Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

sandra4611

Allison lost her kitty Joshua this morning. He was fine early today, purring and acting normal. He was in her room when she heard him cough. She looked down and he wasn't breathing. Mike have him kitty CPR and did a Heimlich maneuver, thinking he had something stuck in his throat. They rushed him to the vet but Joshua was gone. The vet said he had a heart attack most likely and he had fluid in his lungs. Such a shock. Poor Allison. With no children, Joshua and later Toby are her babies.

IllinoisLady

I am so very, very sorry Allison.  It will never, never be easy to lose our cherished best furry friends.  Right now I'm sure it doesn't even help that it was quick and likely painless.  It doesn't help that our fur friends have a much shorter life span than we ( so in that way can be deeply cherished and cared for in wonderful ways ) because our heart and emotions still can't handle the loss very well --- even when it is completely expected. 

All we have left for now is just to know that Joshua knew a very endearing and adoring love every day of his life from his best friend.  He did not want --- he did not have to wander somewhere wishing to have a very 'best' friend for life, nor forage for food bits where ever they might be found.  He never had to be hungry or thirsty.  Never had to hide from predators or sleep fitfully in the rain and cold. 

The pain of loss will have to be, but I do hope Allison that you can think of the many bright points of light that were a daily part of Joshua's life and there but for the grace of having been with you, he might not have had.  I know you can't really feel it now, but I truly feel that our friends ( since they can't read clocks ) are not as of aware of time like we are.  They have no job to go to, no hair appt. no dates etc. so for them I actually believe time is almost endless.  What you call all too brief a time was I think -- because of your deep love and total caring for him, an eternity to Joshua -- no beginning much or end -- just love, warmth, and devotion.  You gave him a life that is I'm sure the dream of every shelter cat, and every one ever dumped at the side of the road. 

Nothing much will soften the blow -- but I do hope in time the thoughts of the great existence he got to have with you and because of you will replace almost all the pain that comes from loss.  He is already on the Rainbow Bridge with special angels who will care for him in your name.  Our biggest blessings leave us, but we get to re-claim then later on. 

I wish you peace and hope for the day when you can let go of the loss and feel the blessing once more.  You are in my thoughts and prayers with healing energy.  

Many healing blessings,

Jackie 

Wren44

Allison, Hugs for you and Toby. I hope you can comfort each other while you process your grief. Jackie is right about him having the life every shelter cat hopes for. I hope eventually your pleasant memories will crowd out your sorrow at his loss.

Luvmaui

Allison, I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious kitty. I don't think I could add any more than Jackie said so beautifully. I only hope that the loving memories you have of your time with Joshua will help you get through. In your sweet picture it looks like Toby is in mourning too. Thinking of both of you today.

mommarch

Hi, Had my consult with the surgeon this morning. Will meet with the preop team on Tuesday at 11:00 AM. Medi Port Surgery will be scheduled for Thursday the 23rd. First Chemo on Friday the 24th at 1:30 PM.

I feel pretty up beat about it all. I have a little dull pain but not bad.

Thanks for all your support and concern.

Hugs

IllinoisLady

Mommarch, glad things are moving along for you and you have some important dates set.  I think it feels better when you are doing "something" that will change your status into a better one.  I think about you almost every morning.  Living back here in the woods with dirt roads -- I have to sweep floors every day and I set to thinking of the broom-making that you mentioned so often. 

I bet you get great results and though I never had one, so many people I know were so thrilled to have a port.  I had all my chemo dripped into my arm veins and even after almost 8 yrs. if pressed too hard for some reason they hurt. 

Thinking of you.

Jackie

Chevyboy

Morning you guys! I haven't posted in awhile, and I've honestly missed my friends here, but with Spring & Summer here, it's like I take every minute to do something around the house!

I read where you are "edging your flower beds".... going in for treatment.... and losing a precious fur-baby. That is NEVER easy.... I got tears in my eyes just reading about it... I STILL do whenever I think of our Lacee... It just hurts so bad....

Our Daughter came in from Orlando for a wedding up in Vail, and to spend time with us and her Sister... We went shopping, gambling, up to Echo Lake to the Lodge for the BEST lunch, and went for yet ANOTHER lunch, and then to see Magic Mike...! Now GIRLS! That really IS a fun movie to go watch, especially with your Daughter's and a friend...! Holy Shamoli, I never saw anything like that EVER!

