Starting Chemo in May 07
Comments
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Traci - you gave me my laugh for the day - for two reasons:
one - LOVED your joke and
two - "seamen"? That's what you'll find in a submarine It's actually spelled "semen"
I thank you very much for the laughs - my hubby actually came in and asked me what I was laughing at!!
Mandy (oh wow - a shortish post!!!)
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Mandy! I'm sorry if my teary comment scared you. I almost didn't write that down. But in a way I just wanted to share my emotion I guess. I'm just so tired of all these treatments and surgeries and being sick and tired. I am getting tired of all of you having to go through more stuff too. Anyway, there is no doubt that you'll be fine.
I'm on day 2 of taxotere number 2, so who knows what my hormones are going through these days.
Time to go watch Damages. Nighty-night.
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Here's a kicker... I have gotten 99.9% positive reactions from my new "hairdo". Check this one out.... I bowl on Tuesday nights. My Dad sometimes comes to watch. Last night he said, "your head is not covered..." (meaning, I didn't have my usual baseball cap on). I said, "Nope...not any more, I even went to work on Monday without my wig." And my Dad's answer was, "Why would you want to do that?????!!!" And I said, "Because I'm sick of my wig and I don't want to wear it anymore." And HE says, "Well, you'll make people uncomfortable." I was FURIOUS! I just said, "Well, it is what it is and people have told me I look gorgeous." I know I have to be patient, but my father has also said on more than one occasion that I didn't really have cancer...I had "pre" cancer. I looked at him and said, "Uh, Dad, they don't give chemo to people who DON'T HAVE CANCER!" He just doesn't get it. My boss was really nice to me today and said that it's just a generational thing... (My Dad is 80). I think my father is an ostrich and place part of the blame on him for my mother dying so young (she was 53). He's definitely a stick your head in the sand kind of guy. Last night he was at the bowling alley and his whole left arm was BLOWN up like a balloon with an allergic reaction to a bee sting. I was like "ARE YOU CRAZY???????" I wanted to spank him! I was so angry. I said, "YOU NEED TO GO TO CVS FOR BENADRIL" His answer: "I don't go to CVS!" Now, can you just imagine me turning purple and my eyes bulging out of my head?? Just like a cartoon character? I got him to promise to go to CVS for the Benadril...I wonder if he did. Ok, I think I'm pissed b/c Monday (Oct 8th) was my Mother's birthday---and I had a Herceptin treatment...and I got my period last week---so there are lots of raging hormones in me.
I hope my post made you smile, because after writing it, I think it's kind of hysterical and it's making me kind of laugh here!!
Mandy--- it's 9:46 and you are probably DONE! Whoo hoo!! Let us know how you are!!!
Virginia
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AH! We flipped over to a new page and I missed a bunch of posts!!
Traci- you are a riot!!! Seamen...LOL Your joke was very cute!
Lorain- I had the BRCA test and came back negative... Took less than 2 weeks for the results (and insurance actually paid that one without a flinch!)
Cindy- I had irritation from radiation about where you are describing. My whole boob turned brownish/red and the skin initially peeled on the areola. My rad technologist laughed b/c my aereola basically disappeared and my skin was one big brown boob. (Sorry...TMI). Then I got the redness UNDER the boob where the underwire bar would go... It got red and peeled. That was the most painful, but it cleared up fairly quickly. If your skin gets REALLY bad they will give you a prescription cream. I managed with just the Aquafor (sp?).
Ok, enough rambling!!
Talk to you all soon!!
V
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Virginia, Your story did make me laugh. I have issues with my Mom but she's only 65. She drives me a little crazy too, but nothing like what you described with your Dad. She is more over-protective. She's always telling me not to overdo it which drives me crazy because I like to push myself.
Anyway, V, where did your Dad get the idea that you have pre-cancer? Old people are funny.
Today's day 3 of taxotere #2 and I'm still feeling pretty good. (Yeah, half way done!) I just have pain from one of my expanders today. And my entire arm is covered in bandages because I had to give myself two shots last night--neupogen and procrit--and I think the needle for the procrit was dull and I stuck it in my arm 3 times before I gave up and got a different needle. duh...and ouch.
Traci, your joke was cute.
