2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

Graycie

Ravdeb, What is the time difference there? It seem's like you are starting your day and it is in the middle of the night here.

ravdeb

We are 7 hours ahead of you in NY. So, yea..you are sleeping and I'm starting my day!

Before my lumpectomy, one of the residents that would be in the surgery with my surgeon, explained the entire procedure to me. He took an object on his desk..a pretty big object..and said that they would be taking approximately that much out...all the margins..WHEW! that was quite a bit. He told me that they weren't plastic surgeons and to expect big loss, etc. It really didn't affect me. He was only taking out the margins (and snb) because the tumor was out already in an excisional. It was 2 cm.

I expected to see a huge dent in my breast but there wasn't anything like that and now after rads, it's bigger than my other breast!

I'm working on some art stuff that is not coming out the way I wanted it to. I go through so much paper! ugh!!!

Not in the mood, I guess. I'm just forcing myself to work because I gotta get some of this done.

I hope your depression, blues, whatever it is, goes away. I hate when I get like this. I really don't feel all that well and I worry about that, too. Why do I feel sick? I don't think I have a virus. I know what that feels like. I actually sometimes feel nauseous but not like so sick that I'm going to BE sick...just a weird feeling... Tired, sad, wishing I was in a different place emotionally...

Tomorrow will be another day.

I'm mad, too, that my insurance for my ct didn't come through and I had to cancel my second appt. Didn't even bother making another one since who knows when they will decide, if they do decide, to allow me to have one. My neuro-ophthalmologist is writing another letter. We'll see if that helps. But, her first one didn't help and it was a good letter.

Ha..my oncologist, when they wouldn't give me the Taxol, wrote that it will cost them MORE money if I'm hospitalized because of that. Didn't work. She wrote that I'm a high risk...still didn't work.

Am frustrated...

maryannecb

Laura, my fingers,toes and eyes are crossed for a good report tomorrow. I hope they tell you right away.

Beautiful pics Ravdeb. I hardly recognise your precancer pics either. Hope your spirits start to lift. Maybe you need chocolate-life is good!

Tadah, liposuction...when you are finished your remodelling we will need before and after pics too.LOL. Give your sweey Mom a hug from all of us. Have a great visit with her.

Graycie, were you stage 1, like Ravdeb too? I would have opted for lumpectomy had my cncer been smaller but...

Debbie-peacocks run wild where you are? How cool. Around here we hit skunks or deer. If we hit a moose we don;'t usually live to talk about it.

Wow the pool is taking forever Kelly. Will it still be warm enough to swim when it is done? We had snow yesterday so no swimmimg for me until next July.

Rosemarie I developed chording after rads but it has resolved, hope your does too. It was uncomfortable.

My husband leaves for Switzerland next week. He won't be back until May! I'll miss him. It is hard to have no in home support with my daily life but I will manage. We spent the weekend at the cottage. Had some nice walks and tidied up around the property.

Nice to see you back Brenda, how was your walk?

Hi Victoria, hope the kids kept you hopping and happy this weekend. Nothing like a houseful.


Fists up!

ake

Hi ladies,

I'm back from my trip. Didn't care too much for St. Thomas but completely and utterly fell in love with St. John. It was beautiful....absolutely beautiful. When we checked into our hotel in St. John, the man told us we had been given an upgrade on our room. It turns out that guests of the wedding that had a pool view rooms got upgraded because there was construction.

Well....the upgrade was a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, jacuzzi, villa with a full living room and kitchen. We had a backyard with our own private enclosed pool with a water fall. I'm not kidding. It was just for me and my husband. We had a party with all the guests, went swimming constantly, and just enjoyed the island. We were like little kids when we saw our villa....screaming and yelling and running through the place. We couldn't believe it! I attached a picture of our pool

I'm trying to catch up with all the posts and will respond to all of them....Ravdeb....I hope you're feeling a bit better. I get depressed sometimes soon....how could we not? In my support group the other night we all got into a serious conversation about death....it was nice to be able to talk about that scary part of breast cancer. The one thing we all said was, "I'm not letting this shit be the end of me." That's not how I plan to go out...from breast cancer. I know I have no control over that, but at least it makes me feel stronger.

