Cancer Envy?

someone else on here posted something I have carried with me throughout my treatment. " The worse thing that has happened to you, is the worse thing that has happened to you!"  I have tried to keep this in mind when dealing with friends that are going through their own troubles...even if no where near as troubling as mine. Everyone has their own issues to deal with.

i have triple positive envy or triple negative self pity but i agree that cancer is cancer.  It is a death threat at any stage and when i hear or read about someone with any type i know they are experiencing terror.

Amen vbishop. And yes, cancer is cancer. Although my survival rate is excellent, my oncologist will not tell me that I am 100% cured. Her words to me, "As far as I'm concerned, all traces of cancer have been removed". While I did not go through what others have gone through on these boards, I am reminded each day how B/C has changed me. All I have to do is catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. 

What I don't understand is the reaction I get when I answer the question, "Did you have chemo?" When I say, no, I almost feel like my cancer really didn't count. I want to lift my shirt up and say, "This was part of my treatment". It's important for me to let you know that these comments came from people who've never had a diagnosis of cancer. I let it roll off my back because I know they meant well. I personally know ladies in various stages of cancer, and they've all been supportive of my journey. For me, it's just those that have never been diagnosed. They simply don't understand.

Any bc dx is scary and it is true that we all have bc in common. Different stages require  different tx and have different challenges, which often can't be compared despite the fact that we have the same disease. Clearly, some have a much more difficult fight than others. I'm not sure what discrimination you've faced, since I'm in the elite stage IV group, but to be a higher stage definitely is not the same as stage I ( and I hope you never have to understand that). BTW, I've never had chemo either!

Caryn

cancer is cancer. There is no prize for having a higher stage. U just have to remember some people are idiots. At least we don't grade or stage idiots or those discriminating would def be a 10.  So very happy for u that u found it early. Jealous yes but discriminating no.  Hang in there. 

You have DCIS and you need surgery and maybe radiation and/or years of tamoxifen/AI.  You have stage 1 and you need surgery and maybe radiation and years of tamoxifen/AI and maybe chemo. It most likely won't metastasize.  You have stage 2 and you need all of the above and you have a higher risk of recurrence.  You have stage 3 and you need all of the above and your risk is even higher.  You have stage IV and you're most likely in treatment for the rest of your life.  I know that stage isn't the only indicator for treatment and there is a lot of individual variance, but you know what I mean. It's a continuum of crap that starts out bad with a DCIS diagnosis and just gets crappier as you go to higher stages, more invasive treatments and worse prognoses. I know I was fortunate to have a stage 1, grade 1 tumor and to be spared chemo and rads.  I have an estimated 9% risk of mets in the the next ten years which is really low (but my odds of breast cancer at 42 were less than 5% and my risk of a malignant colon polyp at 30 was less than 1% so I don't take as much comfort in the 9% as maybe I could). I had 4 surgeries in 9 months and will be on endocrine therapy for years.  Nothing about this has been easy, but I know it could've been worse.  

How would you/do you handle this and still remain caring and sympathetic?

Somtimes this is just plain hard to get but the most caring thing you can ever tell someone is the truth, sometimes gently sometimes more forcefully, even though it usually doesn't win brownie points. Whatever, it is what it is.

"I'm in the elite stage IV group,"

By your own words youve spoken it and if you think your superiority gives you a free pass to put everyone else in their place, well Im sorry you might be selling but I'm not buying. Theres other Stage 4s that despise this elitist attitude ... thankfully, one of them WAS my sister.

Here's some things to consider. BC is a tricky proposition at best to bag up and put in a box. For example, Ive seen women on here who have had small tumors and low staging only end up to be St4 and pass in a shorter time than some stage 4's who've been that for a good while and are still here. 

The line between stages can be more pronounced than what the reality is and NONE of us knows who this applies to or in what quantity.

BC isnt all there is. Just because it came along, it doesnt suddenly negate other health issues we may have had or may yet get. All it does is exacerbate them.

I would suggest to ANY of you that when you are waiting in that room to hear the path report, you DONT know what your outlook is at that point. That is equally frightening to every single person who goes through a BC dx and everyone of us knows what it's like to wonder if that other shoe is gonna drop. 

BC is not a competition. Even though Im St2 done chemo RT and suffer other horrible things I can do without, I personally don't like separating myself from those of lower stages. I like to converse with all as long as I'm able. 

i think the person who said she was in the elite stage 4 group was being facetious.  She was stating what people think stage 4's think of themselves is the way i interpreted her comment.

But, i'm usually wrong.

gotta say u r wrong on this one musical. I don't think she meant she was superior at all.  Sounds like she meant she isn't stage 1 so haven't felt what the same kind of discrimination. I am stage 4 also. It is a smaller group of people. No denying that. It really doesn't matter the stage everyone is on their own journey.  So who is discrimatjng against who ?  In the printed word you don't always know many things like character so why not give the benefit of doubt and simply say thanks , ok, or nothing at all. Whatever happened to if u don't have something nice to say about someone (especially someone u don't know) them don't say anything at all. Back to vbishop - hoping your journey will be as easy as possible and u have great support   

I disagree with you Patty.  What size Stage4 group is isnt the point, but since you mentioned it I always hope it will be smaller. As for saying something nice, you might apply that in both directions.

musical I didn't say anything I shouldn't have to you. I love your scripture you posted. Lets remember words bring life or death. Why not use the power of the tongue for uplifting not discouraging ?