I mean we were married when we were 20... never went to a bar, or a club.... and then had 2 little girls, so who has TIME or anything to even go SEE stuff like that? We went to drive-in's... Ha! WITH the girls.... In their pajama's, pillows, and it was soooooooo fun!

But now that I am "grown-up" I am seeing "different" things.... Ha! But it was fun anyway!!

Been painting the house, fences, and working in my gardens... ALWAYS something to do.... and I love it.

It will almost be nice when Winter comes, so I can relax a little...

So sorry dear Mommarch... ! Jackie told me to get my butt back here, cause things were going on.... don't like that kind of stuff, but we are all here with you...

And Anne... I know how miserable that is.... Ain't nothin' good or funny about a drunk..... makes everyone ELSE miserable! I remember so many days and nights when I was growing up, living around several drunks, who had a BLAST with each other, while the women sat around crying, and trying to make the best of it. Don't know what to say.... It just "is".....

I'll be back next time gals... but I'm glad I got to read all of your posts! It's like opening a favorite book, and continuing with your stories....

Chevyboy

IllinoisLady

To desire and strive to be of some service to the world,
to aim at doing something which shall really increase the
happiness and welfare and virtue of humankind--this
is a choice which is possible for all of us; and surely
it is a good haven to sail for.
 
Henry Van Dyke

IllinoisLady

Good morning -- and oh do I love the graphic.  Crying for the most part usually is a great release of tension.  It doesn't always change so very much, but you get so much outside of you when you do it.  Lots of things in life have to be dealt with in stages -- it won't all disappear at once ---- but I think a darn good cry can really open the door to get the process started. 

Hey sweet friend, Chevy.  Bet everyone is bowed over when they open up their downloads and find you here today.  I have missed you so much and I bet others did as well.  When you can't come for awhile I always think of how it was pretty much just you and me here for a while.  Guess when you can't come here for awhile --- I get really lonesome.

Big day today, but maybe despite the feeling it will be a bit choppy, it may go better and I'll just ease into smooth and comfy without a backward glance.  Going out a bit early today to do my cats --- then quick to the bank if I have time --- then over to my cousin's to pick up her car -- then drive to the vet's office ( they board animals there too ) to pick up my cousin's dog.  They are returning from a wedding today that was in Holland, Mi. and the vet off. is only open until noon.  If I don't pick up Muffin, he would have to be there until Monday and the thought of that just upsets my cousins so much.

This is one spoiled pooch.  That is why I have to stop and get (their ) car --- because that is what Muffin is used too.  They should arrive home about 1 p.m. or so and then I'm back home to catch up on things here --- and then be at work today by 4:30.  I think this morning will be when the pressure is on to get things done, in the right order, at the right time.

Ah well, at my age ( which is not even close to a bad one since I'm always the perfect age for me ) some randomness likely keeps me on my toes.  At least that sounds pretty consoling.

Anne, I hope I mentioned something to you --- so many of us I think have gone through "drinking" events of some kind with someone around us --- but often if I don't say something ( no matter how deeply I might have felt something ) soon after, it may dip below the surface and get lost in spite of all my good intentions.  I think one of the hardest things in the world is to be around someone who is "three sheets to the wind" and you have had a scant amt. of alcohol or none at all.  The mood swings, the nonsensical gaiety -- whatever is going on is so "free" that you are just on a different plane.  So, I too feel for anyone -- I guess that would include me as well, who has had to experience these things.  It can be bothersome to the nth. degree and cause such headaches and hassles. 

I prefer facing everything that comes head-on --- difficult sometimes --- but at least the "real" me is handling it --- so if I have to mop up in some way I'm not having to do it for the REAL me than later the UN-REAL me.  Guess that doesn't make total sense, but it has always been the easiest for me. 

I hope you are all going to have a fantastic Saturday --- and hopefully I will have a bit of good quiet time to come back and maybe chat a bit later.  See you then. 

Blessings,

Jackie

termite

Mommarch, I;m glad you have some important dates set

Sorry to hear about Alison's furry friend. They become our family and children and it is never easy when this happens.

Chevy, it is good to see you back here again.

I finished my 3rd course of cake decorating. Here is my cake that we made and decorated for our final class

I am sending it with my son to his work today. My DH and I do not need a whole cake in the house over the weekend.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Emma

IllinoisLady

Emma --- I'm no aficionado but I'd give you a rousing A + on that cake.  It looks just as good an any that I find on "Images" to share when someone has a birthday here.  I hear you about having a cake or much of any sort of dessert in the house.  I have a sweet tooth and depending on what it is --- I may lose all semblance of control.  So --- I work at trying to hold back. 