Laura...I'm thinking of you...I'm sorry you're feeling worried, but I'm knowing in my gut that you are still great and okay

I missed my October ladies

Love,
Amy

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ravdeb

Wow Amy..that is soooooooooooooooooooooo beautiful! What fun that must have been!!! I would probably go screaming through the villa like a little kid, too! I do that when we go to a regular hotel..I check out the bathroom to see what kind of shampoo and bubble bath they have! Get all excited about that! What fun you had!!!

Well, Victoria..my hair was STRAIGHT with a touch of wave to it in that pic. Today it's curly. Of course, maybe my curls will relax. My mom told me that her friend who had chemo and then chemo curls just had her hair cut again and the curls are gone. So...that may happen to me. But I won't look like my past anymore. I've been through too much and I'm getting older.

I know that we can't look back and we should all look forward. But I'm feeling stuck in today.

I can eat dark chocolate (high cholesterol), so I do, maryanne!!!

When it stops raining, maybe I'll feel better. I suffer from dreary weather and have to turn all the bright lights on. I tried to conquer this a few years ago and would drive to the beach in the rain and watch the waves crashing and the rain blowing, trying to see something good in it. I did enjoy that but, it's still dreary.

However..that is what I plan to do today. And gotta buy me some new bras cuz the radiated breast is now larger than before and is falling out of the new bras I bought last spring. I don't want any of those fashion people to catch me like they do on TV!

So, Victoria..how was the weekend with the family?

Have a good week everybody.

debbie444

Ravdeb , do you have SAD ? My friend has this and gets depressed as winter comes. She has bought a daylight box and sits in fromt of it for 30 mins in a morning and that stops it. She took tablets for depression and allsorts before that.
Maryanne - peacocks dont roam wild, not sure where that came from!!!! Anything more than a fox or hedgehog is out of teh ordinary. He is going away for HOW LONG ?? How do you do that? The longest Roger and myself have been apart since we started going out with each other , never mind married ( apart from me going in hospital) is 1 night. What does he do< Something for the SEcret SErvice? An explorer finding new countries????

Had a great weekend, i always enjoy bonfire night. This year we went to a party on Saturday night, where after fireworks and eating way to much parkin and barbecue, the kids ran around the woods with torches searching for the mad monk! Sunday was my neices 18th so we had a party after which all of the family went to an organised firework display. It felt like a normal , carefree weekend.
Amy - WOW. I too am in the Ravdeb camp, happy if i find mini toiletries and individually wrapped biscuits!!

Thinking of you Laura
Debbie

ravdeb

Okay Ladies..today is the day we pile in with Laura!!! Those who want to read the magazines in the waiting room are welcome.

I've brought you some chocolate, Laura

Debbie..I don't know if I have SAD or not. I think maybe I do. I really get wierd during the winter months here. I used to like the winter in the States because there could be cold days but the sun would shine. Here it gets damp and dreary. And we've had a lot of rainy days early in the season..unusual. I've never liked the winters here. I like the first few rains because it gets clearer out and less dusty but after that... I have a problem!

Wow..bonfire night, Debbie. That sounds neat. But what's this thing about looking for the mad monk and what is "parkin"?

And yes..if I get a piece of chocolate on my pillow in a hotel, I'll usually return to that hotel!!!

RoseMarie

Lol, that was my question too, Ravdeb. (parkin...mad monk??) sounds like fun - whatever it may be! Torches are flashlights...right? For a moment I had a picture of kids running through the woods with fire-lit torches...scary thought.
Amy - WOW!!! That is awesome!!! I'm so happy you guys were able to have such a wonderful time!!
MaryAnne- I remember your husband was gone for a long time last year too. That must be so hard!! Mike travels a lot so he's often gone through the week but he's nearly always home by Friday - I can't imagine him being gone for 6 months!! You are one strong lady - I really admire and respect you!!!

I'm bringing the coffee...who would like a cup while we rally around Laura???

Thinking and praying for Laura....

RoseMarie

by the way, Ravdeb, your kids are beautiful!!

ake

I'm bringing some mindless movies for distraction and some things for manicures and pedicures while we get together and spend our time with Laura.

I'm thinking about you!!!

