What do I tell my potential, new boyfriend?

Oh and just an aside.  If a lot of people are looking at this thread for help-- remember when I stated that I LIED to a guy I dated during treatment?

Well, it's a long story to get into, but it does show why it's silly to lie, and I can certainly garner some laughs and how I even lied about wearing a wig... (yeah, I've paid my dues in the world of cancer dating) so if this thread is a mover and a shaker, and if we get our own forum on the boards, I promise to tell the full story.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!! I just came across this thread.  Traci..you said exactly how I feel, in your opening post.  I too am single (went through a divorce in the midst of chemo last spring).  I am having reconstruction in 3 1/2 weeks.  I have, or should I said had the same questions as Traci. 

Wondering if I would ever date again.  I am not as young as Traci or Beth.  I will be 48 tomorrow.  But I feel young, look younger than I am (well, at least I have been told that), and I too, would love to find true love.  But with all my scars, etc..I doubted it.

You ladies, especially you Beth..have given me all the inspiration and confidence I need to go forward!! Beth, I have said this before to you...you are a gift to all of us here!!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow..I feel sooooooo much better about any future dates!  And...I am now feeling confident..that there is a good man out there for me!

xoxo

Lisa

marin beth  i think its extremely important to have this thread  i will contact breastcancer.org

and i promise to tell my story of how i met nick and my "wig" coming out story   its a winner!!! 

Hello Julia!!!

Yes girls!! I can give an OUTSTANDING report on Julia's BF! He is so sweet and kind and FUNNY and very very CUTE! He is very attentive to Julia too- which I like to see.

BTW girls- JULIA looks like a supermodel. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING.

She has a hot body, gorgeous face and great hair.

Her insides are even more beautiful. 

So I have met both Beth and Julia's guys and they are both terrific! 

Lisa  I totally agree !!  i posted on here when i first started to think about the prospect of dating again- i felt like no one was asking those questions -i have soooo many friends but nobody that i felt i could talk- being single or divorced and dating is one thing but with the complications of going thru bc its a totally different situation, much more complicated

i would be very happy to share all my experiences and hopefully give some good advice to anyone who may need it

i will try and start a thread again just for this

and GINA !! u are soooo sweet  thank u  XOXOXOXOX  

and i might add that gina is quite beautiful - wig and all!  a real hottie!!!

it may be much more of a challenge for us bc girls to meet the right guy but i promise you that they are out there ! you just have to believe that you deserve happiness and love again and it will come to you!

matthew is the BEST!!! love that man

marin  - my late husband was treated at duke university  we followed his docs from ny there  i spent many months there (18 yrs ago ) dr roy jones and dr sphall and they got married after that- are they still there?  oncology

here is a short story - one of my many many of online dating !

this is before my dx

started chatting with this man and he was very interesting !  turned out we made a date and i told one of my best friends- the man owned a very large eyeglass and contact company and i knew that my friend was in that business- she proceeded to tell me that she worked for him many years ago when she was very young - she told me that he had a birth defect and that he only had one good arm and the other was a stub from a drug his mom took while pregnant- he NEVER mentioned it at all to me which i thought was strange

well i thought about it for a minute or two and then decided that what if i had had to have a masectomy or disfiguring surgery or something else had happened to me -

i decided to go on the date- strangely enough he NEVER alluded to that fact that he had this disability even though it was quite apparent

i did date him a couple of times and even though he wasnt quite my match i did feel good that i had not let that stand in the way

little did i know the next yr i would be dxed with bc and have my surgery   - i would hope that anyone you will meet will see the person you are - we are all vulnerable and one never knows what will happen to us tom

Marin, I really like the sound of this guy.  I love that you are packed with dates too.

Keep us posted.

I wish you lived closer to me.

Fumi that's ridiculous.  The only reason I bet you haven't met mr right is b/c you're probably working a zillion hours a week.

You are so kind, and generous-- you're on a level thats way above so many people.  You think of others before yourself, and you go out of your way to help people.

Any man would be LUCKY to have you in his life.

OK, my girlfriends, I desperately need helpwith my "problem" and I know that you're the ones to ask. I'm repeating this post that I also wrote in the "HIJACK..." thread over on "Growing Friendshiops." It descibes my weekend dates and my resulting dilemna. Ya gotta help me!!!

So, the weekend dates.....Let me preface this by saying that I fully realize I have absolutely no reason to complain. But I will.....First of all, I had an incredibly terrific time with both guys. They were both so caring, engaged and respectful. Saturday night I went with guy#1 ( aka Architect) to a small town outside of Raleigh and we had dinner (actually more like snacks or tapas) at a cute little coffeehouse and then moved over to its bar section where we sat all night and listened to an awesome blues band whose female lead has sung with John Lee Hooker. We almost closed the place, but it was well worth it. Throughout the evening, Architect was clever, funny and appropriately affectionate. He even asked me a few times if he could kiss me and he did and I very much liked it. He's not drop-dead gorgeous, but I am attracted to him.Then he brought me home, kissed me awhile and watched me get in the door. Lovely evening.

The next day, I met guy#2 (aka Country Boy) at a mutually convenient spot which happened to be at the business he owns (well-digging?). He showed me around and then we drove to Old Salem, walked around for hours and then headed up to Pilot Mountain before darkness fell. Okay, here's my dilemna and amybe someone can offer her input/opinion on this. This man, despite being, on the surface, the complete & total opposite of me (culturally/physically/educationally...everything!) is like my emotional mate or twin. We have similar thought and feelings about everything, are both passionate about exploring and experiencing all sorts of things and even seemed to have been searching for exactly the same thing in a partner forever! Seriously, it's truly bizarre! BUT, BUT, BUT.....I am not at all attracted to him physically! He looks his age (63), has a large belly and chubby cheeks. I do like his largeness/height though and when he hugs me, I feel very engulfed (in a good way) and protected. Also, he kisses pretty well too. Still, he is SO NOT my type, in every physical way. And I think he considers himself fairly thin and attractive. He had bypass surgery several years ago and has lost alot of weight since then ().

So, after both dates, they each wrote the most incredible, reflective emails about how attracted they are to me and how each hopes to develop a relationship with me. Architect even sent me one of his poems to illustrate how he felt (I'm melting, of course) and Country Boy wrote how intensely he feels about me and how he feels that we're like "twins of different mothers." As I said, I also feel that way.

Oh, and let me add here, that I have yet another date scheduled for next Saturday with the guy whose wife died of cancer and he's become a real cancer advocate.

OMG, you guys, what would YOU do in this situation???? I'm SOOOOOOO confused!!!!  

~Marin