I can't get my act together and I don't know why

kes

Kathi,

I'm glad that you are feeling better. Thanksgiving was great. I love that holiday, and most all other holidays too. After I got home from Rhode Island (I was home for 1 week and went back to work for 2 days) then I flew to San Francisco by myself for a 5 day weekend and came home through Calgary and stayed 1 night with my sister in law and brother in law. I loved San Francisco also and I wished that I had more time there. So in a very short time I was in Maine, Rhode Island, San Francisco and Calgary. No wonder why my housework is behind. I would rather travel than clean, more fun. Back home for now. My money tree has to grow more bills. Hope that all is well with you. I sent you a PINK message via email but PM or email me and let me know what email address to use.

Take Care,

Kerry

sueper13

Kerry!! Howya doin? Been awhile--how is everything?

Too busy to post much lately but will try to catch up a bit soon. One year out of treatment today. Is that why I feel so flat, disinterested and unenergetic?

Love to all

Sue

barbe1958

You're not flat Sue! You got great new ones!

sueper13

You are right, Barbe--*thanks for noticing me* (Eeyore)......Can I whine about the fact that I have "wound healing issues" and have to have one more revision surgery? And am sick of changing dressings which I have been doing since AUGUST?  But I do LOVE my new girls...I think I am depressed.  Going to my PCP to investigate a different antiD...

KAK

Sue, how are you?  Great to see you here.  I can't remember if I did in fact post a greeting to you on here, so I'll do it again.  I recently passed one year as well.  How's retirement?

I so can't get my act together, but I do know why....just don't know what to do about it.  Waaa-waaa, cancer related fatigue sucks.

sueper13

KAK, you still have cancer-related fatigue? (Good to see you too) Does that mean this could  be cancer related fatigue that I am feeling?  I just feel  FLAT and TIRED and UNINTERESTED IN ANYTHING.  Is this that Post-treatment-I-don't-know-how-to-feel-but-nothing-feels-good stage I've been reading about? 

I was going to do the breast cancer 3day this year.  I know it's one of those pink things, but wanted to do it for and with a friend of mine.  The upshot is I wasn't motivated enough early enough, as to fundraising and physical training.  I just sent the email off to my friend letting her know I am bailing out this year--I'll  try again next year.  I thought I would be all well by now.  According to almost everyone in my life, I should be all well and happy and everything is fixed now.  I think this a hard and lonely place to be. 
Thanks for listening as I know there is one or more of you out there who has been where I am and felt these same feelings,

Sue

KAK

Sue, my friend, Cancer Related Fatigue is a real thing.  Here's some info I dragged together about it in a post on my blog:

The 'F' Word

bethu77

I can't seem to get it together either. I was a caregiver for both of my parents before losing them to cancer. My husband is not supportive. I was talking to my daughter and she said I would have to tell everyone what I wanted done. When I took care of my parents, I cleaned their home and kept busy with things that I saw needed done. My husband cannot see that the laundry needs to washed or the shower needs to be cleaned.

One of my daughters has moved back home and she told me that I needed to tell them what I wanted done. I don't know how they cannot see that the sink needs to be wiped out or the toilet cleaned. I have just been diagnosed with lymphedema on my left side. I have been in pain for several months and now I know why. I try to take it easy but I am restless and want to do something. I pick up things or clean and pay for it later.

I think my husband has gone into a shock thing because when I talk to him about just picking up his stuff, he goes to bed for 1-2 hours. Is anyone else experiencing anything like this? I work 40 hours per week or try to. I work at a public library so I lift a lot of books and Chilton manuals are the heaviest books around. My husband was laid off for five months before finally getting a job. When he was home, I would come home to a house that looked like it had been vandalized and he would be watching TV or on the computer.

I have talked to him about this and he just says how much I have changed since my cancer. I had bilateral DCIS, lumpectomies and reconstruction with 33 radiation treatments. I am one year cancer free. I was the chair for the Making Strides event in our area. I would like for him to tell me just one time that he is so glad that I am alive and that he loves me but I have yet to hear this from him. I am at the end of my rope. Is anyone else in a similar position? How have you coped with this?

