Starting Chemo in May 07
Comments
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Hey girlies,
I had a big post the other night, ready to go, and my computer locked up... arg!
I've been feeling really moody lately. Up and down for no apparent reason, other than GEE, I'm almost done with 7 months of cancer treatment. 6 more rad appointments and that's it. My poor boob is sore, red, itchy and bizarrely freckled and I'm tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm anxious about having to go back to work. I'm not sure what I'm capable of... not capable of... I feel so cognitively impaired. I'm gaining weight (I lost about 20 pounds during chemo)... I can be a bitch for no good reason lately... whine whine whine. Probably some minor depression going on. The irritability I feel at the drop of a hat is a big tip-off. The kids and the boyfriend definitely get the brunt of it.
On the other hand, I am hyper aware of how lucky I am, in so many ways. I actually get really MAD at myself for wasting time being whiny and bitchy. I can only hope this stage passes quickly.
That's where I'm at gals. I've read all your posts and am thinking of all of you. I think I'm going to go take a walk and try and get over myself.
Hugs,
LeeAnne
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NO EVIDENCE OF MALIGNANCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so happy!!!!
(my little sister!!!!!!!!!!!!) -
Tracy--- WHOO HOO is an UNDERSTATEMENT!! I'm so happy for you!! (and your sis!!)
LeeAnne--- I've thrown myself plenty of pity parties...especially lately. Sometimes I think it's the Tamoxifen...are you on it?? It can play havoc with your system and make you moody.
Just got off the phone with my gyno and she's totally amazed at how active my ovaries are... She wants me to discuss with my onc...but she said the activity of my ovaries alarms her given my er/pr+ status and the fact that I'm on the Tamoxifen...
Anyhow...all in all, she's not worried about the cysts...but the fact that my ovaries are so active.
TGIF gals...
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Traci!!! I'm so happy for your sister and you! Great news!
LeeAnne, Hang in there. I'm sure this is going to be a difficult transitional time for you. You're awesome and you will get through this stronger.
Virginia -- I'm going to be going on the tamoxifen soon. I'll be talking to onc about this soon I'm sure since my last taxotere is the 5th (yahoo!). I'm very nervous about this since it is so long term. It's not like you know you'll be donewith it in two months or four months or whatever. I'll be on it for at least two and a half years. So I hope it won't lessen the quality of my life. I don't know if I can handle that. Thanks for the update on the ovary stuff. I had ovary activity on my PET scan. Don't know what that means. But I'm concerned.
How's everyone else doing? Hi to everyone I didn't mention specifically. This is going to be a big transition period for everyone I think, just like LeeAnne was talking about. We'll need each other to bounce our issues off of as we move forward with our lives.
Love and Peace to ALL!
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Virginia - I am sooo happy to hear that your MRI showed nothing to be concerned (too much about - no cancer!!!) That is great, great news!
Traci - I am also so very happy for your sister's happy news....guess all those prayers and well wishes worked - that's wonderful!
LeeAnne - Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. I was supposed to start Tamoxifen today but am just too damned busy to deal with potential side effects so I will wait until after Halloween to start. The moods swings are what I'm most apprehensive about - I can be a really emotional cow at the best of times!!!
Liz - you're almost done your chemo...happy dance time!
Hi to everyone - Lorain, Kara, CindyMN, Cindy, Amanda, and anyone else who I may have left out. Have a great weekend.
Mandy
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Traci, so glad to hear about your sister, I feel like I am always holding my breath when I hear that someone may have ca, my anxiety just hits the roof.
Virginia, hate to hear about the car accident. I drive a lot for work and worry too much about this. I agree, we should all get a pass on all bad things happening while we are dealing with the ca...maybe for the rest of our lives.
LeeAnn, I understand about being moody, too. I'm not on any tamox or anything yet (waiting until after rads), but I'm feelng it too. I wonder if it is partly the amount of time we've been spending in this cancer hell. I also think that with rads it is partly having to deal with treatment everyday and having to work your life around it.
I have hair growing, although not nearly half an inch (I don't even think its a quarter of an inch), but my son came home last weekend (his first visit since leaving for college) and he was impressed with all my hair, he even commented about me having to take control of it because it all sticks straight out now. I'm still trying to figure out what color it is, much darker than before, but I can't tell if it's going to be gray or brown. I was at a party the other night and someone who I've known for a long time but haven't seen in forever didn't blink twice, just thought it was me being funky (if you knew me you would know that I'm never funky with my hair, just too much work). I take that as a good sign, in LA my hair (or non hair) is just more of the same wackiness.
I don't know if I posted, but my friend's mammo came out negative, so good news for her. One more woman avoiding our sisterhood.
Off to finish a baby quilt for a friend! I love that I have the energy and desire to be creative these days. Everyday I paint and/or sew for hours at a time!
Kara
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Ready.....set.....go......(Note to self: don't forget to copy in case it's get's deleted like LeeAnne's did...)
