MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

MinusTwo

Wow Eph - 8 years. We need to celebrate when the month rolls around. Don't let us forget!!

jcolford

Hello all, as you can see I have been a member for awhile now and post very little. Just when I thought I had moved on from dealing with cancer and all of it's lingering issues I find a lump just above my collarbone on the bc side. My onc took a look and said I was fortunate to find it and sent me off for at CT scan (which I had today) now I have to wait until Friday to find out the results. I am petrified, I don't know if I can do this a second time. I don't want to come off as pathetic and weak because I normally not - I can't really talk about this with my family because I haven't had a definite diagnosis yet but sometimes you just feel it in your gut that it is a recurrence - I can't share my fears because they need me to be strong - so tired of being the strong one. Sorry for such a depressing post.

Dianarose

jcolford- it's ok to vent and you don't always have to be strong. Everyone here will support you. I live in fear these days and don't much care about being strong. I just need to get through the day. Will pray for good results. Hugs..

stellamaris

Jcolford, thinking of you and praying this is a good result.

kbt

jcolford, thinking of you today and until Friday. This is your place to be what you need to be, I have found that out! I am so thankful for this wonderful group of women. Sorry you have to come back to report a suspecion.

jcolford

Thank you Kbt, Dianarose & Stellamaris - This forum has been a great support system since my original diagnosis and it the first place that I return to when things are rough. Thank you all for your kind words. Today doing a bit better, just going to take one day at a time.

NativeMainer

jcolford--it is so hard to be strong for other people, especially when you need them to be strong for you. Said a prayer for you. Don't worry about "depressing" posts, they aren't depressing so much as realistic, and we've all been there and understand. It's bad enough to have cancer, to then be told how to feel about it is unreasonable.

Eph3_12

((((JColford))))) strength is overrated. its ok to be vunerable sometimes. helps others to find their own strength so they can be your support!

Hope your days go better.

jcolford

Thank you both. I am sitting here (at home) with my second coffee of the morning waiting until it is time to go and get my results of Monday's CT scan - at least this appointment my DH will be with me - he is a trucker and I have virtually have gone to every appointment on my own. He has been there for my surgeries and at my last chemo with 2 dozen roses and I know he worries about me. Thank you for you support, it means alot.

Eph3_12

jcolford, and results show?

jcolford

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I have a large lymph node (almost the size of my original tumor) in my left axilla, a cluster of nodes in my supraclavicular region as well as multiple nodules in bilateral lungs along with with a large mass in the left lung. Waiting for a CT guided biopsy to determine course of treatment going forward.

I am going to rant for a bit - I am very angry! I have been dutifully going to my oncologist every 6 months and on several occasions mentioned concerns in how I felt or a new medical issue happening with my body. Each time she would suggest I talk to my GP because it wasn't related to cancer. She was checking my lymp nodes, listening to my lungs etc. and yet again I was the one who found the lumps. What the hell was I going there for? I know both doctors thought I was a hypochondriac. When I complained about exhaustion they told me that "Perhaps this (my life) is as good as it is going to get. F#@k Cancer!

Lita57

jcolford....that's just sickening. I went thru the same crap initially with my Drs. I KNEW something was wrong, besides all the pain, I was exausted all the time, no enthusiasm, etc.

Like I say, we often are our own doctors when it comes to this shiz.

Eph3_12

jcolford, no words girl, no words. Keep your fighting spirit. And perhaps it's time to think different docs!

elimar86861

Hello Middies! I was off paying a visit to my elder son, my Stage IV BFF, and my in-laws so am only now catching up on the thread.

Hello, jcolford. I just get that gut-sick feeling when I read about your latest discovery. With aggressive TNBC like you had, you'd think that the doctors would have watched you like a hawk for any signs of return. Hypochondriac? Sorry, but I just do not think that with Grade 3 and node involvement that a person's health complaints should be taken too lightly. Why don't they listen??? With the BRCA+ you were doing your part and being very proactive with your surgery on the right side and the ovaries, only to be let down with poor follow-up monitoring for the left side. Did you not have some sort of chemo before or after the first surgery? I know I would have an inner perpetual scream going on if all that happened to me, so you are entitled to rant here as long a necessary. It is hard moving past that kind of injustice, I know, but you eventually have to shift your focus on what comes next for you...maybe finding a more caring oncology team? Are you in a location where you have other choices of providers?

