please help

TenderIsOurMight

Hey Sue,



Now is a great time to come here! Play some word games, make your own poem or writing. Any thing to help you through and help reassure you to stay in the moment and not let fear take over.





You have waited tremendously long...now we need to cover the next 48 hours. Maybe make a schedule, walks, shops, work (to pass time only), movie, visit boy's schools, get extra newspaper...stay focus in the moment.



We'll help!

Tender

Lucy1234

Hi Sue



Just had my chat with my surgeon she says that she wants me to have another Biop under ultrasound as she thinks there are invasive changes (what I suspected) its like another wait and see which is not what I wanted but I guess its best they know what there dealing with better going in!



My partner got very upset at the meeting and I found that harder than anything! He just want to take it away bless him.

I am having my surgery (whatever they do) on the 9th of November. They said they will do a gene test to see if i have the BC gene and if I have they will give me Bi lat mast and recons from my back.



I have been doing well up to now but now i feel like I'm doomed and I should just resign myself to that?



Ow what a different a day makes!



Hoping you are well and I'll be thinking of you on Wednesday when they are jabbing me with the Biop needle! LOL



Poppy

XX

Shirlann

Poppy, that is poppycock, you are NOT doomed.  Thousands of women have had just what you may be having and are just fine, you will be too.  This thing is very treatable and you will make it.

I wonder where the phrase poppycock came from?

Oh well, it fits, so stop worrying.  Now, if you keep worrying yourself silly, try anti-depressants.  They are a miracle, especially for this sort of long drawn out thing.  I was such a mess my doc put both me and my husband on them.  Wheww, did they help.  They take 3 to 6 weeks to work, but you slowly begin to whistle, then hum and for little reason you are singing again.  They do work and when you get through this you can slooowly get off them.

Hugs, Shirlann

sueps

Hi Poppy xx

Its always good to hear how you're getting on..its extremely difficult doing the waiting game...and there are many ups and downs I go through...Mostly I cant get my head around it...and I keep apologisng to everyone that I am 'burdening' them with this sad ordeal...most of my friends are late twenties / early thirties, so I feel even more for them...

 You sound like you are in the very best of hands...and you must take this as a POSITIVE....they seem to be doing a thorough job.

 I phoned my breast nurse up and pushed for bone scan, MRI, pelvic ultrasound etc...I stated the fact  that I had young children and that I had a high risk...if you push for things and have the different tests it is a weight off your head...

 It is good that you are having the genetic test..I think I am going to have that done soon..

Dont worry too much about the surgery...this time 2 weeks ago I was at the night before stage...I decided to shut my eyes and let the whole ordeal pass...as I had no choice...it was either do it or sink...it was a very annoying feeling and I protested right until the end...even with triple pre meds....

 Honestly truthfully and right from my heart Poppy ..you will feel a lot of relief come the 9thth of November...I woke up and that relief came before I was aware of any discomfort.....

 I will be thinking and praying for you on Weds....I always look out to see if you have been here xx

Hope your OH is  holding 'strong' for you...he sounds like a good one  He will be an absolute godsend through your journey and as things progress he will take comfort from doing everything he can for you ...me and mine sometimes feel all helpless together and then we roll our sleeves up and carry on....I am thinking of you both x

Much Love xxx

sueps

Shirlann...poppycock... ...you are great..what a lovely word x

Poppy, Shirlann is right ...the doctor gave me some Diazepam which I took when I had to take the edge off of it if it got too much...I didnt take many as I was working....but they are a great help...also she gave me some sleeping tablets ..... which to me are a godsend...

 I found great support with my dad...and family....sometimes I wanted to talk, other times I didnt...but it is all perfectly justified...I have found a lot of strength from this site and this has been a great source of support....to be with everyone sailing similar boats xx

Lucy1234

Hi again



They have given me Citelopram (or somthing like that) its an antidepressant.

I Dont care what they do or how much it hurts, I dont even care how it looks! I just want the best chance to see my children grow up.



I have def got a great amount of support through this site. Just looking at what some people have been though and how they are now ok kind of gives hope.



Again hope all goes well for you on Wednesday

XX

Lucy1234

I found this on the internet Shirlann....



POPPYCOCK

The word was presumably taken to the USA by Dutch settlers; the scatological associations were lost when the word moved into the English-language community. The first half of the word is closely related to our pap for infants’ soft food; the second half is essentially the same as the old English cack for excrement; the verb form of this word is older than the noun, and has been recorded as far back as the fifteenth century. So there’s no link with the vulgar meaning of cock. Nor is it linked to the sense of cock for rubbish (as in phrases like that’s a load of old cock), as that’s a shortened form of cock and bull story, which comes from a fable concerning a bull and a cockerel.



