New, scared, and sleepy

Would somebody help me out here? Does my Pathology Report indicate that I have or had cancer in both breasts?

Because what the Surgeon said was that since they had removed the cancer from the left breast, I was clear. He said I could leave things as they are but that I am entitled to a dm if I want one. I said I do.

I thought it was cancer in left breast only.

Also, my GP is out of the loop. I started this myself with a referral from my sister-in-law for breast reduction. My GP is not active in my care. I see her once a year for prescription renewals. I'd rather avoid her.

Nothing from the social worker. I think that request got cancelled when I cancelled the surgery, so I am probably not going to get a social worker.

I have no doctors at all now, except my GP, who isn't part of this, but I guess she will be. I'll see her next month.

For transportation, what we have here is Paratransit, run by the bus company. They charge one bus ticket no matter how far you're going, and it's door-to-door. I applied years ago and they turned me down but I'll apply again. I've already got the form. It takes 6 weeks to process.

I have a CT scan Monday, unless they cancelled that too. I guess I'll go through with it, and the blood tests 2 days later. That would complete all the tests they wanted. But I don't think there's any doctor to read the results.

Oh and they want me to see a psychiatrist. I have autism & PTSD. I did not behave well during the 48 hours I spent in hospital for testing, but that was because they withheld my psych meds. Psych patients have no credibility at all - they see the word and I become a non-person to be gotten rid of. A person with no rights.

As for my GP, she's in a Community Centre and accepted me because she was obliged to - there's a quota of psych patients and I'm part of hers. She's a responsible doctor but it's not a good relationship, can you see that? 

I think those surgeons have tricked me into keeping the breasts that they gave me. I'm very angry. They don't think I should decide? They want a psychiatrist to evaluate me??? 

Thanks for your response, but what's a PCP?

The psych eval I'm avoiding is the one where you sit with a psychiatrist that you've never met before for less than an hour, and then get labels stuck on you, and probably your meds changed (mine work fine). And you never see that psychiatrist again. You just carry the labels and cope with "flavour of the month" meds.

Good news, I think. They've referred me "back to the Clinic" to get another surgeon. Maybe they were just waiting to be sure I wasn't going to change my mind.

I think if I don't do both procedures together I'll never do the bm.

I'm getting really hairy. I think I was relieved when we called the whole thing off. I can put up with these boobs, the lymph nodes probably don't matter, so it's over and I can go back to having a life. But no, we're on-going again and I'm hysterical inside. I don't want to go back. I don't want to go to a hospital. I don't want to be trapped with residents and nurses who aren't telling me the truth and won't give me my psych meds. 

Remind me never to rob a bank - if that's how I react to hospitals can you imagine what I would make of prison. And if hospitals are over-crowded, how very very sick everybody must be!

I don't wanna go, i don't wanna go.

Today I filed a complaint with the Ombudsman of Hospital #2, explaining that it is inaccessible to me and requesting to be referred to one of the hospitals downtown. 

I did the CT scan yesterday and tomorrow is the blood test. Then it's finished until they tell me when (and hopefully where) is surgery.

Did you ever loathe and despise your doctor(s)?

I have something to ask all of you.

Did your body reshape itself after surgery?

It seems to me that mine did. The weightiest part of me is now my hips, and my belly seems to have become very round and flabby. I gallumph when I walk. And most important: I have a dreadful pain in my left side. It's like a stitch from running although I'm a couch potato. I've had it for a solid week; it even disturbs my sleep.

But today, when I went to see my GP, I stuffed myself into what are now tight jeans. I got lost and had to walk a bit. The pain disappeared. I didn't mention it to the GP because it was gone. And it didn't come back until I came home and took off the jeans. Now it's back full force.

Is this a common thing? Is my body shuffling itself around? It is obvious that I'll have to lose a lot of weight but the scale shows the same. It's odd that my breast reduction got rid of the chronic pain in my lumbar area but this stitch in my side has created a pain across the middle of my back.

Is anybody familiar with this sort of thing?