 Thanks so much,

Beth

sueper13

Beth,

Can't answer your question but I am glad you are alive. I am feeling some of what you are feeling as far as feeling unable to cope in some fundamental way.  I am also a year out of treatment.  As for me I don't think I could allow myself to feel all my feelings while I was going thru treatment--so now I have to process all this...

Hope it gets better for you soon.

Sue

barbe1958

Beth, it sounds to me like your husband is depressed. Seriously.

Okay, I'm going to put this out there:

One of the reasons I figured out that I didn't get recon, besides the health risks is that my flat chest is a constant reminder to everyone AROUND me of my cancer. Because I don't have my normal shape back, no one assumes "I'm done". It's strange how this has worked in my favour. If I have to look at it, everyone else does too (covered, of course).

Anonymous

Hey Sue

I think you are right on. You went thru alot in that time and sometimes we block out our emotions or feelings so we can do what we need to do. Not a lot of time to think when you have to get through all the crap. I think it's like a protective mechanism at the time to deal with all the scary stuff. When you finally get a chance to breath.......wham..........all that pentup anxiety, worry, wtf happened to me and my body stuff sneaks up to the surface and hits ya! Kinda the same as post traumatic stress.

Time girl, time.........do what you need to feel better...........happy pills anyone??????

kes

Sue!!!!!!!!!

I have missed you. I felt much the same thing when I was done recon. It is like, well you are done and your recon looks great so now what is the problem? People do not understand. It is like a post traumatic stress disorder. My Dr. said that it is real. At the time of treatment and recon we can only deal with things in little bits at a time, and then when it is all done then we start to try to deal with it. I didn't sleep for a year, lost really good friends, male and female, and felt like the bottom fell out of my life. It is HARD. Time has helped. It does get easier, but it is hard. My 9 year old child makes me get going if I want to or not. I have missed all of you girls. Anyone hear from Wish?

Beth, I hope that things get easier for you. Leave the DH and DD a list of things that need to get done. Maybe that will help them to see what needs to be done to help you out.

Barb, I am Canadian also. In Southwestern Ontario. It is cold here this October. I understand what you are saying about no recon.

Kerry

dreamwriter

I think Barbe may be onto something.  Either hubby is lazy, insensitive *ss or he is depressed.  He cannot cope so he sleeps.  Some happy pills may be the answer.  Or a new hubby that says, "I am soooo glad you are alive today". 

Mine needed an adjustment period but he did eventually come round.

I am trying to clean out my stuff and my neighbour keeps sending me new stuff that is really nice.  Oh heavens what am I gonna do?  I need more space.

Harley44

...I have been away from this thread for awhile... 

Hello everyone!  I just never can seem to get started.  When I think of everything that needs to be done, I am so overwhelmed.  I feel like since I will probably NEVER finish these jobs, maybe that is why I NEVER start them... 

barbe1958

That's cause you're saying jobS. You have to pick just one. If you don't do it, oh well, it's only one. On the otherhand, if you do it, then WOO HOO! (baby steps my friend!)

kes

Harley,

Just pick one tiny job to do otherwise you will get overwhelmed about all of it. I cannot look at the big picture. I do one job. Today I want to clean out the top drawer in my bathroom. Over the holidays I cleaned out my paper and bill drawer and my junk drawer and my closet. More than I thought I could get done. To think about all of it at once scares me. My basement is a whole other story.

Kerry

Harley44

Barbe1958  and Kerry

Thanks! 

and Kerry,

I am SO glad I don't have a basement anymore!  That is just ONE less room I have to clean up!!!

P.S.  I still haven't started yet....  maybe tomorrow...  ; - )

Harley 

barbe1958

....or next week....

