please help

1Cathi

I did tell Ed last night,  and of coarse he is right - DAM it -LOL.  There is nothing he nor espically I can do,  Amanda has to fiqure all this stuff out on her own and we can only stand by and support her,  I had heard so horror stories from family/friends I still have in NY where they were living,  I tried sweeping those under the rug when they arrived,  tried giving him a fresh/new start in my mind - well in 2 months he has done nothing to help me LIKE HIM at all,  Amanda has married her father for sure and that really worries me.

Hope everyone has a good day,  off to get the apartment key in a few hours,  Amanda and I are gonna move over some SMALL things,  cloths ,  food,  things like that,  hang the shower curtains etc. 

I need a 40 day nap and some major pain meds. - LOL

NancyD

Barbe, and any other Canadians reading...Happy Thanksgiving. I'm sure yours is a food driven as the US one...so enjoy a good meal and have a great family gathering!

Cathi, I feel for you. I conciously tried to avoid my mother's mistakes (not that they distroyed her marriage, but did cause some bumpy rides) when I picked out my husband. My ex didn't drink, didn't become the "life of the party" at functions, and worked from home so he was usually always around. Unlike my dad who was a highly functioning alcoholic for many years, embarassed my mother countless times at parties, and worked at a job that called him away many weekends and countless nights. My marriage still ended while my parents' lasted over 40 years, until my mother died. I forgot to check the "fidelity" thing with my ex.

For all his faults, my father was as true as an arrow. My ex was (to use one of my father's beloved expressions) as crooked as a dog's hind leg. My father would never think of going to a tittie bar, whereas my ex frequented them long before I knew towards the end of my marriage.

So, one can look for what one THINKS will be the right attributes, based on their parents' mistakes, but it doesn't necessarily work. BTW, after our divorce, my ex started drinking like fish. I don't know what brought that on, given that he was such a teatotaler while we were married, but it's only added to my list of "why I'm glad I'm not married to him anymore."

EWB

Oh Cathi...the burden of being a mother is so great. It is so hard to watch our children grow, make decisions, make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. To us they will ALWAYS be our little ones that we want to protect from the ugliness of the world, but we can't and shouldn't. We all learn as we grow and experience the world...sometimes good, sometimes not so good.  All we can do is to be there for them when they need, to support them and to love them; remembering that they are now adults with their own lives and families. good or bad. Rest in knowing that you are close if any really bad or dangerous things happen. Who knows, maybe this will be a great thing...being able to spend time w/ Amanda and the children, even SIL, in bits & pieces. They will see what a good marriage is   .  Parenting is with out doubt one of the hardest jobs on the face of the planet!

BTW- how is all with the pregnancy? any more information? How is she feeling?

1Cathi

Thanks Elaine & Nancy,  the pregnancy thing is under careful watch,  we really will not have any definite answers now until birth,  she is given a level II US every DR visit (bi-weekly) they are doing careful surveillance.

Nnacy I don't know how I came to marry my EX, he was completely opposite my dad,  while I know my dad was not perfect,  he was not abusive and alcholic,  rude mean or disrespectful to my mom or us kids,  guess I just completely missed a beat.  I alwasy said that he sold me a dream when we met (MR Wonderful) and then I lived a nightmare.  He always drank heavy,  but while we were married I honestly don't think he was using drugs,  but shortly after I left he was using about everything,  Amanda says he still does and even sells his prescription meds in NY. 

Something wonderful did happen last night before SIL got home,  Amanda was upset about "starting over"  and how tight things are gonna be,  the whole $$$$$$$ issue,  she was crying and Ed being who he is,  was patting her on the leg,  he called her DD,  said things would be ok,  we are here for her,  etc,  etc.  This AM Amanda said to me that was the first time in her 27 years she was comforted when she was upset by a "father fiqure"   For all that is bad ,  there is goodness.  I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! He took on a ton of baggage he sure did not have too and he excepts it and rolls with every wave.

portiasproudmom

Awww.....Ed is such a sweetheart.  You're so lucky, Cathi!  I know I probably over-reacted when I read about him checking out girls on Craigs List, but infidelity is a really sore subject with me.  My day was a wonderful man.  Everyone loved him.  He was kind-hearted and would do anything for anyone.  He was the best father and friend in the world, but he was a HORRIBLE husband.  He was an alcoholic (very highly functioning), was verbally abusive to my mom, and had affairs throughout most of their marriage.  He had this one awful girlfriend who would follow us as my mom drove me to school and would try to run us off the road.  I'd arrive at school crying.  So, as you can imagine, the thought of your SIL going to the personals makes me want to scream.  Ed's right though.....Amanda's going to have to find out for herself what a jerk he is.  My mom knew what a jerk my dad was, but she stayed with him anyway.  In a way, I'm thankful she did, but another (less selfish) part of me wishes she would have gotten out and found someone who would have treated her like the queen she is. 

