Any one else falling apart?

Reality

Thank, Kay!

jennyboog

@bak94...No, I've not started back yet.  I was offered a position but I work for the goverment and those wheels do turn slow as we all know.  I'm hoping in the next few weeks to start inprocessing, I need to get some things in order before I do & I need this time.  I have my hair back now and I'm still self-conscious....I'm sorry to say, doesn't mean you'll be that way though.  Maybe it is the no-boobs, I don't know, I am forever changed by this, it's still early for me so maybe with time.  I'll be working at a clinic wearing scrubs so no need to be beautiful not like a salon...ouch!.  I'm starting to get excited about going back, I need a break from BC....being out of work everyday is a constant reminder of it and who I use to be.  Give yourself time, let the hair come back and get you some cute clothes, you'll get there.  I'm ordering me some cute scrubs so I'll be ready....Merry Christmas to me!!

Anonymous

Merry Christmas everybody !!  Jenny, I completely agree about feeling like falling apart.  I have had jaw pain & occasional throat pain since June this year, but all the testing shows nothing out of the norm.  Also have hip pain now and have daily leg cramps from taking Tamoxifen.  The cramps are really REALLY bad and they do not go away in just a few minutes.  But hey, I'm here to see another birthday in 8 days from now -- WOO HOO !!  My doc says to take Tamox for 5 years then she may switch to an AI like Femara but I dread those -- have heard they are worse and I don't have any SE's other than the cramps and weight gain now. 

kmccraw423

Shelly ... love your 'signature' line - mine used to be women will be equal to men when a mediocore woman is CEO.

pupfoster1

Ugh, this seems the appropriate thread to vent.  I couldn't bring myself to start a new one as I've done my share of complainin/worrying in the past.

So now I've been having a burning ache around the middle of my back as well as some tingling/neuropathic feeling in my left foot/calf area.  I was having PT for plantar faciitis in my left foot which seems better, but last week the numbness in my foot started and now seems to go up in to my leg.  My left arm feels a bit weird this am too, but I know I did sleep on it funny last night.  I had seen my PC last week for the back pain (I had a clean Xray in July) and he had me somewhat reassured telling me to get some PT on the back and if in a few weeks it was not better we could look further.

Now I'm in a place where I'm worried it's a tumor pressing on a nerve somewhere, and afraid to stir things up right before Xmas.  BLAH!   It's so frustrating.  Just when I start to feel somewhat "normal" again I get the rug ripped out from under me.  Will this ever end??????

Sharon

kmccraw423

Sharon ... what's the next move?  A CAT scan or MRI?  Best to get it checked out if only to ease your mind.  Gentle hugs!

pupfoster1

Thanks Kathleen,

I just got back from PT and I have to say how much I LOVE my physical therapist!  She totally calmed me down and was reasurring that it "proabably" wasn't mets but that I am the only one who can figure my comfort level.  She found some real "hot spots" that triggered the pain in my back so in a way that was reasurring.   Still not 100% convinced, but I feel a bit better.  I go again on Thursday so I'll reasess after that depending on how I'm feeling.  And yes, scans would be the next step.  Boy do I just want it to go away.  I really do NOT relish the idea of waiting for results.

Take care,

Sharon

pupmom

Well done! Who needs that kind of negative influence? You can do MUCH better Anandragam!

ptdreamers

Got a question for anyone who can answer please. Finish up rads this week, then oncologist wants to start  me on Aromasin. Drug sheet in package says its for someone who has been on Tamoxifin for two to three years. I haven't been on anything. Anyone else whose doctor startted them right away on an aromatase inhibitor? Any assistance would be appreciated.

Kay_G

I believe most post menopausal women start on an AI. Premenopausal women start on tamoxifen. I think there are some new studies out that are suggesting to start post menopausal women on tamoxifen then switch to an AI. The problem with tamoxifen is that it has much more serious side effects than AI's. They are rare, but uterine cancer and blood clots are side effects. Someone will come along soon who knows more than me I am sure to explain the reasoning, but it is very common to start on Aromasin immediately.

jennyboog

@ptdreamers....I was started on Aromasin right after chemo, before my BMX & rads.  I have continued on an AI since then.  I was confused by the AI/tamox. thing too

Kay_G

Jenny, I am confused too. I started on tamoxifen a month ago, and I was 48, I know older than you. And I am her2+ which some also say does better on AIs than tamoxifen. I think there is a lot of difference between doctors. I am going to ask about switching to an AI next time I see the onc.

