Stupid comments ....

Singlemom1, I can definitely see how your friend's comments would have hurt you. Like many others here, I have been surprised and hurt by the insensitivity of friends and family. Also amazed at the sheer ignorance out there about breast cancer. I feel for you and your daughter and wish you many, many more years.

MelissaDallas, many of us have little to no real 'choice' about taking AIs. Frankly, I would prefer to have avoided the dry eyes, headaches, thinning hair, aching joints, sad moods, weaker nails, higher cholesterol, zero sex drive, I could go on …. broken bones possibly down the track although bone scans will keep an eye on this. But I am pleased there is something I can take which gives me a reasonable chance of not recurring again. The very rare possibility of a broken hip (which can be replaced) is not a reason that many would regard to not take AIs.

MelissaDallas- As the daughter of a breast cancer "patient" I just have to say that your statement accusing a woman who is living with TERMINAL CANCER of trying to create a contest to "prove" that her condition is worse is simply insensitive. From your post, it seems that you would consider a condition that has "potentially" life threatening consequences and "could" eventually lead to death the same as a condition (such as stage 4 TERMINAL BREAST CANCER) that HAS life threatening consequences and WILL eventually lead to death. Terminal cancer IS worse than "moderate arthritis" and I don't see how anyone could logically defend their position otherwise. I don't believe that you will ever find a woman who wouldn't be completely thrilled to have "moderate arthritis" which on it's own literally cannot kill you and only MIGHT eventually warrant elective surgery to improve quality of life in place of having terminal cancer, where they HAVE to endure disfiguring surgeries, chemotherapy, frequent shots & pokes, radiation that burns them and medically induced arthritis from medications that keep them alive. Sure, arthritis is unfortunate and definitely not ideal, but would likely be a walk in the park compared to what a lot of the ladies on this forum have to endure and you have no right to tell any of them that they are wrong for being offended by anyone who believes the two conditions are even remotely comparable.

What a blessing for you though, that you have assessed that your chances of dying from a situation that literally on it's own cannot kill you, such as a broken hip, are higher than dying of cancer. I'll pray that your prognosis continues to stay as optimistic.

MeToo....That woman is the MVP of WTF!!

MsP

Not about cancer, but humorous....I don't see student doctors even with my Doctors in the room. I had one of my daughters in the ER for strep throat. At the time I had a day care in my home and it was sweeping through. The resident/intern looks in her throat and says "She doesn't have strep, her tonsils look great" and then he argued about taking a strep test while staring at her boobs...7th grade, Jr size 5 with 34D. I asked. "Any other thoughts since her tonsils were removed 3 years ago?" His reply "Oh, let me have another look". I said "Hell no...I will will see her Doctor and the Hospital Administrator tomorrow. " He about cried...I told the administration that if they billed my insurance I would have them charged with fraud. She saw her Doctor the next day. Positive strep test:) You ALWAYS have the option of saying NO if your Doctor has a student or intern with them.

I typically brush off comments as "You look so good", or "I can't even tell you're sick", as compliments and just smile.

My sister is the one driving me crazy. We lost our mom to liver cancer, so when I was first diagnosed, she automatically assumed I was terminal. My daughter actually had a "talk" with my sister about acting like I'm going to die. I think it upset my daughter more than it did me, as I understood where my sister was coming from. But after all that, she was supposed to come out (which while I love her dearly, I think she would drive me literally up a wall - although the one good thing - if she came out after surgery - she's very high energy, so my house would be clean... hmmm), But I digress. She was supposed to come out, and just last night asked me if I thought I would survive this. (The original conversation with my daughter was in March). Then her husband is supposed to be in the Bay Area (they live on the East Coast), and she wanted to know if I wanted him to sit with me through chemo. I do like my brother in law, but I can't even begin to explain how awkward that would be. So, I said, no, but I would love to meet up with him for dinner. Oy! At least she is trying to be supportive. But wow.

I hear "You're so strong" a lot, but as I was called a warrior before this, I guess that's to be expected.

The one thing this has taught me is what TO say. A friend is being biopsied for cervical cancer and I just reached out to her offering an ear. I found the scariest time is between the biopsy and the results, and you don't want to scare your family by talking about your fears. And I found that only someone who has been through this gets the dark areas where you mind travels. Another friend is losing her husband to brain cancer. We met up for drinks on the beach in Half Moon Bay, and just shared stories. It was cathartic for both of us.

Tjh, you rock.

