2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

Curlylocks

Greetings from Snowy Canada!

It looks like the winter weather is here to stay for awhile, which is good so that our seasons wont be so messed up. The colder temps kill all the bugs over the winter so that we there wont be huge mosquitos the size of dragon flies around this summer.

I am saddened to hear of Diane’s anticipated passing, she fought a valiant fight against this blasted disease ever since I have been on these boards almost 1 ½ years now and continued to support some of our newly diagnosed sisters despite her pain. Diane may your spirit continue to inspire all our sisters.

My husband’s truck officially got written off today. He went to pick up his personal belongings out of the truck and said that the force of the impact wouldn’t allow him to move the seat and the stereo was displaced from the console. All I have to say is that the angels were watching over me once again and I am counting my lucky stars that I was spared any major bodily injuries. Although my neck is not right when I move it from side to side or up and down my motion is restricted and it creaks.

Yesterday something really scary happened to me that makes me wonder if my head got rattled in the collision with the force of the impact. I was pulling into my driveway and I had a dizzy spell while backing into my spot. I turned off the car and sat in the driveway for a minute or two until it subsided. It scared the crap out of me as I have never had this before. I thought maybe it was a side effect of the Armidex (but have been on that for 8 months) or the Zoladex injections had that injection in November. It doesn’t make sense to me what caused this. I have made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow and will talk to her about having xrays done on my neck and getting to the root of the dizzy spell. It just seems too coincidental that it happens 4 days after my accident.

My husband bought a newer vehicle last night, a black 2005 Mazda Tribute GT full loaded . I’m green with envy it is soooooo nice and was very well taken care of.

Something very weird….I changed my avtar on the weekend and I saw that it changed and now it has gone back to my old one? Any thoughts?

TracySeattle – I agree now that I am back to work full time the weekend cant come soon enough and then they end way too fast! I hate to hear that Killian has possibly been mistreated, that is just not right. Animals give love to us and ask for nothing in return. I hope that your ex was not responsible for abusing the dog.

Rosemarie – love the snowman picture of your daughter, she looks like you! You did a great job on the snowman. Our snow is light and fluffy right now so not the best to make a snowman. Your story about the survivor brought tears to my eyes, what a selfless act she did to show you the way….

Gracyie – how old is your grandson? The snowman looks hip with sunglasses on.

Debbie444 – my family watches Coronation Street and when it is on there is total silence in the house. My dad thinks its hilarious, I haven’t watched it enough myself to form an opinion. My husband is a part time firefighter in town. He has a full time job, works continental shifts and then wears a pager so that when he is home he can respond to any calls that come in, including those at 2:00 and 3:00 a.m. in the morning. Be sure you wear your crash helmet to work tomorrow, glad you didn’t hurt yourself falling off the stool.

Kelly – where did you get that picture? The person going down the road in that contraption whatever it is? It looks like a stunt out of that movie Jackass. I vote for your Lemon Drop receipe sounds so much easier than the other two! I thing it is so difficult to share our thoughts, worrys and fears with loved ones as they want us to move on and don’t realize the aftermat of live beyond treatment. I never share any of my fears with my brothers, sisters, mom, friends (except bc ones). My only true soulmate is my hubby and I share everything with him as I feel it is important not to hide things from him and I;m not a very good actress. Love the older photo of you and Teryn, it will be a huge inspiration to her when she gets older at how brave her mommy is.

Laura – I love the pictures of yourself, Kelly, Brenda and Teryn and hubby too. Your hair looks faboulous, mine has never been straight. The curls now are unbelievable kinda like Ravdeb’s hair was before she got it cut. I have never tasted a martini before but lemon drop sounds yummy. I am not a big drinker, husband calls me a cheap date. The last big hoop la I had something to drink was New Year’s Eve, Xmas and then our trip in November. I can picture all of us sitting around in our cheetah wear, ha, ha, laughing, talking constantly and drinking lemon drops. It sounds like you had fun on your mini trip, don’t know much about cars and engines but you will have to educate me.

TracyNy – welcome back home.

Victoria – does Sangria have grenade in it and wine? All the best on your labs.

