Starting Chemo May 2008

MsKarin

I thought today I would be coming here to catch up with everyone and share good news. Good news is now on the back burner and thoughts of Randie take over. What are we going to do as a group to show our LOVE and respect? I've only called her once and sent her a Damn It doll I had made for her. Her family does not know me so during this time I do not want to be the one to call to find out the details. Who here has called her a lot? Can you call and find out? Ideas people, ideas.

P.S.- I sent a text to Eddie but don't have Linda's cell

otter

otter here.  No back-flips or playing in the pool today.

I am soooo sad.  Even cusswords aren't enough to convey my anger and frustration with this disease.  What I really need are some profound, comforting words from eddie.  She will remind us that life on earth has an ending, and we cannot control or even predict when that will come.

Oh, but I wish we could do something to protect kind, funny, thoughtful women like ranD, who so dearly deserve more time than they've been given. 

I am on vacation, and I did not bring my May 2008 CD.  I was thinking I might want to listen to some of our songs this afternoon.  Maybe that would not be a good thing, though.  They would make me cry even harder, and want to be with you all in a huge group hug, with ranD's spirit in the middle.

Here's my nomination for the next edition of our "favorite/inspiring songs":  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYKJuDxYr3I

Loving hugs to all of you....

otter 

MsKarin

Spoke with Eddie, just got off the phone. She said to let all know she is with us.

Sable

A family friend posted this for me.... It needed to be shared with you ladies

Author Unknown

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free...
I'm following the path, God laid for me
I took his hand when I heard Him call
I turned my back and left it all
I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work or play
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I found that place, at the close of day
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Ah, yes, these things I too will miss
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life's been full, I savored much;
good friends, good times, a loved one's touch
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief
Lift up your heart and share with me
God wanted me now, He set me free.

webwriter

My heart is breaking and I have no words. Of course, I didn't know her as well as all of you, but the interactions we did have will stay with me always. What an incredible woman! What an incredible life! I will be forever inspired by Randie's ways. May all of you find comfort and peace. Somehow. Some way.

MsKarin

Eddie will be posting tonight.

I have sent everyone a message on FB so check your inbox. I did it there because I could send to all at once and when you reply you can reply to all at once.

BooBee

My heart and prayers go out to all of you and to Randi's family.  She was very kind to me when I first joined. 

I was thinking about her last night as we are going to visit DH's family for the forth and she lives an hour from the family home.

Renee

Nico1012

There are no words. Did she know how much she meant to all of us? Did I ever thank her for her many kindnesses to me in the awful early days after my dx? In the the immortal words of another bc sister.............. "CURE this bitch already!"

She will be so deeply missed.  Rest in peace Dear Sister.

Nico

angelsaboveus

I just came in to town to check on things and am slammed with this news....it's just so sad. I really don't know what else to say right now, just so very sad.

sueper13

I am stunned and shocked and very sad.  So sad...

Jeano77

Numb.  I just logged in and read the facebook interactions and cried in disbelief. 

JulieC

My eyes hurt from crying so much.  I thought that if anyone could overcome this it would be RanD.

Have I told you all lately how much you mean to me?

Hugs - Julie

Gracie713

I am still in shock.  I have thought about Randie all day, and her family.  Trying to tell myself that she is no longer suffering and is at peace now.

Jen--thank you for posting that---Randie has been set free.  I am honored to have had the opportunity to be able to call her my friend.

KristyAnn

I talked to Randie a few times on the phone and had a cake sent out there while she had a house full of company- I never talked to anyone else but Im OK with trying to contact the family about arrangements- I know Randie had told them about the online group so they would not be confused by a phone call.

webwriter

KristieAnn, thank you. I'm not connected to most of you on FB, so I don't know if there is anything at all I can do--but I want to, and my husband here beside me is backing those thoughts all the way. I can't just sit here drowning in it all. The tears aren't enough and aren't cutting it. I have to do SOMETHING. Knowing what the family wishes will help a lot--until I can laugh again, which is what I know Randie would want...

KristyAnn

I had a couple of people from Randies family/extended family become friends on FB so I have sent a personal message asking about the arrangements- I havent been able to find it online in the local newspaper yet.

Kristy

KristyAnn

I found this online- at least we have the name of the funeral home now.

I wonder what happened in the last week- she seemed to be improving from the infection

Randie Ann Cipperly-como died on July 1, 2009. Arrangements under the direction of Chapel of the Pines in Placerville, CA.

otter

Kristy, I think rock had some personal connections to ranD's family through FB too.  Don't know for sure.  Maybe rock is listening.