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I don't actually know where he got that... He drives me banana's. He thinks it was Stage 0 cancer which he thinks isn't actually cancer. I think it's his defense mechanism... My mother died so young of the disease and I was diagnosed young. It is kind of a slap in the face that he denies it, though. What am I going to do? He is old and the way he his... I just try and be a duck and let it roll off my back...
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Hi all - just a quick update - didn't get the job after all
but the interviews were a great and positive experience and I'm glad I did it.Stats: 9 weeks post chemo tomorrow. 10 days into Tamoxifen. 3 days into rads. Not sleeping well. Tired.
Here's the thing: when my mom was diagnosed with DCIS 8 years ago, my grandma died on the same day. It was one heck of a traumatic day, a day that hit me at age 31 the way it would a 5 year old, in a world shifting way. At that point I didn't know what DCIS was (in fact, didn't find out until I got cancer) - all I knew was that my mom had cancer and though she said she was fine I was so scared for her. She went through 6 weeks of radiation, and I wasn't able to be there for her (my dad was falling apart over the death of his mom and dealing with his mom's estate, so my brother and I split up parental caretaking - my brother took my mom and I took my dad).
So actually going to radiation myself - it's thrown me for one heck of a loop. All the issues, sadness, guilt about not being there for my mom - I know now that she had a pretty terrible experience, hated her surgeon, hated her rads onc, felt really alone - have raised their head once again. Plus it's layered with guilt for not being there for my grandma when she went through the same thing a few years later (I was living on the opposite coast and my mom was there for my gma).......anyhoo, going to counseling on Friday, but sheesh, the generational echoes of experience are way more than I bargained for. This makes my grandma, my mom, my aunt and now me that have gone through radiation.
Oy, sorry to be the debbie downer today....
hope you all are well. And so far, compared to chemo, rads are a breeze. It's mostly getting there on time and back home at a very early hour that's so much work.
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Hi, I got home from surgery today at about 1pm. (My surgery was at 8am). I am feeling pretty good but strangely, I was WAY more groggy from this operation than my last one (and I was only under for about 20 minutes, I think) and I am in more pain this time too! (last time I was quite numb for several weeks). I had virtually no nausea though - which is great. We (the nurses and I) decided that it was better to be groggy from the gravol than nauseated without it! So, today my routine is I sleep, get up and eat then go back to bed and sleep (sounds like Christmas!). I don't knowhow the surgery went as I don't see the surgeon after the operation. I assume I'll get pathology reports in about a week. Praying for clean margins! Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts.
Virginia, I think you hit the nail on the head with your Dad in your second post. It is HE who is uncomfortable seeing you that way - it is a reminder to him that you HAD cancer - which would make any parent upset but even more so in your Dad's case. It's been a funny week with all of us having some krappy experiences from friends/family in our life and remembering times when we were less than stellar friends or family members ourselves. It's funny how some things have such an impact on ourselves and others that seem so little but the sting can last a lifetime! You know, I am not ageist - my grandparents partially raised me and they were two of the most important people in my life (I am estranged from my mom) but I have found since I've been bald that elderly people stared at me the most!
Amanda - I'm sorry about your potential job but GOOD FOR YOU FOR GOING FOR IT! You showed such courage and joie d'vivre (sp?). I know you probably don't want to hear this but I think sometimes things don't work out the way we want for a reason...example, I had THE dream job for me - this job description was written for me - I had so many colleagues call me and tell me about that job - I thought I was a shoe in! I went to the interview and absolutely GASSED the interview! I don't know what came over me for me to behave as I did. I downplayed my strengths severely and instead went into great detail about my weaknesses! I was so nervous! When I get nervous, use humour to get through things and at the end of the interview, they said "Okay Amanda, now it's your turn to ask us any questions". So, guess what I said? I said 'Okay, if you were a cheese, what kind of cheese would you be?' Really! It was like I had an out of body experience and I was sitting across the room looking at myself and thinking 'what the hell did you just say?????" Did I get the job? Uh, no. I was devastated for awhile though. I was perfect for the job and felt so upset that I'd sabotaged my chances at getting it! I know this isn't at all what you did but the point is, in about 3 weeks another job opportunity came up that I have now had for 2 years and I couldn't ask for a better job! I love everything about it (although being in non profit, the pay could be a little better
) but thank goodness I didn't get the other one! This one was better by far in ways I didn't even know of until I started working for them! So my long winded point is that something even better is coming your way, I'll bet!!Again, thank you all so much for putting up with my anxiety and sending my thoughts and prayers - I love you guys - you're all so great!
