2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

ravdeb

G'mornin..no time to write!!!
Maryanne..your new avatar is great.
Paula..you are gorgeous. I thought so before when you wore the scarves, I thought so when you had hardly any hair and your new avatar is just lovely! Besides..your spirit inside is what counts and brings out your beauty.

Have guests coming from overseas tomorrow and so much to get done in my house today. And I will NOT give up on my beach. Since I also only know what time it is when I'm on the computer...the day ends quickly with the sun. I'm with ya, Victoria!!!!

Have a good day, Ladies. I love you all!

ake

ladies,

i'm having a cancer freak out day. i hate when this happens, but it happens. i'm anxiously awaiting for all the research that's going to come out from that big symposium. i worry so much that i'm not receiving the right treatment, could have done more, etc. i know it's an issue about control...i want guarantees and complete control and complete accuracy in what i have done for this shit but i know that's not realistic or possible, which drives me crazy. i just worry so much about this hormonal stuff...i'm er+,pr-...is tamoxifen even working for me? should i be doing ovarian suppression? my onc. says that the studies are not conclusive yet, but what if, what if, what if? i have my 2 doctor appts. in january...one with my surgeon just for follow up and the other is my regular 3 month checkup with my onc. i'm so nervous about these appts....worried they'll find something...worried i'm not okay. i can't stand sometimes that i'm so young because it makes me feel like i'm extra vulnerable.

aah, what to do ladies? i don't want to feel stressed about not knowing the answers! i want to just breathe and trust that i'll be okay, but today is a bit harder for that. i'm going out to lunch with my friend who is a 6 year, stage 3 survivor...she's doing great, so why can't i?

cancer sucks.

ravdeb

You ARE doing great, Amy. I hope that your 6-year survivor friend will inspire you.

You worry because you are intense and think things out on all different levels. But, Amy, yes..you are young but you are OK!

I wish I could help you get through those Bad Cancer Days. We all have them. The only thing you can do is go out and have fun and it sounds like you are going to be doing just that! That should take the edge off a bit until this bad day ends.

As for the appointments... they won't find anything at the appointments. I say this because I feel that way about my own appointments. In fact...I feel good that I have them and am looking forward to them (is that dumb??) because then I will feel that somebody is taking care of me.

Besides..what will be will be. I'm learning that. We can't change what will be. We just need to keep on plugging along and doing things that make our lives meaningful. Should something happen..well..we will know how to take care of it cuz we did such a good job of it a year ago.

So, try to smile, enjoy the fact that you feel great and well...dance naked!

TracyNY

I was pleasantly surprised to see our thread renamed, isn't that cute!! We've arrived. So many people silently keep up with our exploits.

Amy, step away from the research and go live your life. I am not trying to invalidate your concerns by any means, but you are young, beautiful, got that sexy hunk of a husband who also happens to be supportive, a wonderful obviously close and loving family, a mop of black curls that gets longer everytime we "see" you, a full travel schedule, a job you enjoy...need I go on?

We have all lost enough to cancer. Do not let it steal your joy. If you can't find your joy, look for it. I think I highlighted a few sources just now. It makes me nuts when you worry like this, life is wonderful. Stress about the tests when you're waiting for the results, we all do but in between, go play with eyeshadows, bite all the chocolates in the Whitman Sampler and put them back, have fruit cocktail for dinner and eat it from the can with a spoon!!

You will be just fine. I think so.

ravdeb

Brenda..how's that foot? I meant to ask you before!!!! How can you work with a foot like that???? Hope it gets taken care of.

Well, I'm off to visit Adam in the rehab. His daughter won't be going with us. She got a free ride over there tomorrow.

Remember when I was going to open this paint on pottery store with my friend? Well, she is opening her store today! Actually, she's sitting there now. But, she has her big opening party tonight with our congregation. So, after we visit Adam, we will go over there. It's just down the street.

So, I'd better get ready. I try to do so many things at once. Have been trying to get things ready for our guests tomorrow, work on other things...and now I must shower and leave. I get sooooooooo tired. It's so frustrating! Are you all still suffering from this??? It's ridiculous! I can't get anything done. I'm so tired..like a zombie...and my blood tests were perfectly normal!

Oh...and I'm going to meet a distant cousin in January. She's coming with a group to Israel. I know her dad well..he's my dad's cousin. But I don't know if I ever met her! should be exciting!!!

Must run. Hope everybody is having a great day.
Smile, y'all!

ravdeb

TracyNY..we were on at the same time. I'm taking some of that advice of yours that you wrote to Amy. You are a gigantic uplifter! You make me laugh in a way that makes me remember that there is a lot of good stuff out there in this world and lots of ways to enjoy it all.

I thank you for that!!!!!

Anonymous

Brenda!! So excited I will get to meet you!! Actually, I feel bad we haven't met before. Even worse, I have to go to San Diego today. You will be teaching school and I have to run to Campland by the Sea to get some contracts signed. If you weren't teaching, I'd say let's have a quick coffee before I have to get back to work. I am going to PM you my phone number so we can stay in touch better.