LOL

So we have all learnt somthing new today and thankyou for all your lovely words they are a great help XX

sueps

Exactly how I feel x...I just want to be there for my boys...everytime I have been fearful...I have one image of them in my head...that is the image I have stuck at the end of the tunnel when I envisage the tunnel....they to me are like putting a carrot before the donkey ..lol...if you get my drift..

I did worry about the pain but not what I look like...just as long as I am here for them ..... a mum dies a thousand times without this going on! I feel you Poppy xx

portiasproudmom

Hello sweet Sue!  Just a short one to check in with you and let you know you're on my mind.  It sounds like you're doing pretty well emotionally.  Your biggest worry is obviously your boys.  I have a 14 year old daughter and a four (soon to be five) year old son.  I pray to God every day to allow me to see them grow up.  They need me so much.  Leaving them is by far the scariest prospect.  I just keep focusing on that when all these procedures and treatments start to get me down.  I'm going through this for them--so they won't lose their mom.  Sigh....I hate that this disease has claimed so many young mothers. We're lucky though, Sue.  We found ours early.  We are going to be FINE!

I'd better run for now.  I've had a reaction to one of my chemo drugs and I've had to take antihistimines.  I'm getting sleeeeepy.....

Love and hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

Love and hugs to you too, Poppy. 

Anonymous

Hey Sue and all,

Just got back in town, good to see progress up and down.

I'm seven weeks out from surgery, and guess what! My chest has regained enough sensation that I got an itchy nipple!  Only problem is that I have no nipple. Oh, well, at least my phantom nipple has feeling!

Sorry...long drive...tired...goofy...

Sue, I hope the pain settles down for you soon. So many nerves are jiggled and juggled during this surgery, especially the ones in the lymph node area. I think they get revenge for being disturbed by torturing us. It does get better. Just this past week I am able to have clothing brush against the area without it making me cringe. 

Onward and upward!

Towhee 

lvtwoqlt

Towhee, I am right there with you and the itchy nipple, only I don't have any .

Sue, the pain will settle down for you soon, just don't do too much. You need to be home resting and recovering not at work doing somebody elses job.

Sheila

sueps

Hello Everyone xxx

Hope you're all having a good moment. Towhee thx for your post , it has given me great strength to know that the pain subsides...you are a remarkable ladeee ...  xx

Thankyou for all your kind thoughts....

Not long now until 11 20am tmw when I have the dreaded meeting! I have everything crossed...

Well today I drove my car ...and I felt a little normal again... tonight I need to distract my head!!

Do you think they will take the dressings off tmw ..obviously they have to check it over  etc.... but I hope it doesnt make me feel faint...

Karen, you are doing so well....I hope I can follow in your footsteps...xx

Much Love  xxx

TenderIsOurMight

Greetings Sue,



So glad to hear and see you, our patient warrior! Or is it our pretzel fingers, toes, ankles, knees, eyes crossed warrior? It almost crushes you, the wait, doesn't it? The wonder, the fear, the weight. We are with you, today, tomorrow and beyond. We are hopeful for you, Sue. Much, much is doable nowadays with breast cancer. Please stay hopeful regardless tomorrow. Many sisters here await to help you, and in community there is hope and love.



Bandage off. Definitely. Is your SO accompanying you tomorrow? Later you may see beyond the stark change of tomorrow and feel good. For me it came in steps, my acceptance of my new normal. But acceptance does come for most and relief the cancer is gone.



Be well, dear Sue across the Atlantic and up from Australia, NZ, and all the many other countries where your sisters have come to you from. You have many friends. That is a true commentary on you!



Tender

sueps

Tender xxx

My OH is coming with me tmw...I am feeling sick with worry...really sick....what does SO stand for ...in your last post Tender...x

Also the thought going round my head is the last time I saw the bootface c%&^*r on the ultrasound ..it was solid with few holes ...lots of fingers...but all over my breast where white dots and splashes...so a question...can the invasive come before the insitu and if it does then little cells could be any where ...if it doesnt then then it grew v fast to become a lump....my head is all messed up...I have also had constant flashy pains in my head since surgery....I am feeling v sad tonight about this. My head is bobbin at sea...

much love xxxx

I will also see my scars and no breast for the first time...and I feel like crying for the other one as its probably missing the warmth of my jumper and the sound of my breathing ....

lvtwoqlt

Sue,

SO usually means significant other.

Please don't cry for the other one. Just be glad that the bootface c%$&*r is gone.

Sheila

TenderIsOurMight

Oh I know, it's hard what you're going through, Sue. You've been so patient in the face of adversity. SO means significant other. Ha, don't know why I used that, but that's what it means.