Ravdeb – I always have to warm my car up in the morning now due to the colder temps and the snow on it.

Mary – congrats on your husband’s new placement. Its time for good things to happen in your life. Glad you are feeling better. I love taking pictures and now that we have a newer camera it is that much easier. I should take some snow pictures this weekend when it is light out of our property.

Amy –I am sorry for your friends being diagnosed with mets. It is not fair that you are facing this disease so young when you should be having a carefree, worryfree life. Cancer does suck the big one. I try my best to be in a better space most times but it doesn’t always work and the creepy thoughts are sitting in my mind. It is our reality and I believe it will always be a part of our lives unfortunately whether we want it to be our not. This sisterhood is strong and we are here for each other when we fall down. Come back when you can and have taken a breather. Everyone handles this disease so differently emotionally but we all have a common bond in that we are SURVIVORS!!!

Hi to my remaining sisters, getting past bedtime at 9:15 p.m.

Pleasant dreams….

Michele Wenz

Graycie

Kelly you look good without hair...Here is the old me with my grandson a few years ago....I took a picture of a picture so it's not that clear.....

Anonymous

I saw that, Laura. Can't fool a fellow photo-shopper. He he he he...

Just for the record: I am not a regular martini drinker. In fact I go through months without drinking any alcohol, not even beer or wine. But the lemon drop martini is the best, and it smells good!

Ladies, I can't wait for the big meet. My mini-meet sampling really motivated me. I'm in!! Let the poor little boy go, Laura!

Anonymous

Hmmm... there seems to be a proliferation of gorgeous blondes in this thread.

TracySeattle

Rose Marie - where did you get the cheetah PJs??? I want some too - did you get them on-line?

I don't drink much anymore either, it really is not all that good for us, but I do have a drink from time to time and I love lemon drops!!! I also like Red Wine and Gin & Tonics.

I was off today, ran a bunch of errands, Dave & I had Killian. He and Dave are bonding quite well! Dave took him to the park and threw the ball for him until he just couldn't run anymore (and for a lab - that is something!).

To the ladies that I still owe a CD to: Jill, Michelle, Linny, Brenda and Paula - did I miss anyone? Because I have switched computers, I need to download the tunes again. I am working on it--I promise! You will get them before August for sure!

Laura - I keep thinking I am going to surf for hotels, but I never get around to it. What area of town should we stay in? Somewhere close to all of the fun!

I will catch you all tomororw!

Graycie

OK, Let me see if I can catch-up.....

Amy, I don't even know what to say. I feel bad that you feel bad and I totally understand where you are coming from. I hope you don't stay away too long, we will miss you.

Laura, I see the bracelet.......They would have nice weather in CA now that you are gone. I need the name of that cream too. I need all the help I can get.......

Mary, Glad your husband found a new job.

Rosemarie. I hope you are feeling good. I am not sure if Vodka goes bad. I have an old bottle too that I am afraid to drink because I am not sure if it is still good or not.

Brenda, and Tracy, I am like you. Not a big drinker. Actually I have never had a martini.......I guess I am really out of it.


Anyone watching American Idol? I'm LMAO. These people can't be for real...

Tadah, Are you home yet?

Kelly, I bet you are glad your weather is back to normal. Just think about us in the East. We have 6 months of that cold, snowy weather.

Michele, Your right about Jennifer Hudson. She was fabulous in the movie and deserved the Golden Globe award. I think she is up for an academy award too. Your husbands new truck sounds nice. That is weird about the dizzy spell. I hope you are OK. I have had that before and it had something to do with the crystal's in my ears. I get it every once in a while and it is the scariest thing. The whole room spin's.

X-girl, you are a girl of a thousand identities......

Everybody have a nice evening.

Gail

Anonymous

I have pretty much decided that I am going back to the blonde like when Teryn was an infant once my hair grows all the way in. Not going to do the red head look anymore, highlights are way easier to keep up than coloring it.

Anonymous

Rosemarie, I envy you reaching Nippledom! I forgot to call today, I really meant to call the ps and get my last fill for my expander!!