Hi girls! Well, I'm feeling pretty good today. My roommate is out of the house for the night. woo hoo!! Sometimes, it's hard having a roommate when you've lived alone for 7 years.....My 'lil sis is doing good! Thanks for all of y'alls nice messages. I love this board and everybody in it.
Having said that...I was going back thru the posts to see what I have been missing and we've got some girls that are MIA!!!
First of all, LouLouBell. She started this thread thank goodness and never posted again! If your there girl, we would LOVE to hear from you. Also: Leslie, CindyKS, Iwy, Susieloutoo, Katymom, Lady4law, shrink, Kim, Bernadine, Inmshoues, Gracie.....
???Loraine, Do your expanders hurt? Man, I don't think I would be able to wait 'til July but, I have had probs with mine. Can't wait 'til 11/28!
Mandy, I'm glad I'm sitting down because just reading your post made me tired. What do you take for all that energy?? You make me feel like that fat cat on the couch drinking a beer you posted. How do you do that anyway? Put a picture on here I mean. I would love to show you guys my sisters who are cancer survivors too!! No fat holiday huh....good for you for having an excuse!!! All your friends will have 5-10 lbs more on them and you'll be looking great!!
I know it's none of my business but....why don't you contact your younger half siblings?? My ex-husband hadn't talked to his much older siblings for over 10 years when I met him. I sorta "forced" him contact by sending them Christmas cards from us. Finally, they got together. It was a good thing. Tell me to mind my own business if I am out of line asking. I just had to ask because you said you envied my relationship with my siblings......
Neopat, where are you? You said you were happy to be back and then notta....guess your really....taking advantage of your daughter being in school! : )
CindyMN, How's your mom doing? My mom hides her emotions with our cancers. Although, she did cry when she heard Debbi was b9. : )
Cindy, how's your boob??? I was wincing reading your post. Are you better?? I sure hope so girl. Somebody else on here was having a similar prob but I can't remember who....sorry.
LeeAnne, I hope you are feeling better. Are you taking any kind of antidepressant? I am. I take Xanax. It really helps me stay calm and I can not feel it at all. No jitters or anything like that. When do you go back to work?? I'm worried about you so let us know your o.k., o.k.??
Kara, I am so happy your friends mammo came back clean!! Woo Hoo! I know how you feel about holding your breath. I've held mine for two days waiting for my sis's results...it does suck. I know we all know that. How's your hair doing? Someone on here described her hair color as battleship gray. That's pretty funny.
Virginia, speaking of results....congrats on your MRI! I am so sorry I didn't even know you had one or, if I did, I forgot. I'm so happy for you. What about your ovaries...find out anything? Mine are coming out on Wednesday! You did what??? A mohawk??? Get out!! You are crazy. Why do you have to pay for a rental? Isn't that standard with your insurance? Or better yet, the other guys insurance? You can call your insurance company and have them make a claim with his. You should not have to pay for that....it was his fault. You shouldn't have to lay out a dime.
Aimster, your done with rads??!!!! Yea! Is that what gave you the guts to go to the grocery store commando?? You go girl. I went commando to the mailbox....Is your mom still driving you crazy? Does she live near you?
Amynm, How are you holding up on the Tamoxifen? Any better? I'm trip neg so, I don't have to take that. Not necessarily a good thing....You cracked me up with your crew cut comment! I know how you feel. How are your bald spots??
Judy, How is your toe??? That sounds awful. I had a friend bump her toe on a workout equiptment and the whole thing came off. (eeks) After the skin under wasn't so "raw", she went and had a fake nail put on with acrylic over. It looked awesome! Are you still doing accupuncture? Is it helping? How about your BRCA results? Did they come in yet? And lastly...how's your rear end doing? Poor thing....
Liz, last Taxotere on 10/5?? Yea!! How is your Aunt doing? I'm sorry to hear about that. Regarding the diet....be careful of Soy. I think I've read stuff somewhere about that...I think it was on one of the conference's...one of the doctors saying beware. There is a whole thread about this on the main menu. Not soy but diet. You might want to check it out. I haven't cuz.....I don't wanna....lol. How are your expanders doing??
whew!! I hope I didn't forget anybody! Sorry it's such a long post but, I wanted to catch up with everybody.Me....well, I died my hair. Mistake. It started burning my head after ten minutes and so I washed it out and now, I'm a red-head. Not that there's anything wrong with that but....it's not me. It makes my freckles stand out too much!! And, since my hair is only a 1/4 inch long...I look like ... who is that basketball player that died his hair? I look like that guy. Not pretty.
I've got my hysterectomy on Wednesday. I think I'm starting to get a little anxious about it. I can't wait to get my port out though. It's really starting to bug me.
Once again, I am so thankful for you guys. I hope y'all are having a great weekend!!!
Hugs, Traci -
Traci - you're amazing, the way you can keep track of everyone.
re: your hair - is it orange? I seem to remember a basketball player with hair that was orange.
I know exactly what you mean about having time to yourself in your home - enjoy!