A bit easier now with the heat and humidity that is making in so un-pleasant out of doors.  I'm not as anxious it seems for the sweet, sticky --- little too full feeling with adjacent  heavy feeling stomach.  Especially if I have to get up and do a lot or go outside for sure for anything.  See you all after work.

Jackie 

Chevyboy

Termite! Look at this! It's a CAKE! Corn bread, mashed potatoes, drizzled with gravy and fried chicken on top! Can you just IMAGINE! Looks so good!.... And your's looks very good and pofessional....!

IllinoisLady

Well I'm telling you --- there is quite a difference here, but I could easily dig into both of those cakes and do a fair job I think of making a good sized dent.

Jackie

Wren44

Emma, Your cake is lovely. Are you going to make them for your lucky friends on special occasions?

IllinoisLady

Wren, I think Emma is good enough to have a little side-line business if she wanted --  still, even if not --- I think good friends and family members would find delight in sharing their "special" made with love and artistry cake, on their birthday.

Jackie

IllinoisLady

Do we spread loving kindness? There are many who say that this is our ultimate goal on this planet--to spread loving kindness to our fellow human beings. And when we are able to accomplish this goal, we find that our lives are transformed in the process.  We're no longer so strongly focused on things and negative thoughts and feelings, but we've become truly happy, content human beings who love life and living.
 
tom walsh

octogirl

Hi all...just checking in to join this forum as part of the over 60 set. Currently recovering from Lx and for some strange reason am hungry all the time. Wasn't hungry at all during all the diagnostic tests and stress of waiting, so maybe I am playing catchup, or maybe I am just bored and watching too many food shows on TV...

I will have both cakes please!

Anneb1149

Mornin all,

Mommarch- hoping the new plan is exactly the one you need.

Allison, so sorry for the loss of your kitty.

Those cakes are beautiful and look delicious. I went to a birthday party yesterday where there was an incredible amount of wonderful food, but since I had come straight from lunch with a friend, I was able to avoid eating what I certainly didn't need.... Except for the birthday cake. Ate a whole piece of it, then felt bloated and yucky for the rest of the day.

You all know by now that my life is anything but calm and routine. My last post was about all the company we had and that experience. What I didn't mention was that on the 4th of July, my youngest daughter ( the one with the mental issues) announced that they had put their house up for sale. Total shock to all of us. We knew they had bought a piece of property in central Fl, and the eventual goal was to move there, but had no idea it was going to happen any time within the next five years. That left me reeling, as I was not ready to hear that. But the house they are currently in is in such bad shape, I thought it would take forever to get an offer on it where they wouldn't be losing money. Wrong again! It sold within 2 weeks. They close Aug 31st.

Now for the part that really stresses me. She texted the other day- yes, texted- to ask if she and the 2 kids could move in with us for the school year. Because of the area they live in, they have been using our address since Victoria started Kdg, she is now going into 5th grade. We have a large 4 bedroom house with an office that has a futon in it for guests. Problem #1 is that all four bedrooms are filled. Problem #2-the daughter currently living with me has stated with no uncertainty that if Jamie moves in, she and her son will move out. That is a problem, because she pays all the bills here, and we have a very comfortable relationship going as far as living together. We enjoy our lives as they are. It is also a problem because right now she is wheelchair bound due to her broken ankle and stopped getting a paycheck 3 weeks ago. Problem #3- Jamie is a terror to live with- her temper flares at any given moment, and most times you don't realize that what you said was insulting or offensive to her. She and Tracy have never gotten along and I don't see that changing. Problem #4-Jamie's current house is a pigsty. She never folds or puts away laundry, the sink is always overflowing with dirty dishes, I don't think she owns a vacuum, etc. Tracy and I aren't going to win any Good Housekeeping awards, but we do our best to keep the house neat and tidy. A few dishes ( mostly ice cream bowls) may sit in the sink overnight, but are taken care of in the morning. Problem #5- and probably most concerning to me- even if Tracy moves out and Jamie moves in and takes over all the bills, which I already know is impossible, but if that were to happen, what do I do when she moves out at the end of the school year. It is not fair to expect Tracy to move out for a year, then move back in, so what happens to me at that point? I cannot financially or any other way maintain this house on my own.

