Any one else falling apart?

I'm not even on Arimidex or Tamoxifen right now  - going through radiation- almost through.  I hurt all the time. My lower ribs are hurting like crazy on one side - it got injured somehow by something that would not normally have injured it.  My neck pops and my hands hurt so bad in the mornings I cannot make a fist.  My feet hurt - I can go on long walks, but getting started is painful - getting up out of bed, etc. I take Aleve during the day and sometimes oxycodone at night.  I guess its from chemo (last treatment was June 13th) - I have more chemo to come so hope it doesn't cause more joint pain. I just had a CT and bone scan and everything was fine.

No you are not complaining. All drugs and chemo cause bone pain. Everything causes stomch issues for me. So instead of immodium I got Lomotil. Can;t take T3;s which is just as well. I take 1 hydromorphone a day, 2 when I am on chemo. Can shop, go to medical appts, and do not get sleepy or dopey. Live in a cold city with hot summers. Have a heated mattress pad on my bed which is as good as hydromorphone for my neuropathy and bones. Am looking for a heated throw so I can spend less time in bed. I take a sleeping pill 7.5 mg and and celexa (an antidepressant) daily. The anti-depressant is for pain issues.  It sounds like a lot but the celexa  and sleeping pill are the only pills I take daily. The others I take when I have symptoms. Talk to your Onc or GP about any issues. This can be a long fight and you want to have QL.

OMG, i'm not by myself! I was on Arimidex for 4 months and both my wrists and thumbs hurt so bad, my neck pops now and then and it is so stiff i wake up with headaches, my back always hurts and my feet.....well you get what i mean. So my onc switched me to Femara and at 2 weeks into it i  got diarrhea and stomach cramps. So he took me off of those too. I go see him in one week and i don't know what will be next. It's getting harder for me to work as i am a bartender and all these aches and pains make it really hard, and oh did i mention i get tired much faster now. I try not to complain as nobody really understands, so thanks for listening to me vent. I'm sorry for everyone's pain, but it's nice to know i'm not alone.

Pam

P.S. I do feel like i'm falling apart!!!!  

So glad to see yur post, Don't even get me started on what it was like when I was taking tamoxifen, I am now not even on any ALs, yet I feel like I am beyond broken all the time. I get the whole it must be aging and my second go around at menopause lecture from my doctor too, but I do not believe it and I am sure that the chemo just wrecked havoc on my whole body and caused damage that will never go away. I can barely ride my horse anymore no matter how much I try to recondition myself. My mental status has taken a plunge too, I simply can no longer handle to much stress without a major mental breakdown. I have always been mentally and physically strong, and now I am a total wimp. Although I am grateful to get the cancer out from under my arm and I do not have serious LE problems as some woman unfortunately do, I was just thinking today that given the choice again, knowing what I know now, I wonder it I would have allowed them to take my axillary nodes, my arm is shot beyond repair and it is always in some state of pain. I thought long and hard about it, so I do not really regret my decision when I think about it, but the constant pain is wearing on me. I hate to complain, but I had to tell you that you are not alone. Grateful for the medical treatment, but yes there is a price to pay. It is worth it though in the big picture I know, which is how I get through the day, I don't like pain meds, but I have been tempted. Ibuprofen helps a lot, but is too hard on my kidneys after a while, what is a girl to do?????????

((((Hugs))) Jennifer,

Count me in with you and the other ladies.  I've "complained" here so many times (BTW, you are NOT complaining) about all my aches and pains I'm sure some people say "omg, her AGAIN"---lol. 

Seriously though, it's not funny at all. I like you don't know what's "normal" for my now 49 year old body to be feeling anymore.  I used to be active, fit and want to get up in the morning.  Now all I want to do is sleep.  I am getting more used to how to somewhat "read" my body and try to ignore anything that waxes and wanes.  But truly it is wearing on us isn't it?

Take care,

Sharon

Jenny - great thread.  Yes, often I do feel like I'm falling apart.  Like you said, I don't know what is normal and what is not.  I called my chemo nurse the other day about something else and mentioned to her that I was having lots of aches in my joints and was told that's what most patients say after treatment.  Sucks doesn't it?

<vent on>

I started my 1st chemo 11/23/09.  Six rounds of TCH, remainder of the year on herceptin.

My bilat with axillary node removal & immediate reconstruction with TEs was on 04/08/10.

Moved right on to 38 rounds of radiation.

Since micromets were found in my nodes, my very cautious OC suggested 12 rounds of Navelbine as soon as I finished radiation.

I had another surgery to trade the TEs for implants in Jan. 2011.

Was that enough? Nope!  

In Feb I had to have surgery to remove my left implant due to complications from radiation damage.  It wasn't enough to lose the implant, I also lost my job when I was out recovering because the place went out of business.

Back to the operating room in - OMG, I can't remember!  I just had to find the date on my cell phone and I couldn't even remember the month. Talk about chemo brain. The surgery was June 15th.  PS did some corrective work to the left side to remove scar tissue to try and loosen things up.  Since my ovaries had decided they really didn't want to stop working and I didn't want to do Lupron shots, I had my GYN take out my ovaries at the same time.  Two parts with "one stone", so to speak.

Now I'm only taking Tomixifen & Effexor but I ache everyday!  I had frozen shoulder for about 6 months but with the help of a wonderful physical therapist & a LOT of exercises it's much better.I have accepted that it will never be like it used to be, but it is better.

Recently I've developed daily hip and back pain.  I feel the hip pain every night - it's really intense. 