Have a great day, everyone.  For those of you who are wondering why I haven't been on Facebook, my account is messed up and a few hours of "site maintenance" has lasted for four days now!  GRRRRRRR....

Hugs,

Karen

my3girls

Hello sisters!

Cathi....your SIL, is an SOB!! Sorry...but he is...and let me at him one more time!! Slap, kick,punch, slap, kick, punch!!!  I think he is on there for all the wrong reasons.  He is not just looking for fantasy reasons.  I wouldn't be surprised if he has called one or more of the women on Craigs list.  Poor Amanda..she does deserve better than that jerk!  His time will come!  As a mother, I can't imagine how hard this has to be for you!  Glad you and Ed are only a small distance away from them. Reading what Ed did for Amanda, as simple as it was...warmed my heart!!! You did find a gem girl!!  I remember you telling me that I would find that same thing one day....and thank you Cathi....cause I think I did.  Tony sounds so much like Ed, in many ways.

I had a rough day with my daughters yesterday.  Very emotional. I wont go into details, but it's better now.  In dealing with the "drama"...I was thinking, does Tony want to get into all of this baggage.  I mentioned something to him....and he said...I have 3 kids too, and there is always things that come up and happen that we have to deal with, so don't worry about it.  WE can handle it!  Then on top of everything emotional in the morning, it was the 6 yr. anniversary of my Mother's passing!!  When I told Tony that, he said.....ahhhhhh, I wish I was there to hold you!  I am so blessed to have found this wonderful man!

He is going to be at my house in about 3 hrs. I am leaving work early to work on my garage sale.  He will help me and my girlfriend tonight, getting it all set up, moving furniture outside etc!  I miss him so much...can't wait to see him!!

Sheila...you are a real sorce of strength to those that are new to this battle!! Thank you for all you do!

Well, it seems like some of us, didn't look to our wonderful fathers for the same kind of man to marry.  I know I didn't.  I love my dad..he is my rock, and  a really good person!! Funny....Tony is very much like my father...in sooooo many ways!! Maybe, I finally got this right! LOL

ok..leaving work...Ill check back in after this weekend.  I will be busy with the sale, and MY MAN!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....This girl is in LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xoxo

Lisa

portiasproudmom

Have fun, Lisa.  Sorry that it's the anniversary of your mom's death, but I'm glad Tony will be there to make you feel better.

Hugs,

Karen

barbe1958

Cathi, remember THIS. When you were married to your idiot husband the first time, you didn't have your MOM there to help you mentally, did you? Amanda has you near. Thank God for that!

Mary22

Good Morning All. Cathi, all you can do is be there for you dd when her world falls apart!!!!

Have a Great Weekend, I have a four day w/e!!!

portiasproudmom

Send positive thoughts my way today, ladies.  My onc appt is at noon.  Yuck!!!

Hugs,

Karen

Anonymous

Positive thoughts winging their way, Karen.

portiasproudmom

Thanks Judie !

1Cathi

POSITIVE THOUGHTS KAREN - XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX  And you weren't to hard on SIL,  I hate the whole cheating thing too,  my EX loved it,    Lisa I am surre you are most likely right,  all the girls that were lighted up on Crags List were local, easy to contact easy to see.  A-Hole.

Lisa I still sometimes wonder why or how Ed wanted to have to much "DRAMA" added to his life,  his answer is always because he loves me,  and you do what you have to do for family.  So seems like your Tony is the same,  Ed has tolerated all this and everything else that has had to deal with the girls and grandkids far better than I most times,  Amanda asked me just the other day "does Ed ever get mad"   he doesn't like wasting time on being mad,  angry or upset over "spilled milk" as he calls it. When I first met him he explained to me,  that there are people who will allow a flat tire to ruin their entire day -  for him,  he says to himself "I'm not going to allow a piece of rubber to ruin my day"  His cup I guess is alwasy half full!

LOVE YOU ALL FOR ALLOWING ME TO B---ch

geebung

Karen, sending you my best thoughts for a great onc's report.

Cathi - I feel warm inside to hear about Ed. I'm so happy you are with him - he sounds wonderful. I totally agree with you about your SIL. Makes me sad and mad.

Lisa - all I can say is WOW! Tony sounds like he's everything you need rolled into a great man.

Hugs to all,

Jane xoxox

portiasproudmom

Thanks for the well wishes everyone!  My onky visit was uneventful.  My bloodwork looked good and she didn't seem concerned about my aches and pains.  I'm good for another six months!

Have a great weekend!

Hugs,

Karen

sueps

Dear Sisters

Please send lots of prayers to Amber and Dan xxx

EWB

Whats up w/Amber? Has there been a change (more so that it has been?)

sueps

If you go to her blog there is an update, she has had a difficult week.