Love,
Amy

debbie444

Yes - torches are flashlights! But after seeing them all with sparklers in their hands you arent far wrong.
Parkin is a type of heavy gingery cake which for some reason only gets made at Bonfire season.
As for the mad monk, well. The house where we were at stands in about 3 acres. It used to be a plant nursery but has been 'let go' by the woman who owns it as she is in her 90s and now in a home ( its the cousin of the mum of our friends - we didnt just pick on a site at random!) so what used to be beautifully landscapes is a childs paradise of overgrown thickets, strange clearings and lonely statues. At night its kind of spooky, especially when the adults ( who really should know better) kept hiding in the undergrowth making scarey noises! in the house there are some paintings by someone long gone , and one is of a headless monk. It didnt take much convincing to make the kids think thats what they were hearing!

Here we are doing a head count to make sure the monk hasnt got anyone!

Your kids are lovely Deb, it seems strange to see people with kids as old as that - i just presume you are all the same age as me!!

Debbie

debbie444

And here is Mark coming up from under the floor in the living room after plumbing the conservatory radiator in . Knew there was a reason we had kids!!

Paula15089

Victoria, nooooooo... i want my curls to stay!!!!!

Ravdeb, great pics! my god, you are unrecognisable with long hair. You look wonderful with both long and short hairstyles.

Laura - everything will be fine. You'll see!

Amy, you lucky girl.. now i feel like going for another holiday!!

debbie444

I think we should all post pre chemo hair pics!!

ake

I like this idea

Ok, the first picture is of me and the hubby right when we left for our honeymoon...we were a bit tired. But that is what my hair always looked like and how it was (a bit redder....it came back a lot darker)

The other picture is me and the husband post-chemo....it's a picture from our vacation over the weekend. I can't decide which hair I like better.

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Graycie

Off to work and of course I will be stopping by to be with Laura, but just thought I would check in before I go...
Amy I like your hair both ways....You would never know that is post chemo hair. It looks like you had it cut like that. It has really grown. Mine is still real short, still waiting for a style.

Have a good day everyone. I don't have time to read all the post's so I will be back later.

Graycie

ravdeb

Amy..you look about 15 in the first pic! Now you still look young, but more adult-like! And I know it hasn't been that long!!!! Funny what hair can do to you, huh?

At any rate..you look gorgeous in both!!! Your hair looks a lot longer than when I saw you in the summer. Looks great. Did then, too.

Wow...that is so fun, Debbie! Sounds like you hang out with fun people.

Sorry for sounding so foreign..but what is bonfire season anyway???
We have a holiday here later on in the year where we light bonfires. You can see them just about everywhere you go. The kids sleep around the bonfire. Adults have sing-alongs around the bonfires. Haven't been to one since my kids were little. We used to go to theirs. Now they have their own and don't want their parents around.

Yep...my kids are OLD! It's funny now to think that I have adult kids. Well..my youngest is a senior in high school. He goes to the army next year. I'll have 2 kids in the army for one year. Pray for no more wars, please!!!

Laura... we are with you!!!!

TracySeattle

Hi All!!!

I have the flowers for Laura!!!

I had a wonderful weekend. It all started out with me cooking the scrambled eggs for the Pancake breakfast. This is a BIG Honor considering I am the first woman that they have ever let actually be on the cook line for the breakfast!!! LOL!!! They made a big deal out of it and it made me feel good. I acutally even snuck over and cooked a few pancakes! ;-) The Pancake Grill is a total Man's kingdom...... It is time these guys moved into the present and out of the past!!! Of course, once they figure out that the women are capable of doing it - they will all be at home asleep while we are running the breakfast!!!

I met Dave's daughters, son-in-law and Grandson. All were wonderful and I think they liked me.....

Yes, we are headed away together and yes, I have totally fallen for him. We are taking the physical part of the relationship slow and not sure exactly what will happen this weekend, but I guess we will just see where it goes.

Ravdeb - I feel so bad that you are depressed and hurting... I wish I could just come over there and spend some time with you. We would laugh and laugh and laugh.... It would be so much fun!

Paula - PM me your address so that I can send you our Rocktober Girls CD!!!

The CDs are all packaged up and ready to go to the mail!! Can you believe it????

Well, things are still crazy at work, so I need to run. Wish I had more time to hang out here with all of you. I miss you!

Hugs!!! Happy Monday!

debbie444

We have bonfire night on 5th November ( to do with Guy Fawkes trying to blow up the Houses of parliament ). It is also my neices birthday so it is a kind of tradition that we go to my sisters to be fed, then all down to a civic bonfire to watch the fireworks together.
Amy - i think i like your new hairdo the best !

ravdeb

Debbie..that is definitely interesting and sounds like fun. Always a reason to party, I say!