Mandy
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Amanda, I'm sorry about the job but I agree, that means something better is on the horizon.
Liz, I do understand about the feeling tired! Hang in there baby!
Mandy, glad to know you are home and doing okay even if you are groggy.
Virginia, sorry your dad is being such a dweeb about things! Geesh!
Traci, how are you doing? Your joke was funny! Here's a classic from the Pacific NW: What did the salmon say when he ran into the wall? Dam.
Today was day 18 out of 33 rads. I have heat rash on my chest and my arm feels really tight. It is sooooo nothing in comparison to chemo, but it's irritating all the same. I'm fatigued, but what's new.
On a good note, had school conferences for both my kids today and they are both doing really well. Hurray! In spite of being adopted, having divorced parents AND a mom going through cancer treatment they are both considered role model students and a pleasure to have in class. Can't ask for more than that!!!!
Hugs,
LeeAnne
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Traci - My incision site developed at thick, long scab as I let it dry out. (I wasn't told to keep it moist or covered!) Then found out I should keep it moist for better healing, started using Panafil to "eat" away the scab. Then they switched it to Curasol (a gel-like stuff) and it got real googy and bright pink. It then developed a blood-blister-like thing which popped and bled. This happened after 5 months! Now it's still rather red and irritated looking, but starting to dry out again. It's about an inch or so wide; very ugly! The ps says I have plenty of skin, so he can cut it out at the exchange. They'll send it in to be tested for any cancer, since they've been worried (not the surgeon, just the onc). The exchange won't be until next summer though, as I have rads and a 6-month wait after that.
Thinking of all of you...Lorain
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Hey girlies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,looks as if everyone is doing good,,,,,,,,,,I am soooooooooo glad.
Ok,,,,,,,,,,,so here's my thought,,,,,,,,,could the itching on my arms have something to do with the new hairs growing in? Just a thought. I havent changed soaps or detergents,,,,,,,,,,,so that thought just came across my mind. Since I have no itching anywhere else,,,,,,,,just on my arms.
Any ideas girls?
Cindy
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Lorain, You have to have your expander in until summer? I'm so sorry. I've been whining because I have to wait until January.
LeeAnne, I'm glad everything is going well with the kiddies and you're getting through your rads ok. You're more than half way through!
Mandy, Glad to hear from you so soon! Hope you have a quick recovery and good news soon too.
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Holy Moly - I uploaded a new avatar - just to show off how I looked before my diagnosis (with hair) but somehow it's HUGE (Geez Virginia, now I'm the one with the HUGE head!!) I have a real challenge with avatars so I will try to fix this sometime tomorrow or the next day - for now you get to see my mug in supersize!
LeeAnne - your kids sounds great - they must have a wonderful mother!! You must be so proud.
Nite everyone (notice I'm still awake? It's 'cuz I slept so much today!!!)
Mandy
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LOL Mandy, I uploaded a new (old) avatar as well. I notice the site doesn't restrict us to 80 x 80 pixels anymore, so mine's a bit big as well. This picture was from a trip to New Orleans in March, before dx, with HAIR! (doh)
Lorain, there is a name for those blood blisters that develop along healing incisions but of couse I can't remember the name. I had one too, about 5 months after surgery.
Cindy, I wouldn't doubt that the new hair growing in is causing you to itch. My head itches a lot, or it did anyway, for the same reason.
Happy Thursday everyone,
Hugs,
LeeAnne
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LeeAnne - you are beautiful with or without hair!!!
Mandy
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lol......
Mandy....your picture is HUGE! And...you are just beautiful! I'm so happy your surgery was a breeze!! We told you so!!
You too LeeAnne!!! So nice to put a pic with a name! Your joke was awesome! I love one-liners. I also love the fact that you have adopted children. ((((((((hugs)))))))) that is awesome! Your half way there on your rads girl!!!!!!!!!!!! Hang in there!
