INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

Okay Nettie....  Most men are not physically abusive.... But I learned in these "classes" I went to,  that abuse is abuse....  Verbal abuse hurts you.... It hurts your heart and soul..... and it just takes all self-confidence, and it hammers you down.  I didn't realize it, until I "came back" and HE finally realized neither one of us had a life without the other.....     And it DID change....

I would never suggest you just haul off, pack your bags and give it all a break......  Everyone is different.... 

My girls knew what was going on!  They grew up with this drinking.... Just like I grew up with my Dad drinking.... and DH had the same life!   But it takes ahold of them, and they  can't break that cycle. 

No, they didn't want me to leave, and THEN they didn't want me to go back until we worked things out! 

His FB account?  You should pretend you are some babe that thinks he "is cool" and see what he says to "her"..... THEN tell him YOU are the cute little chick!

It's so devious, I know.... but oh well!

In 2008 DH fell off the wagon after 12 years of being sober. I got a call from a bar that sits by the lake where he was fishing in his john boat. They said, he tipped his boat in the water, and they fished him out.     That he'd had too much to drink. I told them, "he doesn't drink. Maybe he got too much sun." I was so angry when I went to get him. He was so stinking drunk he couldn't even walk to the car alone.

For the most part he just drinks a beer or 2 when he comes in from work at midnight, but if he drinks 3 or 4 he gets silly. Repeats everything numerous times. Asks the same questions over & over. Jumps to conclusions. Gets loud & obnoxious. He literally becomes everything "He can't stand when he's sober."

I get $850 a month SSDI. There's no way I can make it on my own or I'd leave.

The good thing is.....it never interferes with his work, and he goes to church with me every Sunday.

OY!

Nettie.... it's not off topic.... I mean me and Cammi are not ever worrying about a topic...Ha!  We usually don't know what anyone is talking about, but that's never stopped us! 

I don't know what to tell you, other than if he has ANY kind of a FB account, I don't see any reason for it....  !  I know people "communicate" like this, but when you are past the age of 50, why even bother?  I mean that's just me.... 

I think if they do it "once" I mean get CAUGHT, they will do it again.....   I would threaten the pants off of him....  For some reason, I would not trust them to behave again.  I never had that problem.... but the drinking and meanness was too much to handle.

Soteria.... I can just see you....  !  You should have left him there...Ha!  We just stay away from them, when they have too much to drink!    My Mom could never see her way alone either!   So she stayed.... and Dad went to church with her also!  But after he started drinking, EVERY day, he would not quit until he was drunk.    And he was not nice when he drank!  

You know, my Brother and I were visiting them one time, and of course Dad came wobbling down the sidewalk, hanging on to his best Buddy....  I sad.... 'DAD, COME HERE WITH US FOR A MINUTE!"  He came to their back yard, and my Brother and I sat down with him and told him just how we felt!     Didn't do a damn bit of good.... and Mom felt bad because we called him on it!    So after that, we just left it alone, and those two could do what they wanted.... But we didn't live anywhere near them, so we didn't bother....   It was after Mom passed away, that I got to know my Dad....  but I already talked about that..... 

It's the funniest thing, because like today, I was having lunch with DD#2 and 3 other gal friends, and DH came to see us!  He is so cute when he does that!   He meets his Brother once a month, and it is by Red Robin where I meet the girls....  So he comes just to talk....!   DD loves to see him..... when he is sober....

He hasn't been "drunk" in a few years.... but when he drinks over 3 beers, I just go do my own thing.... and stay away.... because they don't make any sense.

Hi little Cammi..... Yes.... you just have to be quiet.... your DD knows what you are thinking....  just be there for her.....

I know.... we get started on something, and we just have to say what we are thinking..... that's why we are all friends....  Love you guys! xoxoxoxo

wow girls...I have nothing intelligent to say here. No advice to make it seem better. Sorry. Bad relationships can consume us. My hubby and I are married for 33 years. Good ones too !  We have had sooo much to deal with....deaths, illnesses, took is 10 years to have our daughter, and no more after that, and all kinds of other stuff . Luckily for us it made us stronger together. I have known him since 4th grade.   My mom on the other had is quite a handful. Lucky we don't have to live with each other. But it is real hard to have broken relationships. Feel for you guys....

