What do I tell my potential, new boyfriend?

sorry about your cowboys Traci.  I did get a little pleasure out of seeing T.O. cry though.

Marin, I vote for the widower, so Architect and Well digging grandpa don't really win points, but I'll tell you right off the bat, that the well digger IS NOT THE ONE.  Not even for right now.  Even if you guys mesh so well on so many levels, the fact that you are not at all attracted to this guy, and that he really looks his age, will not be enough for you.

Close your eyes, and start thinking of being intimate with architect.  Now do the same with the well digger. 

Exactly.  He's not the one.  And it's clear that he likes you, so to maintain a friendship would be a little selfish, unless you make it clear that for right now you're keeping all options open.

I am secretly hoping that the widower will take your breath away, but if not, the architect has my vote for date #2, and 3.

Marin ... This is for you!!!

OMG, y'all, my saga has taken a somewhat dramatic turn (did I really sign up for this?). Country Boy/Older Guy emailed me yesterday to inform me that he knows who he wants to be with and it's me and, so, he has decided to not see anyone else but me. Okay, so we've only known one another for less than 2 weeks and have only had 2 dates. The communication, as I've said, has been incredible and I have felt very meshed with him from the start. BUT, based on all of your wonderful advice and my own gut, I know that I don't want to see him exclusively, at least not now, and maybe never. So I replied that I feel I need to continue seeing others and I mentioned that i might be looking for other qualities "like physical attraction" (I thought it was a kind segue into introducing that issue). Well, he was clearly upset and angry when he emailed back and wants us to discuss this in-person. I suggested a coffeehouse and he wants us to meet in his (isolated) office Friday night. It's starting to creep me out, actually, and I can just see my corpse on an episode of "Snapped." So although I initially agreed (I'm so stupidly naive!), I'll need to insist on a more public place. I don't think the conversation will go well and wish he'd just back out, but I feel as though I owe him an explanation at least. Geeeeez! In the meantime, my Architect guy is sending me sweet, funny little emails. We're going out on Sunday. I have the Widower (are ya reading, Beth?) lined up for dinner on Saturday. So I'm thinking that just the two might be more manageable, ya know?

Oy....the messes I get myself into! That site should be called "too many fish" instead of "plenty of fish"!!!

~Marin

Oh, forgot to add...got more email from Architect guy and he's so sweet. Said that since I'm having such a crazy-busy week, we should kick back on Sunday rather than kick it. He also claims that he's feeling like he's 17 again! Niiiiiice. I'd like to be 17 with him I think !

~Marin

Marin,

Oh my girl, you do have yourself in a little situation.  I agree with Bren, you don't owe this guy anything!! Red flags are waving...don't ignore them!! I had plenty with my ex...and I did ignore!!

I think Tracy's advice on email is ok. But DO NOT MEET THIS GUY!! NO, NO!!

Enjoy your dates with the other two.  They sound NORMAL!!

Good luck!

Lisa

Wow, I have missed out on alot.  I have forgotten to check this forum lately and you guys are going wild.  At least Marin is  LOL  Marin, you better let the country boy loose.  Although saying I don't want to be exclusive because you are not my physical attraction match probably hit a nerve....oops!  LOL  My last long term dating guy I had I was in that kind of situation, dating one guy who was totally hot and what I liked, but he wasn't as into me as I was him.  the other guy was not what I am physically attracted to but he adored me.  I ended up with the 2nd guy for about 8 months.  Then after we started to get comfortable dating he quit his job and I guess he thought I would let him move in with me and I take care of him.....NOT!!!!  That was the end of that one.  LOL

Reading all this is motivating me to get back out there again seriously.  I am finally breaking all ties with my past employer and am having more free time on my hands than necessary, why not get my free hands busy!!!!!

I am off to check out this fish webisite!

good news in the land of love girls!  Matthew and I have an appt. on Sat with a ring designer to make my engagment ring!!

I'm really excited.  I'm glad that we're doing this part together, b/c the main stone of the ring belonged to my Great grandmother and is from 1918.  We're designing a custom setting with pink stones in the band for breast cancer...the whole thing is really special, and I never thought about mtg with a custom designer to achieve my dream ring! 

I'm trying to maintain SOME element of surprise, so this is the only time I will have anything to do with it.  Then I'll just be kind of waiting, probably acting like a silly girl, and trying to look good every time Matt asks me to go somewhere, wondering, IS this going to be the day he proposes? LOL....

Maybe valentines? who knows?

Beth, that sounds exciting. my first engagement ring diamond was round and the wedding band had small diamonds and rubys wrapped around it. That set is now melted into a teardrop shape with the jems mounted on it. My current set is a princess shape and wrap with oblong and round diamonds going out along the band on either side.  I know the answer to Marin's question, have a virtual reception!

Marin, good luck Saturday.

Sheila

Traci and all....just want to say that I'm so glad you started this thread! I'm 60 and am having the same problem, not knowing how to mention this to men. Actually, since Sept. when I was dx, I I hadn't even considered dating again yet. But I've used internet dating on and off for several years and have no hesitation doing so going forward. I've had my best luck with Match.com but I know there are lots of others. I'll share my theories on those sometime. LOL. I have recently met a professor who's first wife died of breast cancer 15 yrs ago when their kids were 4 & 6...we've met in person a couple of times and he's been calling alot to check up on me - not sure where it's going yet but I like him alot and his attitude about my cancer. And the fact that he listens to gives me lots of support.

I just had my first chemo tx. 2 days ago and haven't had any SEs yet...  so it will be interesting to see how this plays out. I told him I went wig shopping the other day and he asked lots of questions. Anyway, I'm due at work and will write more later but thank you for a very necessary topic for those of us who are single and still hope to have a meaningful relationship in our lives.- it's a delicate situation.

Okay - I know the lingerie discussion has sort of segued over to the other thread,but since I haven't been here for a few days, I haven't been able to say CONGRATULATIONS, Beth! Yippee! It sounds as though it will be an extra-meaningful ring, with the center stone from your family's past, the pink to represent part of what you have triumphed over in your life, and the ring itself to represent your future together! How romantic!

I'll bet he is hoping to give it to you on Valentines Day, but that's a really tight timeline for a custom ring. Fingers crossed!

Oh - and I vote for a destination wedding somewhere warm and tropical: Bora-Bora or St. Barts over St. Moritz or Aspen.

So excited for you!

Lisa

lisa   you will be ready to go into the dating world and we will all be here- all your sisters who forged before you!!!  hahaha we all our wordly advice

denise  when i was bald and going thru my chemo i didnt feel like dating anyone !  but time passes quickly and before you know it your hair is back and you are feeling stronger and ready to start living again !  i even have the pony tail i was dreaming about all thru my tx again   i finished chemo aug 06  then dbl mast sept 06 then finished reconstruction jan 07  and here i am with a great boyfriend and a ponytail  : ))))

it will happen

xoxox