please help

Mjmitchell - thanks for your wise and encouraging words. It's strange - we live in 2 worlds - there is the tragic world of pain and sadness and then there is the beautiful, happy world. Sometimes when I am feeling really happy, I think that there are so many people out there that have just had really bad news, have been injured or are sick etc and then, when I'm sad I think that there are people at that moment that are filled with joy and are looking at the world in such a different way! Then there are just the daily ups and downs of the day when your mood is unrelated to outside events. I have to admit that when I feel down, it's hard to see the good in life even though you know there is beauty and things to be thankful for... I think this is where friends like the wonderful women here help you to build a bridge back to the good world. It might be Shirlann telling us that delightful story of Cleo's dear little paw lifting her eyelid - such a gentle, sweet thing - it really brought a smile to my face. Or it might be the beautiful photos of the sweet sisters and their kids and grandkids, the big defiant statements about bootface - "Cancer Stinks"! But mostly, it is everyones' kindness, encouragement, humour and love.

I bought an Eva Cassidy cd this week. The first track is "What a Wonderful World" - it is just SO beautiful. What a voice that beautiful soul had!

My interview was very encouraging and it looks as though I will get some work - when they get their funding. I went to talk with the principal of a school. He was such a nice man! The school is in the middle of a very rough area - so many social problems, child abuse, parents in jail, drugs, lots of dysfunction. Yet I came away with a really good feeling about the school. If you have a good principal it makes such a difference to the morale of the staff and that helps with the kids.

So, to cut to the point, I am hoping to go back to school as a teachers' aide. The pay is pretty good and you don't have the same stress levels. If I feel more confident after some time doing that, I may go back to teaching. I had such bad experiences in my first year doing relief/casual teaching that I felt a complete failure. The kids have such a collective attitude towards casual teachers - law of the jungle applies. This lovely principal I met today said that he taught as a relief teacher for a while and he completely lost his nerve and believed he was no good as a teacher. I found that SO encouraging! He felt like that and now he is head of a really challenging school. It really made my day and I feel that at last I have some goals and something to strive for. The last 2 years really knocked the stuffing out of me!

Saw a good saying on a desk in an office today. Old Japanes proverb: "Fall down seven times, get up eight". I am going to apply that to myself - I need to toughen up!

Gosh, I have raved on tonight. As you can tell, I love to write! I think I forgot I was online and thought I was writing in my journal! 

Sue, so great that you are feeling a teeny weeny bit better. Thank you everyone for your encouraging words to our precious Sue and equally precious Karyll - praying so hard for both of you girls. Karyll - enjoy the pampering from your sweet friend - I bet it will give her so much pleasure to spoil you! And wonderful, selfless Ulla, facing your own chemo and yet searching for encouraging information and passing it on to Karyll. Many hugs of thanks to you for being such a darling. I so hope that your final chemo treats you a little less harshly.

Thanks so much Valerie for giving us a bit of news about Val. It's good that she is able to take the pills and is not having bad s/effects. (((((Valsul))))) 

Lisa, please rest and take it easy this weekend - that's an order! You have to heal up and be strong for you surgery. It's great that you have such a good medical team and your p/s has a great reputation. You will be even more gorgeous!

Mel - loved your post and your encouraging words. You are fantastic! 

Hi Lucy! Love that name - but I love Poppy too - one of my favourite flowers!

 You might remember me telling you about Pooch (same one who saved the cat's life). Well, he was such a gentle dog. Whenever he caught a rabbit, he wouldn't hurt it at all. He would just hold it down and look at me as if to say "What do I do now?" I would tell him to let it go and the rabbit would go leaping away - I would have to tell him not to chase it again! He just liked chasing rabbits - but he couldn't bring himself to hurt them. He was such a  unique dog!

All those I haven't spoken directly to - Karen, Val, Wren, Sheila, Angie (this is really good mental gymnastics! Oooh - squeezing that grey matter - Mia, and anyone that I haven't mentioned - lots of love and I hope you all have a good weekend. It's nearly 10pm here so off to bed I go.

gb xxx 

I don't have a cancer sucks tshirt but I have this one.....................for all you Monty Phython fans out there..........it was taken last summer after a VERY hot dog walk!!!

 It was about 6 months after I finished rad's - note the hair length.  Oiyee!!

Lisa - check out the words on the fireplace - look familiar??

Karen - mailed the book today, you should have it by Tuesday.

AE 

Interesting about the correlation between bc and gall bladder, Mia. Will be thinking of you on Monday - so sorry you have to go through this.

Karyll, hope you are being distracted from your worries, relaxing and being thoroughly pampered! All you girls deserve at least a week at a health resort where you are waited on, massaged, soothed and fed whatever you desire (well, maybe not a health resort - just a hedonistic resort!).  

Sue, I so hope you can get reassurance about you sternum pain asap. You don't need all this extra pain and worry - as if enduring the chemo isn't enough! Aching bones are a common s/e so it's sure to be related directly to the red devil. Sunday is nearly here and another day off for you but I bet you make a delectible roast dinner for your darlings instead of resting.

