I can't get my act together and I don't know why

EWB

some people.....

dreamwriter

I was never good with money..... something we found out early in the marriage so our super banker came to the rescue with his computer skills and banking skills so he became the guy with the budget.  He hands me money and I spend it all. 

Harley44

Dream,

I am VERY good at spending money!  Funny, but when I was first married, I had trouble in that dept.  But now, I am an expert. 
When we were first married, we won the Lottery, and we got 5 numbers out of 6, so we won about $1200.  My dh gave me #200 to spend on clothes, but I couldn't find anything that I liked. 
Now I can spend $200 and need more in just an hour or so...

Harley

dreamwriter

Thats funny.... my husband gives me $200 and I buy a complete wardrobe.... honest I know exactly where the sales are

barbe1958

Sales especially this time of year in this season in this economy! I've gotten some AMAZING deals in the past couple of months. Ralph Lauren jeans for $22 at The Bay, $150 skirt for $18 and so on. 

Jane_M

I'm an e-bay queen.  I get the best deals there.  I just got my daughter a pair of Coach Pammie rain boots for $56.00

GramE

I think I got some of my act together the other day.   Tax stuff is at the accountants for her to plow thru and let me know IF I owe..   Hoping and praying I do not.   Even got my car washed by 2 fellows at the do it yourself car wash.   

But, there are piles of insurance print outs all over my table and various other papers and spreadsheets that I need to categorize and file away.   I will take a break and go play bridge, then to the primary dr for more referrals and a general update with her.    

My brother will be 60 on Saturday, and we do not live near each other.  He is hard to buy for and I am racking my brain for something to get him.   He most likely has any tool I would find (he is a tow truck driver and mechanic), he rarely goes "out" socially (broke up w/his gf of many years), and  he inherited tons of stuff when I sold my house and moved into an apartment.   Besides, I need to mail whatever I get or have it sent to him.   Last year I got him Netflix and he loved it.   

He is such a good and faithful brother.  Calls me at least twice a week and does not criticize or argue with me.    

EWB

How about gift card from Omaha Steaks? We did that for my brother, also hard to buy for. He was able to order what he wanted on line and they delivered. Very easy and he loved it!

Makratz

Gift cards are easy to mail and you can get on to just about any place!  Just remember to keep the receipt in case there are any problems with the activation.  Sounds like a great brother!

GramE

I have been mulling over a gift card or two but it seems a bit impersonal.   For my birthday he sent me two small wooden inlaid mother of pearl jewelry boxes.   Maybe a stop at the mall on the way home after Herceptin tomorrow will work.   

Hugs for all,   Nancy 

barbe1958

How about a fleece hoodie from the racing car guys? The new AMP ones this year are really nice. He can wear it driving (or not) and think of you. When I give a gift like that I say it's so you can feel me hugging you.

When my son went trekking in Nepal last May to celebrate Sir Edmund Hiliary's 50th anniversary (he unfortunately died in January 2008, Sir Ed, not my son) I was sooooooo worried about the politics, the mud slides, earthquakes etc. I got him a fishing vest with tons of pockets so he could put all the stuff he would need all day long - camera, chapstick, etc. I put hidden gifts in some of the pockets and told him I blew love into them so if he needed to feel me he could open a pocket. He is 28 this year but when he went to kindergarten I used to blow love down his t-shirt neck for him to use if he missed me through the day. As I blew, I would say "Can you feel the love?" He would get so excited saying "YES, I CAN feel it!" So cute. Anyway, he came back safely from his trekking and I asked him how the vest worked out. He didn't use it the brat! Said he had to layer, hoodies, t's and such. Well heck! A vest is a layer..... 

dreamwriter

Althea go to the dinner and break down and cry.  Its probably the only way to get enough attention to get people to help change the situation.  When I was going to Vegas, one of the Girl Guide leaders put a couple of large jars out.  At the end of the month everyone donated their change.  They gave me $600 for the trip.  If I hadnt told one person about the trip, nothing would have happened.

LynnW

gsg,

 I'm likely not the person you want to think of when you trying to get over feeing so blue but the dark place you speak about is there and we kinda have to try to keep away from its doors by keeping busy and focusing on anything at all thats positive.

 I'll tell you my story to try to help you understand it in another way.  I was dx 4 years ago. Both breasts ,, ,numerous lymph nodes. Had chemo,, radiation,, plastic surgery, ovaries removed, more plastic surgery.  Then on Arimidex for 4 years. I always knew that i was a high risk for its return and by the time the initial treatment was over i too felt exactly like you.  Only i let it go on for the next 4 years. !!!

I put on my fake smile at work,, and played the part of the survivor with my friends who were all proud of me... but inside I was terrified. I would imagine my own funeral... and cry in the car when i heard music i used to love. Couldn't seem to do anything constructive or plan for a future,, because i thought whats the point.

This year the cancer came back in my bones,, as I predicted...and its been difficult to get my head around it but one thing i've learned is that i just wasted 4 years worrying about something i could not change. The cancer came back whether i worried or not. I used up all that time being terrified and scared and waiting for the other shoe to drop.  When i could have been going on trips,,or having a blast with my kids.  Now my decision is do i keep worrying about the day i will die,, or get on with living. I'm going to die whether i worry about it or not just like when i was worrying about the cancer returning.  Its not going to change a dam thing.