Victoria, sorry we won't meet YET. But we will. Cancer has changed me as well, in so many ways. You ARE that woman, just more dependant or wanting to be with Dave more ...... maybe the correct word is you and Dave are more INTERDEPENDANT.

Dev, it's probably a good thing you didn't open that store with her. Then we'd hardly see you. Have a nice visit with your family and with Adam.

Amy, my my girlie. I hear you. I just honestly can't say I have time to join you. My life is too busy to have a BAD CANCER day. I think I think about it everyday. I think about it when I hear a song on the radio or start planning for the future. Having a job and little girl and everything else keeps me on my toes and scrambling sometimes. David says he doesn't know how I keep my schedule.

Paula, you look AWESOME. You will be finding a boy rather sooner than later. I am sure of it. You asked about my "boy" and I will tell you that he is awesome. He is very honest about what he wants and where he hopes this relationship goes but at the same time he is scared. His ex was a cheater and he was raised in foster homes. He really feels like the rug can pulled out from under you when you least expect it. Obviously, I know that it can happen and it does. I was not raised in foster home but have a lot of the same issues. Since Cancer, though, I am less insecure about things like that.

TracyNY, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. They help more than just Amy..... we need to hear things like that ..... often. Congrats on your new things. I sure wish you'd venture out this way anytime. Come visit your niece, Teryn.

--------

Well, the IRS took the money. Will struggle thru until I can recoup it but that will take a while. Actually, they will have to give it back it to me and an additional $1900. My accountant revised my return and not only do I not owe them, they owe me! So, I think the next 2 months will be hard. But I lived a hard life in my 20's and was too proud to ask for help so I learned to live on pennies a day and still had my apartment, took the bus instead of my car, ate tomato soup and Top Ramen and didn't shop ...... to this day, when I would get nervous or upset, I grocery shopped instead of clothes shopped. So Teryn and I have a huge pantry fully stocked and two freezers full of food. We would not starve for a year! Of course there are credit cards but I refuse to do that. I am excited to see how G*d will give me strength to keep to our budget!!! LOL

Deedee410

I came here seeking support for my recently diagnosed breast cancer. I am young and our child is in a play school. I researched on google and found archived entries by Amy E stating she is a doctor and a shrink. I hope she will come forward and tell the ladies here this is a
lie, we are going to contact the AMA. I wonder how you think you can allay the fear of a child when you have been consumed with fear in an obsessive way. I am very sorry you had breast cancer but you have not been honest with the ladies here. What you have done may be unlawful. I hope all of you (that includes A. E.) are cured and I hope the same for myself. I have learned from one of the women on youngsurvival that Amy has written terrible things about all of the older ladies in her chemo group and also the newer members. What type of person reaches for support and then shows that type of 'support' in return.....

marymelodi

Okay, how did this terrible message get on our discussion list????

Deedee: I see this is your first post. We have known Amy for over a year and you have no right to speak of her this way. You do not know what you are talking about. This is not the tone that should be taken in this group. It is not at all welcome.

I am furious.
marymelodi

Anonymous

You're out of line Deedee ............ back away from the computer and away from Amy.

Anonymous

And I notified the moderator about Deedee's post. We need it deleted.

Just because someone is fearful in their own heart doesn't mean that they cannot support/assist others.

marymelodi

I have also sent a message to the moderators to take this trash off our board!

I cannot believe the gall of some people!

Of course this person has no identifying information on her profile here. We cannot even find out who she is. What a coward.

Mary

TracyNY

It is cowardly to attack someone publicly for what seems to be a private matter. Casting aspersion on someone's profession in a public forum is dangerously litigious waters to be swimming in. IP addresses can be traced so don't think for one second that you have anonymity. Take up your issues with Amy, she's our friend and we're not having that bullshit here. She should sue your ass.

Who has finished Christmas preparations? Everything I bought was for myself! Bwahhhh!! Not really, I'll be giving away the Ralph Lauren bags filled with perfume and beauty products to the staff at my doctors offices. All my friends work, they can buy what they want for themselves!! Xmas is for the kids.

Anonymous

I am posting my PM to her...... I pm'd her cuz I wanted to be sure she got the "message" .... but I want Amy to know how much we love her.
----------------
This was my PM:

You have a lot of nerve coming in to our thread and posting. That October thread is not for people like you.
It is for support for our October 2005 women.

You have a lot of nerve trying to defame one of our own girls that we love and care about. You are the reason people feel afraid to reveal personal things about themselves.

And if you haven't lied alread ...... about you having breast cancer, then you would understand the need for support. Amy is a wonderful young brave woman and YOU, LADY ARE A COWARD and OUT OF LINE. People like you need to stay away from people with hearts and a conscience.