Web, you are right--ranD would want to see us laughing.  She is probably trying to make us laugh, but we can't hear her yet.

otter 

Sable

I think I told everyone I came across today about RanD. Spent a good part of the morning shedding many many tears for her and her family, then had to run to herceptin. Most of the rest of the day I spent asleep. I know Rand you are looking down on us from heaven and telling the angels about our group and laughing at some of the stuff we did. I have so many things to say and not sure how to word them just yet. Thank you Lord for our sweet Rand!

Roxi65229

Okay, I need to add my thoughts...we all know Randie hated pink and obviously flowers. We also know how much family meant to her. I'm also concerned about talking too much about the May 08 group. Yes, we are a tight group with friendships that run deep. However I know if it was my family, the date of diagnosis would want to be forgotten, forever. Instead we need to emphasis how important she was to our group and how much she'll be missed. Let's focus on what was important to Randie... friends, good cheer and family. Maybe we send a dinner for the family or send a check to be used in any way they see fit? Thoughts?

ewesterman

Okay,,

Have read the thread. Have yet to get on Randie's Facebook. Thank you so, so, so much for connecting with me. I would feel so sad to catch up on this later. The entire train car knows about Randie as I told them all about her after I burst into tears after reading the text message (thanks so much, Karin, for texting me. We are not back until the 10th. Whatever you decide to do, count me in financially and count me in for writing whatever you want...but also know that each of us ought to write what we want. For tonight, here are some words for you. We just saw Billy Elliot which is, of course, about a boy who is 11 who loses his mom a year earlier. I believe Sam is younger, but I also believe, these words apply to him. His mother writes a letter to him that he is not supposed to open until he is 18. Of course, he opens it immediately...these are the words (and if you really want a cleansing weep, you can Youtube "Billy Elliot" and "The Letter":

I must seem a distant memory which is probably a good thing

and it will have been a long time --

And I will have missed you growing,

And I'll have missed you crying

And I'll have missed you laugh.

Missed your stomping and your shouting,

I'll have missed telling you off,

But please Billy (Sam),

Know that I was always there.

I was with you through everything.

And please, Sam,

know that I will always be

Proud to have known you

Proud that you were mine

Proud in everything

And you must promise me this, Sam

In everything you do

Always be yourself, Sam

And you always will be true

And I'll have missed you growing, 

I'll have missed you crying 

And I'll have missed you laugh.

Missed your stomping and your shouting,

I have missed telling you off,

But please, Sam,

know that I was always there.

I was with you through everything.

And please, Sam,

Know that I will always be.

Proud to have known you

Love you forever.

Love you forever.

Mom

This song -- these words are so relevant to me tonight and resonate in a profound way. Meanwhile, women, these are the grim statistics, right? We are twenty (or so). Now we are down one. The hardest piece for me is that Randie never got the chance we have gotten which is the chance to be be out the other end -- to take a breath, to process and to regroup. We are all finding our new normal. Randie never got to even begin to look for her new normal. She never got to have her head above water. I am sad for the pain she endured, and like all of you, feel a sense of relief that she is no longer in pain. But we all know any amount of pain would have been worth it had she gotten more time with her kids and with her husband. There ARE NO COMFORTING words I can offer...all I can say is that if you think about our group, this was bound to happen to us....a very few of us will never have to deal with breast cancer ever again and a very few of us (Randie for now) is gone way too soon. Most of us will be rid of this fecker for quite a while but will, likely have to deal with it again sometime in the future -- and may it be years and years and years -- but it is reality. And it sucks. Our job is to continue to love, hope, research, advocate, stand by and stand up for one another through everything as we did with Randie. Our job is to hold one another as we did Randie and to send all the energy, thoughts, hugs, prayers, etc., we could possibly send -- and we did. And we loved her so. We are allowed to all feel survivor's guilt which most of us will feel. We all know if could have been any of us just as it was Randie and we are scared about that (and we ought to be scared) but we all need to know that this is a stage we must go through just as every piece of this journey has stages and chapters.

My dear sisters,

It was too much for Randie. It was too much for any human being to have to handle. It was too much for Sam and for her daughter and husband to have to watch any more. It was too much pain and darkness and now she is at peace (as many of you have said). So, know, dear sisters, that this is who we are now...we are one short of being complete. We will always be one short and we will always cherish Randie and hold a place for her in our hearts. One day we will be two short (and may it be in twenty or thirty years)...may some of us die of old age (not cancer). May all of us weep and grieve together and individually. May all of us experience for the first time what it means to lose one of our own and may all of us come out with more perseverance than before.