Laura, oh come on, riding around in 81º in a Porshe convertible isn't really all its cracked up to be! (shhhhh don't tell Laura, but yes it is)

Michelle, hope you are feeling better real soon and take some pics of your new car!

Brenda, don't forget to mark June down in your calendar so we can do the Walk together!!

Gail, you look like you could be my sister, look at the photo of me and Teryn and then you and your grandson!!

Where's Mary??? Is she out buying a cheetah caftan??? Watch, she will find a matching turban to go with it!!

So, Tracy, did you book that boat for two for Valentine's Day. I am so excited, I already told you that my Dave and I are going up to Santa Barbara together (yes, MaryAnne, without a chaperone!! LOL)

Paula, I forgot to tell you that you are looking so healthy and beautiful, love the pic with the little boy. He is adorable! Are you coming out in August???

And Mary-Anne, where are you? Still out celebrating being Herceptin free?

And X-girl, you need a black spandex outfit to go with that name!!! Any minute now your eyes are going to turn the color of ice! I love it when you call and I hear your voice. When are you coming here? April???

TracySeattle

Kelly - YES!! I did book the houseboat (like in Sleepless in Seattle www.houseboats4two.com) for TWO nights!!! I am so excited it is all I can do to keep from telling him about it!!!

I am also going to give him a gift certificate to eat at a Castle!

My plan is to make a basket with romantic items in it: Candle, CD of Love Songs, chocolaes, split of champagne and then there will be three gift certificates:

1) A certificate for a Romantic Picnic dinner for two (this will be our dinner on the first night at the boat)

2) A certificate for dinner at the Castle

and............

3) THE BOAT CERTIFICATE AND CONFIRMATION!!!

I hope he will be as excited as I am!

Graycie

Your right Kelly, we could be sister's, well we are kind of.....
Now this is really digging back into the box of photo's..we look alike here too.

Graycie

Tracy, that is so kool....You really are a romantic. It sound's like LOVE is better for you the second time around.
I am truly happy for you.....Dave is a lucky guy.

Anonymous

Gorgeous Gail ........... Gigi! Your new nickname!

Graycie

That's funny that was my nickname when I first got married since those are my initials.....GG..I can't believe I am still up....going to bed now.......Goodnight

ravdeb

I wrote a long post and it disappeared. Not sure why.
I have no energy to rewrite what I said. I was on earlier in the day and my morning has been a chain of phone calls.

The brother of a congregant died this morning. He was mentally challenged, he had had a stroke about 3 weeks ago and they had found a brain tumor. The congregant had been caring for him. He was in a special home but she was there for him.

This congregant is going through an ugly divorce, her house was just broken into and now this. She's a new member of our congregation and is on my caring committee.

The funeral is tomorrow. I'm overwhelmed with this. I'm not sure this is what I should be doing. I've learned that there are some members who will change all their plans to be at the funeral tomorrow but most said they don't know this new member very well and they are too busy.

I started feeling like this was my responsibility. But luckily our prog coordinator has taken it upon herself to get things straight and find out what we can do to help.

I called the member. She cried the whole time on the phone. I listened to her. Then I told her that she could always call me. She is alone. I offered help..she said there was nothing she needed but our prog coordinator went to her house to see for herself and to bring some food and paper plates for after the funeral.

And then I came on the boards and read that Shellik is not doing well...they found more cancer in her brain. It's serious. I'm sad for her. She is so young.

Gail..by the way..GG is what my daughter called my grandmother..it was easier than saying Great Grandma :-)

debbie444

Sometimes it feels like bad things just keep happening. My brother rang me last night. He had just found himself in a really strange position. He has two step children ( Richard and Rebecca)and a step grandchild as well as his son. The father of his step kids ( one eyed , shaven hells angel - yes really) has just hung himself, and was found by Richard who had to break into the house to find why he could get no reply. This man walked out on them when they were young and my brother brought them up, but, at the end of the day he is their Dad. Mark ( my brother ) is now trying to support them grieving for a man who he himself really couldnt stand.
I have a horrendous cold - think i caught it at Marys birthday party!! Thankfully i do not have to work this afternoon.
GG - I had a classical studies teacher called that - short for Glamorous Gertie!!