ptdreamers

Thanks Jennyboog and kay 1963 for the info. The drug literature is confusing. I know I was told that most premenopausal start on tamoxifin and post on ALS but since that contradicts what was printed I wasn't sure. Also on my last visit the onocologist started talking about Femera which he never had before and I was wondering if we were even on the same page. When I pointed out that I already have osteoporsis he quickly said we will put you on Aromasin. Will give it a try. Jennyboog  have you tolerated it well?

jennyboog

I don't understand it at all Kay....I was put on it at 35, chemo took away my period and when I asked why Arimidex when I'm premeno., dr said I wasn't having a period but it's because of chemo and it was never allowed to see if it would start back, they started Lupron & AI right away.  I'm with another onc now and she has stuck with what the first was doing...never switched anything or questioned it in anyway.

ptdreamer...Sorry I need to make a correction, I don't know what I was thinking   I was put on Arimidex (right after chemo) and used it several months, at an appt I mentioned the joint aches and that I felt like a 90 year old, my dr said lets try Aromasin, I did and have tolerated it very well.  My hands ache and feel tight, especially in the morning but it's much better than Arimidex for me.  I ached all over with Arimidex and had vaginal atrophy I was willing to take it if I had to, but I'm so happy I tried Aromasin.  From what I've read there about equal in preventing the reoccurence, they just do it in different ways.  Good luck, I hope you can tolerate it.

ptdreamers

Jennyboog, I think because of your BRACA1 and estrogen positive results that they wanted to induce menopause for you.  I hope I can tolerate the aromasin as well. I would like it to work but quality is important to me too.

aphm4

Anyone - Is constant crying a se of femara?  I also have the aches and pains but I can tolerate them.  It's the crying.  I can't seem to have a conversation with anyone without at some point starting to cry.  It just comes on like my eyes start leaking on their own and I can't control it.  I have to tell people not to pay attention but it is embarassing.  Anyone with the same problem

jennyboog

Sorry aphm, I'm not on Fermara & never have been....hopefully someone will come along soon that is/has.  I am more emotional since all this...ooph & AI's, I use to never cry and now it doesn't take much at all...a commercial, song, etc.

Gitane

aphm4,  I've been on Femara for 6 years now.  At first I was very emotional.  Since I had finished surgeries, chemo, etc. I attributed it to being physically kind of beat up.  I didn't know it was the drug then, but looking back I'm sure it was.  

Reality

Darn - before all this BC garbage, I did not overthink every single ache and pain - but now I do. I had a stressfull day yesterday - car broke down on way to take grandchildren to school - tow truck took an hour and 15 mins to arrive - car repairs will be expensive, etc...It is no wonder that I awoke this a.m. with a post-stress migraine. I can usually manage it with ibuprofen or migraine med and just move on. But - since mets are often on my mind now, I immediately think, "brain mets". i know this is ridiculous as I rarely have headaches, so I am going to take a hot shower, relax and move on. It is so awesome to have all of you to share this with - my adult kids would only worry more than they already do if I shared my concerns with them. 

Have a good one,

Sher 

  

jennyboog

I do the same thing Sher.  I keep a tally of my aches and pains....privately, as to not alarm anyone.  Not that it would anyway, my family thinks I'm silly about it so, I just stopped talking to them about any BC pain.  I love this site, it's my own little BC haven, where I can let it all out.   If I have a pain I look at what it could be first (bad day, sinuses, etc.) then I see if it will go away by the following day, or the next day or the next or the next  Ahhhh, it's a great life.

Reality

Thanks for sharing, Jenny. I took Ibuprofen, went to bed and woke up hours later with no headache - yea! I think it was just sinuses. Feeling better and plan to have a nice, quiet eve. I wish the same for you. 

Sher 

kmccraw423

It isn't brain mets that worry me - its another stroke!  I still don't have a straight answer about the last hospitalization but I carry on.  I'm going to see a neurologist my sister is recommending and see what he thinks.  I won't go into the details but suffice it to say my head is swimming!  Of course, every ache and pain I have I am sure is a new cancer.

Anonymous

Yes to what Kathleen just said, for me I am afraid of brain mxt or esp lung mxt, being the owb (outside wood boiler is next door and the smoke is like living with 17 diesel trucks on idle by my front door, seeping inside - we are moving asap).  So I am afraid.  All I do could be cancelled out by that pollution and estrogen-fan.

