Starting Chemo in May 07

Wow! You go girl. That is awesome! So, what are you going to be when you grow up?

Virginia....forgot to mention, of course we'll still be friends!! (Cowboys @ Giants)!! I'm just happy my Boys are doing half way decent this year! If they could keep little Mr. Cutie Pie out from in front of the camera......I think we'd be doing alot better.

Can't wait for the Indy/Patriots game tomorrow....that's gonna be a good one! I hope the Colts win after what the Pats did to my Boys. Jeez...don't they believe in taking a knee to stop the bleeding????

: ) Traci

Hi, everyone!  Well, I finally got a picture up without hair.  It really is growing back quickly, just so very gray!  I've been using Nioxin scalp treatment as it's supposed to make your hair grow in faster and thicker.  Also I take Biotin, a vitamin that supposedly makes healthier hair.  Can't wait until after Christmas as then I'm going without my wig.  Of course I'll have to see how it takes the dye!

I start radiation Tuesday.  That way I'll just finish before Christmas.  At Christmas we are flying to Gulfport, Mississippi, to see our grandkids.  I'll try and post a picture of them...also me with my wig on.  Looks much better than without!!!  

Thinking of all of you...Lorain

Lorain,,,,,,,,,wow...what a nice picture of you.  You are a very pretty lady.  Way to go without the wig,,,,,,,,I admire you.  But I can totally see your hair,,,,see mine if I took a picture you wouldnt even be able to see any hair,,,,,,,,,,,there is just lots of scalp there.  When did you finish chemo?  I'm sure you have told us but it would take me forever to go back and find that out.  I am 2 months out of chemo,,,,,,and why o why do I still have so much scalp showing?  This sucks,,,,,,,,,,lol

Have a great week.

Cindy

Thanks...I finished chemo Aug 22nd.  In a few days I'm putting a pic with my wig on.  I really don't go anywhere without it.  And definitely look better with it!!!!

Lorain 

LeeAnne- thanks for your kind words RE my emotional melt down.  It's nice to know I'm not the only one with emotions on the edge.  I think we all are...

Cindy- I feel like my hair is taking forever to grow back...  Sometimes I think it's b/c I don't eat a lot of protein...  Who knows.  I look back at pics and they make me feel better.  You'll get there girl!

Mandy- SNOW!?!?!  UGH.  I am NOT ready for that.  We still have leaf raking to do.  Today is nasty and rainy...depressing.

Liz- congrats on your diploma...

Lorain- I agree with the others...you look fantastic sans wig...

Traci- how are you??  hope the "hit by mac truck" feeling is going away.

Not much new on this end.  My car is in for repair and I spoke to the "other" guys insurance and they are assuming responsibility which means I should get my deductible and my rental car $$ back...

Sigh...

Hope all is well with everyone.

Virginia 

I think you look fabulous without the wig Lorain!! ( you also look good with it - you just look more ...confident without it!)  I still wear hats though...easy for me to say "be brave!"  I did take my hat off for the volleyball practice today - I was very proud of myself (I coach a junior high school girls volleyball team and was worried what they'd say) no one cared!

Hope everyone is well,

Mandy

Traci.  You're funny when you drink.  I'm glad you're feeling good.  I don't know how to put a real picture in here either.

Lorain, I agree with Traci you look great in that wig.

Well, I had Taxotere #4 yesterday.  Still feeling good.  I started training for my new job today so I hope the chemo brain doesn't hit too hard this time.  I'm more worried about my white and red blood cells dropping since I'm not taking any more Procrit or Neupogen per doctor's orders.

Hope everyone's doing ok today.  Nighty night.

Hey girls.

Had my PET scan yesterday and met with the surgeon and my new Onc today.

News was not good.  I have spots showing up on my liver and lungs along with the new lump that I found.

Will meet with the OB/GYN doc on Monday and get surgery scheduled for sometime next week.  The OB surgeon and the one I met today will coordinate so they can do both surgeries,  I'll have my ovaries removed and I'm gonna tell him that while he is doing it to remove the uterus as well.  And they will remove the lump. 

After they get labs back on the lump we will decide on what to do.  She was just talking radiation at first but now I am looking at more chemo.  I'm not looking forward to it but anything to help.  I'll keep you  informed when I find out more.

I was talking to a lady I work with who has had a left masectomy and a hysterectomy and she was joking that she is a 25% woman.  She only has one breast.  I need to tell her that I'm going to be joining the 25% club.  

Well I need to get ready for work.

Have a great evening.

CindyKS

God Cindy...that news really pisses me off. I loathe this disease!!!!

I'm just sick to my stomach for you girl. God.........I just know I'm going to be posting the same s*#!. I know that attitude sucks but....you did everything right, right??????? What can we do?? I've already cut off both my breasts, just had everything I don't need to live on the inside of my body taken out, I had chemo......and I just know.....I just know....it's going to come back.

I'm sorry girls. I know that's a bad attitude.

I'm just really, really sad and mad about Cindy's news.

Cindy, hopefully, if mine does spread....I will have your attitude. I've already told myself that I wouldn't do chemo again. But I bet I would.

This news just really sucks. I'm so, so sorry for you girl.