Will look through mu old pics
Debbie

TracyNY

I see the roller coaster of emotions has pulled out again. It happens. I've told you all about my coping mechanism, I basically reject all things cancer. Even this message board is not about cancer to me, its about women who HAD cancer and became friends out of the shared experience.

I post occasionally in other forums and that is probably out of a little guilt since someone with experience encouraged me when I needed it and I reckon I should return the favor. However, I find that my memory on all that stuff is very vague, fading to black and I like it that way.

Barbados photos will be posted later on. I just logged on this early because I have a meeting at 9am and I had to check my e-mail to confirm the location. Have a great day ladies!

debbie444

Welcome back Tadah!! That is roughly my sentiment, i treat this group almost as a 'going for coffee group', which just happens to be made up of people who have dealt with cancer. It is very rare i go on other boards - to look at pictures sometimes or to look at some of the funnies people post.
Looking forward to the pictures - some of them must be of you this time!!

Paula15089

Kelly, thanks! You look gorgeous, girl! I will certainly try my best for August. Meeting you all would be my dreams come true.
Ouch, i didnt know about Shelli... I've been following her mets fight. She is so brave and strong! I just can't believe all those thigs are happening now.. first Diane, now Shelli.. I hate hate HATE this damn disease.

RoseMarie

Tracy - here's an admission of TRUE cheapness - I got the pj's from e-bay for $10.00! (they are new, btw!) There were several new-with-tags pj's up for bid...I am so cheap but I balance out my dh who is the polar opposite!
The houseboat weekend sounds wonderful!! I know Dave will LOVE it!

Gail, Kelly - you're both so pretty!

TaDah - welcome home! (brrrr)

Jeez - trying to shake the mulligrubs! I was keeping a calendar of when I was feeling low to see if it was cyclical-it seems to be. I believe I'm pms-ing...(I really don't miss my periods so I hope they don't return!!)

dEBBIE - so sorry about your congregant and everything going on!!! Hope today turns out to be a better day!!

Have a great day everyone!!! Oh, and Laura, Buddy Love will just have to come live with me...go Colts!

ravdeb

Diane received her wings...this morning. I'm not sad anymore. I was much sadder thinking of her in between life and death. Now she is at peace and hopefully her family will be at peace. There is no more to be done.

I like the idea of this being a "coffee group". I also agree..we all HAD cancer but now we are just friends because that's how we met.

I'm glad that we know we have each other to fall back on but for now...we are gonna have us some fun.

And I really need it. Hearing this congregant on the phone crying today, reading about Shelli and then Diane's death and now Debbie just wrote about a horrible death that, no matter what..he is her brother's kids real dad.. It is tooooooooo sad.

I just go an e-mail from my friend who said they are off to look at universities for their son. FINALLY! Something fun, uplifting, a break away from dread...

TracyNY..glad to see you back. I want pictures!! of YOU!

Back to the laundry...

Graycie

Ravdeb, I am so sorry.......You are such a kind and giving person I am sure you will give everyone the comfort they need. Whatever you do will be the right thing. GG is what I told my grandson to call me for Grandma Gail but he still call's me Nan....short for Nana so that is OK doesn't make me feel quite as old........

Debbie, Sorry about your brother's circumstances too. That has to be hard. I hope you feel better. Mary, shame on you giving Debbie your cold.

Why all this bad new's all of a sudden. Now Shelly.....Not sure if I can take any more. I did talk to her once in a while since we were going through the same hair issues.....I am with Tadah, by the way I am glad you are back safe and sound, I really don't want to think about BC any more than I have to. I try to push it to the back of my mind......maybe denial is the word but I don't want to think about it or I will drive myself crazy with worry. That's why I don't stray away from this thread very often.

Rosemarie, There is nothing cheap about you. You are just an educated consumer. My kind of girl........I love bargains...

To all my BC sisters, I love you all.......Try and push all bad thoughts away and Enjoy your day!

Gail or maybe I should be Gigi now.....I can be like Victoria and have many names.....
Victoria, I didn't know you wrote a novel. Very interesting....