So, so glad to hear your sister is ok.
Best wishes for your surgery on Wed!
Hi everyone - Hope you all are enjoying the weekend
I'm home sick with a cold and the beginning of a cough. At first I was a teensy bit excited to have something wrong with me that's normal, KWIM? But am having fun watching dvds, taking naps and....ready to feel better any time now! And what happened to cold medicine since the last time I was sick??! It's all changed. Doesn't seem to work as well. Any recommendations?
Sometimes having missed out on the world for the last 8 months I feel like I was abducted by space aliens or something....some things have changed and I entirely missed it.
re: tamoxifen - achy like crazy (though maybe it's my cold?). Plus a little anxious about it - I was reading the CYP2D6 enzyme threads (in the hormonal section of bc.org) about tamoxifen regulation being genetically impacted, and boy am I going to be mad if I find out that I'm going through all this for a drug that I don't even metabolize. Though clearly I'm metabolizing it at least a little if it's making me feel crummy, right? Like most everything it also makes me queasy. Getting used to that feeling once again.
- amanda
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Amanda, (did I know that was your name???) lol...
Isn't there another alternative to Tamoxifen? If your problems persist I would call your onc. There are way too many girls on here that say Tamoxifen is like taking a baby aspirin everyday. Maybe your body doesn't like it.......please, I know you are but please, listen to your body.
Hugs girl. Traci
ps What the heck is KWIM?????
pss....pen and paper is my track keeper girlfriend. I had to look back at your post twice just to respond!! I made notes looking back at everybody's posts then, I replied to all!
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Dayummmmmmmmm Traci,,,,,,,,,I am impressed. So you write everything down on paper? Good God,,,,,why didnt we think of that girls?
And just to let you girls know,,,,,,,,,,the basketball player is Dennis Rodman. I live in Orange County California,,,,,,and he lives here also. He's a bad boy,,,,,,,,,he's been busted for a few things since he's been in Orange County. lol
My hair is like 1/4 inch long too,,,,,,and I cant even imagine dying it yet..........I still see a lot of scalp,,,,and I am afraid it would dye my scalp,,,,,then I would look like one of those men that use that spray stuff to make it look like they have hair. lol
ooooooooo and my boob?? Well its still red as ever,,,,,,,,,,and sore. It soon shall pass. Its like having a really really bad sunburn and peeling and raw skin.........omg I sound pathetic. lol
So I live in So Cali,,,,,,,,and we are burning up here. Fires are everywhere. I thought we had to worry about earthquakes and sometime becoming an island,,,,,,,,who would have thought we would be burning. The wind has subsided,,,,,so thats good news for the fireman and all. The smoke is really bad though,,,,,,air quality is awful. The problem that lies ahead is when we start to get some rain,,,,,,,,there will be mudslides where all the shrubs and trees used to be to catch the dirt from sliding. I feel bad for all those people that lost everything. Such a sad thing.
Well,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I am glad everyone is doing good. And Amanda,,,,,,,,,I would definately ask the Doctor about the tamoxifin. I never even knew there would be side effects from that. I am er- so I wont have to take that. But please check with your doctor. ok?
Just out of curiousity,,,,,,,,does anyone have any itching going on where their hair is growing? Off and on my arms just itch like craaaaaaaaazy. I think I talked about this in an earlier post,,,,,,,,maybe I am just going crazy,,,,,,,,lol Ok,,,,,dont say it girls. I am notttttttttttttttt. lol
Have a great rest of the weekend. They sure come and go fast huh?
Take care girls,,,,,,,,,,Cindy
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Hey girls,
Traci, KWIM is "know what I mean?" And I'm SO GLAD about your sister!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! AWesome news.
LeeAnne, this is THE place to come gripe--always remember that! I'm with you on being tired of the whole deal. UGH! Wow, I didn't know you lost 20 pounds on chemo. Even with all my yuckiness I stayed the same--I always made up for my 8 days of almost no food after I got my appetite I guess. I'm glad not to have gained any, at least.
It's absolutely OFFICIAL--I'm wigless!!! I've been to a dinner party, a church party and taught 5 violin lessons today, all with NO WIG!! And I found the answer to my own question--Murray's ($1.87 at Walmart) IS pomade. Very waxy and sticky, and makes my 1/2-inch hair look a little bit more intentional, hopefully. I've gotten TONS of positive feedback about the way I look, and a few odd stares, so I can deal with that ratio.
I'm pooped and my boob itches! I'm off to bed.
Amy
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Forget to ask--Virginia, how active ARE your ovaries? Are you having regular periods? Just curious. Mine are more sporadic, but definitely still have them. My onc didn't seem too freaked by it. I start tamoxifen on Monday. He said that it's VERY important that I take it, and that studies have shown that when women end up taking less that 70% of their 5 years of the drug, the death rate increases by 13%. So I'm psyching myself up for it.
All of you who've been taking it--how long before you started feeling SE's?