Seamen....semen...I'm not getting either one so..you can't blame me for mis-spelling!
Virginia....so I guess this means you take after your mom???? : )
Liz, I'm thinking about you girl. How are you doing now? Forgive my lack of memory....how many Taxotere are you doing? 4?
Hang in there girl. If I can do it...you sure can!!
Amy....what do you mean "debbie downer"?? I am so sorry to hear 'bout your mom....and everybody else...is mom still with us? Listen, you are entitled to a bad day. Feel as crappy as you want for as long as you want. It will stop. So, loathe it while it lasts. We are here for you girl. Your turn to show a big headed pic!!!!!!!
Cindy...don't get me started on arm hair...or leg hair....my freaking eyebrows are still falling out and yet my leg and arm hair are coming in ten fold. Can you shave your arms????????
And finally.....Loraine....thank you for the goree (sp?) details on your incision issue. You should write a book! I'm not just saying that! k.....it's really late....I feel like I'm still taking steroids! Gonna try to sleep.
I can't tell you girls how much it means to me to be able to talk to y'all about this cancer stuff. I'm sure, you feel the same way. No holding back. I love that.
Good night girls.
Hugs, Traci
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PS.......ROLL CALL.......
CINDYKS, KARA..................IWY, SUSIELOU, AIMSTER.........KATYMOM, NEOPAT......JUDYWI......LADY4LAW, SHRINK......, KIMVIDITO, BERNADINE....
Girls....just wanted to say Hi and see how you were doing. I asked about LouLouBell a long, long time ago....I think she posted twice and that was it.
So girls....if you are ever really in a down mood.....go back to all the pages on this thread and look at the crazy, wild, sweet and fun pics that Mandy posted!!
I had forgotten about the Jim Carrey one and that dancing cat! lol!!
Night girls.
Traci
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Hey Mandy! How are you feeling today?
LeeAnne, What a pretty picture of you!
Traci, I just had number 2 of 4. I know I can get through this. BUT did you hear about the study that came out this week--taxol may not even help women who are Her2 neg. I'm going to talk to my onc on Monday about this but I bet he'll say he still wants me to do it. Study's not conclusive or it doesn't apply to taxotere or something. I would love to stop now, but I do want to do everything I can do to keep this cancer from coming back. I just don't want to suffer for nothing! I guess i'm the only one still on taxotere at this point???
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Hi Gals!
Welcome back Mandy! I'm so happy that everything went well...
Liz- what was the study you were talking about? I always wonder if I should have done the "T" part of the regimen even though my tumor was teeny-weeny. I suppose I shouldn't second guess... They wouldn't have done the chemo at all, but I had the HER2+ status....
Love the new pics. I am going to get rid of this ridiculous one and replace it this weekend...
The reactions to my hair are so funny. I work in a huge company (1200+ employees). It's extremely interesting to see peoples reactions... I am definitely finding out who knew and who didn't know. I didn't tell everyone and I asked those that knew to keep it quiet, but it's amazing how many people blabbed.
I am trying not to get worked up over it b/c I'm not ashamed or anything, but jeepers, you would think people could respects other peoples privacy.Ok, enough whining and complaining for me. It's nasty rainy and cold here today. It was a good stay at home under the covers day!!
Happy weekend all...
V
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Virginia,
The study came out on Wednesday I think. It says that women who are her2pos. get benefit from taxol but not women who are Her2neg. I can't figure out how to post the link but if you do a google search for taxol and her2/neu you'll probably find it.
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Thanks Liz! I googled it! I need a major martini. I am STRESSED today. Been on the phone back and forth with the insurance company. Such a long story...but I basically feel like I'm being hosed.
Read the article...Now I am freaking out b/c I'm HER2+ and DIDN'T do Taxol. I want to stick my head in the sand and for JUST ONE MINUTE not think about the Big C!
Ok, sorry to be a cry baby. Sometimes when I'm walking down the hall, all that's bouncing in my head is:
cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer
I feel like I'm going KOO KOO! I just can't get it out of my head...