TracySeattle

Wow - lots of sadness today. My prayers are with Diane's family and Sheli and her family.

This is the hard thing that others have warned me about when it comes to staying involved with a support type group once you have started moving on. It becomes a constant reminder. I know that most of us try to be there to support those that are suffering because we are good and caring people. But that makes it more difficult for us. I guess it is like the rest of life - there are happy times when we see others finish treatment and continue with life and then sad times when we loose our dear sisters.

I agree with TracyNY - I tend to stay away from the rest of the board. But I am pursuing the volunteer path. I am going to training next month to become a Reach for Recovery volunteer with the American Cancer Society. Dave worries that this might be too much for me to deal with - we will see, but I feel the need to do it.

Debbie - you are right! To me this is my group of close friends that I gab and have coffee (or martinis) with every day. Sometimes I even forget why we all ended up here together. I can't imagine being without all of you!

Paula - I sure hope you can join us in August! I am so excited about the fact that the plans are coming together!

Ravdeb - so sorry about your congregant. I will say a prayer for her too.....

RoseMarie - so cool about ebay!!! I will start keeping an eye open there! I actually posted some furniture for sale on Craig's list yesterday. It is kind of a cool place to surf around if you haven't done that already.

Well, back to work, thanks for sharing my morning coffee!

Love you all!

TracySeattle

OK - As I just said, I usually don't go back out onto the board anymore, but a couple of you have asked me about Diane and I wanted to know more about her, so this is what I found:

She joined bc.org on 9/6/04

She was diagnosed when she was 37 and she was 51 when she earned her wings to heaven. I couldn't find any info regarding what her original diagnosis was, but I did learn that she fought the battle through 3 recurrances. She started the Fur Children thread that is still active today.

God Bless You, Diane. We are going to miss you, may you be comfortable, warm and healthy in your new place.

ravdeb

Thanks for the information. I thought she was close to my age. I remember this...

She was a photographer and entered her photos, even when she was in chemo and not well, in some competitions. She worked until she finally realized she didn't have the strength anymore. I remember these stories..she worked in a school and the staff all pitched in and helped her finish her work days because she didn't have the strength.. I believe she worked in housekeeping..

Anonymous

I remember when the teachers pitched in and emptied the garbages and straightened the desks, another time she came to work and everyone was armed with brooms and mops. What a testiment of love!! She was certainly loved in life and will be remembered in death.

ravdeb

I'm back from a study session. I feel like a wreck. Tomorrow is the funeral for this brother of this woman in our congregation. The study session was at our center and the prog. coordinator was there and asked me if I'd take the flowers to the funeral because she hadn't gotten a hold of the other member that is supposed to be going to the funeral with me..(or me with him..whichever). So, I picked up this huge bouquet with a black ribbon with the name of our congregation on it and I carried it to the car. When I got home I put it in a bucket with some water. But..I don't know if I can do this. Not sure I can get myself to the funeral.

I haven't been to a funeral since my diagnosis. I refused to go to my dh's uncle's funeral when I was on chemo because his uncle died of cancer. I don't even know what kind of cancer. I don't want to know.

I can stay in denial as long as I don't have to face death...the death of anyone..even this guy's death that I never met in my life or his life.

But, when I have to face it...all day I've seen only black..Diane's death, this guy's death..

I will be okay once tomorrow is over. At least I think I will though I have to organize groups of people to pay condolence calls during the week. It's a tradition of ours..a week after the funeral, people come to your house to visit. My job to make sure she has food at her house. I think I'm going to pass this on to another committee member. I don't think I can do it...

Let's talk about life from now on...

TracySeattle

Ravdeb - would you dh or one of your kids take the flowers for you?

Anonymous

It seems real life is overlapping our cyber friends' lives. We had a customer here last week, he was dx'd with cancer and told he had 3 months to live, that was 7 or 8 months ago, the chemo was shrinking the cancer and the doctor said he should make it thru the end of the year. We went the extra mile with this loan and got it done super fast and jumped thru hoops and the bank did, too. Now, we call to deliver it and I talked to the wife and he under hospice care.

