why it was so hard for me to say no to my daughter about moving in. She met this guy in HS. She was 15, he was 18 and had dropped out of school- we had no idea, till much later. I have beaten my head against a wall trying to convince her that a accidental pregnancy three weeks into a relationship does not necessitate a marriage. He convinced her that they had to stay together for the sake of the baby. Jamie's emotional radar is really screwed up- she really doesn't like being touched and freaks if she is surrounded by a crowd. She has admitted that as much as she loves her kids ( and I believe she really does), cuddling with them to watch a movie is very hard for her. She says every 15 minutes or so, she has to make an excuse to get up and away for a few minutes.

I would describe myself as a Christian, although I no longer attend church regularly. My DH and I were very involved with church as we were raising our family- both in the activities part and the Bible study part. I know enough about what the Bible says to know her husband is picking and choosing what he "teaches"her. We got into an argument a couple of weeks ago. BTW- she is the only one of my children I get into screaming fits with. Anyway she was talking about this submissive stuff and I tried to tell her that that concept is two- fold. The wife is to submit to the husband, BUT he is to put her first in everything. When I argued that living in a 2bedroom shack without central air in So. Fla was not putting her first, she screamed at me that I have been spoiled all my life. I said no, I just happened to spend my life with two men who really lived that principle every day- first my dad, who worked two jobs every day while we were growing up, then my husband who worked massive amounts of overtime so I could be a stay at home mom.

He has her convinced that any "comfort" she has that women in third works countries don't have is a privelige that she should be very grateful for. So what if some windows in the house are broken, and have been for years- women in third world countries don't have any windows.

His ideas are so bizarre it is unbelievable. But somehow, he has managed to get her in his grip and won't let go. If there were ever two people who shouldn't be together it's them. Putting aside his bizarre beliefs, he is ADHD, which means he starts a thousand projects and finishes none, and she plans the themes for the kids birthday parties two years in advance.. He's definitely a spur of the moment guy - like putting the house up for sale with no plans beyond that, she needs time to adjust to any change, much less not knowing where they are going to live in 6 weeks.

They have been back together for 11 years now. Neither one has had a real job in all that time. She mystery shops and he covers remotes for game systems with different covers. He does this in their carport. They broke up once shortly after their second child was born, but he convinced her they couldn't succeed as single parents and needed to be together for the sake of the children. I could go on for pages with the stuff he has put her thru, but she stays.

I finally had to accept that she is an adult and entitled to make her own decisions. I have bit my tongue till there is almost nothing left so that I keep access to the grandchildren. My heart breaks for Jamie - she is adopted and before we got her at two years old she was abused, physically and sexually, abandoned and neglected. She also had a wild ride during her teenage years, experimenting with drugs and boys, which led to being date raped by two guys at the same time, and two abortions before she was 18, which I didn't know about till much later. She also lost two very special people in her life, one to cancer, one in a horrific car accident, both within 6 months of the shooting she was involved in. But she lives an almost "normal " life except for buying in to his wierd lifestyle I took her for counseling several times as a teenager, she would never open up, and to this day will not seek any help.

Three of my other 4 children are totally with me and my decision, but my oldest daughter does not. My oldest son thinks her even asking to move in,is a plan on her husbands part to get control of this house. All I know for sure is if I hadn't had the cancer, and was my old self, my answer would have been yes, without hesitation. For the grandchildren. Unfortunately, I am not strong enough, physically or emotionally to deal with the chaos that surrounds her on a daily basis.

Sorry for running on so long but it really helps me clarify things in my own mind when I write it out.

Anne

shuf

Anneb1149, trust your self. This not something you are responsible for. They are adults and must take their beliefs and decisions as their own. God bless you! Shuf

Puffin2014

Jackie: Lew gets to use his favorite saying a lot. He helps college students with their senior projects in the engineering lab (as a volunteer, he's retired), and there's always a handful of students who procrastinate till the end, and are then in a panic when the machines are all scheduled up and they think he should come in on weekends and whenever to help them finish their projects.

I worked out at the Y this morning, then picked up a friend who recently moved into assisted living.I've been helping her unpack and get the boxes out of her room. Her new computer desk was delivered last week, it was fun to see her room finally all arranged and put together. We went out for lunch at a new German restaurant downtown, Lew hopped on his Segway and joined us - delicious sausages. Then we went to a free 1 hour concert by one of the Navy bands at the library. The Blue Angels are performing in an airshow here in Fargo this weekend, and this week has been declared Navy Week. The first half hour was a wind quintet and the second half hour was brass.