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Oh Virginia, I'm sorry you're having a bad morning. We have to take some of this stuff with a grain of salt. They discover so much every day and it may be too late for some of us, but we get the best treatment they have at the time. I am driving myself crazy thinking I'm going through this for nothing, but the most important thing is to do the best we can do to fight. This study needs to be confirmed -- it may not be incorporated into current treatment plans. Just focus on how happy you and G. are in your picture and the fact that you had no positive nodes--it still sounds like your treatment was fairly aggressive. The study focused on women WITH positive nodes, so I wouldn't take it too seriously for your case. You are on herceptin? Sorry, I can't keep everyone's treatments straight with my chemo brain.
And guess who's losing her hair again!!! Me. Just when I thought it was starting to look cute.
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Thanks Liz....voices of reason are very comforting...
Yep, I'm HER2+. I normally wouldn't have done the chemo given the size of my tumor and my node status, but needed the Herceptin and all of the clinical trials were done in conjunction with chemo. So, given my age (40 at diagnosis), they wanted to be as aggressive as possible to give me the best chance.
Have to maintain the positive attitude. I'm weekend ready. Just annoyed at people in general...
Probably sub-conciously stressing over the MRI which is now scheduled for next Thurs the 18th.
Baby steps...one at a time...
We'll get there!
Thanks again for the "ears."
And BOO HOO RE the hair! I feel like I have HUGE amounts of hair. Still not that much, but compared to NO hair, I have LOTS of hair. Almost time for me to take another picture....4 months....
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Hi everybody, I've been feeling so well without being on any treatment, and the relative ease of the surgery that I have been kind of humming joyously along, then this week all of that came crashing down, I think mostly because I have had a drs appt everyday, and I'm back at work (I have 10 clients now!), but have to keep juggling things with the medical stuff, then yesterday I found out that I have an infection in my breast from the surgery, and I'm agreeing with Virginia, it's like the tune in my head is "cancer, cancer, cancer" and I'm just ready to escape it. Just came from my radiation simulation, and I was going to spend the afternoon in a movie by myself, but I just couldn't bring myself to care enough to go to the movie theater (I know, it's just the depression....). My husband is coming home from work in about an hour and he's talking about going bike shopping (our bikes were stolen about 3 years ago and we haven't replaced them yet), and I promised I'd go with him, that'll probably be good to get me out of my head a bit.
Traci, I've been thinking about you, what's the story with your insurance? Did you ever work that out? Is there anything that we can do to help you research your options?
I'm off to make some lunch and sulk.
Kara
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Hugs Kara! This is the best place to come when you are feeling blue!! I know it always makes me feel better!! (I have been doing a lot of unnecessary whining lately and the gals have been fantastic).
Have FUN shopping for bikes! I am going to go home and ride my couch... And maybe drink a martini (although I always threaten that and never do it).
Traci- you asked once what the "left" coast was... That's what we New Yorker's call those from the "other coast" or LA! And, you cracked me up asking about my friend's friend who won the money saying you were asking for yourself. You'd have to climb over me sister!
Happy Friday everyone!!
V
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Hello ladies,
I am doing well today - my breast is a little bit sore but nothing to complain about - I'd love to go for a run - but even I'm not that stupid and won't chance it this soon after surgery - I did go for a nice long walk yesterday though and will go again tonight I think.
Traci - I'm happily married and I'm not getting much either! I have felt less than sexy all summer and now that I am looking better and feeling great, my teenage daughter doesn't go to sleep until after my husband does and our bedrooms are right next to each other! I'm thinking she's gonna have to fork out the money for therapy later and just learn to turn up her radio or something! I need some lovin'!!
I don't know how to post photos anymore with the new format - geez, I just figured out how to do the avatar (well, sort of)
Liz - I felt the same way as you when that other study came out in the early summer about chemo being only effective for 8% of the women who were Estrogen positive (like me). I thought what the hell am I doing this for? and had fantasies about quitting (with my onc.'s blessing) but then my hubby asked me - what if you're in that 8%? It's so hard, all this treatment and trying to control the future - all while feeling like krap during treatment! I can't believe you're hair is falling out
I thought it didn't on Taxotere - I'm so sorry Liz!Virginia - You really hit the nail on the head with the cancer in the head thing. I'm much better now but when I was first diagnosed, I just kept thinking of the John Lennon/Beatles song "Give peace a chance" Well, there is a part at the beginning (or maybe it's the end) that goes something like:
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism, ism ism ism
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chanceWell, with that same tune I kept playing over and over in my head - "Everybody's talkin' 'bout breast cancer, breast cancer,, breast cancer, breast cancer. breast cancer - cancer cancer cancer!" I can so relate to how you're feeling!