AHHHH TRACY!! In love!!! I think that is wonderful!!!
I love the fact that you snuck over to the pancake grill..well if it were all men, I'd do that too!!!!

So, I REALLY think that we should all think seriously about our Rock-tober girls get together!!! I say..sign up now for this gala event!

Tracy..I'd love to laugh the day silly with you!!! I could use that.

Just had my flu shot. I walked over to the clinic. It's funny but I feel better at night walking than during the dreary gray day. Something about the night is enchanting and not dreary even though it's dark. And it's not all that cold. I felt colder during the day!

I met my neighbor there..the one with the lung cancer. Feel so bad for him. He said that basically his first chemo did nothing for him and they are hoping this next one will help. But, of course, part of the set of chemo treatments the insurance refuses to cover! I just can't believe this! He has tried other drugs and they haven't worked. Now they are going to just play games with his life???? He's very depressed. Not only that, he went for a second opinion (after we pressed him to do this) and the other doctor who is really a specialist in lung cancer, said that the rads he did were also useless because of where they were targeted. Totally did nothing for him!

I wish he'd leave that hospital. The specialist he spoke to is moving to where I went for treatments. I left the place he is at. Was very unhappy there.

Very worried about him. I am only just now getting to know him, of course. We have something in common. Sad,huh?

But, my walk did me good and I feel better but like I said, I have been doing better at night.

Laura..anxious to hear from you. Have been thinking of you all day.

Anonymous

I am so touched by your posts! You really helped me through my appt. this morning! I knew you were all with me and I can't thank you enough...the room was large enough for all of us! You are so thoughtful...the flowers, the manicure, pedicure, everything was so helpful! You guys are awesome.

I'm in limbo and playing the waiting game again...The mammo showed nothing suspicious but they said the tissue is extremely dense (this is nothing new) and hard to know for sure if something is there or not. The US showed all three lumps, 2 of which they think are cysts and the third is questionable. I'm trying to remain optimistic. When the US tech left the room to get a Radiologist, I knew something was up. The Radiologist said that the questionable spot concerned her because the edges aren't clean and smooth. I guess edges are the same as margins.?.?. I'm wondering how likely/often a cyst appears with edges like this? I was so shocked I didn't think to ask this. The tech and the Radiologist mumbled to each other about their concern because the spot was very dark too. I don't think that's a good thing. I asked her if she thought it is cancer again, and she said she could not say with certainty yes or no. But she did say it is not overwhelmingly obvious that it's cancer.... so that's good. I am scheduled for a core biopsy next Monday. The core biopsy I had when I was originally diagnosed was horrible~the tumor was hard as a rock and the Rad. had to jab me 15 times to get a core tissue sample of it. So needless to say, the memories of it still - to this day - haunt me. I'm hoping this time around will not be as painful. I maintained my composure until I drove out of the parking lot of the hospital then I lost it. I'm somewhat numb now and having a really weird surreal feeling. All I can do is remain hopeful, I just don't want to ever have to have chemo again. Keeping very busy for the next week will help, so that's what I must do.

I love all the new photos...

ravdeb...OMG/WOW I can't believe your jet black hair...you really went from one extreme to the other! You all look beautiful!

Amy -
You lucked out big time in St. John and boy did you deserve it! You two look so great together! My vote is the short haircut you now have vs. the long cut. A more sporty and confident look and it seems to match your personality...IMO

Graycie -
Hi there...I take Plaquenil for arthritis and it does help. Could your hip pain be caused by a pulled Peraformis (sp?) muscle? My mom had that and got a cortisone injection and it relieved the pain. I'm happy your bone loss is minimal..that's great news.

debbie -
You are so funny with the camera...and your subjects are always so accommodating (ex: Mark's head coming out of the floor)!

Brenda -
I hope you will post walk photos! Was it fun?

Tadah -
Congrats on the nip and tuck date!

Kelly -
Yes, Teryn is the Little Mermaid and you are Daryl Hannah!

