What is Offensive?

FireKracker

I am offended when one of the famous singers sing Happy Birthday to cancer patients.....how dare they make money off us!!!!!

And i hate hate hate pinktober!!!!!!!

1Athena1

Who sang Happy Birthday to us?

FireKracker

Ricky Martin....there were others but i remember him.I used to like him.I think it was sponsored by American Cancer.boo!!!!!! 

Kadia

Upon further reflection, I am offended when people use ignorance and misinformation in formulating and promulgating political views--and even more so when they use BC as a pawn in their political arguments.

CoolBreeze

Despite my comments regarding the stage IV section, I haven't found anybody who has offended me in real life with one exception - a rah rah woman who has breast cancer survivors in her family and keeps pushing those Komen walks on me.  She's got a team and cannot understand why I won't participate.

I told her that those races are for survivors and I will not survive this disease but the emails still keep coming.

I hear all the cliches we all hear: I'm brave, courageous, I look good, etc.  I know people mean well and none of it bothers me at all.  I might intellectualize it on this forum but in reality, I understand that nobody really knows what to do or say and so they fall back on what they've heard before.  It's okay by me.  I'm just glad people talk to me.   

barbe1958

What offends me is when people blow smoke up someone's butt and tell them everything will be okay. You don't KNOW that!!! At least be honest! They are posting on a breast CANCER forum, so obviously they are thinking that they might have breast cancer!! To say, oh, it's nothing, does not help the poster at all!! Providing factual information and real life experiences benefits the poster more than trite cliches.

sespebadger

I am offended when I read in an obituary that someone lost their battle with cancer. Somehow it seems to imply that they didn't fight hard enough. I wish we could just say someone died of a terrible disease. 

I was personally offended when I was told that I would get "new boobs and a tummy tuck!!" when I would have been happy with my old breasts, thank you. And my tummy is fine the way it is. 

Although I have had breast cancer, I am offended that we seem to have a system where the different cancers compete for attention. I feel just as badly for my friend with lung cancer.....and I'm afraid that her cancer may not be getting as many research dollars as my breast cancer.  

leggo

sespebadger, I feel the same way. My obituary will definately read "treatment failed her".

Anonymous

I definitely can identify with what you all are saying. It feels like a slap in the face when I see an obit that says 'lost battle'. Are we fighting? I wasn't aware of that. I'm just livin my life is all. I am also offended by some people who think of me as a disease rather than a person. It's like I've lost my 'self'.

I hate it when people give me that LOOK and say, 'so how ARE you?"  Do they want to hear the juicy bits??

I am offended by the high prices of mastecomy wear. More profiteering.

tucker

crazy4carrots

tucker -- I almost agree with you regarding the price of mastectomy wear.  But I've done some comparisons of mast bras with other finely crafted bras (most of which are made in Europe) and I actually find the costs comparable.  I have a couple of nieces who are blessed (or cursed!) with above average-sized breasts, and they pay well over $100 each for well-fitted bras.  But with regard to prostheses -- yes, I think they're vastly over-priced.  Fortunately, between the Ontario government and my supplemental insurance, the costs are covered.

gracie -- "treatment failed her" is much preferred to those war-like metaphors that seem to be so prevalent (and which have always offended me).

 

 

 

Anonymous

lindasa,

The prosthetics are covered here only for the first time here in BC. Prosthetics made to wear in water/swimming pools are not covered at all. That sucks!

Wow, I never spent $100 on a bra! Must have solid gold underwire  

The mastectomy tops I get are pricey. They are made to hold the prosthetic and are not too low cut. Why doesn't health Canada recognize that we need to wear clothes that might be different after bilat? No sundresses for me anymore  I don't think any supplemental insurance pays for that.

tucker

Denise2730

I would have to say the thing that offends me most is people who feel the need to tell me about their neighbor, their great Aunt Margaret, co-worker, etc. who died of breast cancer. Is that supposed to make me feel good?

Even my own mother, who is normally a very sensitive person, said this to me about her neighbor.

chef127

The thing that offends me is the medical community offering the harsh and deadly tx for BC not to mention the huge profits related to cancer tx. How dare they. With the high profit margin WHY would they offer, or try to find less harsh and cheaper tx. I have lost all my trust in drs and medicine.

I'm offended when my MO says I'm burying my head in the sand because there are no other options. Really! this is the best you can do?

Anonymous

Rosemany B, I second that. My "friend"(the same one who told me to put on my wig and go out) also tried to tell me that all the stress in my life might have caused this. I'm avoiding talking to her on the phone anymore.

I don't like it when people ask me "how I'm FEELING (emphasis on feeling)", instead of simply and casually saying hello, or or how's your day going. It makes me remember that I have something to worry about--my health.  LIke I'm some debilitated person...and I'm not.

Nurses who give me the doom and gloom scenarios about an upcoming treatment--in this case, rads--when they have no idea how I'll react to it. Isn't it just as easy to suggest to me I'll probably do fine when they don't know how I'll react anyway?

I don't mind black humor cancer jokes. I make them all the time to my husband and he laughs.  

Claire

jenlee

Doctors who take their time relaying test results to patients.  I was very fortunate in that the radiologist at my breast center rushed the biopsy and called my on a Friday night toi give me my results.  Other doctors haven't been so reliable.  I see other BCO members waiting for weeks.  My friends mom had a lot of tests done and they didn't tell her the results until her next appointment, which was three weeks later.

The oncologist who told me that women who've had breast cancer live the rest of their lives in fear.  WTF, and here I was waiting for a day when I wasn't going to worry so much.

Friends who have been scared away.  I don't blame them, but it still bothers me.  What is most comfortable is friend who ask matter-of-fact questions and then move on to the same kinds of conversations that we've always had.  Many of you might disagree, but I like my friendships to be exactly like they were before cancer.

People who tell me "dead people stories."  ... the aunt or friend who died of breast cancer.  My husband's entire family talking to me about chemo, trying to relate to me by talking about one of the brother's chemo experiences (he's dead).  Or, "my sister-in-law had breast cancer six times and should have been dead by now, but is a survivor!"

I don't mind dark humor about cancer, sometimes you have to either cry or laugh and I'd choose laughter any time.  My sister and I laughed almost nonstop while she was helping me after my BMX.  

topless

Hey, wait a minute! I am a nurse and have had cancer (BMX) and I certainly don't "act like a robot and only care about getting paid." Most doctors and nurses sincerely want to do their job as well as they can and have the patients' care uppermost in their minds. Most of us do the best we can and struggle with our country's broken health care system just like you do. I strongly feel that when hospitals (the organizations, NOT the health care workers) turned toward a "for-profit" model our health care system got mean. I blame the CEOs , lobbyists, insurance companies and on and on, for how we are mistreated as patients. I also have multiple sclerosis and other health conditions that made it impossible to continue working as an RN after 30 yrs. I think that until we get a universal health care system like most of the other industrialized countries we will continue to see health care deteriorate. I am afraid of my future as a patient under this system, yet I am glad that I don't have to try to give good patient care under these conditions anymore.