Merilee

My whole experience has really made me stop and think about who I am, what is important and what makes me happy. ( and unhappy) All of that seems to have changed and I am adjusting to that reality. After a reality size dose of "life can be short" pie in my face, everything seems different. I am about throw my idiot of a husband out of my life and have drastically changed my life goals. I have come to realize that I am far of my path as a result of all these years of taking care of everyone else. I did find a nice set of cds that have guided my in my thought process about what makes me happy. If any one is interested they are called Be happy, release the power of happiness in you by Robert Holden. You can find them on the internet.

kes

Hi Ladies,

I think that now it is all about us. Now it is our time. We spend a lot of time looking after other people, DH, children, elderly parents and now we need to look after ourselves. Do what we want to do because we now realize how short life can actually be.

Harley, My basement scares me. One room at a time and then down to the dreaded basement. YUK!!!!

Kerry

Makratz

One room at a time AND next week!

Enjoy some time for yourself while you can!!

KAK

Hi, everyone!  Good to see you all here on one of my favorite threads.  I feel like I've been the princess of not getting my act together lately...

But I've finally realized, a little late, that it was really stupid to go back to work full time only a few days after finishing radiation & I've been paying for that error for a year.  So, finally, I've cut back to working 3 days a week, and we'll see if I can climb out of the ditch...

Kes, I hear you on that.  Life is short, and we do need to look after ourselves, especially because for most of us, there is no one else who's going to do it.  That's what went into my decision on work, plus all the health issues that have plagued me since treatment.

Dream, how the heck are you these days??  How is everyone doing?  Does anybody have any normal energy??  Barbe, I can't believe how hard you work.  How are you holding up?

Hugs to you all.

Hanna60978

.

KAK

I DO know why - Cancer-Related Fatigue - but that doesn't help!!!

gsg

Good morning, my fellow pigs.  How is everybody?  What Hanna wrote is true...my floors have gotten their act together...unfortunately, I still have not.  I'm still rummaging through piles of clothes each morning to get dressed.  Why is clean underwear so hard to find?  Where does it go after I wash it?  Seriously.  I keep buying new ones...it's easier than trying to find them.  If I ever do get my act together and sort and fold, I'm going to have a lifetime supply of underwear.

Hope everybody here is doing well...best wishes for a good 2010 for all.

arnie2two

Hi ladies!  I'm sooooooooo glad I found this thread!  I have always been an "up" person, a get-r-done person.  Since finishing rads I have no motivation!  My house has never been more disorganized...and I don't care!  I saw my radiology doc for my follow-up Monday and he said my fatigue was probably from the Arimidex not the rads!  UGH!  About the weight issue, I want to start exercising but always find an excuse not to!  I get overwhelmed so easily these days.... so it's helped seeing there are others out there experiencing the same thing!  

lol, gsg about the underwear!

pj12

Somewhere there is a giant pile of women's underwear and single socks. Deep in the center is a "favorite" t-shirt. Crumpled and faded is the receipt you have to have to return an expensive shopping mistake and there is a $20 bill you looked all over for. It goes without saying there is a lot of loose change on the bottom of the pile, your daughter's favorite hair scrunchy and your debit card you have not been able to find since the night you went out with your girlfriends. 

pam 

barbe1958

...and the other glove....

Harley44

Hi there Patrice!  Long time, no see!!   Too funny, about the underwear!!   The last time I bought underwear was after my mast., almost 3 yrs ago, and they are starting to get worn out...  gee, do you think it's time for some new underwear?   

I still haven't gotten my act together, and I am going to STOP trying!!   Sunday, I mopped the kitchen floor and vacuumed the living room carpet...  I over used my LEFT arm, which had a bunch of lymph nodes removed almost THREE years ago, so they could check for cancer...  even though the lymph nodes were negative (WHY can't they put them back? )   so...  my shoulder and underarm were SO SORE!!    So I vowed to NEVER do that again!!  

Good Morning to my fellow slobs...

Harley

Makratz

Harley, I have the same problem with my arm.  Mine were negative too!  I want them back.

Thanks for the laughs, love thre piles of laundry, missing socks, gloves.  I'm tired too and so far have NOT lost my kids.  Maybe that would help with the fatigue.

Love the thread!