I hear you about your ultrasound. You know, the ultrasound picture is magnified so when you're laying there looking at the gray blob with it's tentacles it's way smaller than what you see on the screen! I don't think the white dots and splashes all over the breast are something you can analyze. The breast is filled with grey, white, holes, dots and splashes. But they found the true problem and that's what is gone.



75% of breast cancer is stage 0 to 1 in the U.S., but I don't know English stats. I doubt they vary much. So thinking statistically, that gives everyone a leg up. Myself, I was in stage 2, so my doctors hit it hard just to kill off all those nasty microscopic cells. Try not to go there tonight, Sue. Like Shirlann once said, otherwise the squirrels come out to play.



Constant flashy pains in your head could be left over from surgery or tension related pains. It's time for some answers, to relieve your worry.



So sorry for your troubles Sue. Perhaps a warm sponge bath, some soothing warm milk, and a sleep aid tonight will help you wake fresh for tomorrow. Many bring a tape recorder along, as it's real common to forget a lot.



Take care, Sue.

Tender

honeygirl

Hi Sue! I have been thinkin' about you all day! I wish sooo much I was there to give you the biggest hug ever! This is another scary , weird night before your appt. But the last time you were in this "place" was the night before your surgery. But think of the relief when you woke up and it was over. Thats how it will be tomorrow after you get your results and can put a plan into motion. Tender is right , I get that kind of pain when I am stressed out. Whatever helps you to "de-stress" do it. If its taking a walk , walk , if its reading and listening to music , do it , if its having sex , well do it !lol  

As soon as you are ready tomorrow to let us know how it turned out , we will be right here for you. I get home from work about 3pm , which is about 8pm your time I think.  I will be praying and thinking of you , tonight and tomorrow when I get to work , you should be seeing your doc. Hang on tight Sue , its another hill on this roller coaster ride , I pray its the last of the scary big hills. Praying and sending positive vibes to you Sue. Hugs and much love to you and your boys. And to your SO or OH , which ever you prefer Love you , Melody

geebung

Dear sweet Sue, I'm so glad your SO is going with you tomorrow. It is sad to lose your breast - I too imagined mine, sitting alone in a lab jar somewhere...but it was no longer my friend. Of course you are feeling sad - who wouldn't? You have had weeks of stress and anguish, pain and worry. You have done so well, keeping your sense of humour and reaching out to others - you are a very precious member of this community.

So many women have "snowstorm" breasts, flecked with calcifications, cysts and various tissues that show up as shadows and white things. Please don't think that every white dot and flash that you saw is sinister. I just read that 70% of bc begins in the ducts, 10% in the lobules and the remainder in other breast tissue.

A general asaesthetic takes a while to recover from. The flashy pains are most probably caused by stress and lack of sleep. 

We are all holding you very close - imagine a huge group hug that goes all around the world - all of your sisters with interlinking arms - we love and care for you.

love,

gb 

sueps

Oh my word girls you really know how to make me feel better with all these lovely true words!  Thankyou to all of you!  I felt like I was alone on the front line and you all came charging to my defense in your camouflage suits lol...my imagination is too much lol

 ..

And..Melody .... what is sex ...lol...

Much love xxxx

One day we will have a group hug ...I am feeling you all tonite... saucy! I mean feeling all your thoughts

Huge Thankyou

sueps

Just read your posts again...it is lovely to know you are holding me close until I get back on here with the results...and its an even more magical feeling with a vast ocean between us xxx

portiasproudmom

Sue, you're in my thoughts and prayers DOUBLE tonight.  This time tomorrow, the anxiety over waiting for the pathology report will be over.  You'll be well on your way to putting a treatment plan in motion and getting on with your life as a bc SURVIVOR!

You be sure to check in with us as soon as you are able.  I'll be looking for your post. 

Love and HUGE hugs,

Karen

mrs_X_Sunneedazee

Hello, Sue....



I am so glad that tomorrow you get your results! I will cross my fingers and toes that they are good results. I envy you being DONE with your surgery. I will have mine on Thursday, and my oncologist wants me to have my ovaries out the same time. I went to see the OB-GYN today, and after doing an ultrasound, he wants me to have my uterus removed also. So, I get to have a double surgery. At least I only have to do the worry and anxiety once, instead of twice.



I love reading your posts. You always make me laugh when I am feeling down.



Good luck tomorrow.....

I know everything is going to be fine......

Hugs!

geebung

Hi Sunneedazzee,

I love that name! I am so sorry you have such a big surgeryX2 coming up. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. 

Gentle hugs,

gb 

Lucy1234

Sue



I just got back from being Jabbed!

How are you? Did you get your results?

I hope all has gone well X



Poppy

sueps

Hello Everyone xx

Hi Poppy, I was thinking about you...hope everything is ok x

Well I am back....what a morning...I met with the surgeon....she took my dressing off...and all is healing well...I wouldnt say I was upset but just looks a little different...my the scar is long!