Amy
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Hi Gals! Here's my latest "superdork" picture... Remember, this is ME taking my OWN picture on my chemo anniversary day... This was last Oct 21st... 4 months out!!
Amy! Yay! You went Commando! Whoo hoo!!! See, you will never put that wig on again...trust me. I washed mine for the last time last night so I could pack it up and put it on the shelf... I don't even want to look at it... (Although, it did serve me VERY well...I shouldn't complain).
Cindy- bummer/dang about the fires!! I never realized that fires would be a concern in SoCal either!! But, it seems more common these days. I can't even imagine what the air quality is like... I remember when the Twin Towers came down, the air quality was tough even here in NJ, but it got better fairly quickly...you must be suffering with the fires going for so long.
Traci- no worries on my MRI. I had a mini freakout that I even had to have one. Someone told me that you have freakouts for every test for a while. I had a reg gyno appt and she thought she felt a lump. I freaked, of course and she sent me for an ultrasound which showed multiple cycts on both ovaries. But, I had a period about 1 week later... The onc nurse was far less concerned than the gyno. Anyhow, gyno wanted me to have an MRI--- that came back with a 3cm cyst and the fibroid which she's NOT concerned about, but she says my ovaries shouldn't be so active. Anyhow, saw the onc nurse for my Herceptin on Friday and again, she kind of poo-pooed it. So, I see my regular onc on Nov 13th, so I'll see what she says. I have a good friend who goes into the city every 3 months for a shot in her stomach to put her in menopause... I don't know....
You also cracked me up asking what KWIM is...because when I read that I said, "huuuuuuuuuunh?" I'm so out of it with the acronyms. One would think i would be better with an 18 year old niece.
Amy- the oncology nurse at my doctor in NYC said that Tamoxifen was a miracle drug and that it should be in the water it's so great. When I first took it, I had no problems...maybe a little irritability... Then I stopped for chemo and started again and had mini-hot flashes that lasted about 1 month. Now I don't really feel like I have any se's. I have the ability to be a "beeotch" (stealing from you LeeAnne!!) on a good day- medication or not, so I'm not so quick to blame it on the Tamoxifen...
Oh, and as far as my ovaries...(so sorry to talk about this so much). I hadn't had a period since my second chemo treatment (end of May) until October 2nd...got a regular/heavy flow... Then, October 19th --- only 2 weeks later, I got ANOTHER period...again, very heavy. So, I don't know what the heck is going on...
Someone wrote on here --- from CA, that people didn't blink about their hair... I live close to NYC, and that's what people said about me --- that I had a very mod-metropolitan hair cut... It was awesome. The feedback I got was 99.9% positive...
And, on to the car saga...my insurance company said that they would try and re-claim both my deductible and my rental car expenses. They can't guarantee they can get it back... Anyhow, I wanted to deal with my own insurance company b/c they are awesome. If I have to pay, I'll just add it to the thousands I've already spent on my boob! :O
Liz???? Where are you???? I know you are in CA also...let us know you are ok....
Ok, enough rambling...for a Sunday morning. I cleaned almost my whole entire house yesterday. (I am very proud of me for this b/c I do NOT clean...I live alone so I don't get the house that messy, but there were dust bunnies everywhere...) Today I just have to quickly mop a couple of floors, then I'm going to ride my couch and watch NASCAR racing all day!!
Feel better Amanda!!
Traci- I want to say Go Giants or Jets...but I'll be watching NASCAR, so GO DALE Jr!!
Hugs to ALL!! And thanks again for all your support... I really look forward to reading all the posts on this board...
V
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Hi all,
Long time no post. Life has been really busy. I'm working 2 jobs to try and get some of the regular bills caught up. I feel like I'm always at work. One job I love the other I could do without. I'm substitute teaching. I love working with the kids and I've been in the same school. A very small district, almost every day so I am getting to know the kids. I also work in the bakery at the local Dillons grocery store. It's ok but I'd rather work with people and my job is packing and stocking and cleaning. It's getting old.
I had a job interview Friday for a teaching job at another small school that is adding a reading assistance program. They have high numbers of at risk kids. It will be 2-5 grades which is younger than I am used to but if I get the position I will adjust. I'm also trying for an every other weekend sat/sun position at Big Lakes Developmental center. I would be in one of their group homes, helping with care, housecare and meals for their clients. They work with developmentally challenged adults.
If I get the teaching job and the big lakes job I'll say goodbye to Dillons and obviously if I'm teaching full time I cannot sub.
My hair is growing back. I've got about 1/4 inch, cannot tell what color it is yet. I tried puting on mascara for the interview (I dont usually wear makeup) and discovered there is only 1 eyelash on the right bottom and just a couple on the left. LOL it looked funny so I took it off. I have a few more upper lashes and hopefully they will start growing back soon. My eyebrows are pretty thin but some are still there. They look awful but dont want to pluck whats there. It's nice to have something.