Pain.  My breast hurts.  Scale of 9.5 last week.  Today, more a 3, thank goodness.  Thee cotton fluff in bra made the world of difference for the nipple pain which was like a fresh bee sting.  My node incision gets deep pain that feels like someone is cramming a finger deep in there.  The pain in my knee and hands from winter arthur is bothersome this year moreso because i am not doing so well in other ways, so I just feel like it is too much to add one more thing.

But I stopped by this thread because I thought 'falling apart' emotionally.  Yesterday I tried for hours to get work done and find a new onc, more stable treatment, a dental procedure done (do you know that dentists will not do anything for me until I have a releasse from my doctor since I am a BCP?)  only to be blocked in so many ways by the holistic dentist I want, the naturopath I want, the cancer center I want to go to, all out of reach because of my choices or because of finances since ins will not pay for the holistic. Hours and got nowhere.  Felt like I would drown in overwhelm.  Sooooo I went to my room and threw a large candle into the drywall, made a hole - took several tries - then screamed for a minute.  That is just not me, do this once in a decade. Would have gone outside for a good long walk but cannot - the smoke from neighbor is too deadly for me, so trapped.  So that is my falling apart.  Good to share.  I'm not always like this, and today was much better, pain and all.  I swear it is the cotton fluff.

kmccraw423

Essa ... lots of gentle hugs.  That's terrible and I know exactly how you feel - I am tired of trying to fix my health problems piece-mill.  Can we just fix everything fixable at one time?  You hang in there.  I know its frustrating.  I also find primal screaming a great outlet!

Anonymous

Thank you Kathleen.  There is always hope.  I forget so often that when I am blocked from one avenue, the way I am to go is just waiting for me to realize.  Received a call from friend in CO who is singing in same choir i am, alternative choices I mean.  She helped me go through a book I forgot I had and find a doctor near me who is an anotomical pathologist / clinical pathologist.  Integrative medicine, all the IVs I want.  He also has a holisitc dentinst in same clinic and I will be going to him for this 'thing' be it cavitation or abcess, get it treated in a safe way so as not to let microbes get the best ofme.

 Also, I must say that even though I am falling apart in some ways, though not right now, I am stronger now with IIIB than I was 8 yrs ago, due to the new life changes and the surgery that removed that mass of poison, I would bet.

So when we have a meltdown, we are not melted completely. 

Linda-n3

Just found this thread.  I am with you!  Tired of hurting, tired of complaining, tired of myself!

The AIs are more effective in reducing the risk of BC recurrence than tamoxifen in postmenopausal women.  It works by inhibiting the production of estrogen by pretty much ANY cell in the body, so, no estrogen, no feeding the BC cells.

Tamoxifen is an estrogen receptor modulator, so it has different effects on different cells.  In the breast, it inhibitis estrogen from getting into BC cells, so no estrogen,  no feeding those cells.  However, in the uterus, it has a different action and can increase the risk of cancer there.  The thing is that the ovaries are still producing estrogen in pre-menopausal, so you can decrease that source of estrogen by oophorectomy or Lupron, and then go on AIs, or you can use tamoxifen which starves the BC cells but does not prevent the production of estrogen.

I hope this helps explain it - if not, let me know and I will try to clarify.

I see a few familiar names here, many new to me.  I will read back through the pages to catch up soon.

kmccraw423

Okay ... I had the strangest dream last night ... I was contacted by an old friend that I had not seen in a while (which was in my dream but then actually did happen).  I got dressed and went to her apartment.  We decided to go to lunch.  It was then that I realized I had had reconstruction - it was a big surprise!  Not only had I had reconstruction, I had tatooing done as well.  I remarked they weren't bad but they were fairly small for my frame and were already starting to sag!  What do you make of that?

jennyboog

LOL, that's funny Kathleen....starting to sag & small   I'm not sure what to make of that one.  I've never dreamed about anything BC, boob or boob related....which is weird since I usually dream about everything else in life.  More like a boob night-mare! 

kmccraw423

I remember in the dream I was quite pleased to suddenly have boobs but also quite surprised!

rozem

hi all

I found this thread and jumped right in 

i am not a stage 3 but her2 and grade 3 so shitty nonetheless

i am so paralyzed with fear these days...I thought i would feel better after my treatments (only have rads to do) but i don't feel any better

I have so much fear of this beast not being gone and rearing its ugly head again

how do you move forward with the reality hanging over our heads????

have any of you taken anti-depressants?  i was perscribed some, waited to take b/c of SE but I think i will dive right in