please help

my3girls

just a test...no symbols on that above post..so I had to post again!?? hmmm...that's great if it stays that way!! haha

geebung

Mjmitchell - thanks for your wise and encouraging words. It's strange - we live in 2 worlds - there is the tragic world of pain and sadness and then there is the beautiful, happy world. Sometimes when I am feeling really happy, I think that there are so many people out there that have just had really bad news, have been injured or are sick etc and then, when I'm sad I think that there are people at that moment that are filled with joy and are looking at the world in such a different way! Then there are just the daily ups and downs of the day when your mood is unrelated to outside events. I have to admit that when I feel down, it's hard to see the good in life even though you know there is beauty and things to be thankful for... I think this is where friends like the wonderful women here help you to build a bridge back to the good world. It might be Shirlann telling us that delightful story of Cleo's dear little paw lifting her eyelid - such a gentle, sweet thing - it really brought a smile to my face. Or it might be the beautiful photos of the sweet sisters and their kids and grandkids, the big defiant statements about bootface - "Cancer Stinks"! But mostly, it is everyones' kindness, encouragement, humour and love.

I bought an Eva Cassidy cd this week. The first track is "What a Wonderful World" - it is just SO beautiful. What a voice that beautiful soul had!

My interview was very encouraging and it looks as though I will get some work - when they get their funding. I went to talk with the principal of a school. He was such a nice man! The school is in the middle of a very rough area - so many social problems, child abuse, parents in jail, drugs, lots of dysfunction. Yet I came away with a really good feeling about the school. If you have a good principal it makes such a difference to the morale of the staff and that helps with the kids.

So, to cut to the point, I am hoping to go back to school as a teachers' aide. The pay is pretty good and you don't have the same stress levels. If I feel more confident after some time doing that, I may go back to teaching. I had such bad experiences in my first year doing relief/casual teaching that I felt a complete failure. The kids have such a collective attitude towards casual teachers - law of the jungle applies. This lovely principal I met today said that he taught as a relief teacher for a while and he completely lost his nerve and believed he was no good as a teacher. I found that SO encouraging! He felt like that and now he is head of a really challenging school. It really made my day and I feel that at last I have some goals and something to strive for. The last 2 years really knocked the stuffing out of me!

Saw a good saying on a desk in an office today. Old Japanes proverb: "Fall down seven times, get up eight". I am going to apply that to myself - I need to toughen up!

Gosh, I have raved on tonight. As you can tell, I love to write! I think I forgot I was online and thought I was writing in my journal! 

Sue, so great that you are feeling a teeny weeny bit better. Thank you everyone for your encouraging words to our precious Sue and equally precious Karyll - praying so hard for both of you girls. Karyll - enjoy the pampering from your sweet friend - I bet it will give her so much pleasure to spoil you! And wonderful, selfless Ulla, facing your own chemo and yet searching for encouraging information and passing it on to Karyll. Many hugs of thanks to you for being such a darling. I so hope that your final chemo treats you a little less harshly.

Thanks so much Valerie for giving us a bit of news about Val. It's good that she is able to take the pills and is not having bad s/effects. (((((Valsul))))) 

Lisa, please rest and take it easy this weekend - that's an order! You have to heal up and be strong for you surgery. It's great that you have such a good medical team and your p/s has a great reputation. You will be even more gorgeous!

Mel - loved your post and your encouraging words. You are fantastic! 

Hi Lucy! Love that name - but I love Poppy too - one of my favourite flowers!

 You might remember me telling you about Pooch (same one who saved the cat's life). Well, he was such a gentle dog. Whenever he caught a rabbit, he wouldn't hurt it at all. He would just hold it down and look at me as if to say "What do I do now?" I would tell him to let it go and the rabbit would go leaping away - I would have to tell him not to chase it again! He just liked chasing rabbits - but he couldn't bring himself to hurt them. He was such a  unique dog!

All those I haven't spoken directly to - Karen, Val, Wren, Sheila, Angie (this is really good mental gymnastics! Oooh - squeezing that grey matter - Mia, and anyone that I haven't mentioned - lots of love and I hope you all have a good weekend. It's nearly 10pm here so off to bed I go.

gb xxx 

mommy_mia

Hi lovely ladies!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while...and very sorry that so many of us are having a tough time.  I just love everyone's photos.  What a gorgeous group we have here!

Karyl & Ula, if it helps at all, I think the taxotere is a pretty hard one to take.  My first taxotere was rough on me too.  I was great for the first 3 days (while I was still on steroids), then I crashed and literally couldn't get out of bed for a few days. 