OK Here is the scarey part. I was taking a shower last week and found a lump. It's in the same location as the breast cancer was before. I had a mastectomy and they told me I had clean margins. I've been through chemo and am now taking Tomaxifen. I took cytoxin/taxotere because of an alergic reaction to the adryiamycin. I had 4 cycles or 8 treatments. I'm pretty scared and not sure what I'm going to do. Taking it one day at a time.
I had a CT scan and a sonogram on Thursday, my onc wants another needle biopsy and they are trying to schedule that. In the mean time I've talked to other bc patients and they recomended an onc in Topeka that specializes in bc. I've signed the release with my current oncs office for a referal to her.
Life just seemes to be getting back to normal and then boom something else happens.
The sonogram showed fluid and fibrous materials (not sure technical terms), at least that's what the lady doing the sono said. It's in the muscle and it aches around the area. Like the muscle is being stretched. Well I guess it is. She said it was around 2 cm or so.
Once again I need lots of prayer and support and I'm glad I have you guys here. You understand cause you've been through it. My family and support network are great but non of them have been through it and cannot help much.
Well time to go get ready for work. Sometimes I wish I could just stay in bed all day and mope.
I'll update as soon as I know something.
CindyKS
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CindyKS - nice to hear from you! Hoping like crazy that the lump you found is benign. Sorry to hear about having to work 2 jobs, but good for you for doing that to catch up on the bills. At some point I need to work more than 1/2 time, but for now, during radiation am waiting on finding more work.
Pls keep us updated -
best, - amanda
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Welcome back CindyKS,,,,,,,,,I hope everything turns out ok with the ct scan. Sounds as though you are very busy,,,,,,,which is nice..........just dont overwork yourself ok?
Take care,,,,,,,,
Cindy
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Hello everyone - happy Sunday!
Kara- that is great news about your friend's mammo!! I'm glad to hear that you are able to spend so much time painting and sewing - it's soooo good for the soul to be creative!
Traci - I don't know how to post photos from photobucket on this board with the new format - I've seen others do it but don't know how to myself!
I am feeling kind of pouty about my diet...it was easy to do when I thought it was only for a couple of months but to know I will have to do this for another 3 months (esp. over x-mas) makes me kind of sulky. Oh well, weighed myself this morning and lost a couple more pounds so I'm happy about that!
I, too, do the pen and paper thing - it's the only way to keep up...I hate it when I haven't posted in awhile - there is so much to write and as you know I always post long messages anyways!
I am not at all offended by your questions about my siblings. I have tried repeatedly to make contact with them but they are young and close to my mom and my mom and I DO NOT GET ALONG (she is very unhealthy for me and is diagnosable to be honest - she has some mental health issues) and so I have no contact with her. They seem to be a package deal - so it sucks.
I can't believe you tried to dye your hair! I heard you shouldn't dye it for at least 6 months after chemo...what colour is it now? I hope it's one you like better than the red!
I'll be thinking about you Wednesday - are you getting nervous about the surgery?
Amy- I found cold meds never work for me - there is a saying I heard once that seems to describe how effective they are in my case..."take cold medicine and feel better in about 5 days or don't take any cold medicine and feel better in about 5 day". I hope you found something that worked!
I asked my onc. about metabolizing tamoxifen and he said that if you don't get hot flashes it doesn't mean anything. (I'd heard it means you dont' metabolize the drug) he said the studies have been inconclusive...hmmm.
I also didn't know what KWIM meant (I think you wrote that weeks ago but I was too embarassed to ask what the heck it meant!)KWIM?
Cindy - Your comment about spray on hair made me laugh!
The fires in your area are terrible! All that loss of life, trees, property and human life...it's so sad to see everything burn. I'm glad those Santa Anna's have died down!
I am not itchy at all but expected that I would be...especially in my armpits because before chemo if I went a day without shaving, I'd always get itchy as the hair grew. Well, the other day, I actually looked at my pits (I'd only been feeling them all this time and thought it odd that everywhere else hair was growing but not there!) anyway, it looked like there was a small squirrel living there! I did have hair but it was so fine I couldn't feel it but it was black so it showed up - ewww gross! Needless to say - I shaved!
Amy - Yahoo commando! I'm jealous - I still don't have enough to be without a hat (and it's pretty cold here to go without one in the mornings and evenings anyways!)
Virginia - you do not look like a superdork - you look awesome! What does your gut tell you about your cysts? The medical staff don't seem to be worried so that's a good sign! I'd listen to my gut if I were you! I'm sure everythign is just fine.
CindyKS - The fact that it seems as though the lump is fluid filled is good news! Cysts aren't solid. Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for it all to be nothing. Also, good luck on the potential teaching job so you can say adios to the bakery position!
Well, as for me - this weekend has been busy but good. My haunted house opened yesterday and we even made the 6:00 (local) news! I was interviewed (in my wig) and I still say it's too shiny to be real hair but who cares? I NEVER wear it - always hats- but since I'm, dressed up for the haunted house (our theme is the old west and I'm a cowboy) I figured it would look funny to be baldish under the cowboy hat! We've had lots of people come through and overall, it's going very very well.