I just got thru crying my eyes out here at work. She told me they had planned all their lives to do lots of travelling at this stage of their lives. I told her to tell her husband that all his hard work for her will pay off, that she will travel and since I know how to drive that sucker and hook it up that I'd be there for her, tell him we'd help her if she wants us to. I am so sad that he has taken this turn for the worst when he was told he had 12 months at least!!

Sometimes I wonder why we can go to the moon but cannot cure cancer.

RoseMarie

ok, some good news regarding cancer...Mike's uncle (the musician with the brain tumor) is doing really well. He had daily chemo and radiation after surgery and there is NO evidence of the tumor left! He has to go back for MRI's every 3 months as this is a very aggressive and fast growing tumor. BUT, he played his first concert in a long time the other day and is doing GREAT! I believe my mother-in-law said that he's already back on two of his weekly "gigs." He'll have 1 week of oral chemo a month but I don't know for how long he'll have to do that...

ok...why did I think dinner time would be good time to get on the computer???

maryannecb

Hi to all,

I do visit other threads, the Her2, stage three and the picture sites. I regularly respond to new posters with questions and old posters with problems or good news.
I have very few hours in my day where I do not think about what has happened and what may happen. It seems that our group has people at both ends( and every spot in between) on the spectrum. I have chosen this space to share some of my worries and triumphs in the past year and a half.

There does seem to be a lot of bad news this week. It seems at times I am waiting for the next bad thing to happen to someone. Sometimes I wonder why I am torturing myself with checking in daily as it is only a matter of time before something bad happens to someone I have come to know through this forum. My real life struggles are hard enough.

The nicest thing about our group is that we are moving along and our whole focus has not been BC. There is an understanding between us to support each other, lift each other and contribute positive energy. But it is our BC that has brought us together. It is our BC that has taken away our complacency. It is our BC that has changed the way we look at the world.

By sharing our stories of life it is our way to show to each other that BC has not overtaken us completely.

Sorry to Ravdeb and Kelly, people close to you are troubled. It sounds like you are both there for them. They must appreciate you.

Thanks for the good story Rosemarie, sometimes we don't talk about them.

Tracy, glad you are getting in to boats. They are a lot of fun. There is nothing like drifting around in a boat. Nothing happens fast. It is so peaceful.Your Valentine basket sounds romantic, he'll love it.

Good to see you back Tracy, have any good food on your trip? Did you get to relax a bit?

Laura, thanks for noticing my absence. I was here but not feeling like posting. I am a bit like Amy, wondering if this whole board experience is good or bad for me. Sometimes I spend hours on the net and here looking for answers which just aren't there and reassurance I can't seem to find.

The minimeet looked like a great time, it must put a great stamp on our group. I am looking forward to August and will do my best to get there.

Brenda you are the shortest..Paula I am 160cm(we Canadians know both). It was awesome to drive all that way for the trip.

Victoria, you changed your name again!LOL. Are you being chased by Interpol? Your tumor markers are only infinitesimally up, don't obsess. I am sure that will be classed as within the margin of error. You know your body, you feel well you are well.

Michele, we finally have snow in NS too, and expecting 30 cm tomorrow. I hope it starts early, then I will cancel my office. Otherwise I will drag in and slide home. Nice pics of you and yours.

Debbie, you do cheer me each time you write. You are a very funny writer.

Beautiful pics Graycie, I love your long hair. Mine is like Micheles and Paulas- more lioke an Afro. Very wild and wooly.

Quite a story Debbie about your brothers family. I am sure your brother will find the right words to help his stepfamily. It is funny after people die how many good tthings people can remember...

You won't believe it.Remember how I told you of my agony in the MRI machine with my shoulder. Well, thay called yesterday, the images are not good bc there is a problem with the machine. I have to do it again. Argh...oh well this time I will take meds.

I now have a three inch scar on my back where the skin cancer was removed. Get final report in a few weeks. I am pretty sure they got it all as it was only an inch!

My kids write exams next week so am busy motivating them this week. They would rather watch TV than study...don't blame them. LOL.

Are you enjoying being Herceptin free Cathy? I am .

Fists up!