With the taxotere, it felt like there wasn't room in my body for all my organs (stomach, gallblader, intestines, liver).  Like they were screaming in pain and I couldn't get comfortable no matter what position.  Literally like there was no room inside me for everything and it was all trying to fit into place, but didn't.

Also, I wanted to tell you about something I've found that's coincidence, but strange.  It's about gallbladder and breast cancer.

Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was having A LOT of pain on my right side behind my ribs.  Up at night in tears kind of pain.  Every time I ate, pain came back.  Doctor told me likely gallbladder and sent me for ultrasound...which did not show gallstones, but I was still in pain.  After a couple of months of this, he sent me to a surgeon for more ultrasound and to discuss removing my gallbladder.  My appointment with the surgeon which was actually to discuss my gallbladder became a discussion about my biopsey and breast cancer and how quickly he could get me in to remove the lump.

Since then, I have met SEVERAL women with a common denominator of gallbladder problems and bc.  A girl who worked for me and was diagnosed 1 year before me had her gallbladder out about 1 year before bc diagnosis.  Another girl that was sitting across from me at my last chemo was telling the nurse that she was really seeing a surgeon to have her gallbladder removed and it was during the pre-surgery physical they found the lump/bc.  And there are others with similar stories that I have heard.

I don't know what it means, but it does seem too much to be a simply coincidence.  Since your gallbladder is involved in processing/removing waste from your body, I wonder if it has something to do with trying to remove the cancer cells.  Or reacting to the fact that there is something BAD in your body.

I think I preferred the nauseau of the FEC to the pain that the Taxotere caused.  And I still have to more to go...I'm DREADING Monday, Jan. 28th.  I'm normally a very strong person and I honestly feel like playing hooky and not going on Monday.  Of course, I will...but the thought keeps lurking in my mind.  The smell of that place...drugs mixed with beef barley soup that they are serving for lunch...ugh!  I can't do it...oh ya, have to do it.

Karyl - you are in my thoughts.  I just know that everything will be ok when you find out your results.  Just a few more days.  It does seem that taxotere is hard on the digestive system so that has to be what it is.

Hugs to all,

Mia

sueps

                      

portiasproudmom

Good morning all you lovely ladies.  Just a quick one for now--Portia has a half day of school today and will be home soon.  Then I have to take her to the grade school where she helps out with the little ones twice a week.  She LOVES it!  They must look at her with her pink hair and bright eye makeup and think she's a clown!  Whatever the reason--they enjoy her. 

I'm thinking of Ulla this morning.  She's probably finished with her treatment by now.  Hang in there, Ulla.  We're here for you sweetheart!  You're done!!!!!!!!!  How exciting!

Shirlann, I loved your story about Cleo.  How sweet!!!  It made me smile.

gb/Janie, I also enjoyed the story about Pooch.  What a sweet, gentle dog!  My dogs would tear the poor little bunny to shreds! 

Mia, how interesting that correlation between the gallbladder and bc is.  I wonder if there really is a connection.

Good morning to the rest of you as well--Sue, how are you feeling??  Valerie, Wren, Lucy, Lisa, Melody (how is your sweet Lilly this morning?)--love and hugs to you all!

I'll be back later.

Hugs,

Karen

sueps

Hello Everyone xxx

Well I just got a bath cos when I crash ....I have no !! oooopsss hope...I keep getting all me words mixed up today ... been a very hard day!!!

Wow Lisa ...you fixed ya posts...how did ya manage that!! You're a whizz...I bet your really tired getting up so early!!! xxx

Ulla I have been thinking of you today..and hoping you are OK ...I imagined you taking your bus ride to the city...I am so glad its your last one....you have had such a rough time of it...and now look ..you have almost made it ...hold on tight these next weeks WILL pass ...xxx

Shirlann god bless Cleo!!! I went on photobucket before and had to do a double take ...I though she was Zippy...my how they look alike!!! She is so clever too!! Zippy would not be half as soft..he used to wake me up by giving me a sharp peck on my nose....they call it a lovebite...it doesnt feel like it when my eyes are pouring with tears ...lololol  xxx

gb...what a lovely post  xxx  I am so pleased you are finding some pathway in this "world" I only ever imagined that the UK had those kind of rough hotspots....it is so very sad...but you will bring much happiness and value to the life of children who desperately need it!! You are an inspiration...and what a wonderful head you spoke to ...I admire teachers so much...so very much...and I am extremely pleased with all my boys schooling....sending kids to school is no mean feat!! Worry worry worry....xxx

Karen xxx Portia is doing so well!!! My boys used to love older children helping them out...they used to say Miss such and such came to read to ud...funny cos they were only teens....I think Portias' hair is ab fab........you have two great kids !!!