Also, today my son and I ran in a 5km race (his first one!) and we met our goal and he came in 3rd place for kids 12 and under! He got a medal and a won a birdhouse kit and a bird book (it was a fundraiser for a wildlife rehabilitation society). I was so happy for and proud of him! What a great day!!
Take care eveyrone,
Mandy
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Hi girls!
CindyKS..........reading your post made me ...... so upset. I'm so sorry. How do you get a lump when you cut your breast off???????? GAWD....that just makes me so mad and, scared. I cut both mine off! Am I suppose to be checking for lumps??????? Please keep us posted. I'll be thinking about it constantly....Plus..........Teachers should be immune from this freaking disease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's so weird you told us that because in my mile long post catching up, I was wondering what everybody did for a living. My sister is...was a teacher too. She taught regular school, then, someone talked her into teaching troubled kids and after 6 years of that....she got burned out. She is now a kitchen designer for Home Depot.
Man girl.....I hope that turns out to be nothing. I'll check this thread daily to hear from you.
In spite of that news, you made me laugh out loud about you putting on mascara with one eyelash on the bottom. I can so relate to that.
Mandy...................o.k. #1 you scared the s*%! out of me with the comment about no dye for six months...........I am freaking out now. I thought I read on here or another thread that it was no big deal. Not only do I have purple copper hair but now I have to worry that I just gave myself brain cancer???????????? Crap.
Besides that, you cracked me up with the "Take cold medicine and feel better in five days or take no cold medicine and feel better in five days". That is hysterical!!! And the hair armpit thing... can totally relate. Totally. I still can't feel anything in my pits and have to shave in front of a mirror. Sorry 'bout your mom. That really sucks. But, what can you do? Life is strange and relatives can be stranger.
Virginia....did you see Mandy was a Cowboy????? Gotta tell you I was hoping the last place team would beat the Giants today. Their defense put up one hell of a fight. The Giants are in our division....I really don't worry about the Jets. What's Nascar????
Cindy! Dennis Rodman!! Right! That's who I look like but, he's taller than I am. My Aunt and my only cousin live in Victorville, CA. She's been emailing me about the air quality.
See.....it they paid our fire fighters as much money as our lawyer's ....there would be 1000's more and we could fight the fires more effectively but no.................they get paid like our teachers.....so there is always a deficit when you know what hits the fan. These type of professionals should be making tons of money. It's BS!!!!
Amy.....you have a half inch of hair????? Beeeooooccccchhhh. KWIM? (j/k!)
A poem for you guys, written by me. : )
If it weren't for my friends at bc.org
I've no idea where I'd be
Before I met them, I was scared and sad
I was mad and confused and so..... lonely
But then I found this breast cancer site
And I found so many others like me
All with a story of fear and unknown
But with a spirit of hope, they made me see
They made me see that in spite of this ill
That so many have been made to embrace
There is a spirit inside of us that gives us the will
To face the fight we must face
We won't give in, we won't relent
We will fight this disease.....
And all it entails................
Until, our last fight is spent.
And at that time........we know deep inside
That somewhere out there, is another side...
No pain, no ache and no bad dreams.
Only the passing and with it
Finding out what life really means.
I really love you girls.
Traci
ps....For those of you giving up your wigs.....I sent mine to a newly diagnosed girl on bc.org and she was so thankful. She sent me a thank you gift with these toys for my cat that make her go crazy! They must have catnip in them????
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Aww Traci - you are so darn sweet. xoxoxo
Hey, BTW, are LeeAnne & I the only ones w/ blogs? I know Aimster has a caring bridge page - anyone else? I'm finally getting around to creating a blogroll and I don't want to miss out on anyone from this May group.
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What's a blog? Just kidding....but, what? For yourself? Aimster had a caring bridge page????
I don't want to miss you either.....what do I do????
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Traci!!!!!!! I'm so sorry that I scared you...it's not dangerous for your health to dye your hair too soon after chemo - it's just that your hair usually doesn't take the dye the way it should and thus, the colour comes out all wrong. Kind of like dyeing a baby's hair - because our hair is virgin hair again! Sorry I wasn't more clear and scared the &$#* out of you!
Yeah, the thing with my mom is tough. We have had virtually no contact for the past 3 years (In 2004, she called me one day and said she couldn't have me in her life anymore - ever!) So for the past few years, she has called trying to re-establish a realtionship (trust me, that's a dead horse) anyways, after I was diagnosed, I did call her to let her know - because she is still quite young (59) and my sister is 23 so I wanted them to be sure to get mammos since they now have a family history and she FREAKED out when I told her. She started bawling and I was saying "Mom, it's alright, I'm going to be okay" and she kept wailing "no you're not, no you're not". It was guilt talking and at that moment I decided I couldn't have her in my life on a regular basis - who needs that? So, she's been trying to get info about me for the past few months and finally about 5 days after I got out of the hospital from the gall bladder scare in September, she phones me up just livid and tries to pick a fight with me! I told her I really couldn't have her in my life right now and she got really ugly! She even insisted that I don't consider her my mother anymore becasue she is no longer my mom! Can you believe it? She really is not well...so you can understand why I am willing to give up my brother and sister to not have her in my life. I could go on Jerry Springer when it comes to my life with my mom - but I have finally come to a point where I am totally comfortable with the boundaries I have set for my well being!