I am in Montreal and have internet access available tonight and tomorrow night. Whomever is organizing -- let me know what kind of message/letter/ idea you want me to pursue and I will get it written and put on here tomorrow night...then you all can add, subtract, edit and so on. I love each of you with all my heart. 

ewesterman

Okay,

Have read the thread. Have yet to get on Randie's Facebook. Thank you so, so, so much for connecting with me. I would feel so sad to catch up on this later. The entire train car knows about Randie as I told them all about her after I burst into tears after reading the text message (thanks so much, Karin, for texting me. We are not back until the 10th. Whatever you decide to do, count me in financially and count me in for writing whatever you want...but also know that each of us ought to write what we want. For tonight, here are some words for you. We just saw Billy Elliot which is, of course, about a boy who is 11 who loses his mom a year earlier. I believe Sam is younger, but I also believe, these words apply to him. His mother writes a letter to him that he is not supposed to open until he is 18. Of course, he opens it immediately...these are the words (and if you really want a cleansing weep, you can Youtube "Billy Elliot" and "The Letter":

I must seem a distant memory which is probably a good thing

and it will have been a long time --

And I will have missed you growing,

And I'll have missed you crying

And I'll have missed you laugh.

Missed your stomping and your shouting,

I'll have missed telling you off,

But please Billy (Sam),

Know that I was always there.

I was with you through everything.

And please, Sam,

know that I will always be

Proud to have known you

Proud that you were mine

Proud in everything

And you must promise me this, Sam

In everything you do

Always be yourself, Sam

And you always will be true

And I'll have missed you growing, 

I'll have missed you crying 

And I'll have missed you laugh.

Missed your stomping and your shouting,

I have missed telling you off,

But please, Sam,

know that I was always there.

I was with you through everything.

And please, Sam,

Know that I will always be.

Proud to have known you

Love you forever.

Love you forever.

Mom

This song -- these words are so relevant to me tonight and resonate in a profound way. Meanwhile, women, these are the grim statistics, right? We are twenty (or so). Now we are down one. The hardest piece for me is that Randie never got the chance we have gotten which is the chance to be be out the other end -- to take a breath, to process and to regroup. We are all finding our new normal. Randie never got to even begin to look for her new normal. She never got to have her head above water. I am sad for the pain she endured, and like all of you, feel a sense of relief that she is no longer in pain. But we all know any amount of pain would have been worth it had she gotten more time with her kids and with her husband. There ARE NO COMFORTING words I can offer...all I can say is that if you think about our group, this was bound to happen to us....a very few of us will never have to deal with breast cancer ever again and a very few of us (Randie for now) is gone way too soon. Most of us will be rid of this fecker for quite a while but will, likely have to deal with it again sometime in the future -- and may it be years and years and years -- but it is reality. And it sucks. Our job is to continue to love, hope, research, advocate, stand by and stand up for one another through everything as we did with Randie. Our job is to hold one another as we did Randie and to send all the energy, thoughts, hugs, prayers, etc., we could possibly send -- and we did. And we loved her so. We are allowed to all feel survivor's guilt which most of us will feel. We all know if could have been any of us just as it was Randie and we are scared about that (and we ought to be scared) but we all need to know that this is a stage we must go through just as every piece of this journey has stages and chapters.

My dear sisters,

It was too much for Randie. It was too much for any human being to have to handle. It was too much for Sam and for her daughter and husband to have to watch any more. It was too much pain and darkness and now she is at peace (as many of you have said). So, know, dear sisters, that this is who we are now...we are one short of being complete. We will always be one short and we will always cherish Randie and hold a place for her in our hearts. One day we will be two short (and may it be in twenty or thirty years)...may some of us die of old age (not cancer). May all of us weep and grieve together and individually. May all of us experience for the first time what it means to lose one of our own and may all of us come out with more perseverance than before.

I am in Montreal and have internet access available tonight and tomorrow night. Whomever is organizing -- let me know what kind of message/letter/ idea you want me to pursue and I will get it written and put on here tomorrow night...then you all can add, subtract, edit and so on. I love each of you with all my heart. 

Sable

ellenoire

night everyone.. late for even me.. don't wanna go to the silence of my room.. too much to think about.