So they are not too forthcoming with information, and I did as much probing as I could...basically... the cancer is grade 3 .....the staging is borderline 1 to 2 as the tumour was 2cm..they took all my lymph nodes all of only 14 I had LOL.....they were all clear!

Basically can anybody enlighten me on this diagnosis especially the grading...???  I forgot to ask whether it was hormone receptive duh...but on Weds 7th November I am meeting with oncologist to discuss treatment...dont know what he might offer but she said with 2cm is borderline for chemo but my being so young might add weight to that...ALSO I may need radiation due to the tumour being very close to chest wall....

Well it is really tiring all this and I still do not know about treatment....the surgeon thinks my recovery is remarkable and her jaw dropped when I told her about work and driving ....she says I am very resillient...

Oh well now what...lol...I do not have to go back to breast clinic til nxt year for check up unless I have any concerns....I feel like I have been in a whirlpool for 7 weeks...all chewed up and spat out....

 I obviously have no breast for the breast clinic to mammo ...lol

Hope everyones ok ....

Much Love xxxx

mrs_X_Sunneedazee

Sue, I'm so glad that your lymph nodes were clear!  Isn't it frustrating that now you have to wait again to see about needing chemo.  I hope that you won't need that or radiation, and you can just heal and have life go back to normal.  This whole process is so frustrating! 

I hope I am as resilient as you after surgery.  I love what you said about all chewed up and spat out!!!  That is too funny, and too true!

Have a good day!  (or is it evening there?  It is morning here....) 

TenderIsOurMight

So good to hear from you Sue!



Many of us have been holding our breath, and now we all can do a long exhale.



Thats great news you give, that all 14 lymph nodes were negative for the cancer! That is felt very significant in oncologyland, and I hope your surgeon gave you a hug! After all this time, you deserve a big one.



The tumor grade reflects the nuclear status of the tumor cells, where the cell powerhouse sits, and orders up cell division and protein production. There are 3 grades, with grade 1 being cells who resemble normal ductal (assumption) breast the most, grade 2 is intermediate, and grade 3 is most changed from the normal. Many of us fall in grade 2 or 3, and some (it seems less common to me) fall in grade 1. Your oncologist will go over this with you more, but it's one of many factors open which future decisions rest.



Now you can rest some: the news is pretty good, your bandage is off, and you've seen your chest. Yes, mastectomy incisions are long. Great that she says your incisions are healing so well.



So pleased this day has arrived, dear Sue. You are a true warrior and wonderful woman. I'm sure your boys are pleased too, to see a weight lifted some.



Big Cyber Hugs,

Tender

portiasproudmom

What a relief, Sue!  I'm so happy that your lymph nodes were clear.  My tumor was a grade 3 as well, which is why I'm having to do the chemo AND radiation.  I still have my breast though, so maybe things will be different for you as far as your future treatments.  Don't worry too much about chemo--it's certainly not fun, but knowing you (you resilient little spitfire), you'll fly through it!  Do you have an appointment with an oncologist yet?  I'm assuming that's the next step.

Take care, sweetheart.  Rest and relax this evening--you've definitely earned it!

Hugs,

Karen

sueps

Hello again xx

Sundeedazee....thankyou for all your posts , they have kept me strong! You havent got long to go now...and if it helps,I will tell you that if it if appeared in my otherside I would have them whip it off before I coould think bootface..as the thought of it gone powers over the pain ... you will do great ...and I cant wait to keep in touch with you when you get that same relief xxx

Tender xx Thankyou, throughout all this , your posts have taught me a lot...I am begininning to think the whole way a cancer operates in in fact amazing..the cell growth etc...I do hope that I am not doomed for,I still feel that way, I would have been happier if it was a grade 2... Would it have been better to be a grade 2 AND say 2 lymphnodes involved or AS IT IS?

And Karen...you are amazing,you have been with me throughtout this , while fighting your fire, I am meeting my oncologist 2 weeks today..on 7th Nov (groan more waiting!) He is going to work out the best ways to treat..they say 2 cm is borderline chemo but I will prob be offered it as I am young....I dont have to take it but I will do everything possible as it is grade 3 and just whooooosh from pea to lump so quick!...basically I DO NOT TRUST WHAT GOES ON IN MY BODY ....

One other thing....obviously I still have the burning pain...back of arm under arm...but also I have great pain in my inner lower arm right down to my wrist ...and cant stretch it fully without sharp pain...I cant understand why...does anyone else have this? My surgeon doesnt really know what it might be...Sorry to whinge but the discomfort is significant...

Well I have been zonked out all afternoon....It is 1800 hrs and I am going to have something to eat...

Much Love xxx