Kara - sorry about your infection - that sucks! Are you in a lot of pain? I hope not - hopefully a quick round of antibiotics or some antibiotic cream will take care of that right away! For sure, I will postpone my jog! I'm sorry you're so down - we've all been there - more than we'd like lately but I hope you had fun replacing your bikes!
The running team I coach has their big race tomorrow (including my own son) it is so exciting and rewarding for me to know that because of my effort, these 25 kids get to run in a race agaisnt 200 other students and experience that whole feeling - I usually get emotional. My son is also in a soccer tournament - so it will be a busy weekend - hope you all have a great weekend!!
Mandy
P.S. Enjoy my "big head avatar" while you can because I'm gonna change it to one of my cats pretty soon!
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Liz- I meant to comment on you hair falling out again...
dang
shoot
balls
crappola
I am so sorry!!
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT, here's what I think...and believe whole heartedly. Since your little hair follicles have the nerve to leave you once again, when you are off all your meds, your hair will grow in like GANG busters...Mandy- your e-mail tickled me, as always!!!!!!
I think that since I showed up for work on Monday without my wig, my director took it as right to tell everyone in R&D that I had cancer... I am so pissed, but she is the director of all of R&D and holds the power to promotion and raises. She has been very kind and supportive to me, but it just really BUGS me that other people feel it's their right to share MY personal business!!
Oh, and ladies, I had me a big beautiful gin martini last night. The kind that goes warm all the way down from your mouth to your stomach. Just one little baby martini...with some cheese and crackers...and boy did I feel happy. I watched Las Vegas on TV and relived my trip through the fictional Montecito --- although I didn't see too many people in the real Vegas like they show on TV!!
All right, rambling me needs to get her bootie to TJ Maxx b/c none of my clothes fit me any more... (could it be the gin and the cheese and crackers???) I need pants...I fattened myself up for chemo and never lost any weight!
Happy Saturday gals!!
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Oh, and ladies, the honeymoon is over... I ditched George in favor of The King... Oooh la la.
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Hi Kara, Are you being treated for that infection? I feel lucky I've never had any infections or complications. did you get your bikes?
Virginia, I like the new guy even though I was a BIG George fan. But you gotta go with your heart, or uh, whatever.
Thanks for the positive spin on my hair loss. I've always maintained that it didn't bother me, but this time I have to admit being a tad bit disappointed just because I am getting sick of the wigs. Mandy, How long until you can run again? I don't know WHEN I'll be running. I'm afraid to run with the expanders and I don't have enough energy right now anyway. But I'm still hoping I can train for a half-marathon in May. It's starting to seem like a very bigger and less realistic goal every day that I can not run, but I'm not ready to give up on it yet.
Traci, How are you doing with your expanders? Are you still needing more fills? How much fluid do you have now? I have 380 ml now and I think Monday will be my last fill so I will end up with 440 unless my PS talks me into one more. I think my left expander has moved to the left--I have some soreness under that arm.
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re: the "cancer, cancer, cancer" 24/7 tune - part of it is not only the internal, but the fact that it's OCTOBER and breast cancer is everywhere we turn media wise. I think it'll be better in November, less the focus.
BTW, anyone read the Rebel1in8 blog about moving away from pink? interesting stuff, sorry not to have the link here. it's in her craft store on etsy I think.
as for me, I'm off to Harmony Hill for a *retreat* , so so happy about that. back next week, stay well, be well, big hugs for all the bumps in the road.
PS I finally figured out why my eyelashes look funny - I think some of them grew in gray!! Yikes. This is just the first round, there will be more later, right?
Liz so sorry your hair is falling out.....
Traci, hang in there with the expanders etc.
Mandi, so glad your surgery recovery is going well!
off to pack!
xoxo
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- 9 The Political Corner
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- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
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- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
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- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
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- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
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- 591 Pain
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- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
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