I like to toss a handful of blueberries on my cereal every morning, so carefully watch the sales this time of year. Blueberries are down to $1.50/pt so I stopped and picked up 24 pints, came home and spread half of them in a single layer in cookie sheets and cake pans in the freezer. Later tonight I'll scoop all the frozen berries up and package them in ziplock bags. That way they don't freeze together in one big solid lump. Will freeze the other half later night, and tomorrow go buy another 24 pints.

I took a tumble off the back step last night, my foot twisted as I stepped down and over I went. The fall felt just like the one in my backyard a couple years ago where I broke my wrist. This time I landed on my elbow and forearm, doesn't seem like anything is broken, just a little bleeding. I lucked out on that one.

JAN69

Jackie, Burrough Valley, Tollhouse, and Table Mountain Casino are all very close by. This is on the west side of SJ valley, east of Fresno. There's no direct road to Yosemite from the Tollhouse area. You need to go north 20 or so miles to get on the highway into Yosemite. It's a nice area, but, like all of us around here, in a high fire danger zone. All vegetation is dryer than dry and ready to burn. We've had several wild fires that are difficult to contain. The 100 ft tall ponderosa pine trees here in the Sierra are dying. Forest Service says they expect 50% of these trees will be dead by summer's end. It is so incredibly sad to watch. We had to have 5 of ours taken down to the tune of nearly $5,000. And it looks like more are dying. You have to know we are all praying for El Nino to come early and stay late. I'm sorry that your memories of my area are imbedded with the death of your sister.

Joan, we do feel fortunate to live in such a beautiful area. We never get tired of Yosemite. About 20 years ago Yosemite had a great flood. The park was closed for an extended time. When it reopened we drove in and walked around the valley where it is usually filled with tourists. Park personnel posted signs of high water marks on various buildings. That, and very few people, made for a very sad visit. Your visit to Mammoth should be wonderful. Just watch the weather reports. We've been having some wild weather. My brother lived in Hampton Bays for many years, and I was able to visit several times. Love, love, love eastern Long Island. And that says a lot for Southern California native.

Humm, I seem to have written a book today. Perhaps a travelog. Jan

IllinoisLady

I do recall the California wildfires -- very treacherous and extremely frightening.  I recall the one that was so near Goleta/Santa Barbara area.  We drove through afterwards and just felt sick for the people who had lived in the homes we saw  -- mainly charred materials and lots of ash. The ground around the homes was all blackened  and it has such a ghostly feel knowing that just a few days before the whole area was vibrant with life -- before the wildfires got to it.  I can't imagine the devastation and sense of loss and I would think even the most well adjusted persons would still have some time spent in feeling though thankful to be alive just shredded from the loss of a life that may have been comfortable and cherished that went away in almost a heartbeat.

I do remember the Fresno area as being pretty and often wished my husband and I might have been able to make that move with the rest of the family.  I wasn't sure I'd like the weather but it is one of those things you would be ok with in a short time if you were living there all the time.  I've always thought of California as a pretty wonderful place --- you can find so much there as it is such a big state.  The big Redwoods are just mind numbing to me and so beautiful, in another part of the state, the Joshua trees.  The deserts which can be quite pretty and the salt flats around LA Mirada.  Loved the Catholic missions around Solvang, and also San Juan Capistrano.  I still miss the missions at Solvang.  My mother loved it too and often we would take a picnic and go there.  She never tired of this -- I think she felt a deep kinship in some way there and she often wandered in and out of the stone structures that were a part of the mission.  I've always thought maybe she caught some little glimmer of a past life lived during that time or something --- but she felt lots of peace and contentment while roaming the mission grounds. 

I regret that I never got to Yosemite and I'm sure I would have completely fell in love with it.  I like the natural park areas -- like the Grand Canyon and so I would have felt likely very much at home at Yosemite had I made it there. 

Hope you all have a delightful evening.

Jackie

p.s.  I adore travelogs.

 

octogirl

I love the California Missions also...and feel a real affinity for them (and no, I am not Catholic). Someday I want to do a road trip to visit them all over the course of a few weeks.

I also love travelogues....

IllinoisLady

Octogirl --- my mom's goal was to see all the missions --- think there may have only been one she missed  and like you she felt peace/affinity while there but especially so when at the one near Solvang --- I'm thinking Santa Inez, but think that may have been the ?valley where it was located.  Been gone from California too long now I guess.  I'll have to look that up and erase my "fuzz".  We are not Catholic either --- that feeling you get is much, much bigger than that.

Jackie

IllinoisLady

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.
Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever,
even if your whole world seems upset.
- Saint Francis de Sales

IllinoisLady

I'm sure I likely mentioned something here earlier, but I will be going into town early tomorrow morning and staying there at work until Sunday night.  I will miss chatting and leaving quotes and even checking in briefly several times a day, but know you will be on my mind many times a day while I am gone just the same as happens when I am here. 

