New, scared, and sleepy

Hi ladies, 

I have to thank you for your good advice. Since I agreed to let my family doctor get involved, I have now received an appointment with my new oncologist! I actually have the name and phone number. I'll have to write down all my concerns like you told me to.

Ingrate that I am, I'm thinking, "Not *another* pre-op???" But one step at a time, right? That's hard for me to do. I'm usually several steps ahead, entangled in branches of conjecture. I'm so full of possibilities that I can't get anything decided.

And now. After all this - I'm thinking of keeping my breasts as they are. I really don't understand the odds. The doctors are absolutely certain that I am "clear" in the breast area. Are they just being lazy? See, I didn't stop him (old doc, not new oncologist) to pin him down to how much it means that I'm clear today. I keep thinking of the women who get cancer twice.

But it's summer and I'm going braless under summer dresses. It feels good. But will they sag? I am not putting on a bra again! I haven't hitched a strap across my shoulder in a couple of months now. That's what the freedom is.

test

I posted something 5 hrs ago, did it disappear?

Is anybody here?

Chris

Sorry! How perverse of me. I ask if anybody's here and then I disappear. I apologize.

I wanted to whine about having to go to my pre-op. I was really freaked out about it last night. But now it's 3pm the day after, the pre-op is over and I'm fine thanks.

The new hospital is a really nice place with really nice people. 

I was so terrified last night that I didn't go to bed until 4am. I woke at 7:40am. My appointment was at 8am. I didn't have time to shower but I did wipe myself down rapidly with Baby-Wipes. I put on a hat to hide my dreadful hair. I arrived in terrible disarray at 8:30am. But there were lots and lots of folks in pre-op and there weren't any doctors tapping their feet and looking at their watches on account of me. So all went reasonably well, except that I kept ending up in little offices, bare-breasted with my hat planted firmly on my head hiding my hair.

Do you remember my new cat, Clawdia? This morning was the first time I left her alone - I'm retired so I'm mostly home. I don't know if Clawdia had separation anxiety but whatever it was she left it all over the carpet. And she clung to me for a few hours - a change from her usual elegant disdain.

I don't want to put the exact date of surgery on-line but it's not real soon, so I'm going to put it out of my mind altogether.

Oh, the surgeon has phoned me three times! He says, "I'm taking care of you." I was emboldened to mention lymph drainage which I have always felt I should have but can't find (it used to be available in beauty parlours with the massage stuff). The surgeon said he'd get me lymph drainage and I should remind him. What a friendly guy!

Nellieduck - good to meet you! Don't delete your posts! The point is that we meet others the same here, and it helps. So post lots!

As for Dx, I haven't a clue. And they think they've told me (I think). I used to have a bit of intelligence lol. Maybe doctors should come equipped with translators, or maybe patients should have earphones to hear it in plain English, like at the UN.

Thanks for asking. Nothing's wrong. I'm miserable. Just took a swig of coffee and burst into tears. There's nothing new, just waiting, still waiting.

I have autism and hang out at a great site http://www.wrongplanet.net - I've just had an all-day "discussion" with a 19yo kid who believes in science absolutely, as a 19yo boy will usually do. But I can't say that - "You young fool, just wait till you get sick, then say "double-blind" to me!" Nope, gotta stay nice.

I'm still crying. What a stupid argument to cry about.

My DN married a most wonderful woman who never fails to ... how shall I say ... bring me elsewhere emotionally - it's better than cheering me up, though it does that too. Anyway, this time she (Pippa) has got me into geneology. 

You know what troubles me is that Doc#2 is obviously incompetent - he said "You are clear" and I am not. I'm glad to get booted to the top of the Department, who is a good doc but says the absolute opposite of what Doc #2 said, while skating around the difference as a doc must. Not to mention I'm still in a deep financial hole because of Doc#2's choice of hospital costing me a fortune in travel expenses.

Thanks for listening! I've stopped crying now.

p.s. Line 2 of my Dx is wrong but I don't know what to do. There is cancer there but it's "contained" so they thought I should keep it - dm, dammit, bunch of idiots!

Hi Hopeful, Aren't cats wonderful? I wonder if they do that adventurous stuff to take our minds off things. My cat recently took a walk across my keyboard and stepped on Airplane Mode, which took me off-line. But I didn't see that; all I knew was that I couldn't go on-line. What a fuss! And then I saw the red-lit Airplane button, pressed it, and went back on-line. The thing with a cat is that I am certainly not in charge of what I'm going to do today!

I think I'm healthy. Surgeon declared himself happy. But support staff horrible, abusive. Tell me I'm going home today, tell me I'm staying in residence for 2 weeks. Really rude bath person. All deals made before surgery trashed (I want my psych meds). Surgery was tuesday and today -- computer says 2014 10 02 is that wednesday??? well, today at 11am? I ran away from the hospital because of the bath bitch and also the unpredictability and unidentifiability of everybody -- so many titles !!! are they looking at my bandages -- dozens of people, all saying "this must be fixed" and i say "go ahead" and they refuse -- they have the wrong title to wipe blood and stick bandaid.

so i put on my sweat suit, signed a paper, and stomped out. terrible to find taxi. got home puff pant.

still wear hospital gown full of dry blood but i can empty drains. surgeon called and i was very rude. he said he would take care of me -- he kept saying that -- 10 mins per day and the rest of it he left me to barbarians.

also it is teaching hospital so i never saw same person twice, but everybody had authority over me.

doc wants me back on monday to change dressing, i said no.

he phone Bro, next of kin, who was surprised to discover he is next of kin, and called me (left msg) that I should obey doctor. Blah.

doc want to send community health  person to clean me up but i won't let her in. i hung up on her. and on doc.

well, you see i can still type.