Mia I hope Karyll is reading your post..it makes so much

sense...I am so glad you were able to offer this and such a time ...and what an amazing connedtion with the gallbladder!! xxx

Well I got my bone scan appt thru for nxt Weds ...but I am going to try and get one locally ...then I can come home while the dye takes 3 hours to work. The appt as it stands is at chemo hosp in Manchester...and I cant bear the thought of going there on a none chemo day so far away ...xxx My sternum hurts like hell..it makes my eyes water xxx

Really fed up and down still...I am trying to pick up but its so hard.

I am thinking of you all in my haze 

Much Love xxx

portiasproudmom

I hate to think of you in such pain, Sue.  I hope the scan shows something simple that they can address to alleviate your discomfort.  I can't imagine what it could be, but I'm not a doctor.  I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, but I'm so glad you're getting it checked out.

I forgot to tell you all about my sneaky mom!  When I was diagnosed with bc, for some reason, she decided that she was done with mammograms.  She figured that since she was almost 80, that there was no need.  As you can imagine, I was not pleased with that comment.  I convinced her that she HAD to go, especially now.  Well, she went about 10 days ago, and they saw something on the  mammo!  She didn't tell me because she didn't want to upset me.  Can you imagine?  She had an u/s and they determined that it was a cyst.  I guess it was there at her mammogram last year already, but they didn't tell her.  They were just keeping an eye on it, and it's grown.  I'm so relieved that it's not cancer.  I don't know how I would have handled that.  But I wouldn't have wanted her to keep it from me either!  Yikes, I hate this damn bootface!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way, I have a t-shirt that says "Cancer Sucks".  Love it!!!!!!!!

Love to you all,

Karen

livesstrong

I don't have a cancer sucks tshirt but I have this one.....................for all you Monty Phython fans out there..........it was taken last summer after a VERY hot dog walk!!!

 It was about 6 months after I finished rad's - note the hair length.  Oiyee!!

Lisa - check out the words on the fireplace - look familiar??

Karen - mailed the book today, you should have it by Tuesday.

AE 

 

livesstrong

Ok, now down to business.

Ulla - where are you??  Doing my happy dance for you.

Sue - I have been meaning to ask you, are you on any anti-depressants??

Lisa - love the pics - you look fabulous!!! 

Ok, let me get this straight - Poppy is Lucy and gb is Jane????  Like I might

 remember that!!! 

Shirlann -  love the kitty story.  Gotta love the 4 legged creatures, they bring such joy into our lives!

Well - TGIF- thats all I have to say.

bbl,

AE 

geebung

Interesting about the correlation between bc and gall bladder, Mia. Will be thinking of you on Monday - so sorry you have to go through this.

Karyll, hope you are being distracted from your worries, relaxing and being thoroughly pampered! All you girls deserve at least a week at a health resort where you are waited on, massaged, soothed and fed whatever you desire (well, maybe not a health resort - just a hedonistic resort!).  

Sue, I so hope you can get reassurance about you sternum pain asap. You don't need all this extra pain and worry - as if enduring the chemo isn't enough! Aching bones are a common s/e so it's sure to be related directly to the red devil. Sunday is nearly here and another day off for you but I bet you make a delectible roast dinner for your darlings instead of resting.

(((((Ulla))))) - thinking of you and praying that you are not feeling too dreadful after your last treatment. I am SO glad your chemo is now finished. We will have to have a cyberparty when you are feeling better! 

Karen - what a relief about your precious mom. So happy she got a benign result. By the way, Portia looks great. Pink hair is fine - better than a lot of other things! When my youngest son Will was about 13, he and his mates decided to bleach their hair. He didn't like the way their hair was looking so he compromised and just did his eyebrows! He has very dark brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin and he looked SO odd!

Valerie - love the photo! Very cool and understated! I'm a Monty Python fan - "only a flesh wound" "there's a dead bishop on the landing" "blessed are the cheesmakers" etc etc. 

It's Saturday morning here and I don't have to go anywhere. Woohoo!

