What do I tell my potential, new boyfriend?
Comments
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Dang Marin....I don't have a clue what you should do. I just wanted to let you know you are my hero, lol.
Keep us posted!!
Bugs
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sorry about your cowboys Traci. I did get a little pleasure out of seeing T.O. cry though.
Marin, I vote for the widower, so Architect and Well digging grandpa don't really win points, but I'll tell you right off the bat, that the well digger IS NOT THE ONE. Not even for right now. Even if you guys mesh so well on so many levels, the fact that you are not at all attracted to this guy, and that he really looks his age, will not be enough for you.
Close your eyes, and start thinking of being intimate with architect. Now do the same with the well digger.
Exactly. He's not the one. And it's clear that he likes you, so to maintain a friendship would be a little selfish, unless you make it clear that for right now you're keeping all options open.
I am secretly hoping that the widower will take your breath away, but if not, the architect has my vote for date #2, and 3.
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Hi Marin,
Thought I'd jump in here for a second. Seems you've got a couple of things going on here. The widower, who is 63, sensitive and on your wavelength, just not your physical type and the architect who appears to be more polished and more your physical type. They both seem to be respectful, good, kind men.
What is it you want from a relationship? A longterm committment, marriage, great sex, best friend, financial security, hot chemistry? The list may be really long. I did a spreadsheet on this one time and had about a hundred things on it. I then put my both my ex-husband's and last ex-boyfriend in columns across the top, to see how they each stood up to what was really important to me. BTW, my spreadsheet started at the top with what was most important to me and my list continued down the page. Since it was MY list, I put everything down, even added strong hairy arms and a couple of tattoos! It was amazing what I discovered about my choices and the picks I had made!!
What I realized is my picks were made on how the men felt about me, not the other way around!!
BTW - Good kisser is way high on the list!!
love ya gal!
Bren
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Marin ... This is for you!!!
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marin its 4 am couldnt sleep and read your post
will type more tom but here is my advice
take a deep breath relax and just enjoy getting to know all three of them before making any decisions- i have been in the same position as you and probably got rid of the right one too soon
its just dating and we tend to take it too seriously thinking too much about it- sometimes the physical attraction happens when we least expect it i say dont eliminate anyone yet!
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OMG, y'all, my saga has taken a somewhat dramatic turn (did I really sign up for this?). Country Boy/Older Guy emailed me yesterday to inform me that he knows who he wants to be with and it's me and, so, he has decided to not see anyone else but me. Okay, so we've only known one another for less than 2 weeks and have only had 2 dates. The communication, as I've said, has been incredible and I have felt very meshed with him from the start. BUT, based on all of your wonderful advice and my own gut, I know that I don't want to see him exclusively, at least not now, and maybe never. So I replied that I feel I need to continue seeing others and I mentioned that i might be looking for other qualities "like physical attraction" (I thought it was a kind segue into introducing that issue). Well, he was clearly upset and angry when he emailed back and wants us to discuss this in-person. I suggested a coffeehouse and he wants us to meet in his (isolated) office Friday night. It's starting to creep me out, actually, and I can just see my corpse on an episode of "Snapped." So although I initially agreed (I'm so stupidly naive!), I'll need to insist on a more public place. I don't think the conversation will go well and wish he'd just back out, but I feel as though I owe him an explanation at least. Geeeeez! In the meantime, my Architect guy is sending me sweet, funny little emails. We're going out on Sunday. I have the Widower (are ya reading, Beth?) lined up for dinner on Saturday. So I'm thinking that just the two might be more manageable, ya know?
Oy....the messes I get myself into! That site should be called "too many fish" instead of "plenty of fish"!!!
~Marin
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Yikes Marin!!
Trust your instincts. Don't meet this guy in an isolated location. If he's sending you angry emails and being insistent on discusing this face to face after only 2 dates, I'd be very cautious. If he won't meet in a VERY public place, don't talk to him at all anymore!!! You don't OWE him an explanation for anything.
Red flags are flying on this one!
love your pic's by the way!
Bren
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Thanks Beth. Freaking Baby. (T.O.) : )
OMG!!!! Marin, no wonder he's upset...you said "your nice and all but I want to keep datin' 'til I find physical attraction"!! LOL! Dang girl, you are blunt. (Very good quality IMHO)
I would email him back and tell him that you would rather discuss this through email before meeting again. Say just that. If he is unwilling to do that small, practically effortless thing to discuss the situation, than he's out of here!!
BTW....what website are you on?? Fish what??
: ) Traci
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Thanks, girls. I had already decided not to go and, as the day goes on, I'm just feeling like letting it all go with him. If he can get that possessive and angry without hardly even knowing me, can you imagine the future drama I can expect? Not worth it. I think that if he was 'the one," as you suggested, I'd be physically attracted to him as well. Maybe I'll just cancel the meet-up and encourage him to vent via email, as you recommend, Traci.