On the other hand, I adore her two children and I am and always have been their safe place to fall. I have often said "if I could just get custody of those two, what a difference it would make" . Both parents are less than stable, as evidenced by them selling the roof over their kids heads with no idea what happens next. The land they bought is an uncleared acre in the middle of many other uncleared acres. As far as I know, there is not even a road to it, and I know there are no power lines or water lines. They also tend to "discipline" by screaming, yelling and spanking non stop. My heart breaks knowing that my saying no to her moving it will not be accepted well, and I might well lose the kids, at least for an extended length of time, until she needs me again. She really messed up with Tracy when she (Jamie) got married less than 6 months after my DH died. When we didn't agree with her, we didn't hear from her till my Dx 7 months later.

My stress level is incredibly high. I know she is going to pull first the "adopted" card, which she is the only one that sees that as an issue, then is going to say we have let the others come home when needed. That is true, but the boys were much younger and not stable yet, when Nancy and Scott came back for a year, we had two empty rooms for them and we asked Tracy to move back in when Bob was so sick to help me out. My choice is very logical and clear to me, calm or total chaos, but Jamie does not and never has been logical. Oh, did I forget to mention that this request does not include her husband- he is going to live in a warehouse with their furniture and his "business". He covers game remotes with themed covers-sports, racing cars, camoflouge, etc. and neither of them have ever held down a real job. Jamie trained to be a hairstylist but gave that up when their second child was born the a stay at home mother. Problem was and is Dad has been a stay at home dad as well. And while three of the kids are telling me I cannot let her move in, it will literally kill me stress wise, my oldest, in Ga, keeps saying that family is family and if I helped everyone else, I need to help her as well. I am willing to do that, even helping her pay rent for a year. I am just not willing to turn my whole life upside down. I don't feel strong enough, physically or emotionally to handle that. Am I being selfish? Any advice or insight would be appreciated. And by the way, we know she has mental problems- she has never acknowledged that or gone for ant kind of help.

Ann

Wren44

Anne, You are not being selfish. I think offering to help with rent for a school year is plenty of support. She probably will play the adoption card, but do not be moved by it. There's a big difference between you and your husband being able to support kids living with you and you trying to do it on your own. I think the daughter who is currently living with you should have priority. I suggest seeing a counselor for your feelings and a social worker to see what might be available to help her. Although the proceeds from the house should easily cover a year in a small apartment.

My SIL is in a very similar situation. Her daughter has type 1 diabetes and has never been in really good health. Daughter's husband is in a facility because his COPD is to advanced for him to live at home (plus he doesn't want to and enjoys being waited on at the facility). The granddaughter has 3 children and a bipolar husband who is currently with another woman. She is living with the daughter and SIL is supporting the whole menagerie. Now SIL's DH is retiring and the whole thing is coming to a head. To add insult to injury, the granddaughter keeps posting on facebook about trips to Disneyland. I think that's about $400 a visit.

IllinoisLady

Welcome octogirl  and we are glad you found us.  Some times we are funny, rowdy, pensive, energetic, loving, caring, and sometimes we talk about cancer.  I hope you will come often and share whatever you need too.  We do our best to help with anything.

Blessings,

Jackie

octogirl

thank you for the warm welcome Jackie. All those characteristics you mention sound good to me. It is good to me among those who understand.

IllinoisLady

Anne -- when it rains it pours, doesn't it????  Well, as I was reading what you wrote I felt almost the same exact way as Wren.  There is absolutely nothing selfish about realizing that everything changes -- for everyone.  You cannot always be the adult in the room -- not because you can't --- you have been for a long time, but when something works -- then the adult or adults have done their job. 

No matter how un-kind it may sound --- much is being asked of you after the fact.  If your daughter was capable enough to buy a property, sell a property, get arrangements settled for her husband --- all without your in-put, then she should be able to get an apt. and make the best of the coming yr.  It sounds very much to me that if she were allowed to move in with you ( very big if ) that a temporary arrangement could easily become permanent. 

We are not getting younger, we don't have the health, stamina, energy, and high capabilities that were once there --- so that as these things happen our youngsters, married, un-married and everything in between have to figure things out the same way we did.  There comes a time when enough is just enough and you have to let the ruling, loving, caring, I have always fixed it all part of your heart take a back seat to your head.  It may seem un-fair to your daughter but if she is not able to understand ( and she likely doesn't as she is asking you )   has she thought how un-fair it is to you --- or any of the rest of the family.  As much as we want to HELP our loved ones ( and I did it and know how difficult it is ) sometimes we just have to put them TOTALLY in charge of their affairs.  Your whole family it sounds are all old enough  --- and generally responsible enough to deal with their lives. 

