Saw "Save the Tatas" & felt like crying

I view the situation from the opposite lens.  When I was first diagnosed with stage III IDC, I was astonished at the outpouring of love and support from family, friends, and colleagues.  One thing I noticed was how awkward most men, including my sons (ages 20 and 16) were in expressing their concern about my having breast cancer until they realized that I was absolutely okay with the conversation.

My husband immediately asked me if I minded if he wore a pink bracelet during my chemo and radiation treatments, and where did he think I could get one.  I found the "Save the ta-tas" website and saw their bracelets and car magnets.  I thought they would be a way to remove a little of the awkwardness, since I was the one initiating the idea of buying those rather than the traditional ones from the Komen website.  I never considered them trivializing - simply using a more comfortable expression.  

My 16 year old asked if I would order him one as well.  I ordered 20 bracelets and a couple of car magnets. Two male co-workers immediately asked where they could get a car magnet.  Both had lost their mothers to BC years ago.  They both felt that this particular slogan was one that could be expressed by anyone, not just the patient or survivor herself.  My teenaged nephews all wanted a bracelet once my younger son posted a picture of his on FaceBook.  I think they believed it was a "cool" way to show their love and support for me.  I ran out of bracelets within two days of receiving them.  

No, the slogan, bracelets, and magnets did not trivialize my cancer.  I can truly say that because I purchased them in December of 2009 and my husband still wears his to this day, my two co-workers still have their car magnets on their cars (although one lost his in the car wash and replaced it), and my sons and nephews wore them until they broke.  Had they considered the slogan or symbolism trivial or silly, the novelty would have worn off rather quickly, don't you think.

This journey is much to short to be offended by people whose own story or motives are not known (as in the case of the magnet on the stranger's car).  It might be that this person is walking in similar shoes or simply watching in their quiet pain from the sidelines.  Cancer simply sucks and we all deal with it in the best ways we can muster. 

amontro, your reaction is perfectly normal. as some of the women noted, we all deal with it differently, and even our overall worldview on it changes according to current stressors, etc. i hate the "boobies/tatas/pink blather bullshit even more than when i was in active tx. does this mean i assume ill will on others' part? not at all - but it still remains, they don't get it. but then again, many other folks have traumas i haven't experienced or understand.

as far as another poster commenting that some women "marinate" in their BC: quite ludicrous notion, that. some women simply struggle with prolonged depression, PTSD, or came to this struggle lacking adequate coping skills.

any woman who would willfully "marinate" in her CANCER needs help, not scornful statements. my girlfriend lost a baby at 10 days old and still speaks of him frequently -hmm, is she "marinating" or "wrapping her whole life" in it?

didn't mean to hijack the answer.

take it easy on yourself...and coming here to "rant" is always okay.

like i said, JB: any woman who does that needs help.

yes, "it's all in how you frame it" - one can generalize about whole groups of us, or not.

some folks "get off" gatekeeping others' feelings.

My opinion: whatever brings attention to the disease and increases funding for a cure is fine with me.



I don't think it is intended to trivialize BC.



I am not remotely offended or hurt by it. But then, I am rarely offended or hurt by anything. I just don't give that much power over my life to others.

As one  who has no ta-tas to save, I find the slogan insulting.   Saving the tatas had nothing to do with my treatment.  I don't know if the slogan is intended to trivialize BC, but it is making money and I strongly suspect very little of the money is going to research.  Try googling 'save the tatas bracelets.'   A lot of links to commercial companies pop up.

I also resent the implication that if I find the slogan insulting,  my life must revolve around breast cancer.  You are out of line, JBinOk.   

I have yet to figure out whether JBinOk is a troll or not. I have her posts blocked because they always seem to raise my blood pressure. I can't even see what she posted here, but I'm guessing from others' reactions that she was being her usual self. I just can't figure out why someone would come to a breast cancer support site and belittle the people that are seeking support.

On topic, I don't really like the "save the ta-tas", "I love boobies" merchandise myself, but it doesn't offend me. If someone thinks they are honoring me or helping me by wearing it, I just say "thanks." 

Valgal,

I rarely, if ever, comment on someone's post but your reply to JB was so "right on" and absolutely hysterical that I had to commend you and the others who are calling out JB. I really doubt she's tap dancing, hiking Grand Canyon or much else since she seems to have plenty of time to spend on this board.

I love the "ignore this poster" feature. It's like putting my fingers in my ears and saying, "Lalalalala...I can't hear you....."

Nancy, thank you. I truly don't mean to belittle anyone at any Stage, JB just really chapped my a$$. I usually abhor the "whose pain is worse" game, as this disease is scary no matter when we find it. Most days I'm pretty upbeat and even live life, lol, although with three kids in school, not as easy to go climbing the Grand Canyon!

valgal, your response is hilarious. i keep picturing the scenario.

yramal: taking your cue and hitting the ignore button. i think at best jb  is determined to provoke and belittle, and at worst, is a troll. it's annoying, but we've seen worse.

I think I can define "marinating." Co-worker of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer, not yet stage 1, lumpectomy, no radiation, no chemo.  She's pink everything - if there's any kind of pink event she's signed up, will talk to anyone about her "horrific journey," pink bracelets, pink ribbons, pink magnets on the car.  Everything is all about breast cancer now.  She even told me that since we had the "exact same journeys" I would feel the same way (I had bilateral, chemo and rads - not quite the same journey).

Personally, I don't want to be defined by breast cancer.  Yes, it's something that I'm dealing with and it will always be a part of my life, but it definetly doesn't have to be the only part of my life.  I like pink - I just don't want to get nauseous because I ate too much of it.

It's a shame that JBinOK was the first person to comment on this thread.

I don't want to be defined by breast cancer either.  Yet, the other day when I saw a guy wearing a "Dudes for Boobs" pin it bothered me.  Sayings like this make it all seem light and airy.  I don't know why we have to "dumb things down" when they are actually very serious.  Just my opinion...

Ang - I think what you said is where I stand. When I was first diagnosed, all of my family was rightly concerned, but all saw it as the "treatable" cancer. After all, it got so much attention and funding...but all of the slogans and pink cover up just how serious and deadly this disease is. I appreciate the awareness, but it isn't getting us anywhere...



I don't wish to be defined by it, but at the moment, it does define my life. I think there is a distinction, and I hope down the road I can remember that so I don't let it take over.

Maybe the artist Christo can wrap everywhere we go Suze.. in pink of course.

Only if Christo adds some slick slogan to his work!