We are here for you!!!! Cry, scream, bitch, moan, groan, whatever....just please keep posting. This news hit me hard so I can only imagine what it did to you. I'm so sorry girl.

Sincerely,

One of you many, many bc.org friends,

Traci

ps.....I have a lot of friends on the recurrance and mets thread cuz of my sister. There are a ton.....of girls on that thread that are doing just fine....for a long, long time....with liver and lung mets. Maybe some of them can give you advice when you find out about treatment and stuff......I know I don't know you but I love you girl.

Oh Cindy - I am so very sorry to hear your very upsetting news...I agree with Traci - that it may not be as bad as we fear...but I am so upset all the same.  I hope you are holding up and getting lots of support from your loved ones.  I am praying that the spots are easily explained and easily cured and the lump is still B9.  We will stay with you through chemo...I sure hope you can sense the positive energy and caring thoughts that we all on this board are sending to you.

Take care of yourself - I'll be thinking of you in the next few days as you go through more procedures and your surgery.

Mandy

Cindy- HUGE hugs and good thoughts sent your way.  So sorry for your news...  You sound like you have an AMAZING attitude...  I truly admire you for that!  It will help for when you KICK this disease's BUTT AGAIN!!  You are going to prevail...your spirit shines through in your posts.  I agree with Mandy- you are way more than 100% woman...STRONG!!

Please keep us informed...thinking of you....

Virginia

Virginia - I'm wondering if the pessimism is somehow normal??  Because I'm feeling it too. 

My story that I haven't told: I've known since I was 15 (when my aunt was dx)- or maybe the feeling started in my late teens, early 20s?  not sure - anyways, I've known for what seems like forever that I was going to get breast cancer too someday.  To the point of telling various sweethearts to "love 'em while I got 'em" lol...(sorry for TMI!!).  I remember reading Terry Tempest William's essay, "The clan of one-breasted women" (when you click on the link, scroll down) and thinking, oh, that's going to be us (that was 1991.  In 1998, my mom got cancer. In 2000 my gma did.  In 2007 I did,  However, my aunt and I are the only ones with mastectomies).  That knowing was a big burden, a) because in this culture how could I "know"? and b) I still knew and it felt like impending doom.  And that feeling/fear didn't lift until I consulted with genetic counselors, and they told me my risk was no more than normal.  Turns out they were right (no brca genes) and wrong at the same time (got cancer even without brca genes).  But I remember that being a huge weight off my shoulders.  It was nice to live without that certainty for a whole 3 years. (saw counselors in 2004, dx in 2007)

In fact, having that certainty lifted played a role in how I got screwed - since my risk was "normal" I participated in a drug trial for fibromyalgia, and the drug was a human growth hormone secretagogue.  The trial lead had Merck unblind the study for me, and it turns out that I was taking the drug (not the placebo).  According to the doc leading the study, it very well could have contributed to the cancer's growth. 

Going into the study my mammogram films were clear, or at least nothing obvious. Coming out of the study - well, that's a lot of cancer growth in one year.  So now I live with the regret - had I stuck to what I intuitively knew to be true, then I wouldn't have felt "safe" and wouldn't have considered participating in the study.  I was dealing in the facts as I knew them, and not trusting my intuition. 

However, I also have faith that the universe works in mysterious ways and who knows how this will turn out in the end.

But now - I have this sense that I have 3 years until it comes back.  So, why not do whatever I want to do (like have something sweet now and then, or drink a glass of wine etc.)?  Right?  Except, here's the thing, the future can turn on a dime.  I know that, and I know that things can change.  But I still have this background sense, this knowing, that there's 3 years.  

So I am personally having huge debates over intuition, over trusting intuition, and over fact-based action. 

And then there's the fact that my niece told me "I'm sorry for the breast cancer" on March 1 and I didn't even get the call back on my routine mammogram until March 3.  Two whole days later.  What the heck do I do with that kind of info.? If I tell my docs, I'm afraid of being written off and not listened to.  But I can give example after example in my family of how we knew things about each other before there was a rational way to know.

Sorry this is turning into a small novel - I too worry about the self-fulfilling prophecy, but I wonder how much sense that makes?  Just because I "knew  in the back of my head" that it would happen and it did....well I'm not that powerful, right?  How do we know what we intuitively know, and how much of a role does that play in what actually happens??

Whew, philosophy before coffee.  Yikes. 

Cindy,  I'm so sorry to hear about this.  I agree with the others that you seem to have a great attitude.  And it sounds like you'll be aggressive against this and you'll fight.  So I have a good feeling that you will do well.  Keep us informed and let us know how you're doing.  I hate to see any of us going through more than we've already been through.  And remember those breasts and ovaries don't make you a woman.  You are 100% woman no matter what.

Cindy - one thing that I do hold onto is the fact that the women in my family bounce back!!  None of us have died from cancer.  Even my aunt, with two recurrences - which she healed from (wild, huh?) - is now 63. Very, very encouraging. (I think she's a 25 year survivor or some such.  The numbers are hazy tonight, I'll have to do the math in the morning.)

Anyways, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you all sad. Virginia's comment just rang true, and it all came pouring out in my early morning pre-coffee state.  We deserve all the optimism in the world.