(((((Ulla))))) - thinking of you and praying that you are not feeling too dreadful after your last treatment. I am SO glad your chemo is now finished. We will have to have a cyberparty when you are feeling better! 

Karen - what a relief about your precious mom. So happy she got a benign result. By the way, Portia looks great. Pink hair is fine - better than a lot of other things! When my youngest son Will was about 13, he and his mates decided to bleach their hair. He didn't like the way their hair was looking so he compromised and just did his eyebrows! He has very dark brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin and he looked SO odd!

Valerie - love the photo! Very cool and understated! I'm a Monty Python fan - "only a flesh wound" "there's a dead bishop on the landing" "blessed are the cheesmakers" etc etc. 

It's Saturday morning here and I don't have to go anywhere. Woohoo!

Hugs,

gb 

Hi Sue! You know , I had a problem with my sternum a few years ago. I still have pain if I do to much repetitive motion involving my chest. It was  , gosh , I hope I remember this correctly , its been awhile , the fluid and tissue that are where the ribs attach to the sternum , became inflamed. And Sue , it hurt soooo bad. I had to take a soma-compound. And it was weeks before I got relief. I hope you feel better soon. You really need a break.xxxx

Melody - good point you just made to Sue. Also, Sue - there are lymph nodes all over your body - the lymphatic system is a bit like the blood system. So there are a lot of nodes over your chest. The main lymph vessel (the one all the small ones drain into - can't remember its name now) is in the middle of your body, behind your sternum. So perhaps the pain is lymphatic? Who knows...I just think that the body must go into full-scale protest at having all this gunk pumped into it and it aches everywhere to try to get you to stop torturing it. In the long run it recovers and leaves the bootface as a smouldering heap of impotent ashes.

gbxx 

Hi Karen , I ment to tell you , I love Portia's hair! She is just expressing herself , thats great. She looks really pretty I think. My son loves blue , so yep , at times his hair had a blue hue to it! Its all apart of "finding themselves". Hey , maybe a streak of pink in your hair would be fab!lol

My little Lilly is in pain today. I gave her some pain meds when I got home from work. She is sleeping right now. The vet said , the younger they are , the quicker they get over it. I hope so. Hope your having a good evening.xxxx Melody

Ulla , I hope you are home and resting. I'll save the yahoos for when you post.xxxx

Hi momma mia , good to see you. Only two more to go , you can do it! I think we all say , especially at the end of tx , we are not going back. But we do. You can do it!xxxx

Lisa , no more "stuff" on your posts! How'd ya do that? Hope you had a good day. Is your leg getting better. Take care of you. Feb is coming up fast. xxxx

Auntie Em , love the t-shirt! Your hair is quite abit longer now , isn't it?xxxx

Hugs to all , hope you all have a great weekend. Melody

Sue - repetitive work really upsets your lymph after bc surgery. I find it  hard to vacuum or do vigorous housework now. I walk and I go to Curves at least 3 times a week. The exercises at the gym are not overly repetitive and I know that exercise in moderation is good at warding off LE.

I used to work in a factory packing biscuits and I got a repetitive strain injury on the same side as I eventually got bc (just a coincidence). So how much more vulnerable you are doing repetitive work after bc surgery. You are such a trojan Sue - really, really valiant - but I do worry about your arm with all the repetitive work you do. Can't they give you a job there that isn't so physical?

gb 

Sue - I have never heard of someone getting more cancer while they are having chemo - I think the chemo is particularly good at stopping cell division so it just wouldn't be able to grow. Am I talking through my hat? I am sure I read that somewhere. Somebody with a bit more medical knowledge, help us out here!

gb 

Hi all,

    Wow Ulla, Happy for you and your last treatment. Blowing my horn and throwing confetti for you.

   Karen, glad to hear about your mom. She sounds like mine. Since my dx she has put herself on the backburner. No matter what I tell her, if she has any problems her response is " it's nothing compared with this, let's get you through this". At least your mom went to get checked.

   Sue, you asked me about my treatment. Right now I am on TAC which is taxotere, adramycin and cytoxan. I get that every 21 days. I have one treatment under my belt with 5 more to go. The next being Jan 31. The 1st one went okay. Really drained for the first couple of days, and minor nausea. My hair is coming out past 2 days. Very lucky this round. I decided to just take each day one at a time. Reading the boards has helped.

    I do have a question, is it normal for my eyes to be pink? I have noticed this and my lid is a little red.

   BTW I love the shirt. I'm going to have to get one. 

   gb lucky you with a Sat to yourself. I have 4 kids so I forgot what that was. LOL

             With love,

Hi Angie. I don't think it is normal. are you sure you don't have pink eye? Does it hurt? You might want to call your onc and ask.

Wow , four kids , you always have busy weekends!lolxxxx

Sue , that bobble head Tom is a real a$$wipe. He sold out , so he doesn't care anymore. I'm sorry. Maybe the new management will be a blessing in disguise. Hope so.xxxx