Talking about it will be your main recovery tool.  Take the anti depressants if you want,, i may get some today my self because we aren't super human, but listen to my words, that the dark place will not change location.... its you that needs to move away from it.

huggs and keep your chin up

Lynn

mumito

Lynn I really like the concept of getting on with living and enjoying life.Stop worrying about what might be.Thats what I intend to do.  What you wrote really helped me.

dreamwriter

Lynn that was powerful and true.

sueper13

Amen, Lynn....I got to where you are only recently, not going to worry about the cancer coming back because it will not change the outcome, only ruin the present.  Not able to be there all the time yet, but the nights in bed wide awake with the crazy monkeys in my head are fewer and farther between.  Life is good and  we live in a beautiful world, and that includes all of you!!!!

kes

Lynn,

I hear what you are saying. It is hard to not let this disease take over your thinking. So much to worry about. I did have to go on anti depressants for post traumatic stress syndrome after bilateral reconstruction. It was like a wave of sadness would come over me and I would start crying anytime. Then I would be fine until it hit again. Those episodes are improving but it is a long journey. Now I think about all the things that I want to do and see. Slowly I am beginnig to feel like the "old me" but it took a long time.

Kerry

KAK

Wow, Lynn, and hugs to you.  So good to read what you are all saying --- and also to laugh at some of the posts about passwords!!

I've had to live with cyclical depression for years before I was even diagnosed with cancer, and thank goodness that means I have a very big bag of tricks for keeping despair from taking over.  But having BC has definitely been a challenge & I've had to develop some new tricks.  It's been tough to have to change anti-depressants because of the BC (so I can take one that won't interfere with tamoxifen) and deal with all this chemical sturm und drang in my body while I'm trying just to put one foot in front of the other each day.  I'm doing well overall but I forget to remind myself that "this too shall pass" when I get seized temporarily by despair or recurrence fear, which I call "the stalker."  When you are in its grip, you forget that you didn't feel like that an hour ago or that you won't likely feel like that tomorrow.  I blog about it a lot, which helps greatly, and find that the surest way to diffuse the feelings is to own them & then tell someone about them, and then they magically go away.

Hugs too all.  Haven't even started on my taxes!  Just piled all the stuff in one place.  That's as far as I've gotten!

Makratz

Thanks for sharing Lynn.  I think a lot of us have been there, but you put it into words.  I think it helps to know others have been there.

sueper13

Kerry, good to see you!  Thanks for the PM and I will let you know all about the surgery, believe me. I am scared and excited and nervous and anxious. (I am having a right prorhylactic mast and bilateral  DIEP reconstruction.)  Today I read online from several different women that my PS takes what the insurance pays for breast recon and writes off the rest--he makes his money from the "beautiful" side of plastic surgery...

I retire in 12 days, and know that fear of the unknown is adding to my anxiety--I am happy, and excited, and ready to be paid to stay home...but I don't actually know what it's going to be like, and I'm enough of a control freak to know that makes me anxious!!!!!

I plan a 2-week cleaning frenzy first, because I only have two weeks before my surgery, once I retire. Patrice, can I get a dispensation?

ANYBODY HEARD FROM WISH?!?!?!?

Sue

KAK

Oh, Sue, best of luck with the DIEP.  I hope everything goes smoothly.  It's a big deal & by the way, ask your surgeon to order homecare afterwards so you can get a little extra TLC & help, especially if anything is wrong, like an infection or anything. 

I've been thinking about Wish, too.  You know, I think I have her regular email address somewhere, so I'm going to send her a message that way.

WISH, are you out there????  We miss you!

mzmiller99

Kathi - Did you get a hold of Wish?

KAK

No, but I did send Wish a regular email, so I'm hoping to hear back from her.

Anonymous

Sue

Wow!!!! Less than 12 days! And going for recon!! I am so happy and excited for you!!! Wishing you success with the surgery!!

Kinda quiet around here latley..........especially without Wish.

gsg

This is a drive-by post on my way to bed.  Want to thank those who have posted to me and apologize for not being on here to respond.  Have much going on at work as well as lots of company lately and have been spread too thin.  I'm so happy that you girls are keeping the thread going and hope, at some point down the road, when I get some time off, I'll be able to catch up with all of you.  I log into Facebook, briefly, in the morning (it's how my son and I keep up with each other)...and have gotten to say hello to some of you there, but not much more than quick hellos.  Hate being so out of touch.

Missing you and hope everybody is doing well.

Patrice

dreamwriter

Just a quick hello.  Tomorrow will be discussing getting a weekly housekeeper..... some luck.

Daffodil

Quick hello here, too.....cancer luncheon over, recovering...and on to next projects!

Taking train to Philly for a bridal shower in NJ~~DH beside himself. Spoiled, huh?

GramE

Hugs and TGIF.    Nancy

Harley44

I haven't been around much, but not because I have been cleaning...  I was addicted to Facebook, and the Mafia Wars game, but I think I may be coming to my senses.

I hope you'll take me back.  Sorry for being MIA. 

I will NEVER get my act together... 

Patrice,

Sorry you are so busy.  I know we'll see you again when things slow down again. 

Hugs

Harley 

sueper13

Harley,

We will ALWAYS take you back.  Welcome home.

Love,

Sue