MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

I remember when I was DX- I had previously lost my older sister , my grandfather my mother and a baby niece to cancer. I felt I was given the death sentence. I was number 3 in my family being diagnosed with BC that same year and the day I was done with radiation was the day another sister was dx with cancer this one BC like me. I remember the day I was DX. I was sitting in the office of the NP thinking what do I do now? where do I go? I felt like I was standing at the end of a driveway being shoved out into a busy street and I was not sure I would be run over or be able to keep up with the traffic and get where I needed to go. I still struggle at times. but I am here. I listened to that voice in my head to get my first ever mammo and it saved it.

BC plays havoc on the physical as well as mental was was stated by someone else on this site, My MO says stress contributes to cancer, she may be correct as 4 yrs prior to getting BC I lost both my parents within 13 days- all rather sudden. I found my father, passed away, in the public BR of the hosp where mom was admitted for lung cancer treatment. I watched them try to revive him but it was too late. I also watched my mom pass 13 days later. My sister(age 60) and I(age 44) were DX 3 months apart- My niece(age 33) before me by 2 months and a cousin (age 45)(who also lost her mom in 2009) was DXed 4 months before my niece.

I feel this cancer is like a monster waiting to attack and its hard, so hard.......

Just heard on the news that somewhere in the Province some chemo drug had accidentally made its way to the local dump and they CLOSED THE DUMP until they could assess the risk to the public. This is the stuff that they pump into our veins, but when it gets thrown out suddenly it's a hazard? I very clearly understand the medical threat that chemo drugs can be. Yet we shove it in our bodies. Eeek, don't get any on you, but let's inject it in you because yeah, that makes sense.

100 years from now they'll look back on this and shake their heads at the barbaric things we did to cancer patients. I hope.

Lita-our bodies created this dam cancer and now being that it has mutated the cancer is very smart. So, it had to get its intelligence from us. We must be just to dam smart. That's our ppoblem lol.

Runor--I remember that feeling. Can't start anything, what if I can't finish it? Can't plan anything beyond the next doctor or treatment appointment, I might not be here. I'm not enjoying this (fill in the blank, movie, party, outing, whatever) because I'm worried this will be the list time I get to do this and I should be enjoying it. In the beginning it's a minute to minute existence. Have to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, can't think about the step after that or this one won't get taken. It will get better. I can tell you from experience, it will get better.

I learned something new this past week....in order to qualify for most cancer trials, we cancer patients have to be "healthy sick."

Is that an oxymoron or what? We have to be healthy enough so we don't die during the first few months on the trial so they can get their data recorded. Phase 1 trials (correct me if I'm wrong) are among the worst because they haven't really fine-tuned the dosages yet so we get stuck with ALL the delightful SE's, some of which can be quite debilitating, leading to opportunistic infections, etc., that could kill us long before the dang cancer does!

I'm not sure that I will ever participate in any trials because of the big hit on QOL. Just dealing with the day-to-day SE's of Xeloda and all the fatigue is enough for me, thank you very much.

I've made my peace with death, or "my transition" as I prefer to call it. I purchased my urn, selected my niche at the mausoleum, and have started getting my paperwork in order (reviewing the trust, updating the asset list, telling DD and DH what music I want at the service, etc.). Basically I did all that to get it out of the way and save my family from doing it because I'm picky.

The only BIG thing I still have to do is file my POLST (physicians' orders for life sustaining treatments) with the Dr. I already have it stipulated in my will that I don't want to be kept on a ventilator or feeding tube, so it's not totally pressing that I do this just yet. I think I'm hesitating a bit because it feels so FINAL, and I still feel "healthy sick" right now in that I'm still able to drive and get around with a rolling walker and a cane. No, I'm not as mobile as I was a couple of years ago, but I've accepted my slow decline because I can't really change it.

Even tho I'm on "death row" with Stage 4 and extensive mets, I don't feel like I have one foot in the grave yet. I'm not delusional in that I know that that time will come...sooner than later, unfortunately. For now, I try to live in the moment as much as possible with joy and gratitude, enjoying my family and my rescue dog.

Hugs, everyone.

Bit quiet here. Hoping everyone is just getting things in order and getting ready to welcome summer (my thought on that is that it is one day closer to fall!!!! YEAH)

Diana, so happy to hear that.