Though I'll miss my routine, at the same time I feel so fortunate to have good work that I enjoy.  These times are not truly numerous so it helps so much when I can keep up with bills, catch up with some that may have lagged a bit, and once in awhile pay ahead a slight bit.  It keeps my life moving better and as always, I wonder how I managed before I started where I am now. 

Thought it seems long, I'm well paid and it is a joy to have the experience of living in a huge home for a few days.  It makes not feel cheated in any way when I come back to my much, much smaller and easier to deal with home.  Guess you could say it is the best of both worlds.

Will see you all as soon as I return.

Blessings,

Jackie

Puffin2014

I finished buying my fresh blueberries today and have them all frozen, 23 packages of 5 cups/bag.

Honda finished installing my replacement air bags so will get to drive my own car tomorrow to Minneapolis for the weekend. Tomorrow will take 2 great grandchildren to the park with their mom, and then drive on and spend the night with my Dad. Saturday we'll drive to White Bear Lake for granddaughter's high school graduation open house.

I went to a Silver Sneakers class this morning, then walked 2 1/2 miles on the treadmill, forgetting that tonight was our monthly Livestrong reunion class. So Lew and I also went to 45" of chair yoga after supper.

Waiting now to see how bad the storm turns out that weathermen tells us is on the way.

mommarch

Good Evening.

Had my port surgery today. I was very impressed with the new anathesioligst. He gave me a mild sedative by IV and I have not had any of that awful feeling. Everything went well. Now to the Chemo tomorrow in Odessa at 1:30 PM. Hope this regiment will put this beast back into remission. No promises. I think if I feel OK we will leave early in the morning so we can get some shopping done before Chemo and have a bite of lunch. Will let you know later on how the chemo has affected me.

Ann. I know where you are coming from. It is a hard thing to make your kids be responsible. When our daughter got remarried and moved to Florida, when things were not going well and it was because of her drinking she would call and want to come home. I said NO you have a husband who dearly loves you and you need to figure it out. Well after almost three years I think It is getting better. She has been sober for 4 months.

Hugs to you all

carolehalston

Puffin, that was some strong wind we had last night about 2 am. DH got up and rolled in the awning, which was whipping in the wind and shaking the camper. He said this morning that he heard a roaring sound for about 2 min., but I had gone back to sleep. One of my beautiful geraniums was blown off the deck onto the ground and mangled up. The saucer is gone. The other geranium looks battered but it stayed on its table. The neighbor behind us had his awning ruined. It's standing up like a sail on top of his camper. This morning it's calm outside.

I guess I should pay more attention to the weather forecasts.

Mommarch, I hope the new treatment works and doesn't cause SEs as bad as the last treatment. I'll be thinking about you.

Wishing everyone a good Friday.

octogirl

Just checking in to say Happy Friday to all. It is a beautiful morning here: it has been sunny, but cooler than normal, a good thing in this area.

So, tomorrow is DH's 60th birthday. Yes, I married a (slightly) younger man :-). However, being just a bit over a week post surgery and tired, I really can't do too much to celebrate and I feel bad about that. Other than giving him a card, and encouraging all of our friends and family to send greetings, any brilliant ideas for something I could get on one quick grocery store trip that he might like? He doesn't drink, so a bottle of wine (which I'd love) doesn't work. He does like chocolate, so that is always an option....

carolehalston

Octogirl, Happy Birthday to your dh! I'm sure he doesn't expect more than you are able to provide for a celebration.

Puffin2014

Carole: I slept through the storm! We had our windows closed and the air conditioner and didn't hear a thing. I knew a thunderstorm was expected and had unplugged our computers and the internet.

Had a fun afternoon with the great grandkids. It was too hot to walk to the park so we stayed in the air conditioned apartment and played. Got some cute pictures I'll have to post.

octogirl

thanks Carole....I figured out the perfect birthday present for hubby: he has been handling all the housework, cooking etc all week, plus going to work....(and doing some work at home), and of course he is stressed about me...so I told him to forget dishes, laundry, grocery shopping and all that tomorrow, and do whatever he wants, all day long. For him, that will mean puttering in the garden in the morning while it is cool, and probably playing on the computer and watching the baseball game with me in the afternoon.... He needs a break too!

Anneb1149

Octogirl

I think that is the perfect gift, not only because he will get to do what he wants, but because it acknowledges that you see how much extra he is doing and you appreciate it.