On a more positive note - I LOVE your poem - very touching and heatfelt and I'm sure I speak for more than just myself when I say that I sometimes feel the same way .
Have a good evening,
Mandy
(Traci - i wondered if you would make a reference to your Cowboys when I mentioned that I was dressed as an old west cowboy!!
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Traci,,,,,,,,,,,,yeah for u giving up on wearing your wig. OMG,,,,,,I am soooooooooooo not there yet. I still see lots of scalp,,,,,,maybe when I dont see scalp I might give it a try. Seeeeeeeeee I was thinking when my hair is like,,,oooooooo 3 inches long,,,,then I will stop wearing the wig. lol Or maybe 5 inches long,,,,,,,,,,lol The more I type the longer it has to get before I go commando. Very nice poem by the way........and so true too.
Mandy,,,,,,,,I am sorry about your relationship with your mom. Traci is right when she says family can be strange. I lost my mom when I was like 10,,,,,,so I am extremely close with my two sisters. I feel blessed. But in your circumstances,,,,,you just have to do what is good for you.
Seriously,,,,,,,,on a lighter note,,,,the stuff you gals all say here just crack me up. Makes for interesting reading thats for sure.
And Traci,,,,,,,I agree about the pay for teachers, etc. My daughter is a teacher,,,,,,and she works her tail off,,,,,stays late hours,,,,,,and uses a lot of her own money for supplies and things for the kids. Such a shame,,,,,,,,but she still loves teaching the kids. My hubby is a registered nurse,,,,,,and I think that they too are underpaid. O well,,,,,,enough of the gripe session.
Have a great week girls,,,,,,,,,,,
Take care,,,,,,,,,,,,keep smiling.
Cindy
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CindyKS--- sending good thoughts and karma your way. I can't even imagine how stressed you are... I can guess...judging by the way I had my mini-freak out over the MRI. Please please please keep us posted on what's happening...
You gals CRACK me up!!! I love these posts!!
Traci- NASCAR is "National Association of Stock Car Auto Racing" Dale Earnhardt, Jr, Jeff Gordon?? Please tell me you know what this is! Tee hee. But, if you are watching football on Sundays, you aren't watching car racing!! Dale Jr had a freak accident yesterday and finished horribly.
I also heard that you shouldn't dye your hair for a while b/c your scalp is sensitive... Maybe those semi-permanent colors would be better?? Less harsh? I used to use Clairol Natural Instincts...although it could make my scalp tingle at times... I think that they have proven that the hair colors don't really give you cancer... And I'm sure the formulations are better now...
You asked about careers...I am a Sensory Analyst for Unilever... Unilever is a big personal products / food manufacturer. I tell people I get to EAT for a living... I work in R&D and do consumer product testing to help guide research and development in the development of new products. Some of our products are Hellmann's/Best Foods mayo, Skippy peanutbutter, Bertolli, Ragu, Lipton, Knorr, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, Breyer's (YAY), Ben and Jerry's (TRIPLE YAY)...I could go on an on. Anywho---on any given day, I eat processed food like a pig, plus I get to eat chef food b/c Bertolli has a chef and he's my pal and his kitchen is right across the hall from my desk!! :O
Can I just tell you that I MOWED my grass yesterday and mopped floors and did laundry. I am very proud of me... I am exhausted today and my muscles hurt from cleaning the house and mowing. How SAD is that???? I figure I'm good 'til Christmas now!!
BRRRRRRRRR, can I say that it was 36 degrees here in NJ! My frickin' ears were FROZEN this am... I really have to get some hats to wear in to work!! LOL
Mandy- I too am sorry about your family drama... My mom died when I was 17---she was amazing...
Cindy- I am like you...SUPER close to my sis since our mom died so young... She has been my pillar of strength through this whole ordeal. With me every step of the way despite having a crazy busy life of her own (she has 5 kids).
Ok, Liz...still wondering where you are!!
Alrightly girlies...everytime I write a "short" post, it turns into a novel!! UGH.
Happy Monday.
V
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Question gals... Anyone experience pain where their sentinal node biopsies were done? Mine was just around my armpit, and sometimes the area feels funny...kind of numb... It's also itch a lot of the times...and not from the hairs growing back. Just wondered if anyone felt this...
I still have pain in my arm where I got my chemo infusions. It's better. Bowling (I'm in a league) seems to help... But, I'm ready to not have any more weird pains...
:O
V
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Crap. I can't figure out how to put a picture in.
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Hey ladies!
Mandy, sorry to hear about your relationship with your mom. That does suck. I feel blessed now that I only have to listen to mine bitch about life in general and not directly to and about me!!!