Love to all.. RanD... love you too. 

 xo

kerry_lamb

Hi girls. Jeanno, disbelief is the word I've been looking for all day. Thanks Eddie. It's all true..I just hate having to face up to it every now and then. Rock, I'm with you on the cure thing...to me, sending money off and demanding a cure is a mad expenditure; so many families would benefit in REAL, HERE and NOW terms from some financial help, some relationship counseling, and opportunities to experience peace and help and love. Cancer has taught me (as mentioned by Rock) to value what I have in this minute and to DO things. I have regrets about Randie; I regret that I didn't get around to sending her a special, beautiful rock I found at the beach near our block. I regret not letting my ears prick up far enough when her hub added me on FB. I think that was the week they knew what the real prognosis was likely to be.    I can't do much about a contribution from Australia, although I should be able to send an international money order to whoever will shout my part of the cost. Please..nothing pink for Randie. I have had so many laughs thanks to her..but I seem to remember the biggest belly-laughs coming when I read her no-holds-barred reactions to the pink biz last October. I believe I actually cried laughing. So no pink. Red carnations? A cheque for the family to spend on a meal out together, or on a big tank of fuel for a road-trip to a special place?  Please, please let me know so I can pay my share. I'll work it out. I'm posting a link here to a clip on YouYube. It's a cool tune by a couple of Australians. I found Randie to be really laconic, like a proper Australianand this clip is perfect. I hope you have headphones (to avoid tinny computer speakers), and crank it up. Love, tears, gratitude and special stones from the beach near our block coming to you all tonight. XXX

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmyPkMbE6Nk 

roberta37

I am so very saddened hearing the news about RanD.  My heart goes out to all you great ladies on the May board - I know yours must be breaking right now.

navygirl

I so love reading your thread...it's like watching (reading) an episode of real life friends. Laughing, crying and marveling at the wonderful friendship you guys formed and held through your treatments. I am so, so sorry to read of RanD's passing. I have no doubt you will honor her in a way she deserves and remember her always. My prayers are with you as well as her family.

MsKarin

Ok we got the ball rolling with ideas. Now we need a facilitator to make the call and get the details, to organize ideas for a vote, and then carry through with what we decide. Any willing volunteer? What ever it is we decide I am in and will take care of Rock's part from here if need be.

I have already made a donation in her honor. I believe all things happen for a reason. Yesterday while thinking of Randie I received a phone call from the Cancer Fund of America, from their division "Cancer Support Services, Inc. (CSS)".CSS differs greatly from other cancer groups in that its number one priority is funding patient aid rather than research. CSS raises much needed funds to provide urgent items for the patient. It made me think of Randie when she needed oxygen and couldn't get it. I have already made a donation in her honor. If anyone else is interested here is the link. http://www.cancersupportservices.net/

We could also make a donation to BreastCancer.org in memory of her. After all if it weren't for them we would not be here. They are what brought us all together. I can't even imagine getting through my ordeal without all of you.

KristyAnn

Im thinking maybe a donation would be best but I can go with whatever we decide. Her last few months (the total last year in reality) was so filled with hospitals, doctors, tests etc and they are a large family so there have been a lot of other expenses. In talking to Randie, I got the impressions that they lived a fairly simple life and that the expenses were mounting for them.

I think it would be cool to let everyone write or include a card and send all the cards/letters from our group with a check to the family - we could include something for each child in the package - at least the little ones still living at home (Sam is 6 I think and the daughter around 14). It wouldnt matter if it arrived for the funeral and might be consoling to receive a little later in the game. I can coordinate if yall like this idea.

Randie did tell me before her lung procedure(yall remember the one with the powder)- that she was writing letters to her kids. It broke her heart to do it but she knew that the procedure was risky. At that time, they didnt know how far the cancer had spread so Im hoping she got the letters written then because I am not sure she had the strength to deal with it later when the diagnosis was changing.

Kristy

drcrisc

Kristy - I think that's a great idea.  There will probably be a lot of support right now and for the next couple of weeks, but it will drift away.  I think it might feel more comforting and meaningful to get something a bit later, but maybe we could write something that would be read at the service?  So they know what she meant to us.  I'm trying to keep it together right now because I have a house full of kids, so I may need to hope in the shower for a good cry. 

Rock - I think you probably read the same thing I did on FB late July 1.  I am so, so sad right now.

Eddie - The Billy Elliot tribute was very fitting.