Hope everyone is having the best day they can...pain free, worry free, tip-toeing in the tulips free

what is a chocolate coke  ???  We r almost done adding to our landscaping. Guys just marked all the power lines so we can dig. Prob didn't need them to come out, just putting in shrubs by the fence. Figure it was cheaper to hide fence than replace....ha ha. So pretty shrubbery it will be and an ARBOR!!!  I so love arbors . And I will be able to see it from my screen porch..yeah me. Oh course I will bombard you with pictures when we are done......not going to get anything done this weekend. I am doing the 2 day cancer walk here in chicago this weekend.  But maybe we can get started tomorrow and finish up next weekend.

Chocolate coke..ummmmmmm sound weird

Have a fun vanilla shower Chevy.....or a chocolate coke shower 

yum....sounds good right now, Chevster...I am doing the same thing, putting bark & mulch down. My aching back & shoulders. I might need something stronger tonight.

2ndTime, 

Hugs to you, wish I could be there to take you to the beach & relax & talk, laugh & cry.. 

this one is for you Nettie !!

Thank you all!!! Edited above so I won't scare anyone else....

Glad I could come here for some cheering up.

Off to the dining hall (woo-hoo, no cooking or dishes!)

((2TA)) IOU one IRL!

♥ to all the Owlettes.

Thanks everyone! Nettie, I'm so embarrassed and ashamed, I had to edit.

Badger, will hold you to it!

Now, let's get back to some fun

Maddy, 

PLEASE, do not be neither of those. We are your friends, support group. If you can't be honest with us, then who? 

Thinking of you....we know you are a tough cookie, but you don't have to be here....

Very hard week, challenging decisions. 

I have decided to quit Femara. When I met my MO in December 2011, I was Stage I, no chemo, no rads, no nodal involvement. My IDC was multifocal: one tumor was 1 and a half millimeters, the other one was half a millimeter. When I got my final path report back, they found NO evidence of any invasive cancer! They said the biopsies must have gotten it all.

But the MO still put me on Arimidex. I even lost 60 pounds so that I could tell her, See? I don't need it! But she did insist, and after one year, the SEs were so life-threatening I got a two month drug holiday. But after that, went on Femara. The first six months were a breeze, but now the SEs are hitting fast and hard, and I even have new, more painful ones.

I have no reason to complain. Life is good. I have a wonderful husband and many other blessings. AND - no cancer! But the constant pain has created so much crushing depression that I have withdrawn from almost all activities.

Here's the clincher: DH is sick. He has incurable kidney disease. We are praying for a miracle, and a complete reversal of the disease. Barring that, we pray for remission for the rest of his life. But the reality is that he may have to go on dialysis. With this disease, he is not a candidate for transplant.

So here I have been, wallowing selfishly in my own misery, and we have done nothing together. 

It finally occurred to me that if I stay on Femara for three more years, and THEN I'm ready to travel, etc, DH may no longer be able to. We need to enjoy whatever life we have NOW, while we are physically able.

After BMX, the MO told me my risk of recurrence was less than 1%, and that if I turned out to be one of those women who could not tolerate the AIs or other drugs, she felt comfortable taking me off of them.

Unfortunately, she's out of the office til next month, so I just made the decision myself and stopped the Femara last night. I wish we could have talked about this, and that I got to hear her say "You are absolutely right!"

It will take diligence and commitment to living a healthy life without this "insurance" but that's kind of what we do already. Those calculators say that my life expectancy will be increased by 32 days if I take the drug. All I really want is some time for DH and me to take a trip together, while we still can.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I send love and hugs and prayers to all who have hurting hearts and bodies tonight!!!!

FierceBluBird, happy for you that you got to have a fun weekend with family. I love spur of the moment adventures...

Blessings, I think you you are making a informed, good decision. Your risk is so small, or not at all. I really do not like the SE of Armidex, so achy & sore. My risk is huge, I will take it for 10 years. I told my surgeon last week that I hated it. He suggested switching. I think I would be just trading one SE for another. So sorry that your DH is struggling right now. I hope the Drs can get it under control.

Jwoo, love your avatar photo with friends? What is the person on the right holding up?

Great quote from Bob Marley, Smarrty. Has the 2nd wedding happen? Please share photos of the bridesmaid dresses. 

It's late, night all...

wedding is Friday evening. Yes I'll post a pic, hopeful me with all 4 girls. Haha

Blessings, make sure you can quit cold turkey or should stop gradually. Don't want to make it worse.

Sorry some of you are having hard times. Best wishes to you for better days ahead.

(Oh, I've lost 17 lbs in 7 weeks. Almost half way there. I'll probably stop at 35-40 lbs. I can already see some of the affects and feel it in my upper chest, just where I needed to lose it, Not!)   I've decided to shoot for October to do the replacement of the girls and not go on the cruise. DH hasn't said anything yet.