Now leave us alone!

debbie444

DeeDee, back away from Amy. Whatever personal issues you may have and for whatever reason , Amy is our friend. Publicly attack one and you attack us all. It is unwanted, un necessary and unhelpful to all concerned.
Debbie

debbie444

Cant post properly yet, this woman has riled me and i have forgotten all of what i was going to say.
Debbie

Graycie

OK, I have to put my two cent's in now.......
I feel the same as everyone else. If you have a personal issue with Amy, take it up with her. We don't want to hear anything you have to say and whatever you are trying to accomplish it isn't going to work.. A part of me feel's sorry for you if you have nothing better to do with your life than attack people on a BC board. I also advise you get your facts straight because you start accusing people.....

Paula15089

Girls this is a typical forum troll behavior...In fact, we have been very lucky to not get any for so long!!
Ignore her and she will go away. Its the attention they want.

Graycie

I agree Paula, You always have good advice.....I don't think she will be back....Just a trouble maker that is all...

Curlylocks

Amy you are our sister and would never think any different of you. Please ignore the gall of this person to post such a thing about you!

Will post more tomorrow ladies, its sleepy time tonight....

Love to all my sisters.

P.S. TracyNy - your words of wisdom are wonderful and I will remember them when I have my down days.

Michele Wenz

maryannecb

DNFTT...

Hi, Amy sorry you are having a "bad cancer Day". I have them too. Outwardly I am doing it all, everything is back to normal. But there is a part of me that is still scared and troubled by this whole mess. Tracy had some excellent advice, lets take it.

Exhausted tonight, think I'll go to bed.

Good night!

Fists up!

Paula15089

Amy, i just saw your post briefly and then poof it dissapeared?? I hope you are not freaking out too much!

Do NOT pm her. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE!!

Internet comes with its dangers, but its thanks to internet we have met, so we just have to put up with such crap.. hopefully not often.

we love you girl! You are strong, warm, beautiful, you are our sister! Dont let this upset you, ok?

ake

First, thank you ladies for being my bodyguards. I am astonished about this post, completely floored, and stunned. I am beyond touched by my Rocktober ladies' support and protection. You ladies, like always, are the support I always find when it's the hardest. What would I do without you?

Deedee,

I am stunned by your post and do not know who you are. Perhaps you have mistaken me for someone else. Either way, these ladies on this thread are my life and your words are nothing but hurtful. We support each other through our fears, our anger, our sadness...every single thing we feel in regards to being diagnosed with breast cancer. I have never misrepresented myself nor do I ever intend to.

Sorry my rocktober ladies...I had to respond. I know it's best to ignore, but I'm stunned by that post. Thank you for your protection....know that you will always get mine and then some if you ever need it.

Love,
Amy

ake

victoria...your post brought tears to my eyes. i truly feel we are all sisters too. i never had a sister, so i'm quite content with my big group now

here's something random to make us all smile....made me smile in a huge way...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HttF5HVYtlQ

ake

hey ladies...i'm still confused about that post. i don't even know this person or what she is talking about! do you think she thinks she knows me or is she just causing trouble?

linny

I was away until last Thursday night, and have been very busy since coming home, and we are going away again tomorrow - I miss reading and posting, I have so much catching up to do!!

Amy, I too have bad cancer days, where I can't think of anything else, and second guess my treatment. However, like all of us, I am getting on with life, since we have no choice. Someone told me recently (a very good friend who has not had cancer, but has some very major personal problems - husband is bi-polar and abusive) that we must seize the joy in every day.

My friend with pancreatic cancer died (I mentioned her in earlier posts) - she was a very special person.

Okay, this sounds a little weird, but the hospital where I was treated (major hospital in Ontario) is offering a course called "mindfulness based stress reduction" - 8 weeks, one class per week, and you must practice at home daily for 30 min. It is basically teaching the patient (at any stage of treatment or after) how to deal with the stress that cancer brings. I can't decide if I should go or not, I am a very practical, down to earth person, not spiritual, and wonder if this will be effective.

Love to all,
Linda

Graycie

Amy, I think she (or he, it could be a man for all we know) has lost his or her marbles....Why she zeroed in on you I have no idea. Unfortunately there is a lot of sick people in this world. I really don't think we will hear from her again. If you notice she registered today and that was the only post she made. I think she came on just to be nasty. She said she has BC and was looking for advice. Obviously not true. But, don't you worry we love you and nothing she can say can change that. Just forget about her. She is just jealous of us Rocktober girls... Like I said, a lot of sick-o's out there....

Hey, Are you having Desperate Housewives' withdrawal? Ha

Gail

ake

i am in total desperate housewives withdrawal...it's going to be hard to remember what was going on before it went on hiatus!

Anonymous

Kelly: I'm on holiday break till the 2nd of January! Where are you? How long will you be in San Diego? We had a field trip at Campland once.

Amy: We love you, Amy. Don't let one negative post bother you. Deedee probably needs a lot of help, I mean a lot.

Nothing much to say about my foot. I had a blood test today, and an x-ray. X-ray results will be in a couple of days, blood test longer. Hope it's just arthritis!!

ravdeb

Amy..was shocked by that thing! We've been lucky not to get anything on our thread thus far.

Don't take it personally. Just somebody who has nothing else to do with his time....

Be well everybody.

Brenda..hope all is well and enjoy the vacation..