Hugs,

gb 

honeygirl

Hi gb-Jane! I'm so glad you have a Sat. all to yourself. Its great , you can do what ever you want , or not! gb , you are truly an expressive writer. I love to read your post. Its like reading a novel sometimes. You describe things so nicely , I can see the things you write about. Thank you so much for being wonderful you!xxxx I think its wonderful that you will be involved with teaching again. Just from knowing you here gb , I think you will be fabulous at it. It is very difficult in todays world to help our kids learn and be responsible people. But its people like you that make it possible . God bless you gb-Jane , your gonna do great and it sounds like you got a really good boss.

What a gentle , sweet dog pooch was. That is really amazing for a dog with there natural instincts and all. Sweet little bunnies got a reprieve!lol

Have a great day Jane.xxxx

honeygirl

Hi Sue! You know , I had a problem with my sternum a few years ago. I still have pain if I do to much repetitive motion involving my chest. It was  , gosh , I hope I remember this correctly , its been awhile , the fluid and tissue that are where the ribs attach to the sternum , became inflamed. And Sue , it hurt soooo bad. I had to take a soma-compound. And it was weeks before I got relief. I hope you feel better soon. You really need a break.xxxx

geebung

Aww...shucks, Mel, you made me cry with your kind words. Love you.

gbjane 

sueps

Hello Melody  is Ladylillyput recovering  xxx

gb, I love reading your posts , they are so refreshing and uncomplicated....you have a great attitude  xxx

Anut EM I am om anti ds' I am now taking 20mg a day...I dont think this is enough now...what is the general therapuetic dose patients usually adapt to ...I wonder...xx

I AM SO WAITING FOR BRIGHTER DAYS ...WILL I EVER GET BACK TO NORMAL  XXX

I want to move forward before I have finished tx...think thats my problem xxx

Much Love xxx

sueps

Oh yeah gb your pooch broughtt a lump to my throat...god I love animals xxx I really do xxx

Melody....do you think doing repetetive work may be the cause of it...did it hurt when you drove ....My right side is used heavily at work...xxx

I desperately want and need a weeks holiday..but now I am in limbo once again TYPICAL...with this sale going through...I want to be around to meet my new bosses..so I will have to wait a while...I am the only manager there...we are open 17 hours a day...surely the new company will give me a deputy manager or assistant xxx I cant run the place on my own it is extreme stress and hard work xxx

All I want is this take over...and then start a holiday xxx

geebung

Melody - good point you just made to Sue. Also, Sue - there are lymph nodes all over your body - the lymphatic system is a bit like the blood system. So there are a lot of nodes over your chest. The main lymph vessel (the one all the small ones drain into - can't remember its name now) is in the middle of your body, behind your sternum. So perhaps the pain is lymphatic? Who knows...I just think that the body must go into full-scale protest at having all this gunk pumped into it and it aches everywhere to try to get you to stop torturing it. In the long run it recovers and leaves the bootface as a smouldering heap of impotent ashes.

gbxx 

sueps

Can it be cancer if I am on chemo do you think...my margins were deep...I just dont know what deep margins are....xxx

honeygirl

Hi Karen , I ment to tell you , I love Portia's hair! She is just expressing herself , thats great. She looks really pretty I think. My son loves blue , so yep , at times his hair had a blue hue to it! Its all apart of "finding themselves". Hey , maybe a streak of pink in your hair would be fab!lol

My little Lilly is in pain today. I gave her some pain meds when I got home from work. She is sleeping right now. The vet said , the younger they are , the quicker they get over it. I hope so. Hope your having a good evening.xxxx Melody

Ulla , I hope you are home and resting. I'll save the yahoos for when you post.xxxx

Hi momma mia , good to see you. Only two more to go , you can do it! I think we all say , especially at the end of tx , we are not going back. But we do. You can do it!xxxx

Lisa , no more "stuff" on your posts! How'd ya do that? Hope you had a good day. Is your leg getting better. Take care of you. Feb is coming up fast. xxxx

Auntie Em , love the t-shirt! Your hair is quite abit longer now , isn't it?xxxx

Hugs to all , hope you all have a great weekend. Melody

sueps

AE I love your picture..I love that room ...and I feel nice and warm seeing you on my laptop in my bedroon thousands of miles away...you are in my heart...xxx

geebung

Sue - repetitive work really upsets your lymph after bc surgery. I find it  hard to vacuum or do vigorous housework now. I walk and I go to Curves at least 3 times a week. The exercises at the gym are not overly repetitive and I know that exercise in moderation is good at warding off LE.