Cindy, Virginia...I'm sorry to hear 'bout y'alls moms too. That's sad.
Virginia...I was busting your chops. I know what NASCAR is...it's that channel that my brother keeps switching to when football has a commercial...making me crazy! I quit going over to his house to watch games because of that freaking NASCAR. Seriously though (although, I was serious about that other stuff) I'm sure I would love NASCAR if it weren't on when football is. I was raised in San Angelo TX and that was how we spent alot of weekends...at the car races.
And, the arm pit question....I know.....somebody was talking about itching on this thread. Chemo brain won't let me remember but I think .... it was one of the Cathy's.....my armpits are still mostly numb. I can "feel" them but...not really. I have to look in the mirror to shave them.
Thanks y'all for calming me down about my hair. I was using a black sharpy today trying to make it darker!! lol....I swear! I figured black streaks would be better than nothing!! (It didn't work....)
Am I the only one on this thread that doesn't do anything active????
I did walk on my tread mill a ....well over a week ago. I need to do something. All this sitting at the computer has made my butt flat. Literally, I can make my butt as flat as my back. I've looked at it in the mirror!!!
Virginia....gross....I hate ice cream. When I was 17 I had jaw surgery to correct an underbite. For 8 weeks all I could eat was milkshakes and broth cuz my jaw was wired shut. I have hated sweets ever since. Now, if I had to test pizza or mexican food...I would love that job!!
I've done mortgages my whole life. I had a company for 11 years but after my cancer dx I closed shop. I figured stress was part of my cancer prob. Anyway, I'm glad I did with the "mortgage industry shake up" that has happened!!! Boy, did I get out at the right time!!
I still do mortgages from my house. But now, I am helping a friend with his real estate company (books and stuff and marketing) and I'm helping my sister market a new product that her company has. So, I guess now I'm in marketing!
Happy Halloween!!!!!!Hugs, Traci
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Hi girlies,,,,,,,,,
Virginia,,,,,,,,yes I too still have the numbness after the sentinel node surgery. I think it will get better as time goes on,,,,,,sooooooooooooo they say???
Traci,,,,,,,,,,,yeah the mortgage companies I'm sure are suffering right about now huh? Sounds like you have a cool job now though. Good for you.
As far as what I do for work? wellllllllllllll.......I worked in medical records at a psychiatric facility for 11 years,,,,,,,then in December I quit my job to be a stay at home grandma. I have a grandson who is 10 months old right now and I babysit him on Wed, Thurs, and Friday. He's crawling now and keeps this granny hopping. So cute though. Right when I quit my job all this stuff started happening to me,,,,,,and honestly, I dont think I could have continued working anyway with the way I felt. Guess things happen for a reason huh?
Have a great week alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Cindy
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Wow, I'm so far behind. I've been really tired these last few days. I just got back from seeing the oncologist and my white blood cells are up but the reds are still down as usual. So next week is my last taxotere and I'm actually nervous and I am not quite sure why I'm obsessing on being nervous. Onc says to skip the neupogen until I need it and I keep thinking I am going to end up in the hospital with low wbc. Anyway I get my cbc every week so I don't think I really have to worry but now maybe it's off my chest and I can move on.
Moving on... Virginia, I have had some numbness around the Sentinel node biopsy area but it's getting better over time. Haven't had pain lately. How far out from your surgery are you? And your company--I'm a big Ben and Jerry's fan. Cherry Garcia mmm. And that new Colbert flavor is pretty good. I can do without the waffle cone or whatever that is in there. And Breyer's even better. Don't they have that seasonal peach flavor? Mmmm. I can't eat stuff like that anymore but I do think about it a lot.
Mandy, I've had a problematic relationship with my mom forever. But I have to say ever since I got my diagnosis she's been doing her best to be supportive. Even my sister who I have not spoken to in over ten years emailed me this week to see how I am. I'm sorry this didn't turn your relationship around with your Mom but at least you're setting boundaries. There's no sense putting up with any negativity in our lives now. NO time to waste.
AmyaM I have a blog: iamthebulldog.blogspot.com
Traci, Thanks for sharing your poem. And thanks for asking about my aunt. Dad says she's doing better. She was wearing a brace but now it's off. She is still trying to get strong enough to do chemo.
Fires are still burning here in Orange County but they are getting under control. Air quality is improving. Last week I couldn't even walk the dog a few nights it was so bad. My muscles are getting so weak. Walking the dog is the only exercise I'm getting aside from a weekly trip to the mall with my sister. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to a more vigorous exercise routine after my chemo is over.
peace and love to everyone
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(((((((((((((((((((((Liz))))))))))))))))))))))))
One more treatment!!!!! Hang on girl. I remember how I felt before my last treatment.....like an old dog. I feel so much better now....no more muscle aches....at all!!
Hang in there girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tracips.....My wbc were below 0 at one point. Seriously. They did another draw of blood to be sure. You will be o.k. sister!
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