The website is www.plentyoffish.com It's a freakin' bottomless ocean, though I think it depends alot on your geographical area. Can't hurt to check it out, that's for sure. I was about to completely give up the online thing when I discovered it!
~Marin
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Oh, forgot to add...got more email from Architect guy and he's so sweet. Said that since I'm having such a crazy-busy week, we should kick back on Sunday rather than kick it. He also claims that he's feeling like he's 17 again! Niiiiiice. I'd like to be 17 with him I think
!~Marin
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Gotta kiss a lot of frogs!
-My daughter keeps asking how many before the prince arrives and I wish I had an ans. for her. She's 38, stayed in a relationship for 8 years with a guy who couldn't commit, and now is out there trying to date for the past year.
She's had a lot of frogs and some who looked like princes, but didn't live up to the standards of gentlemen. Guess that's what online dating is like nowadays, jus stop calling or whatever, with NO explanation.
Keep kissing these guys and enjoy the dilemma, something will change to help with decision making.
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Marin,
Oh my girl, you do have yourself in a little situation. I agree with Bren, you don't owe this guy anything!! Red flags are waving...don't ignore them!! I had plenty with my ex...and I did ignore!!
I think Tracy's advice on email is ok. But DO NOT MEET THIS GUY!! NO, NO!!
Enjoy your dates with the other two. They sound NORMAL!!
Good luck!
Lisa
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Marin Jesus Christ, do me a favor, you don't owe psycho country boy anything. DON'T MEET HIM.
Um, hello? Can we say, after two weeks he's already displaying his jeckyl and stalker hyde personality?
Yeah, not so much thanks. None for me. Thank you, drive through.
DON'T CALL THIS WEIRDO EVER AGAIN.
Loving architect's verbal flirtation. It's a great appetizer for sex.
I'm liking him so far, but I can't wait to hear about the widower on Saturday. I've got high expectations.
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Wow, I have missed out on alot. I have forgotten to check this forum lately and you guys are going wild. At least Marin is LOL Marin, you better let the country boy loose. Although saying I don't want to be exclusive because you are not my physical attraction match probably hit a nerve....oops! LOL My last long term dating guy I had I was in that kind of situation, dating one guy who was totally hot and what I liked, but he wasn't as into me as I was him. the other guy was not what I am physically attracted to but he adored me. I ended up with the 2nd guy for about 8 months. Then after we started to get comfortable dating he quit his job and I guess he thought I would let him move in with me and I take care of him.....NOT!!!! That was the end of that one. LOL
Reading all this is motivating me to get back out there again seriously. I am finally breaking all ties with my past employer and am having more free time on my hands than necessary, why not get my free hands busy!!!!!
I am off to check out this fish webisite!
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Oops, I missed the post about the country guy, stalker. Please disregard the above! And kick that guy to the curb!
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o.k. Marin, it's been more than a day.....what's happened?????
: ) Traci
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Welllllll, not much since I've been busy as hell at my regular job and teaching extra aerobics classes this week. BUT, Architect Guy gets sweeter with every email. He has suggested (but asked if it was being too forward....how cute is that?) that I let him cook for me and build a fire for me on Sunday at his place because I've been working so hard this week. And I'm totally going to let him! And maybe even let him do a little more for me too
! He really has me melting....can you tell???As for Country Boy, I'm emailing him tomorrow to say I won't meet him and I'll suggest either a public meeting or a phone call. Then I'm done. I am NOT looking for drama!
I'm excited about Saturday night with the Widower too, Beth. He's been emailing about some of his advocacy work and I like his tone. It doesn't sound like he's grieving so desperately that he's obsessed or anything, but only that he's realized how important the issues around health care & cancer are in this country. When he discusses it, he sounds like Lance Armstrong. I hope he's as cute!
LuAnn.....I'm so excited that you're thinking in the right direction, girl! You deserve a good man, so get moving!!!! As I'm now seeing, there are more than plenty of fish in the sea....ya just gotta be willing to try a variety of lures to get a good catch!
~Marin
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good news in the land of love girls! Matthew and I have an appt. on Sat with a ring designer to make my engagment ring!!
I'm really excited. I'm glad that we're doing this part together, b/c the main stone of the ring belonged to my Great grandmother and is from 1918. We're designing a custom setting with pink stones in the band for breast cancer...the whole thing is really special, and I never thought about mtg with a custom designer to achieve my dream ring!
I'm trying to maintain SOME element of surprise, so this is the only time I will have anything to do with it. Then I'll just be kind of waiting, probably acting like a silly girl, and trying to look good every time Matt asks me to go somewhere, wondering, IS this going to be the day he proposes? LOL....
Maybe valentines? who knows?