It has been a while since I've posted here -- my DP has been in the hospital five times since January, she's finally on the mend. But her last hospitalization was caused by a royal screw up by her PCP and the hospital's lab. Okay, at 1:15 on a Saturday night I noticed that she was getting incoherent and her skin color was awful. So I throw on some pants and leave my soft clingy tee shirt on and drive her to the hospital. The triage nurse listens to me and we race her to a trauma room. The nurses start doing all the right things then leave the room. Two minutes later my DP crashes. I hit the red crisis button and the crash cart and lots of people arrive. One doctor turns to me and says I need to leave. I understand this and start gathering up all of our stuff. As I'm getting ready to leave, another doctor says "you have cancer, you shouldn't be here, you need to have an oncologist look at you." Asshole. I'm in my second year of NED, I wasn't treated at that hospital as no one had experience with IBC. Cancer had nothing to do with me being with my DP and I certainly didn't need an oncologist. When I demanded to see her blood work from the day before. Her hemoglobin was 5 -- that's not compatible with life. No one had bothered to call us on Friday with her lab results. Those results would have made me rush my DP to the hospital. The you have cancer doctor comes in to get permission to start blood transfusions and says "I'll write you orders for admission to the oncology ward." I lost it and said why the frick do you think I need to be admitted to the hospital? His answer: you only have one breast." Duh, no kidding doctor, I haven't had the missing breast for two years, why is this a medical emergency? The patient advocate says she'll take care of it. She apologized and I asked if we could write orders admitting him to the psych ward.

Damn, my DP just had CPR and this flake is obsessing on my "missing" breast. I came real close to hitting him.

Sigh

brid

Bride what an absurd thing to have to go through. Obviously you were already under a doctor's care if you are missing the breast. What did he think you did, cut it off yourself at home or that it fell off spontaneously and you hadn't noticed? Pure craziness. Sorry you had to go through that on top of the immediate problem, which I'm sure was stressful enough. Hope everything is OK.

My elderly mere male (MM) neighbour asked if I was in pain after my surgery and how long was the treatment going to take as he gave me a single silverbeet leaf.

I said the rest of my life I expect and thanked him for the leaf to feed my family of four.

What was so annoying was his sister died from the disease - he had no clue at how insensitive he sounded.

GRRRR

I have many chronic illness' and get so tired hearing all the crappy "advice"

xoxoMichelle

Solfeo, I'm angry just reading your post. What did he expect? "No, I'm dying, but I'll try to not do it right now"?

I believe I would have asked the question "In time for what?" and just watched him squirm.

It's strange...what might seem like an off-hand set of questions, not in the least meant to be insensitive, made my blood boil. I must have a "cancer experiencer" chip on my shoulder.

I visited the ortho, who said I need both knees replaced, so I was already stinging from bad news. Then the conversation went like this:

• Ortho: what's an aromatase inhibitor? Is it like arimidex?
• Me: yes, it's for breast cancer recurrence prevention.
• Ortho: you had a lumpectomy, right?
• Me: no, it was Stage III, I had a mastectomy.
• Ortho: no nodes, right?
• Me:...silence...there were lots of nodes.
• Ortho: oh...are you in remission?

It was like he made the assumption that this deadly disease can only present as a little zit that needs popping, and when he learned the truth, he was wondering if it was worth his time to fix my knees, since I would be dead soon.

This visit didn't go well. I will be finding another ortho.

I count halter dresses among my silver linings. Then I pretend my LE sleeve is a glamorous glove and roll with it.

From my own sister... I really hope she didn't intend this the way it sounded.

Me (deciding between lumpectomy and mastectomy): I hope you never have to make the decision whether to lose a part of your body.

Sister: I think I know what I'd do. It's just like when I had my c-section. It was awful for a while but then I got better before I knew it.

Me: **stunned silence**

Had some well meaning but insane shop assistant ask me if I had breast cancer (currently in a scarf) so I replied, yes, I do. She squeezed my arm and told me how I'd be just fine as she'd been through it 5 years ago. My response was, well, that's great for you, but I'm metstatic, so I'm just doing what I can.

She then lit up into a rave about how amazing hemp oil is, as her friend uses it, and I should really be adding that into my treatments. I backed off, explaining that I didn't think that was legal over here (bear in mind this is xmas season, the supermarket was packed and now people are looking at her as she's excitedly explaining how to use it).

So i thank her, try to back off politely and as I walk off she's literally screaming, "Hemp oil! it works! HEEEEEEMMMPP OIL!". Truly crazy lady. Screeching about something most likely illegal where we live in public...bonkers but well meaning I suppose.