I used to work in a factory packing biscuits and I got a repetitive strain injury on the same side as I eventually got bc (just a coincidence). So how much more vulnerable you are doing repetitive work after bc surgery. You are such a trojan Sue - really, really valiant - but I do worry about your arm with all the repetitive work you do. Can't they give you a job there that isn't so physical?

gb 

honeygirl

Oh Sue , I call her(lilly) that too!!! Boy we girls here sure are connected aren't we?xx Sue , I've heard of "wide margins" , being they got a large amt of tissue around the bootface , which is good. I'm not sure how they are using the word deep , like did they have to go deep , but got a clear margin? Or is deep used like wide?

Oh Sue , you do need a holiday honey. When will the take over happen?

I would put in for a holiday about three weeks after they take over if I were you.

geebung

Sue - I have never heard of someone getting more cancer while they are having chemo - I think the chemo is particularly good at stopping cell division so it just wouldn't be able to grow. Am I talking through my hat? I am sure I read that somewhere. Somebody with a bit more medical knowledge, help us out here!

gb 

honeygirl

Sue , when I had the imflamation , EVERYthing made it hurt. I took the soma compound , and used gobs and gobs of bengay on it. I stunk , but it seemed to make it feel alittle better. Then I got smart and switched to aspercream so I didn't stink so!lol

Angie59701

Hi all,

    Wow Ulla, Happy for you and your last treatment. Blowing my horn and throwing confetti for you.

   Karen, glad to hear about your mom. She sounds like mine. Since my dx she has put herself on the backburner. No matter what I tell her, if she has any problems her response is " it's nothing compared with this, let's get you through this". At least your mom went to get checked.

   Sue, you asked me about my treatment. Right now I am on TAC which is taxotere, adramycin and cytoxan. I get that every 21 days. I have one treatment under my belt with 5 more to go. The next being Jan 31. The 1st one went okay. Really drained for the first couple of days, and minor nausea. My hair is coming out past 2 days. Very lucky this round. I decided to just take each day one at a time. Reading the boards has helped.

    I do have a question, is it normal for my eyes to be pink? I have noticed this and my lid is a little red.

   BTW I love the shirt. I'm going to have to get one. 

   gb lucky you with a Sat to yourself. I have 4 kids so I forgot what that was. LOL

             With love,

geebung

Melody, please give dear little Lilly a gentle pat for me. She will heal up quickly being so young. The vet did a really botched job on my last cat and he had to go back for a re-incision, the poor boy. However, he did heal up quickly. Wish they didn't have to have it done but unwanted kittens are such a big problem. My silly neighbours have multiple cats that produce huge numbers of kittens and it's just really cruel - poor little things.

gb 

sueps

Yes Mel I definitel definitey need a hol and 3 weeks after takeover...I just got all this list for our first meeting to get off of my chest as it is stressing me...I have been running that business for Tom under chemo etc and he has only been around once since Xmas...DIABOLICAL...

gb I am thinking and hoping it is repetetove injury...it makes my eyes water..

I think deep means close margins...if you have close margins they are between neg and positive...my tumour was too close too chest wall to get a good wide margin round it....BUT  the oain I have is just to the side of that...oh dear

I NEED A HOLIDAY...ITS ROTTEN TAKEN A HOL WHILE YA NOT WELL THOUGH LOL  XXX

Work is going way down on my list at mo...I need to look after no 1 as I am struggling...and I want to spend time with two of the most patient boys I know...xxx

THankyou for your help sisters xxx

sueps

Awww Angie 4 kids ...lol...what are their ages...and names xxx

Its soooo good to see you back...I reckon we will finish our treatment around the same time ...I am having rads too ...are you ...Please stick with us Angie..I find it comforting to know another trip neg....xxxx 

I hope you are having a nice evening  xxx

sueps

I am not on taxotere..so I wouldnt know about the pink eye...my eyes do get blurry and a bit sticky though xxx

geebung

Angie - lovely to hear from you. Sorry you are going through this. I hope you will draw strength from the others who are going through similar treatments here. I brought up my 3 sons mostly on my own so I know what it's like with kids. BUT - having 4 of them and going throught this! - I find women like you just amazing. You are going to need a lot of support though. That's where the great women on this forum help out. Practical help is not usually possible but the love and support here is just so awesome.

Hugs,

gb 

honeygirl

Hi Angie. I don't think it is normal. are you sure you don't have pink eye? Does it hurt? You might want to call your onc and ask.

Wow , four kids , you always have busy weekends!lolxxxx

Sue , that bobble head Tom is a real a$$wipe. He sold out , so he doesn't care anymore. I'm sorry. Maybe the new management will be a blessing in disguise. Hope so.xxxx