Rosemarie -
CORDING SUCKS...what really helped get rid of mine was my dh massaging it every night - faithfully - for a solid month. It really worked! I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Victoria -
I just love your southwest style! You really add some spice here!

maryanne -
I remember last year at this time when your dh had to leave. You are so strong and independent. I envy that. And didn't you visit him and that's when you had the photo taken of you at the top of the mountain with your fists up?. I still think that is one of the best photos I have ever seen.

marymelodi -
Where are you?

Cindy, Sherryhaire, Cathy, Jill, Linny, everyone else...hi there, hope you're all well!

Laura

TracySeattle

Amy - I like your short hair too!

Ravdeb - I also like your lamb curls!

Graycie - when I got my results from the bone scan, there were two different areas reported on. The Spine which was fine and the hip which showed minimal loss.

Laura - I HATE that you are havig to go thru this. You are in my prayers and I am thinking only good thoughts for you!

Everyone else - Hi! More later!

Paula15089

Laura - hang in there!
You are one tough cookie, you will get through this.
Its not cancer until its proven to be one. And it hasnt been, right?
how big is the spot?

Anonymous

Tracy -
Thanks!

Paula -
"About the size of a dime". Thanks...you are absolutely right...there's still a chance that it's just a cyst. Where there's hope there are possibilities!

Laura

marymelodi

Laura:
I'm back. Haven't been able to read or do anything on the computer for a few days. Very busy at work and we did not have our connection at home until Friday. Out all day on Saturday and most of Sunday.

Thinking of you and this latest wrinkle in life. I am hoping that the news will be that there is no significant problem.

Bless you,
Mary

ake

Mary...I like your new avatar....is that how your hair looks now? It's long!

Tracy...your post made me smile...it just made me happy. So fun to be falling in love Can't wait for the CDs

Laura...I'm thinking of you. I know it sucks. That's the best way I can sum it up. It's not fair for anyone after this past year to have to go through the initial scariness all over again. But, even though the routines are the same (mammo, US, biopsy) doesn't mean that the outcome is the same. When I found my hard area and had a mammogram and biopsy in May, I was so sick to my stomach, but even more so, I was just plain pissed. So angry. No one deserves cancer but I really felt it would be unfair if I got it again. I remember crying when I got the biopsy done and my husband just looked at me and said, "Whatever it is, you'll handle it. You handled it the first time and if G-d forbid, it's cancer, you'll handle it again. If worse case scenario, it comes back, that doesn't mean you can't handle it." I remember taking a deep breath and just feeling calm all of a sudden...when we're scared, we forget the strengths that we have inside. You will get through this and you will be able to handle anything. I know it. Just take deep breaths. And see if they can get your results back ASAP so you don't have to wait. I pretty much threatened to go postal if my results weren't back in a day and I got them. I told my doctor I literally couldn't function if I didn't find out the results soon. See what you can get...it's not fair to have to wait.

I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of good thoughts. Just keep breathing.

Love,
Amy

Paula15089

Um... trying hard to remember the size of US coins!! damn chemo brain... but its small, right?

marymelodi

Amy:
thanks! I'm trying to figure out how to share the "big" picture with everyone. I think maybe I'm going to get it right. I'm using PhotoBucket.

This was taken 3 weeks ago on the day we moved our offices from the first to the fourth floor. I'm working so I look a bit funny (at least in my own eyes).



Yeah, my hair is getting long. I have to fuss with it now, which I never did like to do. But, it will take a curl from the hair dryer or a curling iron, which it never did before. I'm playing with it all the time. Like to twirl the curls in the back.

Mary

TracySeattle

For our 2007 Rocktober Girls Weekend at Laura's how about the weekend of October 5, 6,7 and 8??? If we pick a weekend early in the month we may be more likely to have nicer weather? Also - for me, this is a 3 day weekend....

What does everyone think? Is there a weekend that works better?

Anonymous

Amy -
Thanks for the encouragement! I appreciate it!

Paula -
OMG I was laughing so hard...I didn't realize you don't have dimes! LOL A dime is about the size of the tip of a thumb! LOL Or...I think about maybe 1cm?

marymelodi -
Great photo - your hair is really cute!

Tracy -
Good idea...early in the month it's almost a guarantee the weather will be decent. Can't wait for the cd!

Everyone -
One of the 2 songs I requested be put on the cd...well let's just say I hope it's not too annoying? It relates to my screen name here and my passion for fast cars...

Laura