A few months ago I joined a wellness center that's associated with my hospital and have been trying to exercise through the pain. Trying to go 3 times a week and treadmill for 30 mins, bike 30 mins, and stretch and lift small free weights.

Now I have a pain in my foot - the heal and arch - that hurts when I first stand.  Slowly it goes away.  Thought it might be my crappy Target shoes so I bought a better pair.  Hope that helps.

Yeah, I'm glad we threw all that treatment at this stupid cancer but the price was high.  Just like others have said, I never had many health problems before this.  I was fit and didn't take meds on a daily basis for anything.  Just turned 50 in September & many days feel like I'm MUCH older.

Grrr - I think the lovely radiated side of my chest with it's concaveness and seemingly permanent color change, you can see the exact outline of where the bolster was placed, would be enough of a souvenir.  I could really do without the daily pain.

Oh, and Jenny, I also call BULLSHIT on this being a part of the normal aging process.  

<vent off>

I'm sorry so many of us are dealing with this!

That felt good!  Thanks for reading!

Hi Friends,

Add me to the list of feeling old overnight.  I'm 54 and I used to hop out of bed at 6 am and never look back.  Now I slowly get out of bed at 6:45am and need to stretch everything out before going to work.  When I get up from sitting, I am so stiff and hear cracking and popping in my joints.  I still try to work out everyday but it is so much harder than before.  I'm hoping that I can stand the Arimdex for 5 years and then get off of it and go back to my old ways. 

Take care,

Nancy

Jennerifer,  I totally get how you feel.  I just want to feel one day without pain.  Started out with the mastectome pain, then chemo pain, then SE pain from hormonals, then normal stiffness pain, then this damned knee popliteal cyst,and torn meniscus in my left knee.  I started physical therapy today, and I told her I just want to be normally active like I've always been. Last year at this time I was brisk walking 3 miles every day, and I would give anything to be able to do it again soon.  Geez, it's not like I want to get out and run a marathon, I just want to be able to go for my walks again........and ditch the cane.!

Barb

Count me in. 

I am with all of you ladies!! Diagnosed November, 2008, lumpectomy & 2/4 positive nodes Nov 26th,  Partial mastectomy with 8/27 nodes removed on December 15th.  Started chemo Feb 5, 2009, 4 dose dense bi-weekly AC followed by 12 weekly Taxol, followed by 35 rad treatments. Did tamoxifen 8 months, been on Arimidex now for 8 months.  Chemo brain is a very real thing.  My short term memory is almost non-existent.  Joint pain daily, fingers, hands, hips, elbows & worst is the feet!! Broke my left foot while jogging with my dog in March, 2011.  So not only is that foot achey from the brreak & AI, the other foot took a beating while I couldn't walk on the other for 8 weeks so that foot is shot too.  Thank you all for your posts and I wish you all the best.  No one understands unless they have been there, doctors can listen, but they don't really know what it's like.  Glad to be disease free, but def a price to pay, which I am happy to pay.  But by no means easy. 

Jenny- I was a girl who before diagnosis never had so much as a hangnail........ in the last six months of a BMX, reconstruction and dose dense AC/T, I feel I have aged about 30 years. I went so far as to demand bone/CT scans as the back pain I have suffered since surgery, which only got worse during chemo, was so bad I though for sure it was mets. Luckily , all clear.

I am realizing that the poison that saves our lives also damages our healthy parts too! I can only hope that it gets better. It can't get much worse.

I have found in the past couple weeks that adding in excercise is helping a little bit. I think that we get so deconditioned physically during treatments that it is really hard to get back to feeling healthy- and even when we do, we are so keenly aware of every twinge that pre-BC we would have ignored. That just sucks.

You are not alone, sweetie- lots of falling apart going on over here.

I am so thankful for this site and this thread. It is great to have a place where I can be totally honest. I am also falling apart - none of my friends or family know - I put on the continuous strong face for them.

Sher 

While i am not happy to hear you are all struggling I am relieved to know I am not alone. Have been diagnosed twice. Once in 2008, lumpectomy and rads then again on the other side in 2010. 2 totally separate events. What are the odds? Last year lumpectomy, back in after a false negative SNB, chemo and rads. Everyone thinks it's all done now..get on with it. I'm not sure it will ever be done. I want to complain all the time but really, no one wants to listen. If I am honest I will scare everyone away! I am 47 but feel mid 60s. I've gained 10 kilos in the last year and can't shift it. Femara causing me grief. Really, when does it end? So much to do and so much to live for but sometimes it does feel so so lonely.

Hello everyone,

Sending lots of love and healing thoughts your way.  I also feel like others just don't understand the depth of it all....I did 4 dense dose A/C and 11 T/H (last one this Wed.), 40 weeks of H left and a BMX with DIEP reconstruction (hoping the recovery physically and emotionally is quick).  I was addicted to ativan treatment 3 and I started accupuncture and massage every week.  It's costing me about 400$ a month but is well worth it for me.  I'm 39 with 3 kids (5 month old) and a really helpful DH.  I am now addicted to that but I am not taking any more pain meds.  I'm very lucky to have the $ to do this.   Most of us are tired of needles but I hear shiatsu or reiki also does wonders if you don't want more pesky pointy things in your body!  For me, it's also a roller coaster ride.  Now that I'm not on A/C anymore, people expect me to be back to normal.  I don't think there will ever be a normal anymore. This is a lot more than just "a bad year", like many say.  My mom died of BS when I was 25 and still recovering from that trauma.  I miss her everyday.  We don't need permission to fall apart, I think it's more than normal.  People should just accept it but they most often can't handle it themselves...