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Oh Beth, that is beyond exciting!!! Do you know what shape diamond you like? Mine was so tiny that I could barely tell it was round, but I think if I had another opportunity, I'd like a teardrop. Or is that bad luck/depressing? Oh well, that's not in my crystal ball right now, but I'm really thrilled for you!
Question though....how will you fit ALL of us into the reception hall?
~Marin
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Beth, that sounds exciting. my first engagement ring diamond was round and the wedding band had small diamonds and rubys wrapped around it. That set is now melted into a teardrop shape with the jems mounted on it. My current set is a princess shape and wrap with oblong and round diamonds going out along the band on either side. I know the answer to Marin's question, have a virtual reception!
Marin, good luck Saturday.
Sheila
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I want to elope-- kind of destination style-- so if you can fly somewhere on short notice-- you'll be there.
more importantly, Marin- what r u wearing Saturday night?
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Marin, your ring comment made my drink almost come out of my nose!! LMAO!!!!
I agree with Beth...what r u wearing Sat Night???
: ) Traci
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OMG BETH ! i am soooo excited for you! a destination wedding is the best! i would do it if i was to do it all over again
i will help you in the planning anyway i can
the ring sounds incredible - just as incredible as the guy!!!!
love
julia
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Traci and all....just want to say that I'm so glad you started this thread! I'm 60 and am having the same problem, not knowing how to mention this to men. Actually, since Sept. when I was dx, I I hadn't even considered dating again yet. But I've used internet dating on and off for several years and have no hesitation doing so going forward. I've had my best luck with Match.com but I know there are lots of others. I'll share my theories on those sometime. LOL. I have recently met a professor who's first wife died of breast cancer 15 yrs ago when their kids were 4 & 6...we've met in person a couple of times and he's been calling alot to check up on me - not sure where it's going yet but I like him alot and his attitude about my cancer. And the fact that he listens to gives me lots of support.
I just had my first chemo tx. 2 days ago and haven't had any SEs yet... so it will be interesting to see how this plays out. I told him I went wig shopping the other day and he asked lots of questions. Anyway, I'm due at work and will write more later but thank you for a very necessary topic for those of us who are single and still hope to have a meaningful relationship in our lives.- it's a delicate situation.
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OMG, y'all....we now have our own SINGLES forum! Let's see if we can get this thread moved over....or, if not, we can start a new one. I just don't want to lose the posts that are here already!
What am I wearing Saturday? A snowsuit, if the weather forecast is correct! Under that, though, I'm wearing black city shorts (with a cool chain ankle bracelet), black sheer tights, a form-fitting melon-colored, ribbed turtleneck and, for shoes, I need to go to his profile to check his height. I'd like to wear these toughass (Steve Madden?) heels- black with silver studs- but if he's under 5'11" or so, I'll have to rethink it. Wish I had some cool flat boots, but whatever. Frankly, I'm already thinking ahead to what lingerie I'm packing for a potential sleepover with the architect! Yeah
.~Marin
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Okay - I know the lingerie discussion has sort of segued over to the other thread,but since I haven't been here for a few days, I haven't been able to say CONGRATULATIONS, Beth! Yippee! It sounds as though it will be an extra-meaningful ring, with the center stone from your family's past, the pink to represent part of what you have triumphed over in your life, and the ring itself to represent your future together! How romantic!
I'll bet he is hoping to give it to you on Valentines Day, but that's a really tight timeline for a custom ring. Fingers crossed!
Oh - and I vote for a destination wedding somewhere warm and tropical: Bora-Bora or St. Barts over St. Moritz or Aspen.
So excited for you!
Lisa
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Marin, make sure you come back and fill us in with all the details!!
Beth, I am soooo very happy for you!! You are an inspiration to all!
We need to keep up this thread, because after I have my "new body" I may be ready to go into the "dating world"!
So, I will need all of your help!!xoxo
Lisa
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lisa you will be ready to go into the dating world and we will all be here- all your sisters who forged before you!!! hahaha we all our wordly advice
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Hi all,
I am SO glad I found this thread. I am 41 with two girls and my story is complicated.... BUT this thread is probably exactly what I need to get me "thinking" about a relationship. Right now I can't even "think" of dating and the main reason is my BALD head! Well, I have a 5 o'clock shadow - but still. The next reason is because of my cancer and the fact that I have 7 months of Herceptin infusions!! Ugh!! I know things will get better but right now I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel
I am so stoked though for those of you dating out there...I hope to be feeling in the mood to date soon....
denise
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denise when i was bald and going thru my chemo i didnt feel like dating anyone ! but time passes quickly and before you know it your hair is back and you are feeling stronger and ready to start living again ! i even have the pony tail i was dreaming about all thru my tx again i finished chemo aug 06 then dbl mast sept 06 then finished reconstruction jan 07 and here i am with a great boyfriend and a ponytail : ))))
it will happen
xoxox
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