NativeMainer

SMH. {{{{jcolford}}}}}

Eph3_12

According to the calendar, we have survived another winter! Happy 1st day of spring! On my daily walk the other day!

Dianarose

Eph- beautiful! We won't see those until May. Can't wait to be able to get outside and play in the dirt.

Eph3_12

MAY???????????????? whoa, forsythia have been in full bloom for about 10 days here!

elimar86861

Celebrated the first day of Spring by taking my bike out for a ride. Lots of pretty blooms to see in my neighborhood.

Dianarose

I am envious of blooms and bike rides. Are blooms are still buried with three feet of that four letter word. Spring in Maine comes in May and is short lived.

jcolford

Elimar,

Canadian healthcare may be free which is great but it certainly limits us to choices in oncologists. In my area there are only 2. That being said, I am certainly willing to travel to see specialists that focus on TNBC. The difficulty is to find them. I go for my biopsy on Friday and will finally see the oncologist on April 4th to come up with an action plan.

elimar86861

jcolford, I wondered if you were limited like that. I'm in U.S. but my area has somewhat limited provider choices also. Best of luck with the biopsy procedure; and I know you will feel a tiny bit better once you get the plan in place.

Dianarose

Finally got my platelets up enough to start Ibrance. Today will be day 5. Side effects have been nausea and chills. Not sure about fatigue as I went straight from chemo to Ibrance so I already had the fatigue. Will see what my counts are on Thursday. Praying this is my miracle drug

Eph3_12

yay for platelet progression! Rooting for you always, D!

Dianarose

my day has sucked so far! Checked my bank account and there was no money but there were two charges to a pay pal account. I don't have a pay pal account! Some asshole in Ohio got my card number somehow and went shopping. Been on the phone all morning. I will get my money back but it could take weeks. I needed more stress, not

VelvetPoppy

~Dianarose~

I am so sorry your identity has been stolen. Did you report it to the police? I had my identity stolen about ten years ago. Some one got a check, made copies and went on a spending spree all over the U.S. He used a variation of my name, my address, phone number & driver's license . The only thing he didn't get was my SSN. He was never caught and created a banking nightmare for me. All of my credit cards had to be changed and my bank accounts. I couldn't write a check or use my debit card at any of the local stores. It even impacted my husband because all of the accounts were joint. I now have security checks, and no longer put my name on any of my cards. I make merchants card me. If they don't, I call them on it. The thief managed to spend more than $14,000.00 in one weekend (and then he stopped) and mess me up for six months. Fortunately, I wasn't liable for any of it; the stores took the losses, which increases prices to consumers.

Dianarose

Velvetpoppy- this was done with my debit card so it has been shut down and pay pal shut down his account. It's up to pay pal to go after him. They will give me back my money. Your ordeal was much worse. Thankfully I only had $500 in the account. Just didn't need more stress. He said to be careful of places that want you to give them your card and they run it through. At a quick glance they have the 3 digit number on the back. We have a store here that does that. Won't be using my card there or gas stations that do the same thing.

Eph3_12

Spring must have sprung in middie land. Hope everyone is chugging along and counts are ok and treatments are gentle and life is mellow!

elimar86861

Well, Eph, it's all my fault. For me, BC seems very much in the rearview, and I hope it stays that way; which, because of that, I don't need to do all the therapeutic writing that I used to flood onto this thread. I would apologize for not being as neurotic and ailing as I once was, but I don't think I could do it convincingly. (I'm not implying anything about others dealing with BC, I am stating how I once was.)

Did want to wish everyone a lovely Easter weekend, with or without the spiritual overtones, as you please.

(Anyone finding this Jesus Spaghetti Casserole offensive should probably know that I initially tried to find Jesus on a HAM, but that level of blasphemy just was not available via Google images.)

Eph3_12

Good likeness. ^{He is the Bread of Life so I am sure spaghetti fits!!}

^{I am so happy that your view is from the rearview mirror. As is mine. But this thread needs to be sent to BCO Hall of Fame or something to recognize it's amazingness as well as your writing skill!}