Google:   amberchase cancer musings xx 

Amber we love you and are thinking of you xx 

EWB

Thank you Sue, I had just checked. How are YOU doing these days?

sueps

I am OK as can be thankyou for asking.. I hope you are well too x

I am trying to focus on getting through the long dark winter! and holding my job down..which undoubtely  tires me out no end!  I am probably back to some kind of energy level now since before dx and feeling my age xx I think its that time of life !  hot and hormonal or something like that GRRR

EWB

portiasproudmom

I've been checking in on Amber every day, and was so sad to read that she's doing so poorly.  I think Dan said that the nurse is predicting she only has days left.  It's such a shame---she's such a kind, gentle soul.  And those children!  So sweet.  It's not fair that they will be losing their mother at such a young age.  I hate this stupid disease!!

Hugs,

Karen

Anonymous

I've been following Amber, too, for some time. Too many goodbyes to good, young women. I have to remind myself often that this place is filled with strong women and part of our strength is sticking around to share our strength with our sisters who are called to leave us. It is tempting to leave and go on with life without the burden of constantly saying goodbye. But I believe that all of us do give presence that enriches and sustains, even those of us who just read and offer prayers, thoughts, energy. We matter.

When it seems that we are surrounded by loss after loss, I try to remember that we are surrounded, too, by an unimaginably enourmous cloud of love, light, laughter, connection, and community that is far bigger than loss. It absorbs the pain and offers it up, transformed, into the pure illumination of life, purpose, and future. Those beautiful souls who have gone ahead are laying new bricks to make the journey better for others. Their pure light helps us to find the heart, wisdom, and courage to travel the Yellow Brick Road, one brick at a time.

So I stick around.

dink

Hello everyone,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your time, support, tears, laughter, encouragement and most of all your friendship.  I really appreciate the way you all made me feel - never alone.  I have traveled this journey with you guys two years almost it was awesome.  It's truly wonderful how strangers can come so close and make a new family.  I am moving on in my life - not sure it's necessarily the best but its mine for now.  I will not be coming to this site any longer.  There are manay things going on in my life and many strange feelings and thoughts.  Just need time myself - I wish.  Just thank you all.

OOOOXXXXXX

Sincerely Dinky 

hrf

I read Amber's blog and saw the beautiful pics of her and her family. Impossible not to be moved!!!

portiasproudmom

We'll miss you, Leesa.  I do understand the need to move on from here.  Sometimes I wish I could, but then again, I've come to depend on everyone here so much.  I really hope you're okay.  I get the feeling from reading your post that you're not.  I hope and pray that you find whatever it is that will make you happy and at peace with your life.  And if you ever want to come back, you'll be welcomed with open arms!  We love you and wish you the very best!

Love and hugs,

Karen

barbe1958

Ah dink! Another good-bye. It's almost just as hard.....take gentle care, my friend.

my3girls

Leesa........All the best to you (no Goodbye's) We hope we see you again some day! Take care...and all the best life has to offer you!!

Karen, glad all things went well at the onky.

I don't think I know who Amber is.  Sorry to hear about another sister doing so poorly. Very sad. Judie...you said that so beautifully!!

My weekend was not all that great. Not going into detail. Garage sale was a waste of time. I didn't even make 200.00!  Rain kept allot of people away. Tony's visit was ok..but I was so preoccupied and tired, but I was glad to have him here.  So many things I am dealing with the girls and emotions of myself and thoughts. I know this too shall pass.

On a lighter note...I cut my hair!  It doesn't even touch my shoulders, but I love it. I can wear it curly or straight.  Tony loves short hair, and I know he wanted me to cut it shorter...if I wanted too..but no...this length is good enough for now. lol

back to work. Hugs to all.....like Karen...I am too connected with you ladies here..and I get so much love and support...can't imagine ever moving on! 

xoxo

Lisa

EWB

Dink- I wish you safe journey, full of light and healing and love and peace and joy and more love.

lvtwoqlt

Leesa, we don't like goodbye's just say I will see you later. May your journey be full of love and peace.

My boss said the worst thing to me today. "Happy Birthday, old lady". He says that every year on my birthday, only because I am 18 days older than he is. He never lets me forget that no matter what I am older than he is. My hubby didn't have to go out until this am so he told me happy birthday in person, my mom called me at 7:30 to wish me happy birthday, my sister came by the office and gave me a bag of scrap satins I needed for quilt guild tonight (make-it take-it project night) and wished me a happy birthday. Several people at the office as they come down the steps have wished me a happy birthday (they see my name on the calendar in the stairwell).

Although the new slogan for Through Healing Eyes says it all, the best side effect of cancer treatment is life.

Love, Sheila