Joni: thanks for bumping this and getting us to check in.

Momine: I I get frustrated as well with the stress = cancer equation.  It seems like an attempt from the medical community to dodge the fact that they don't know exactly what causes cancer in one person, but not another.  When in doubt, blame the patient. 

DianaRose: I'm on the "off" week of my first round of Ibrance.  So far so good.  I'm waiting for the other SE shoe to drop.  Or maybe I'm one of the lucky ones and this will be an easy run for me.  (Of course, if I was lucky, I wouldn't have BC in the first place.)

Well wishes to everyone.  Let's try to enjoy the summer.  It's raining here today, but at least I don't have to go out and water the flowers.  Thank you, Mother Nature. 

Elimar, CURE magazine had an article some months ago where these 2 docs confirmed that they really DON'T KNOW WHAT causes cancer. They site all the smokers who DON'T get cancer as well as people who never smoked and still got lung cancer.

I see this in my own family. My dad smoked for 30 years and drank well into his 70s. He never got cancer. My mom didn't smoke or drink, ate healthy and STILL got soft tissue sarcoma and died in her 40s. They had a stressful marriage...well certainly stressful for my mom, and I do believe that stress partly contributed to her cancer.

As for myself, I definitely think stress contributed to my dx, too. Sadly, I was dx'd with "occult amorphic" (hidden, without shape) C even after getting my mammograms religiously. Only after it spread to my bones, organs and other tissues was I finally dx'd. My RO thinks it was already there for at least a couple years b4 dx. 2014 and 2015 (2 Yrs b4 dx) were incredibly stressful for me at work, so I wouldn't be surprised if that's what sparked it.

The magazine article also said aging is a factor. The older you are, the more cell turnover you've had. Every time your cells replace themselves, there's a chance for malignant genetic mutations in the DNA, and all it takes is ONE. Your immune system isn't what it once was either. Years prior, your system might have found that mutated cell and destroyed it, but as you age, that's no longer the case. Cancer is sneaky, too. It adopts a kind of "cloaking device" so the body's gatekeepers can no longer detect it.

Who knows where we'll be 100 years from now? BC could be viral like HPV which can lead to cervical cancer, but we just haven't isolated it yet. Look at all this stuff that's out here now that no one heard of 50 years ago...HIV, Ebola, etc.

I'm done.

Dianarose. Sounds like the kids are grown so unfortunately their personality is set. I would suggest that your husband treats him like any other employee and discipline him if he isn't doing his job properly or is off work for unintended purposes. He may end up having to fire him. You both don't need the stress.

Yes you both need to be together on this. May I suggest you try to talk to your husband without judging his children and just tell him matter-of-fact what you see? You can say " it really hurts me to see your son's doing (factual data here). I can see it also hurts you. Why don't we come up with a plan to help rectify or alleviate some of the stress?

My husband was the step dad and we had many discussions regarding my children and how we could handle whatever. It helped. You have to be delicate though in what you say.

Just my thought spur of the moment

What about boob trauma at an early age? I ask this because I remember getting hit in my left boob (the cancerous one) a number of times (fighting with brothers, getting hit in PE, banging into things). I also had infected milk ducts in that breast a couple of times too. It was always the left boob, never the right one. All those possible cellular changes...who knows?

NDgrrl, that is kinda freaky with all of you getting DXed in the same year. I have not been tested for BRCA, but it is unlikely that I have it. My mom and aunt are negative. I could have it from dad's side, but although they all get cancer, and for generations, breast cancer is not common. However, the situation in my father's family leads me to think that there are cancer genes we simply haven't identified yet. I saw a genetic counselor, and after taking the endless info about dad's family, he concluded, that, although overwhelming, the history didn't line up with any known cancer-triggering genes.

Diana--Congrats on youngest son's graduation! So glad the ibrance is working so well for you.

Momine--keep focused on the progress, cuz it's important to recognize progress, no matter how slow or how tiny it is at first. It builds up momentum over time.

Eph--I would gladly donate to the fat transplant program, too!

NativeMainer, how right you are. I have to remind myself of that, because I am both impatient and a perfectionist, and have to check those impulses.