For many years, that was what I would ask my husband for on Mothers Day. I was the stay at home mother of five (or more, when we were foster parents). He would help the kids with breakfast, take them to McDonalds for lunch, supervise them all day, then order pizza for dinner. That was all fine with me- I got to sleep in, read a whole book, take a bubble bath, and never here "Mommy, Mom,Ma- I need, I want, etc" I came to really cherish those days.

So Happy Birthday to Hubby, and congrats to you for coming up with a great gift

Anne

mommarch

I had my first Taxtoere treatment yesterday, everything went well. I am hyped on steroids right now, have 2 more to take tonight and then tomorrow I will probably crash if not Monday. Going today to get my head shaved. I will feel better knowing that I do not have to go through the scalp pain as the hair dies and falls out. Depending on how I feel we may leave at some point this week for Iowa. DGD is going out to Las Cruces NM to spend some time with her brother and his family. I am so glad they love her.

Need to get on the road for my head shave. Hugs to all

octogirl

Yep, hubby is enjoying his day off and his birthday and he couldn't have picked a more gorgeous day for it! Cool and sunny outside and supposed to stay well below triple digits all weekend! (hey, here in the Great Central Valley in late July that's about as good as it gets :-)) He has put his favorite composer (Bach) on the outdoor speakers and is picking tomatoes from the garden (our tomato crop this year is the best we've ever had). Not sure what could be better for him.

As for me, as noted on another thread, I did my first post surgery walking this am. Half a mile, took me half an hour. Pretty slow but baby steps are good, and most importantly, it felt great.

Time to sit in the backyard and watch hubby putter in the garden...have a good weekend all!

Octo.

carolehalston

Good morning, all.  I'm doing laundry at the laundromat.  Bright, sunny day and will be warm.  

Happy Sunday.

Teacher64

Home from vacation in Florida, where we enjoyed walking on the beach, sitting under an umbrella, eating seafood every night, and just relaxing. It was just what my DH needed and tomorrow he goes back to work while I get back on schedule for chores and exercise class.

The hardest thing we ever did was say NO to our son. After years of fertility issues, we adopted him. He was a day old, so there were no abuse issues but we had no medical history because his birth mother was adopted. When he was a teen he started hurting himself. We ended up putting him a therapeutic school. He walked out on his 18th birthday. He continued making choices not in agreement with the contract we had made in family therapy. Now at 25 he is hopefully growing up. He's had the same job for 8 months and has a girlfriend. Tough love is aptly named. I know if I'd been dealing with his actions my health would be awful. Heart health and bc recovery wouldn't have been a priority.

Love the pics. Great deck.

Welcome to newbies.

This week I have to see dr for follow up on ab repair. It's been 8 weeks and I'm now feeling normal. I can't lay on my stomach and don't know when I will be able to do so again. I had wanted to lay on a towel on the beach but enjoyed sitting instead. I'm finally adjusting to new mess since insurance wouldn't cover the one that worked and now I need three! It's ridiculous that I have to buy three when the previous one was working. I will never understand the workings or non-working of insurance.

carolehalston

Welcome back, Teacher. Glad you enjoyed your FL vacation.

gardengumby

We just finished putting the camper on the truck. Will be going for a short (three-day) fishing trip this week. Then have to be back as I've got a couple contracts starting up.... I'm also going to my cousin's 100th birthday party next week. No breast cancer in that side of the family (my dad's), just in my mom's.

carolehalston

Have a great time, GG. Hope you catch a lot of fish. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your cousin!

termite

Welcome to Octogirl, 50sgirl and Jan69. This is a great group of ladies.

Carole, I love your porch. Your DH did a great job.

Chevy, that cake looks so good

Wren, thanks, I will make cakes for family and maybe some friends. Mainly I was thinking about going into a bakery somewhere to decorate cakes when and if I ever retire,

Anne, I believe you were correct in your decision. There is only so much we can do to help our children no matter how much we love them.

Mommarch, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Enjoy your trip.

Puffin, glad you were able to spen time with your grandchildren even though you did not get to go to the parek

One son and family stopped over last night since they just got home from vacationing with her family. Today we drove over to another ds home about an hour away to visit with them and see the grandkids there. We had a nice visit.

Just finished crocheting a white beanie hat and started another one. Still working on the blue scarf to match the hat I made before. Crocheting is very calming to me but I start it and forget about the time.

Hope everyone had a great weekend and have a great week.

Emma

Puffin2014

mommarch: you'll be in my thoughts this week, that taxotere can be wicked stuff.

We got back home this afternoon, had a fun weekend with the kids and grandkids and great grandkids. Trying to get the house cooled down, need to go around and water some of wilty plants. Here I am with great granddaughter Kyara.

Lew with great grandson Sylas

with granddaughter Krysta, who just graduated from HS