What is Offensive?

What offends ME?

Anything - a teeshirt, bracelet, baseball caps - that refers to "saving boobies," "second base," or "the tatas."

Maybe I'm just laid back these days but nothing has really offended me. I have overheard relatives say "she looks good" and even that hasn't bothered me too much. I could have overheard "man, she looks like crap".

IMO we all make choices based on what we feel is right for us. For me, that might be not doing conventional treatment, for you, it might be the exact opposite.

I think if we treat everyone the way WE would want to be treated, everything would work itself out.

Eh, not much offends me short of a personal attack. Things irk me, sure, but offend seems too strong a sentiment. To me it implies both intent and a personal aspect.

Things that offend me:

People who think that breast cancer isn't that big a deal.  You get chemo, you lose your hair, it grows back, and life goes on.  NOT.

People who think we should just "get over it."

I often offend myself, just talking about it so much.  I need new topics to discuss!

Things that don't offend -

"But you look so GOOD!"  It's nice to hear and I don't blame them for being tongue-tied in the face of cancer stories.

Save the TaTas, boobies, second base, etc....humor helps people cope with serious topics.  

I get offended when someone tells me how I should feel or should react.

I get offended when I am told that others have it so much worse. It isn't a competition! I am going through something which should not in any way minimize what someone else is going through. It all sucks!

I get annoyed when someone says "but your cured right?" I don't want to get into the answer of what NO CURE means.

I get offended when I am told I am lucky to have new boobs. Seriously. Reconsctuction is NOT enhancement.



Thanks! That felt good!

While just about to start tx, what bothered me was a sales clerk telling me about her sister who had a "dreadful" time with chemo, and a family member who told me about a colleague whose BC had just recurred.....didn't want to hear either of those stories!

What didn't offend me when I was bald was the same comment by a few family members:  "You have such a nicely shaped head"! 

I guess I'm pretty laid back as well, or maybe I'm just still too much of a newbie.

What HAS been frustrating is the amazing number of people out there who all have known "someone" with some "hideous form of cancer", of which they feel the need to go into great detail with me....

My usual answer is "Hmmmm.....and this is helpful to me HOW?"

Funny how that ends the conversation right there....

I hate the term "survivor." It just seems to perpetuate the myth that with early stage cancers, once you're done with main treatment (surgery, chemo, rads, etc.) you're somehow "done" and it's all over/youre cured. And for us Stage IV gals, the term "survivor" doesn't seem to fit, at least in my opinion. We're patients, we're in treatment, we're still alive, but I don't feel like I've survived anything.

What REALLY gets my back up is when someone from a higher grade tells someone from a lower grade that they have NO idea what the "real" journey is like!!! I get VERY offended when I hear someone who had IDC and maybe rads or chemo tell a DCIS gal that she is "lucky" to "just" have DCIS, when the poor DCIS gal has had a double mastectomy AND rads!!! I didn't have DCIS myself, but have found out that some higher grade women who DON'T check out all the threads have no idea that a huge % of DCIS ladies get at least one breast taken off!!

Like someone said, this isn't a competition and for some people out there, a diagnosis of breast cancer IS the worst thing in life that has happened to her!! Doesn't matter what stage at that point as ANY of us are just one test away from stage IV. I'm known for saying that, and I'm known for getting my back up regarding the "stage" issues, but quite a while back, a stage 3 lady wondered why lower grades checked out the stage 3 threads and thought it was because we were ghoulish. Um...no. It's because it was a topic that popped up in Active Topics that DID relate to anyone!!

I gotta stop now, you can tell I REALLY get offended.

Love and luck to us ALL!!

Thinking about some of the threads that have been very active of late, what I've found disturbing and offensive is when someone who is upset (or offended) is told that she should "just get over it". The attitude too often is "I don't agree with you so your concern isn't valid and doesn't need to be addressed". To me that is insulting and narrow-minded and completely lacking in empathy. 

I'm also offended by the reinforcement of fear that we see so often on this website, particularly in the "Not Diagnosed" forum and the "Just Diagnosed" forum. Validating someone's feelings is important ("of course you are scared and worried") but encouraging an unreasonable level of fear is something completely different. Someone with a BIRADs 2 cyst should not be told that she needs to insist on a biopsy. Someone with a very favorable diagnosis should not be encouraged to believe that her risks are the same as someone with a more advanced cancer. Of course we all face some level of risk but that level of risk is not the same for someone with DCIS or early Stage I BC as it is for someone with a more advanced BC. I don't see any benefit in leading someone to think that her risk is higher than it is, thereby increasing her long-term fear. 

. 

Barbe, just as an FYI, a study of over 50,000 women diagnosed with DCIS between the years of 1998 and 2005 showed that 30.1% of the women had mastectomies, while 69.9% had lumpectomies. I don't know what percentage of those mastectomies were considered medically necessary but I would guess that probably 60% - 70% were (i.e. 18% - 21% of women with DCIS), with the rest being in a sense prophylactic, since a lumpectomy would have been an adequate surgical treatment from a medical standpoint. In recent years the percent of mastectomies vs. lumpectomies has increased among all women diagnosed with BC in North America so I would guess that the percent of women with DCIS who've had mastectomies has probably also increased, with more women choosing to have a prophylactic mastectomy (or BMX) rather than a lumpectomy. Still I doubt that the percent of women with DCIS having mastectomies is anywhere near 50%. And the percent who have to have a breast removed because of their DCIS diagnosis is probably still in the range of 20%, not the 99.9% that you state.  http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/591170 

Edited to clarify the data and wording in the last paragraph. 

Beezie,



Thank you for your post and I agree... I also have checked some studies and, while mastectomies for DCIS, as well as other early stage cancers, is on the rise, lumpectomy with radiation is, at this point in time, what many (the majority by far, really) have opted for with equal survival rates... I don't mean to step on anyone's toes but also wouldn't want any new DCIS person to think it is a done deal that they will lose one or both breasts! Each case needs to be considered onnit's own merit...

Oh, but Racy, didn't anyone tell you it's just hair?

Yeah, that's one that offends me. Shave your head, eyebrows, body hair, pluck your eyelashes and then tell me it's just hair.

Leah

Friends have bailed, at first blamed myself (not) 

Have stage 3a, havent changed it yet, but had the option to have lump removed so did so and omg the people who throught I was wrong.  Was informed and surgeon talked to me a long time about it, my decision to make.  These people didnt have bc but knew someone and since they had mx, that is the only treatment.

Get over it, well I will in my time, not yours (talking about outside world)

The best time is when I read the You know you have cancer when stuff.  Made me laugh

You are fine, the se's are in your head.  LE, then 2 bouts of cellutitus and now thyroid problem, sure they are in my head.

I read the stage 4 forum because one never knows when they will need the info provided there.  They are great women.

Also read stage 1 and 0 because their fear is no less than mine was.  They are great women.

My personal dr who I love but says I am 15 months out and I consider myself almost two years out, this is important to me, no one else. 

Offensive?

Spammers. Misinformation. Poseurs. Quacks.

ETA:  ...and Fearmongering.  Baseless Conspiracies.  Chicken-little (chickensh##!) terms like "what your doctor won't tell you" or "Obamacare" or "Big Pharma."