The arrangement you have now seems to work just fine.  Don't try to fix something that isn't broke for you.  Let your daughter find a way to fix what she broke. 

Jackie

bonnets

Good HOT morning! We just returned from a week in Billings Montana at a Germans from Russia family history conference. Glad we got home in one piece. Had the worst turbulence I have ever experienced on the way back! Scary.

Termite, the cake is beautiful Are you going in business?

Anne I know the adult kids problems. Youngest daughter has decided she wants a divorce. They have 4 kids. First asked me if We wud want to take the kids, NO! they have been at her fathers for the last week, coming here today for a few days. That's all! Then asked if we were interested in investing in a house for her. She wud pay the down payment. Again, she made the decision and has a good job, she needs to figure out whats she will do. When her father left me I managed on my own. So far she has made some other decisions I wud not recommend, but it is her problem to figure out, I'm sorry. Cannot always come to the Bank of Mom! At 42 she needs to be responsible.

IllinoisLady

To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury; and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable; and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly; to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart; to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasion, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden, and unconscious to grow up through the common.  This is to be my symphony.  -William Henry Channing

IllinoisLady

Waving good morning to octogirl.  Hope it will be a good day for you.  You didn't say where you were located, but the subject of weather often comes up here.  Carole always lets us know what it is doing in Minnesota where she goes for the  hot summer time ( big humidity ) of her home in Louisiana.  She has some company right now so isn't checking in --- but she will be back. 

Going to rain later on today here.  We'll be driving home in rain I imagine.  going to Marion for an eye examination.  The cost to do this here $80.00 was just too much for me --- so I'll spend half in gas and lunch and drive to Marion 73 miles from here.

Well, sounds like most of us have not found an immunity to what our adult children do.  They will be saying the same thing likely when the grands and great grands come along ---- I know my folks were not thrilled about many of my choices.  With some of them ( that blew up on me ) I wasn't either.  I think/hope the important thing is if you learn from what you have done that wasn't so great --- it will make what went goes well a welcome appreciated life event and a map for consistently looking for the better/best ways to arrive at a good life.  Some ( me for sure ) don't always have a vision ( even if something happened to our family members or best friends )  to realize that who we are doesn't guarantee the outcome we want.  There were some mistakes I would not have learned from through other people --- needing to feel it directly and then work out of it. 

Will see you all later....need to get on the road now.  Thinking of all of you and wishing wellness in all situations.  Waving hi to Blondie, Cammie, Chevy and everyone else.

Blessings

Jackie

50sgirl

I just found this thread. I was beginning to think that people our age didn't post at all. I know that breast cancer hitsour age age group, but perhaps younger people are more likely to post their thoughts online. Anway, I am glad that I found you.

octogirl

waving back to JackieI

I live in California's Great Central Valley, so the big weather topic is always: when the heck is it going to rain again? Yesterday was overcast and the rain made it to the mountains and further south ( I heard that the Padres game in San Diego was rained out for only the sixth time in their history. ) here, just muggy (for us) and warm. Sun out now. My tomatoes are going gangbusters this year which gives me a bit of joy in all this &:893$:(....

Gentle hugs to all!

Wren44

Welcome 50'sgirl and octogirl. We're open to questions about breast cancer as well as any tidbits about your life you want to share. Speaking of weather, we matched a record yesterday at 95. Happily today is not supposed to be hotter than 79 and will be lower later in the week. We didn't get much snow last year, so no snowmelt for summer water. Everything is horribly dry and we're having problems with brush fires. Those can get out of hand very quickly. We keep hoping for rain, too.

Puffin2014

Welcome 50'sgirl and octogirl. I see you're both newly diagnosed. Octogirl, be sure you also check out the lumpectomy discussion forum, they'll have some good suggestions. I bet that lymph node incision is pretty tender, Mine bothered me more than the lumpectomy incision. I had one of those long rice filled socks that you can microwave for neck problems. It felt really good to drape that from my shoulder down over over my lymph node incision and under my armpit. Dr said I could use either ice or heat, but to be careful not to burn myself as that area would also be numb and more sensitive. If you get zingy sharp shooting pains through your breast, that's normal, just the nerves in the area all worked up, They eventually go away.